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Topic : Co-Parenting

Number of Replies: 596
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:44:44 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you sharing a child with someone who doesn't live with you? Share your story and your strategies for effective parenting.

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May 11, 2009, 4:23 pm CDT

CO-PARENTING???????

Where is the Co?Our court sysyem needs to enforce men to be a part of their childs lives physically and not just finacially. If that means hitting their pocket even more then fine!!!!!!I Soo many men just walk and have no responsibility, even the ones that are around still do not have it like a women. They never have to make plans in order to go to as much as just a store. Yet us mothers have to prepare for the venture.Yes their are some men out there that help out, and omg they need that pat on the back. I have those moments like most that "where is my freedom??" we both planned these children and now its me with them and he is off venturing the world. So yes this gets very frustrating and depressing. I can't even meet someone to see if i have a life cause what do i do with my children?  Men need to start being men and stepping up to the plate physically, Ive had my moments of almost snappin, then i have signed myself for anger management,but its hard, very hard.

 
May 14, 2009, 11:44 am CDT

Co-Parenting

Quote From: dandybe

Ive been having  a terrible time with my fiances ex whom he has 4 kids with, she has taken to calling our house up to 15 times a day, emailing etc. she takes him to court every 3 mths. for support, visitation etc. she has sent so many horrible emails about myself as well as his family. we have tried to get custody and more visitation but it seems that the legal system is outlined for mothers. I feel he is a wonderful father and would be a better parent for the children to live with. she lies all the time about the kids being in counseling, expenses for the kids, possible abuse by his family. It is as if she is trying to push him and his family out of the kids lives and just wants the child support money. We have so many emails showing what kind of a person she is and have caught her lies on many different occasions  she has even moved the kids to a diff country for a few months but no one seems to care. what do we do?

The bottom line to your situation..and Im sorry this may be a bit blunt and not what you want to hear..it does not matter what the ex says about you, family, or the dad..the courts do not see it as grounds for taking children out of the living arrangement/situation they are accustomed to. The only way the courts will ever see it necessary to give your fiance custody is to prove to the courts that the ex is neglectful, abusive to the children, or abuses substances.  And until that changes, if she has primary custody, she can take the children wherever and however she wants. The good news is...the children will eventually see all of this and will want nothing to do with it and her playful games:) The more she pushes your fiance away..the truth is..she's pushing her own self away from her very own children. So what do you do??..you ask? well..the very best thing is..continue to see them and communicate with them like you are supposed to..NOT the ex..don't fall for any games..play it cool..let the children see and figure out the person she really is. They will most likely come running(so to speak) faster to your fiance than you could imagine; rather than loosing your temper and falling for the games. I know this may be especially hard in the heat of things but it will be well worth it in the end.

 
June 18, 2009, 3:08 pm CDT

Am I doing the right thing?

My soon to be 15 year old step-daughter has been allowed by her mother to spend weekends and weeks with her 17 year old boyfriend. She buys her a bus ticket and sets her off without her supervision to do whatever. I know when I was 14 and 15, the different "things" going through my head. I have also read all the statistics of teenage pregnancy and it aint pretty! My concern is that her mother is acting more like a friend and not a parent. Her mother has even lied to cover for her going to spend the week with her boyfriend! I have recently set-up an appiontment with the local planned parenthood agency, but I don't know how to go about telling her mother about this. IU don't want to fight because her mother and I have been on civil terms for many years now. Am I doing the right thing by stepping in and taking control of this distrubing situation? I believe it is a good idea deep inside, but the other family members seem like they are concerned but have no clue on how to speak to their own children about sex! I know how to have this conversation with her and I am prepared, but should I maybe ask her mother top be involved with this major stepping stone in her own daughter's life?
 
June 18, 2009, 4:56 pm CDT

Spoiled young adult disrespectful to his mother

My ex and I have been divorced more than 12 years and share custody of our 2 sons.  When the children were young, we shared similar parenting skills.  As time has gone by, dad has not tried to instill any responsibility into the kids.  When our oldest turned 16, he bought him a car and paid all the bills that went with it, including gas for the tank (16 yrs old and no job).  When he smashed that car up, dad bought him another.  Our son is very lazy and will spend more time trying to figure out how to escape from chores than the chores would actually take to do.  Now that he's 19, he thinks that he's an adult and can do whatever he wants.  Dad is more lenient with him, even allowing him to attend girl-boy sleepovers since he's 15.  Needless to say, since dad hands him everything (and when dad says no, grandma and grandpa...on dad's side...will say yes).  He has no job but always seems to have money in his pockets thanks to his dad and grandparents (dad is extremely concerned with his son having a solid social life).  When I ask him to do something around the house, he'll flat out refuse, knowing if I don't pay for something for him, somone else will.  He's now expecting his tuition bill to be paid next month.  When I asked him to cut and bag the grass, he refused, saying he doesn't bag grass.  I know when I refuse to pay his tuition bill, his grandparents will quickly step in.  My son has no respect for me and I refuse to pay for that respect.  How can I make him see that the way he treats me is wrong?  I can't hold anything back or take anything away because he just gets it elsewhere and, consequently, feels he doesn't owe me anything, including respect.  It breaks my heart that I've raised such a self-centered son.

 
July 3, 2009, 5:05 am CDT

confused about shortend visit

I am married and have one daughter (10) with my Husband and two step daughters (13 & 19).  My husband has joint legal custody with visitation.  We live quite a distance from the custodial Mother so the visitation is as follows: 10 days at winter break and the entire month of July in the summer.  Our thirteen year old arrived on the first and was initially upset (homesick) which is to be expected.  After an hour or so, she was fine, laughing and playing with her sister.  Then, the phone calls started.  Her Mother and older sister started calling her about every hour.  Every time she got off the phone she was very upset again.  Crying and would go lay down on her bed.  We tried to cheer her up, but she was not responsive. After a day and a half of this she came to her father and asked if she could go home.  He asked her why she wanted to go home and she said she didn't know, she just wanted to go home.  She is very emotional, and we hardly want to keep her at our house if she is miserable here.  But, it is not until she talks with her Mom that she is so upset.  I don't think we can keep her from speaking with her mother.  I don't want her to feel prisoner.  The relationship between my husband and his ex is not one where they can sit and talk these things out.  I know this would be the best thing for our daughter if possible but it is not the situation.  I realize legally she is ordered to stay the entire month of July. However, if she is so unhappy, even if it is because her mom wont leave her alone long enough to make the transition, is it worth it to make her stay?  Help.  I am not sure what we should do and don't want to make any mistakes when it comes to her emotional state.
 
July 3, 2009, 5:10 pm CDT

Swimming, Bowling, Cinema, Library, Craft workshops, Sports Courses

Quote From: tjfplumb

I am married and have one daughter (10) with my Husband and two step daughters (13 & 19).  My husband has joint legal custody with visitation.  We live quite a distance from the custodial Mother so the visitation is as follows: 10 days at winter break and the entire month of July in the summer.  Our thirteen year old arrived on the first and was initially upset (homesick) which is to be expected.  After an hour or so, she was fine, laughing and playing with her sister.  Then, the phone calls started.  Her Mother and older sister started calling her about every hour.  Every time she got off the phone she was very upset again.  Crying and would go lay down on her bed.  We tried to cheer her up, but she was not responsive. After a day and a half of this she came to her father and asked if she could go home.  He asked her why she wanted to go home and she said she didn't know, she just wanted to go home.  She is very emotional, and we hardly want to keep her at our house if she is miserable here.  But, it is not until she talks with her Mom that she is so upset.  I don't think we can keep her from speaking with her mother.  I don't want her to feel prisoner.  The relationship between my husband and his ex is not one where they can sit and talk these things out.  I know this would be the best thing for our daughter if possible but it is not the situation.  I realize legally she is ordered to stay the entire month of July. However, if she is so unhappy, even if it is because her mom wont leave her alone long enough to make the transition, is it worth it to make her stay?  Help.  I am not sure what we should do and don't want to make any mistakes when it comes to her emotional state.

She needs occupying outside the house with activities where it's awkward or socially unacceptable to use the mobile.  Get her to 'phone her mother before you set off and give the worst possible case time for your return.  If you can find a craft workshop where they are making cards or picture frames suggest it's done for her mother and get her to 'phone and ask what colours she'd prefer if there is a choice.    

 

At home ban answering the phone during meals - if people care that much about speaking to you they will leave a message and if it's on speaker 'phone and an emergency  you can interrupt the meal.

 

This is all very passive aggressive but it does give a reason for restricting the phone calls without provoking confrontation.

 
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