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Topic : Co-Parenting

Number of Replies: 596
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:44:44 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you sharing a child with someone who doesn't live with you? Share your story and your strategies for effective parenting.

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July 25, 2005, 2:20 pm CDT

Co-Parenting

I would like some advice on my ex husband. The only word I can use to describe him is Loser. When we were married he only had two jobs and he only had those for a month. We were only married 1 year then I got tired of supporting him, coming home to him sitting in the chair and not cleaning or cooking. Now that we are divorced nothing has changed. He has gotten remarried, and his wife has told me that she almost left him for the same reason. He owes over 3000 in child support. I just really feel like he doesn't care about his son. When he pickes him up he is always late and he always drops him off early.  His wife also told me that my son is now calling her mommy. I would like to take him back to court but I don't know if they put him in jail if that would hurt my son so bad where he would hate me for it later. Please help
 
July 28, 2005, 3:02 pm CDT

No child support...

Quote From: ctackett01

I would like some advice on my ex husband. The only word I can use to describe him is Loser. When we were married he only had two jobs and he only had those for a month. We were only married 1 year then I got tired of supporting him, coming home to him sitting in the chair and not cleaning or cooking. Now that we are divorced nothing has changed. He has gotten remarried, and his wife has told me that she almost left him for the same reason. He owes over 3000 in child support. I just really feel like he doesn't care about his son. When he pickes him up he is always late and he always drops him off early.  His wife also told me that my son is now calling her mommy. I would like to take him back to court but I don't know if they put him in jail if that would hurt my son so bad where he would hate me for it later. Please help

I think parents have an obligation and a responsibility to support their children.  The $3000 your Ex owes is your CHILD'S money and I think you owe it to your child to hold your Ex accountable.

 

I bet you could really use that money for your child, couldn't you?

 

The only way to give your Ex any consequences is to take him back to court.  If he goes to jail, it isn't YOUR fault, it's your Ex's fault!  So let your self off the hook, okay?

Do what you know to be the right thing.  Q

 
August 11, 2005, 5:32 pm CDT

Co-Parenting

I am the mother of three children, 17,15 & 12. While the youngest lives with me, the older two live with thier father. he allows them to smoke pot in the house (whether he is home or not). I'm afraid my youngest will want to join them and thier friends. Calling child protective services seems to be my only option, but I'm not sure that will help our relationship. When I told my ex I planned on drug testing my youngest when she came home, he told her to drink lots of water to flush her system out. Any suggestions 

 
August 13, 2005, 5:55 pm CDT

Co-Parenting

Quote From: arbeeteez

I am the mother of three children, 17,15 & 12. While the youngest lives with me, the older two live with thier father. he allows them to smoke pot in the house (whether he is home or not). I'm afraid my youngest will want to join them and thier friends. Calling child protective services seems to be my only option, but I'm not sure that will help our relationship. When I told my ex I planned on drug testing my youngest when she came home, he told her to drink lots of water to flush her system out. Any suggestions 

I would not allow my kids to go their.  I would take the other two and have them live me.  I would tell your X how you feel on this.  And tell him what you are thinking of doing, I don't care if it would wreck your relationship with your X or not. Think of your kids. 
 
August 14, 2005, 5:03 am CDT

Legalities

Quote From: tray00

I would not allow my kids to go their.  I would take the other two and have them live me.  I would tell your X how you feel on this.  And tell him what you are thinking of doing, I don't care if it would wreck your relationship with your X or not. Think of your kids. 

If there is a custody/visitation order in place which places the older two there and allows for the other one to spend time there, violating it could cause her serious legal problems--and could result in a total loss of custody and visitation, putting them into that environment fulltime, with her having  absolutely NO influence at all. I would call the authorities and report what I know, and let them handle it. Taking it into your own hands can only lead to problems. 

  

Teresa 

 
August 20, 2005, 5:46 pm CDT

Co-Parenting

Quote From: poetmom

If there is a custody/visitation order in place which places the older two there and allows for the other one to spend time there, violating it could cause her serious legal problems--and could result in a total loss of custody and visitation, putting them into that environment fulltime, with her having  absolutely NO influence at all. I would call the authorities and report what I know, and let them handle it. Taking it into your own hands can only lead to problems. 

  

Teresa 

After contacting the child protection agency, they did inform me that is my job to protect my child, at all costs. I called them after my ex's house had been raided by the drug enforcement team in our area. My 12 yr. old also tested positive for THC. It is now my job to keep her clean, or they can blame me.  Beth
 
August 20, 2005, 8:00 pm CDT

Custody order??

Quote From: arbeeteez

After contacting the child protection agency, they did inform me that is my job to protect my child, at all costs. I called them after my ex's house had been raided by the drug enforcement team in our area. My 12 yr. old also tested positive for THC. It is now my job to keep her clean, or they can blame me.  Beth
Which parent has custody of the children? If Dad has custody, then regardless of what CPS told you, it is HIS responsibility...if you have custody, then it is your responsibility...and I would keep the 12 yr old from his home as long as you know the environment is not one where you want her to be. Get back into court, and let them know what CPS has told you....bring up the THC test results...try for supervised visits or none at all.
 
August 27, 2005, 8:20 pm CDT

Dont know what to do

Hi, long story short. I have a daughter who is 4 january 2006 and her mother and me never dated we had a short affair, her mother and i met in the same state where i live and then she moved back to her home town which is 4 hour flight to her home, I went there hoping to discuss being together and when i left i receieved a short text message telling me to not bothing going back to her. I found out it was apparently because i had a girlfriend of sorts in my own state in between the time of her leaving our state and moving to her home town even though she had a boyfriend who she finished with shortly before i went for the 10 days to talk about "us" 4 weeks later i found out by her that she was pregnant and she said it was mine... I offered to go back and make a family with her and my un-born but she did not want that and became very negative towards me with abusive emails. at 5 months pregnant she found another man who wanted to be with her and the baby and she became very negative and told me that my child would not be calling me "dad" and that her current lover would be called dad because he went through the pregnancy with her. then her and her partner had a fight and broke up she asked me to move to her state and i started calling around for prices of moving my belongings, she then told me that she did not want me there that she was back with her partner the next time she asked me i had started dating another person who she did not like and she asked me to move to her home town again i said no because i wanted to try things with my partner I also asked for a DNA test because her history of me and another guy in one night was not a uncommon thing the last night she and i had sex she was at her ex boyfriends house and thats when everything became weird with us (before i knew about the pregnancy) ok i better cut this shorter, my daughter was born and she had her "dads" middle name as her middle name and i was not allowed to see her born so i did not want to watch some other man holding my new born baby (if the baby was mine of course) so i did not go, I then recieved an email from the partner 2 days later informing me the baby was born and then a email a month later telling me she was pregnant and engaged which i heard from the partner not her. I saw my lilttle girl when her mother brought her over when she was 8 months for about 24 hours all up. I felt out of place and unwanted and intrusive. My friend and i fell pregnant when my daughter was just under 2 years old and the mother did not take that kindly, she did however arrange for me to start calling our daughter so   thats where mine and my daughters life started bonding, through the 9 months of the pregnancy alot of things went wrong but i am to blame for some, my daughters mother broke up with her partner and started telling me she wanted me and i was so confused because i dreamed since my daughter was born that i could be with her and i felt like i wanted her to to the point i thought i was inlove with her, she tried taking mine and my mother-to-be friendship away she hurt my friend and i ignored it because i was not thinking straight all i kept thinking was, i would be with my lilttle  girl the dream i had was becoming real. about 6 months after my son was born she became cagey and demanding, negative towards me. she gave me alot of demands which could not be met and  so at that time she told me not to bother going over there. i saw my daughter on her 3rd birthday (I saw her just after her 2nd and also when she was 2!/2)  and I was allowed to take her out for her birthday just me and her and i was thrilled me and her mother got on well but then i came home from the trip and was abused constantly she went to my friend and told my friend that me and her fooled around while i was there and it never did happen, (she always hated mine and my sons mothers friendship) my friend did not believe her and she became more hostile i was sick of everything and i could not forgive her for the lies she said so i told her that i did not want anything to do with her that i will only speak to her about our daughter and nothing more she got angrier and told me she was bringing out daughter to my state, it was arround the time my mother was coming over from new zealand and i asked if i could have her for one day (not night) so my mum could spend time with both her grandchildren and she said no that i could not see our little girl without her being there. i did not like this and sent a pre-action proposal for visitation and she demanded so much that i could not accept half so i did another one with both what she wanted and i wanted together to make it easier on her as well as me but more importantly easy on our little girl so she did not feel uncomfortable she told me she would not accept anything if it was not her proposal even down to my wording of something which was the same but worded in my way. she came to perth and decided to leave 3 days ealier which meant my mother never got to met my daughter i went to see my daughter with her mother and her granparents present, there was a beach just over the hill not far and i asked my daughter if she wanted to go the beach she said  yes so i told her that i would ask mummy first my daughter ran to her mummy and asked and we walked to the beach i turned around and her mother gave me the most terrible look i've ever seen her give me, later she abused me telling me i manipulated my little girl to get what i wanted (to go the beach alone with her)  she made it hard to see our little girl after that i text messaged asked when was a good time and she replied telling me that i should choose a time and day and she would be there, so i did and she said she could not make it and made an earlier time which she knew i could not be available i explained to her but she would not allow any other time. so in 7 days i saw my daughter just the once, when she went back to her state on the night of my sons birthday my mother and my sons mother were sitting around and my friend got text messages abusing her and saying horrible things about me my friend ignored her and she didn't bothered abusing her again. my mother and i spoke to my daughter on the sunday at the sceduled time and everything was good with me and my daughter the next saturday the mother demanded me to call that day to talk about our daughter i told her i could not because i was working at the time so i called on the sunday and i was told that my daughter would not be made available anymore for contact. so she stoped all contact between my daughter and me for over 12 weeks until for some reason she emailed me and my parents saying she would be online with our daughter if we wanted to do web cam. well i was thrilled and came online the problem was i do not have fast speed interent at home or a web cam, I used my friends video camera and her ADSL and i told my daughetrs mum that i was at my friends and that it might not be possible some sundays because my friend may have things on which cant be stoped she said ok... so that leads me to now, for the past 2 months every sunday i have been on web cam for several hours at a time with my daughter and i have been calling on weds, I called 2 weeks ago as normal and they were not at home so i waited over 30 minutes incase they were late but not call so i left to go out with my girlfriend ice skating, I come out of ice skating and had a abusive text message on my mobile asking me what my problem was and why i was not answering my phone, my answer was i cant take my mobile on the ice i got a text message back telling me i was  a bad father and keep hurting my daughter, i spoke to my friend and she told me that my daughters mother called up an hour after i left. Now today My friend has to go out she is from England but now lives here in Australia and she has family members coming from the uk and there is a big family meet about 15 - 20 miles away from where she lives, she has one set of keys and she needed to dead lock the front door and lock the back, she apologized to me but told me that she was going out at 11am and that i could try and speak to my daughter earlier since she noticed her mother online so I messaged my daughters mother asking if my daughter could come on then because I would not be able to come online at the normal time because i would be locked in the house until some late hour ot the night and i need to go home early for work the next day, she abused me and told me that either i come online at the normal time or i can say good bye to ever speaking to my daughter again, I really wish i could be online but it's not possible I found out about an hour ago that the camera was going with my friend so she could  video her family so even if i could stay i would not be able to have visual or mic contact. I do not know what to do, She is blackmailing me and i can't do anything about it. I've mentioned going for visitation but she wants me to fly over there 4 times a year for at least a week which is hard with having a full time job i just started. She has informed me today that she's with her partner and is due for another baby. i'm wondering if she is trying to push me out again like she has for most of my daughters life and only wanting me back in it when she does not have a partner. She has told me on a numerous times that when i'm late to call it hurts our little girl, if my daughter loves talking to me on web cam and telephone and is hurt by a small lateness what is the mother going to be doing to my little girl??? I can't imagine ever hurting her the way i feel her mother is hurting her twice now she has gave my daughter and me something and took it away..   

    

Is my daughter safe in the care of a mother who doesn't seem to care how our daughter might feel? I'm hurt because i can't speak to her but i'm a grown up man who understands what's happening and can deal with my emotions but she is 3 almost 4 and wouldn't understand at all why she could see her daddy and now cant on web cam and telephone.    

Has anyone got any advice I'm desperate, I have seen lawyers in the past but financially it's so expensive, she is worth the money but getting it as soon as i want it is another thing though!   

 
August 28, 2005, 5:03 am CDT

Co-Parenting

[b]Is my daughter safe in the care of a mother who doesn't seem to care how our daughter might feel? I'm hurt because i can't speak to her but i'm a grown up man who understands what's happening and can deal with my emotions but she is 3 almost 4 and wouldn't understand at all why she could see her daddy and now cant on web cam and telephone.    

Has anyone got any advice I'm desperate, I have seen lawyers in the past but financially it's so expensive, she is worth the money but getting it as soon as i want it is another thing though!   [/b] 

  

It sounds to me as though your daughter's mother is using the child as a pawn, and is playing horrible mind games with both of you. What you need to do, in my opinion, is get everything set down on paper, through the courts. Set up visitation and child support...stick to your end of things, and force her, through the courts, to stick to hers. Otherwise, you may NEVER have a decent relationship with your daughter. 

  

 
September 9, 2005, 5:52 am CDT

Help with when to talk with Children about Father

Myproblem that I am looking for advice is, I have 2 children one is 15 the other 12. About 8 years ago there father (my husband) walked out of are lives to live elsewhere. When we told the kids, he told them he didn't love there mother anymore and he would be happier living somewhere else. It was a really tough time for my children, they were 7 and 4, but though the years we have made life wonderful for us. He does have ever two week visitation, but not the best type of parent. Really not there for the children at all. My problem is, the real reason he left was he had a girl friend, which I didnt no til after he was gone, but 100 & 10% sure they were seeing each other while we were married. He did live with her for a while then split. Always say it was the biggest mistake he has ever made. To get to the problem, I live in a small town where he grew up, he lives about 1 hour away. When he left 8 years ago everyone in the town new he left for the girl friend. I am now concerned as my children get older what would happen if they find out. I am and don't want to protect my ex from his actions but I will always want to protect my children. I just wonder if at some time in there lives someone will tell them, will they hate me for not telling that to start with? I felt they were way too young, but I think once they find out the truth they will feel alot of hated feeling toward there father. Can anyone give me some advice as to what is the best for the children. Also, who should tell them, if there father is still denining it, should I tell them.. They did meet and know the girl friend, but they were too little to really understand what was going on thank you
 
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