Topic : Co-Parenting

DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.  That is the advice I was given and trust me, it helped and worked to my advantage.  

I recorded phone conversations and kept receipts for clothings, groceries, b-day presents, etc... 

I had an ad-litem (child advocate attorney) who reviewed my records and documented phone calls and conversations.  I admitted when I hung up on him or denied visitations and why (due to late hour of arrival or sick child).  But it showed that I stuck to the rules and things weren't one sided. 

The courts can appoint a psychologist, play therapy and even a home visit.  A friend of mine who's daughter lives out of  town had a psychologist accompany the child across state lines and do a home interview with friends and family of the father (us).  Then compared how the child was with the mom vs with the dad.  The results were shocking.  My friend had child support reduced and had visitations increased!!  That's not what you want to hear but a psychologist or counselor can see thru the "acting" that might occur and see the truth -to your benefit. 

I'm looking for some advice on how to tell my 2 children that there dad and I are getting a divorce. They are 13 and 15 and to my knowledge have no idea. We never fight and any conversations we have are when they are gone. So far my husband and I are agreeing on everything. He has been speaking to a person he met on the internet  for about a year  We started talking about divorce about a month ago. He informed me this week that he is meeting this  friend next month for the first time. But that he has already made plans to move in with her in feburary. I live in michigan she lives in calgary canada, approx 2,000 miles away. He is giving me full custody of the girls. So not only do I have to explain to them thet there father is leaving but that he is moving so far away that they will not be able to see him for awhile. He is a canadian citizen but legal resident of the states so once he moves back to canada he has to give up his residency here in the states. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

I am the father to 3 healthy boys, aged 12, 14 + 15. 

I was divorced from their mother 8 years ago. My 2 oldest sons live with me, and they always have. My youngest son, lives with their mother. 

I am an Englishman living in Denmark, and for reasons that need not be gone into here, that is the decision that was made. My ex- wife moved back to "our" town about 2 years ago with a guy she was living with, and consequently married, last year. 

Under Danish law, I get to see my youngest son every 2nd weekend, alternate holidays and special ocassions like birthdays, and so on. 

About 18 months ago, I approached my ex and suggested to her that our 2 oldest boys lived with her ever 2nd week for 5 days. This way, they could develop their relationship with her, her husband and their younger brother. Plus, my 2 oldest boys have breakfast most mornings at their mother´´s house, so all 3 boys can go to school together. 

I admit - I have regretted it many times, but only because of selfish reasons ...... (these thoughts I have "always kept to myself") 

Now my youngest son is 12½ years old - (he lives 1 mile from our house), my ex says I cannot see my youngest son more than I do as it would not be good for him, as he is better off with her! 

Of course, I could contest her and be proven right on this issue........... I just know my sons know Dad is always there for them. All 3 of them. 

Anyway - that is one story about "shared children"...... another is :- I met a woman - online - that was the woman of my dreams. We chatted, wrote, mailed and called each other for hours at a time. 

She lived in the USA ...   she visited me and my boys here. It was great . 

Earlier this year, I visited her in her home. 

The downside is / was, she has a shared child with her ex. Under US law there is a "60 mile" rule for enstraged parents. My American g/f cannot move outside of the US, (understandable), with her daughter. So, a year later - it is over.  

Do divorced Americans only re-marry Americans? 

No matter what -                                      Kids come first. 

First, I sympathise with you, and  your children.... 

I am a single Dad, have been for 8 years now. 

If your husband has any self respect, and love for your children - which I am sure he has, then he needs to tell the children what he intends to do. 

You both need to be there and show the kids that you both still love them, as Mum and Dad, because you will always be their Mum and Dad .... no matter what, and tell them together. It will be painfull. Very painfull. 

Let the kids ask questions and answer them as best you can.  

Maybe they will show anger, contempt, fear, disappointment ......... you need to be strong. 

There is soooooo much more I could say, but, I will leave it here.  

You are welcome to get in touch if you need a shoulder to lean on, or someone to yell at. 

Through your love, and strength, your kids will grow and thrive - believe me. 

Good luck and my best wishes go out to you.  Don 

I grew up with divorces parents who both remarried. I was only two 1/2 when they got divorced, so I didn't go through with really understanding what was going on. I do however, feel your husband needs to join in on telling them his plans. It shouldn't be dumped on just you! If he isn't sure how often they can come there or he can see them, he needs to be honest about that. However, if the girls don't want to meet his new "friend" he shouldn't be upset by that. He needs to give them some time. I hope all works out for you! You never know, this could set your relationship with your daughters over the top, and you could all three realize how much you love eachother and the time you spend together! 

Good Luck to you AND your daughters! 

Thanks for the link ~  

I have just spent a long time at the pre-mentioned site....... I have delibrately looked for "something bad". Something to hang onto that could let me stand by your side. 

I hate to say this, but the "Hooker" boards are just another stage in a fashion. They are not obscene or derogitory to children / minors. Cheerleaders show more at times. 

They are what they are - just animations. 

As regards the disagreement between you and your partner - that is another issue.(In my opinion). 

Your partner, in your own words, is a good Daddy  and that´s cool. I am sure that they will not even bother if Daddy´s stuff in is his hobby room ..... just like his tools are in his garage. 

My point is, it is not worth "making a mountain out of a molehill"    

However - if you have issues on a difference of opinion, then the childrens´ interests must come first. But, honestly, kids see worse watching Tom and Jerry.  

Hope you guys resolve your differnce of opinion - so you both can be happy. Good luck :-)