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Topic : Co-Parenting
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May 28, 2007, 7:05 pm PDT
 Quote From: fatherof2 Hi, long story short. I have a daughter who is 4 january 2006 and her mother and me never dated we had a short affair, her mother and i met in the same state where i live and then she moved back to her home town which is 4 hour flight to her home, I went there hoping to discuss being together and when i left i receieved a short text message telling me to not bothing going back to her. I found out it was apparently because i had a girlfriend of sorts in my own state in between the time of her leaving our state and moving to her home town even though she had a boyfriend who she finished with shortly before i went for the 10 days to talk about "us" 4 weeks later i found out by her that she was pregnant and she said it was mine... I offered to go back and make a family with her and my un-born but she did not want that and became very negative towards me with abusive emails. at 5 months pregnant she found another man who wanted to be with her and the baby and she became very negative and told me that my child would not be calling me "dad" and that her current lover would be called dad because he went through the pregnancy with her. then her and her partner had a fight and broke up she asked me to move to her state and i started calling around for prices of moving my belongings, she then told me that she did not want me there that she was back with her partner the next time she asked me i had started dating another person who she did not like and she asked me to move to her home town again i said no because i wanted to try things with my partner I also asked for a DNA test because her history of me and another guy in one night was not a uncommon thing the last night she and i had sex she was at her ex boyfriends house and thats when everything became weird with us (before i knew about the pregnancy) ok i better cut this shorter, my daughter was born and she had her "dads" middle name as her middle name and i was not allowed to see her born so i did not want to watch some other man holding my new born baby (if the baby was mine of course) so i did not go, I then recieved an email from the partner 2 days later informing me the baby was born and then a email a month later telling me she was pregnant and engaged which i heard from the partner not her. I saw my lilttle girl when her mother brought her over when she was 8 months for about 24 hours all up. I felt out of place and unwanted and intrusive. My friend and i fell pregnant when my daughter was just under 2 years old and the mother did not take that kindly, she did however arrange for me to start calling our daughter so thats where mine and my daughters life started bonding, through the 9 months of the pregnancy alot of things went wrong but i am to blame for some, my daughters mother broke up with her partner and started telling me she wanted me and i was so confused because i dreamed since my daughter was born that i could be with her and i felt like i wanted her to to the point i thought i was inlove with her, she tried taking mine and my mother-to-be friendship away she hurt my friend and i ignored it because i was not thinking straight all i kept thinking was, i would be with my lilttle girl the dream i had was becoming real. about 6 months after my son was born she became cagey and demanding, negative towards me. she gave me alot of demands which could not be met and so at that time she told me not to bother going over there. i saw my daughter on her 3rd birthday (I saw her just after her 2nd and also when she was 2!/2) and I was allowed to take her out for her birthday just me and her and i was thrilled me and her mother got on well but then i came home from the trip and was abused constantly she went to my friend and told my friend that me and her fooled around while i was there and it never did happen, (she always hated mine and my sons mothers friendship) my friend did not believe her and she became more hostile i was sick of everything and i could not forgive her for the lies she said so i told her that i did not want anything to do with her that i will only speak to her about our daughter and nothing more she got angrier and told me she was bringing out daughter to my state, it was arround the time my mother was coming over from new zealand and i asked if i could have her for one day (not night) so my mum could spend time with both her grandchildren and she said no that i could not see our little girl without her being there. i did not like this and sent a pre-action proposal for visitation and she demanded so much that i could not accept half so i did another one with both what she wanted and i wanted together to make it easier on her as well as me but more importantly easy on our little girl so she did not feel uncomfortable she told me she would not accept anything if it was not her proposal even down to my wording of something which was the same but worded in my way. she came to perth and decided to leave 3 days ealier which meant my mother never got to met my daughter i went to see my daughter with her mother and her granparents present, there was a beach just over the hill not far and i asked my daughter if she wanted to go the beach she said yes so i told her that i would ask mummy first my daughter ran to her mummy and asked and we walked to the beach i turned around and her mother gave me the most terrible look i've ever seen her give me, later she abused me telling me i manipulated my little girl to get what i wanted (to go the beach alone with her) she made it hard to see our little girl after that i text messaged asked when was a good time and she replied telling me that i should choose a time and day and she would be there, so i did and she said she could not make it and made an earlier time which she knew i could not be available i explained to her but she would not allow any other time. so in 7 days i saw my daughter just the once, when she went back to her state on the night of my sons birthday my mother and my sons mother were sitting around and my friend got text messages abusing her and saying horrible things about me my friend ignored her and she didn't bothered abusing her again. my mother and i spoke to my daughter on the sunday at the sceduled time and everything was good with me and my daughter the next saturday the mother demanded me to call that day to talk about our daughter i told her i could not because i was working at the time so i called on the sunday and i was told that my daughter would not be made available anymore for contact. so she stoped all contact between my daughter and me for over 12 weeks until for some reason she emailed me and my parents saying she would be online with our daughter if we wanted to do web cam. well i was thrilled and came online the problem was i do not have fast speed interent at home or a web cam, I used my friends video camera and her ADSL and i told my daughetrs mum that i was at my friends and that it might not be possible some sundays because my friend may have things on which cant be stoped she said ok... so that leads me to now, for the past 2 months every sunday i have been on web cam for several hours at a time with my daughter and i have been calling on weds, I called 2 weeks ago as normal and they were not at home so i waited over 30 minutes incase they were late but not call so i left to go out with my girlfriend ice skating, I come out of ice skating and had a abusive text message on my mobile asking me what my problem was and why i was not answering my phone, my answer was i cant take my mobile on the ice i got a text message back telling me i was a bad father and keep hurting my daughter, i spoke to my friend and she told me that my daughters mother called up an hour after i left. Now today My friend has to go out she is from England but now lives here in Australia and she has family members coming from the uk and there is a big family meet about 15 - 20 miles away from where she lives, she has one set of keys and she needed to dead lock the front door and lock the back, she apologized to me but told me that she was going out at 11am and that i could try and speak to my daughter earlier since she noticed her mother online so I messaged my daughters mother asking if my daughter could come on then because I would not be able to come online at the normal time because i would be locked in the house until some late hour ot the night and i need to go home early for work the next day, she abused me and told me that either i come online at the normal time or i can say good bye to ever speaking to my daughter again, I really wish i could be online but it's not possible I found out about an hour ago that the camera was going with my friend so she could video her family so even if i could stay i would not be able to have visual or mic contact. I do not know what to do, She is blackmailing me and i can't do anything about it. I've mentioned going for visitation but she wants me to fly over there 4 times a year for at least a week which is hard with having a full time job i just started. She has informed me today that she's with her partner and is due for another baby. i'm wondering if she is trying to push me out again like she has for most of my daughters life and only wanting me back in it when she does not have a partner. She has told me on a numerous times that when i'm late to call it hurts our little girl, if my daughter loves talking to me on web cam and telephone and is hurt by a small lateness what is the mother going to be doing to my little girl??? I can't imagine ever hurting her the way i feel her mother is hurting her twice now she has gave my daughter and me something and took it away..
Is my daughter safe in the care of a mother who doesn't seem to care how our daughter might feel? I'm hurt because i can't speak to her but i'm a grown up man who understands what's happening and can deal with my emotions but she is 3 almost 4 and wouldn't understand at all why she could see her daddy and now cant on web cam and telephone. Has anyone got any advice I'm desperate, I have seen lawyers in the past but financially it's so expensive, she is worth the money but getting it as soon as i want it is another thing though! Hi. I know how you feel. My son has gone through some of the same things you have. But my son got married to his babies mother, they also have a little girl. She has since had 5 affairs and has a baby by someone else. Her and my son are still married, but she lives with the other man. She will not let my son see his children, and she has filed false charges on him, and injunction and that has kept him away from his children. My son lived with me for a while she told him if he moved he could see his children, but of course she did not let him. They are now calling the other man dad. And It makes me really mad that so called women can get by with this. they can get by with any thing with the courts. But the children are the ones that suffer the most and one day they are going to look at their mother and say why?? And what will she say, I bet you it will be a lie. Sorry, but what I was going to say is you can check on the computer for fathers rights, and legal aid in you town. I hope you can get some help. And if you do fine someone that will help you could you please let me know. I wish you the best. |
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May 29, 2007, 7:10 am PDT
Quote From: familias I am hoping that someone will have some advice for us. My granddaughter is 5 years old and currently lives with her mother. (who is my daughter) My daughter was never married to my granddaughters father. We have been to court about 8 times for visitation issues, preschool, daycare etc. Our problem is that the father will never try and work things out and always wants to settle things in court. Both parents do not seem to get along very well and to make matters worse he got married 2 years ago and his wife is very controlling. The newest papers we recieved are that he wants my granddaughter to be with mom for 2 days a week and 5 days and nights with him. My daughter had just recently asked for a review of his child support and now has been served with these papers. My daughter has always had primary residental and he gets about 108 overnights a year. One of the problem s are that my granddaughter does not like spending the night and just wants to visit. We ask her why she does not want to stay and she says she does not like too. Another issue is the new stepmom. She is very controlling and thinks that she should have a say in any and all decisions concerning my grandaughter. How much say does she really have? We know that she has physically spanked and left bruises on my granddaughter and feels that she is the mom when she is in their home. Dad seems to agree with his wife. My grandaughter has to call her mom in their home and presence. Does anyone know how judges seem to determine a change of parenting time? What things do they consider? If anyone has any suggestions please let us know. The father refuses to go to mediation and we really cannot afford an attorney. The fathers family are the ones paying for thier son to continue taking my daughter back to court. Please Dr. Phil we need a show on what should be accomplished during amediation and if step parents have any rights. I really believe that this family will continue to take my daughter to court until they win full custody. My daughter is a very good mother and will continue to fight for her daughter. Wouldn't they have to prove that she is unfit to get custody? If anyone has any advice or answers let us know in my opinion a step parent doesn't have any 'rights' i am a step parent myself, and i do take decisions when my boyfriend isn''t home, but my boyfriend is their father, so he takes the final decisions, i don't think it is good for children to call their step parents mother or father. i think a step parent is somewhere in between a babysitter and a mother or father. i don't know what legal rights step parents have, you should try to find it on internet, but it would be strange, if they had legal rights. if your daughter is taken to court, maybe you could say, that she has been hit by her, but this will only be an argument, if your daughter doesn't spank her daughter. maybe if she is taken to court, you could make some kind of contract, or do that at the mediators. if your daughter goes to the mediater, she should do it without her exes new wife. maybe they can put up a contract there, and state in it, that their daughter is not to call the stepmother mom. and that she will nor be spanked, by either of them. i don't know how much money you can get, but if she is taken to court, i would try to get an attorney, maybe instead of going on a holiday, or buying some expensive thing that she might need. because her daughter, is most important. |
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May 30, 2007, 9:55 pm PDT
I won custody of my children in Dec. 06. There Father at the time was awarded every other weekend, every Wen + holidays. He then he did not show up to see them for 9 weeks. One reason was because he was in jail for beating his girlfriend. I knew it was happening but everyone keep saying she just fell a lot. I knew that was not true because of my history with him. Well he unfortunately took it to far & she ended up in the hospital. The other times he did not show up was because the court order stated he had to have a phone so I could reach the children. Then in Feb 07, the custody changed again, he only gets them every other weekend, 2 weeks summer break+ holidays. He has only showed up for 3 of his weekend. I have also found out that when he did get the kids, he took them to a bar drink 2-6 beers then drive with them. He already has 2 DWIs. I know that on one of his weekends that he did not show up was because he was drinking at the bar. A friend of mine called & told me he was there. His first week of visitation is coming up here in about a week. I really don't want to let them go. I am scared of what might happen. Does anyone have any advise for me? |
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June 1, 2007, 1:13 pm PDT
My boss is sharing custody of her children with ex-husband. He is moving in with a woman who has children of her own and has the resources to be a stay at home mom. My boss works a full time job and receives no child support (because their salaries are almost equal). The ex propsed his new girlfriend watch their children instead of sending them to daycare (which costs about $17,000/year). The ex would be moving 30 minutes away from my boss. Daycare is currently local to my boss which is comforting. My boss prefers to continue paying for daycare than let this strange woman watch her kids (even if the husband's judgement is trusted). She also feels a little jealous that this woman would be able to be a stay at home mom with her children while she cannot. I am nnot a parent so I am looking for opinions. Would you feel comfortable having your ex's significant other provide daycare for your children? What kind of feelings do you have towards it? Jealousy? discomfort? anger? loss of control? Any input is appreciated. She feels like perhaps she is being unreasonable and needs other parent's opinions.
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June 1, 2007, 1:52 pm PDT
Quote From: lisalee910 My boss is sharing custody of her children with ex-husband. He is moving in with a woman who has children of her own and has the resources to be a stay at home mom. My boss works a full time job and receives no child support (because their salaries are almost equal). The ex propsed his new girlfriend watch their children instead of sending them to daycare (which costs about $17,000/year). The ex would be moving 30 minutes away from my boss. Daycare is currently local to my boss which is comforting. My boss prefers to continue paying for daycare than let this strange woman watch her kids (even if the husband's judgement is trusted). She also feels a little jealous that this woman would be able to be a stay at home mom with her children while she cannot. I am nnot a parent so I am looking for opinions. Would you feel comfortable having your ex's significant other provide daycare for your children? What kind of feelings do you have towards it? Jealousy? discomfort? anger? loss of control? Any input is appreciated. She feels like perhaps she is being unreasonable and needs other parent's opinions.
i don't know what relationship your boss has with the new girlfriend. if it doesn't feel good, she could say, that she needs to get used to the idea, or isn't comfortable with it yet. she can still do it in a couple of months. also this will be a big change for the children. they've had a difficult time with the divorce and all, their environment changes a lot, it becomes unpredictable. so if it were to change again it might cause some more stress. i also don't know how old her children are, and how well they listen and can be disciplined by the girlfriend. because she will become the one that will partially raise them, and it isn't always accepted by the children. i am a step mom, and the kids go to daycare every tuesday when they're with their real mom. we've noticed that if they come to us a day that isn't normal, they become more difficult, they will fight quicker, won't listen as well as normally. so if the kids go to the girlfriend, the first time they moght be a bit more difficult, because it was again something they couldn't predict, which might make their environment feel less safe to them, but they will get used to being with the girlfriend. my advice, she just needs to follow her heart, and think what's best for the child. if she wants to keep using daycare, she should say so carefully, and explain, cause else it may cause trouble, because they could feel offended |
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June 1, 2007, 4:56 pm PDT
I am a 33 yr old single parent. I have some problems with my daughter's father. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what I should do. I would like some advice on what I should do.
My daughter is very confused about things that have been going on. Her father and I have split up since she was about 2 years old. It' has been very difficult. He's been with this girl for the last 6 years. I am not pleased with her at all. I can actually say that I don't like her at all. She has done a lot of mean things to me and my daughter. Her father sees her every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer. Plus some days through school vacations.
When they first started dating, there was a weekend in July when he had her and she had broken her arm. Her father decided to wait 5 hours to call me to let me know that she needed to have emergency surgery. While we were waiting for her to get out of surgery, my parents noticed that Mark and his girlfriend were drinking and had driven her to the hospital. I din't agree with that at alland among other things.
He had mentioned that the accident was his fault and the he will pay for all of the medical expenses. He never paid for the medical expenses and they all went into judgements and these judgements went against me. I am very upsetwith that because now my credit is ruined because of it.
Over the winter, her father has been telling my daughter that he is looking for a apartment for the two of them and that hewas leaving his girlfriend. He's even mentioned it to his parent and my boyfriend. His girlfriend has been telling my daughter that pretty soon I will be your mother and you won't see your other mother at all. I don't like that at all. Now, on Mother's Day, her father had asked me if he could take cassie on vacation with him. I asked him where and he said to Maine. I said that I wasn't sure and I would have to take in consideration what Cassie would like to do. He then told me that I should know that he's going to Maine to get married. I didn't like that because it had confused me because what he's been saying to Cassie and everyone else.
I had thought about it alot and talked to an attorney and he advised me that I shouldn't let him take her due to certain circumstances. I can honestly say that I don't trust him becasue of certain things that has been going on. I don't know what I should do. His girlfriend had written a letter to school by email and the school had responded to it. I can't believe that the school had done that because they have never met her father or even talked to him. She had said it was him and not her. I can't believe that they did that.
There are other things that she's been doing and I don't agree with it. My question and concerns are should really be over protected with this situation. I don't know what to do.I am not sure if I am over reacting. Doesn't the other parent that has visitation rights only have to get permission to take the child out of county and state. I am afraid that he will takeher away from me again and I will never be able to see her again. What ever suggestions you may have I would appreciate it a lot. |
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June 1, 2007, 10:04 pm PDT
Quote From: singleparent I am a 33 yr old single parent. I have some problems with my daughter's father. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what I should do. I would like some advice on what I should do.
My daughter is very confused about things that have been going on. Her father and I have split up since she was about 2 years old. It' has been very difficult. He's been with this girl for the last 6 years. I am not pleased with her at all. I can actually say that I don't like her at all. She has done a lot of mean things to me and my daughter. Her father sees her every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer. Plus some days through school vacations.
When they first started dating, there was a weekend in July when he had her and she had broken her arm. Her father decided to wait 5 hours to call me to let me know that she needed to have emergency surgery. While we were waiting for her to get out of surgery, my parents noticed that Mark and his girlfriend were drinking and had driven her to the hospital. I din't agree with that at alland among other things.
He had mentioned that the accident was his fault and the he will pay for all of the medical expenses. He never paid for the medical expenses and they all went into judgements and these judgements went against me. I am very upsetwith that because now my credit is ruined because of it.
Over the winter, her father has been telling my daughter that he is looking for a apartment for the two of them and that hewas leaving his girlfriend. He's even mentioned it to his parent and my boyfriend. His girlfriend has been telling my daughter that pretty soon I will be your mother and you won't see your other mother at all. I don't like that at all. Now, on Mother's Day, her father had asked me if he could take cassie on vacation with him. I asked him where and he said to Maine. I said that I wasn't sure and I would have to take in consideration what Cassie would like to do. He then told me that I should know that he's going to Maine to get married. I didn't like that because it had confused me because what he's been saying to Cassie and everyone else.
I had thought about it alot and talked to an attorney and he advised me that I shouldn't let him take her due to certain circumstances. I can honestly say that I don't trust him becasue of certain things that has been going on. I don't know what I should do. His girlfriend had written a letter to school by email and the school had responded to it. I can't believe that the school had done that because they have never met her father or even talked to him. She had said it was him and not her. I can't believe that they did that.
There are other things that she's been doing and I don't agree with it. My question and concerns are should really be over protected with this situation. I don't know what to do.I am not sure if I am over reacting. Doesn't the other parent that has visitation rights only have to get permission to take the child out of county and state. I am afraid that he will takeher away from me again and I will never be able to see her again. What ever suggestions you may have I would appreciate it a lot. Hi I read your message and it worried me. My cuzen went though something simaler. and she went through hell I tell u. now the father has no rights what so ever and her new husband adopted her doughter. at least see a lower and see what they can do, u don't want to ever go through soemthing like that. good luck. |
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June 2, 2007, 4:08 pm PDT
Quote From: singleparent I am a 33 yr old single parent. I have some problems with my daughter's father. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what I should do. I would like some advice on what I should do.
My daughter is very confused about things that have been going on. Her father and I have split up since she was about 2 years old. It' has been very difficult. He's been with this girl for the last 6 years. I am not pleased with her at all. I can actually say that I don't like her at all. She has done a lot of mean things to me and my daughter. Her father sees her every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer. Plus some days through school vacations.
When they first started dating, there was a weekend in July when he had her and she had broken her arm. Her father decided to wait 5 hours to call me to let me know that she needed to have emergency surgery. While we were waiting for her to get out of surgery, my parents noticed that Mark and his girlfriend were drinking and had driven her to the hospital. I din't agree with that at alland among other things.
He had mentioned that the accident was his fault and the he will pay for all of the medical expenses. He never paid for the medical expenses and they all went into judgements and these judgements went against me. I am very upsetwith that because now my credit is ruined because of it.
Over the winter, her father has been telling my daughter that he is looking for a apartment for the two of them and that hewas leaving his girlfriend. He's even mentioned it to his parent and my boyfriend. His girlfriend has been telling my daughter that pretty soon I will be your mother and you won't see your other mother at all. I don't like that at all. Now, on Mother's Day, her father had asked me if he could take cassie on vacation with him. I asked him where and he said to Maine. I said that I wasn't sure and I would have to take in consideration what Cassie would like to do. He then told me that I should know that he's going to Maine to get married. I didn't like that because it had confused me because what he's been saying to Cassie and everyone else.
I had thought about it alot and talked to an attorney and he advised me that I shouldn't let him take her due to certain circumstances. I can honestly say that I don't trust him becasue of certain things that has been going on. I don't know what I should do. His girlfriend had written a letter to school by email and the school had responded to it. I can't believe that the school had done that because they have never met her father or even talked to him. She had said it was him and not her. I can't believe that they did that.
There are other things that she's been doing and I don't agree with it. My question and concerns are should really be over protected with this situation. I don't know what to do.I am not sure if I am over reacting. Doesn't the other parent that has visitation rights only have to get permission to take the child out of county and state. I am afraid that he will takeher away from me again and I will never be able to see her again. What ever suggestions you may have I would appreciate it a lot. DON"T let him TAKE HER to MAINE not a good idea at all IS his APT going to be in ME. don't do it !!!!!!!! the state of maine dosn't give a poop to be polite! welfare is big thing in ME and FAKE SAD LIES GO OVER BIG IN MAINE and you would be good to know that if you and your child were hit and choked and the police took photos and arrested the person that person could go to court and put a protection order against you and take your baby!!!!!!!! from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP HIM NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S IN MAINE YOU ARE GUILTY PROVE YOUR SELF AND WITH SOME YOU CAN'T ! |
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June 3, 2007, 9:51 am PDT
Quote From: singleparent I am a 33 yr old single parent. I have some problems with my daughter's father. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what I should do. I would like some advice on what I should do.
My daughter is very confused about things that have been going on. Her father and I have split up since she was about 2 years old. It' has been very difficult. He's been with this girl for the last 6 years. I am not pleased with her at all. I can actually say that I don't like her at all. She has done a lot of mean things to me and my daughter. Her father sees her every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer. Plus some days through school vacations.
When they first started dating, there was a weekend in July when he had her and she had broken her arm. Her father decided to wait 5 hours to call me to let me know that she needed to have emergency surgery. While we were waiting for her to get out of surgery, my parents noticed that Mark and his girlfriend were drinking and had driven her to the hospital. I din't agree with that at alland among other things.
He had mentioned that the accident was his fault and the he will pay for all of the medical expenses. He never paid for the medical expenses and they all went into judgements and these judgements went against me. I am very upsetwith that because now my credit is ruined because of it.
Over the winter, her father has been telling my daughter that he is looking for a apartment for the two of them and that hewas leaving his girlfriend. He's even mentioned it to his parent and my boyfriend. His girlfriend has been telling my daughter that pretty soon I will be your mother and you won't see your other mother at all. I don't like that at all. Now, on Mother's Day, her father had asked me if he could take cassie on vacation with him. I asked him where and he said to Maine. I said that I wasn't sure and I would have to take in consideration what Cassie would like to do. He then told me that I should know that he's going to Maine to get married. I didn't like that because it had confused me because what he's been saying to Cassie and everyone else.
I had thought about it alot and talked to an attorney and he advised me that I shouldn't let him take her due to certain circumstances. I can honestly say that I don't trust him becasue of certain things that has been going on. I don't know what I should do. His girlfriend had written a letter to school by email and the school had responded to it. I can't believe that the school had done that because they have never met her father or even talked to him. She had said it was him and not her. I can't believe that they did that.
There are other things that she's been doing and I don't agree with it. My question and concerns are should really be over protected with this situation. I don't know what to do.I am not sure if I am over reacting. Doesn't the other parent that has visitation rights only have to get permission to take the child out of county and state. I am afraid that he will takeher away from me again and I will never be able to see her again. What ever suggestions you may have I would appreciate it a lot. Sadly, it looks as though your ex- does not know where the truth lies, his GF does not, or maybe neither of them do. It is rough on a child of that age to be told wildly varying stories like they are telling her.
I wish I could tell you that you are overreacting, but I don't think you are. The GF telling your daughter about being "her mother" sets off MAJOR red flags as to her/their real intentions. GF's other activities are disturbing as well, to say the least. Unfortunately, as far as the school (or daycare, if applicable ) is concerned, if they are under the impression that they are dealing with the NCP (GF claimed to be dad, correct?), they have to deal with them in the absence of any court orders to the contrary.
Listen to your attorney. Be prepared to take the immendiate issue (the proposed trip out of state) to court, if necessary, asap. Does your decree stipulate who pays what for medical?Depending on how much $ is involved I would consider some sort of action against him for the medical expenses, also. If he is supposed to pay, then he needs to be held accountable for his non-payment.
-bact |
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June 4, 2007, 10:12 am PDT
Quote From: singleparent I am a 33 yr old single parent. I have some problems with my daughter's father. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what I should do. I would like some advice on what I should do.
My daughter is very confused about things that have been going on. Her father and I have split up since she was about 2 years old. It' has been very difficult. He's been with this girl for the last 6 years. I am not pleased with her at all. I can actually say that I don't like her at all. She has done a lot of mean things to me and my daughter. Her father sees her every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer. Plus some days through school vacations.
When they first started dating, there was a weekend in July when he had her and she had broken her arm. Her father decided to wait 5 hours to call me to let me know that she needed to have emergency surgery. While we were waiting for her to get out of surgery, my parents noticed that Mark and his girlfriend were drinking and had driven her to the hospital. I din't agree with that at alland among other things.
He had mentioned that the accident was his fault and the he will pay for all of the medical expenses. He never paid for the medical expenses and they all went into judgements and these judgements went against me. I am very upsetwith that because now my credit is ruined because of it.
Over the winter, her father has been telling my daughter that he is looking for a apartment for the two of them and that hewas leaving his girlfriend. He's even mentioned it to his parent and my boyfriend. His girlfriend has been telling my daughter that pretty soon I will be your mother and you won't see your other mother at all. I don't like that at all. Now, on Mother's Day, her father had asked me if he could take cassie on vacation with him. I asked him where and he said to Maine. I said that I wasn't sure and I would have to take in consideration what Cassie would like to do. He then told me that I should know that he's going to Maine to get married. I didn't like that because it had confused me because what he's been saying to Cassie and everyone else.
I had thought about it alot and talked to an attorney and he advised me that I shouldn't let him take her due to certain circumstances. I can honestly say that I don't trust him becasue of certain things that has been going on. I don't know what I should do. His girlfriend had written a letter to school by email and the school had responded to it. I can't believe that the school had done that because they have never met her father or even talked to him. She had said it was him and not her. I can't believe that they did that.
There are other things that she's been doing and I don't agree with it. My question and concerns are should really be over protected with this situation. I don't know what to do.I am not sure if I am over reacting. Doesn't the other parent that has visitation rights only have to get permission to take the child out of county and state. I am afraid that he will takeher away from me again and I will never be able to see her again. What ever suggestions you may have I would appreciate it a lot. The answer to his question- if he can take your daughter to Maine- should be a swift and firm “no.” You don’t have to explain why, in fact I think that explaining why you are saying ‘no’ would only make matters worse anyway- instead, because you have physical custody AND advice from an attorney not to allow your child to go, the answer is a simple ‘no.’ If he wants to complain about it, you need to remain calm and rational, and just become a broken record- saying something like, “it isn’t in her best interest to go to Maine with you at this time. I’m not saying no, she can never go- I’m just saying that at this time, she isn’t going, and there is nothing you can say or do to change that.” Don’t engage him in an argument over this- just say the same thing, over and over, and then hang up if needed or walk away. Regarding his girlfriend/soon to be wife- have you talked to your ex about the things she told your child? That she was going to be her mother and that she wouldn’t be seeing you at all, etc.? Those statements made to your child are emotional abuse, to say the least. How scary to hear that from an adult in your life that you won’t be seeing your mommy much! Scary and so cruel. I don’t think you are overreacting at all. Please, trust your instincts on this- it is your duty to protect your precious daughter from harm. Don’t ever second guess your judgment when it comes to protecting her; we have our instincts for real reasons, you need to learn to fully trust your instincts when it comes to your child. I know and understand that there may be things that happen in life that get you ‘off track’ from listening to/trusting your instincts, you begin to second guess yourself, etc.- but in this case, don’t second guess your decision. It is the right one to make. If these cruel statement continue, my advice is to seek a new visitation order in which her father has to have supervised visits only- everything he or his girlfriend says/does will be monitored by someone else and anything inappropriate would be called into question. I know you don’t want to go that route- but sometimes, you’ve got to make a hard decision. I truly hope that all works out well for you and your daughter, you deserve to be happy and life a long, healthy and fulfilling life! |
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