Topic : Co-Parenting

  Thanks, I found out what they do. They visit with both families and then observe the child in both homes. They also visit with teachers, neighbors, community people, etc.  You are right we have nothing to worry about as far as this is concerned. Like our attorney said adults may be able to put on a front during an investigation but the young children don't know how to .  We were also able to get an attorney.  Things seem to be looking up for now. I just wish that the judge or attorneys would put a stop to this father taking my daughter back to court ever time he doesn't get his way. He seems to want all control. Also his new wife seems to feel she should have alot of say on matters. If anyone out there is a step parent write me and let me know how you handle issues with your step children? How involved should a step parent be in issues that arise concerning their step children?

  Thanks, I found out what they do. They visit with both families and then observe the child in both homes. They also visit with teachers, neighbors, community people, etc.  You are right we have nothing to worry about as far as this is concerned. Like our attorney said adults may be able to put on a front during an investigation but the young children don't know how to .  We were also able to get an attorney.  Things seem to be looking up for now. I just wish that the judge or attorneys would put a stop to this father taking my daughter back to court ever time he doesn't get his way. He seems to want all control. Also his new wife seems to feel she should have alot of say on matters. If anyone out there is a step parent write me and let me know how you handle issues with your step children? How involved should a step parent be in issues that arise concerning their step children?

        I have a very long sad story that everyone has seen and heard a hundred times before.  My ex husband and I do not get along and we have 3 girls together.  He is re-married and so am I.  We went through the courts and we have a joint-custody agreement with me being primary caretaker.  When I re-married I moved a little more than 2 hours away from him and his wife.  My husband is in the Navy and we live on the military base.  After I moved my ex got mad and took me to court trying to force me to move back closer or me to give him custody of the kids.  That was in 2004 and the girls still live with me.  We were both ordered to take parenting courses and counseling and place the kids in counseling.  My husband and myself did a in-home parenting  course that was 16 weeks long.  Our parenting adviser became someone that turned to for advice and our children began to trust her.  She is still involved with us to this day.  I have placed the kids in counseling to try and work through the problems, but no matter what we do nothing works.  My ex has told my daughters that everything they say to the counselor is told to us.  When one of my daughters said that she was afraid of being at her dad's and she shared this information with the counselor he told her to get out of his house.  She was 8 years old and he placed her in his truck and drove her to my parents house and left her.  He told her that she was not welcome at his house anymore until she stopped saying that.  The other 2 sisters were there and were told to take all of her clothes and toys because she won't be back.  It stayed that way for over a month.  He called and demanded me to bring his daughter to him so that he could take her to the counselor that she told this stuff to.  Eventually my daughter decided that she would go and apologize and say that she made it all up so he would allow her back in his house.  My daughters come home with horrible stories of how he makes comments about wishing they were boys and not girls.  When they go their to his house most of the time he isn't there and they spend it with the step-mom.  It continued getting uglier and uglier and the kids were feeling it all the time.  I just gave up and tried to work with them as much as possible.  We had been doing that for almost a year but everything is getting ugly again.  My youngest daughter has had problems her entire life.  She wasn't an easy baby and was a very difficult child.  A few years ago I took her to a doctor and they diagnosed her with ADHD and saw many signs of ODD.  She was placed on medicine, but my ex didn't approve.  He refused to give her the medicine and said it was my parenting.  I worked with the doctor and the school and I would just give her the medicine when she was with me.  It seemed to work for a while but eventually that stopped also.  I took her to another doctor and they did multiple tests on her.  My ex seemed at first okay with it.  I asked him to come to the appointment and to write down any of his concerns.  He did nothing.  I ended up faxing him the questionnaire so he could put his input in the whole thing.  I took my daughter to the first appointment and she refused to go in there by herself so I went  in there with her.  The next appointment she was able to go by herself.  The report came back with her possibly being bipolar and that she the world as a very scary place.  Her doctor saw that her case was very rare and very serious.  We were told to see this new doctor.  My ex demanded to go to the appointment with us.  After he was told what the findings were he said he didn't believe it and that she was making it all up.  He got on the phone with my daughter the night before the appointment and told her she was a liar and that she didn't see any of the things like she said.  We went to the appointment and my ex goes into his Jekyll and Hyde act and acts like he is on board with it all.  I took her to the next appointment and we talked about how much the medicine helped her.  Summer vacation came and my daughters spent a month with their dad.  I got phone calls from them and they said everything was going great.  When I got my daughters back they told me how they didn't get any of the medicine and that Dad said they didn't need it.  My daughters told me how they blamed everything on me and that they didn't feel the medicine worked.  5 minutes later my daughters sat there saying that they said all of that because dad made them afraid.  My youngest daughter said that she pretended she made up all of her illness because her dad was disappointed in her and she didn't want him to think bad things about her.  My oldest daughter has acid reflux and has been prescribed prevacid to be taken daily.  I sent her a new prescription for that month and the entire time she was given 7 pills and not even on a continued basis.  She cried about how much her stomach hurt so he took her to the doctor and now he is having all these test and procedures done without telling me anything.  I have no idea what to do.  I know the things he did to me when I was married to him.  I know how he looked like the picture perfect man on the outside but was cruel and emotionally abusive to me.  I know the pain and hurt my daughters feel because I lived that life.  I have no where to turn.  He has money and will lie cheat and steal to get what he wants.  If we go to court I know that it will get so ugly and the kids will be destroyed in the process.  I have seen him promise my daughters he would buy them horses if they would go to court and say that they wanted to live with him.   I just need help from somebody anybody

        I have a very long sad story that everyone has seen and heard a hundred times before.  My ex husband and I do not get along and we have 3 girls together.  He is re-married and so am I.  We went through the courts and we have a joint-custody agreement with me being primary caretaker.  When I re-married I moved a little more than 2 hours away from him and his wife.  My husband is in the Navy and we live on the military base.  After I moved my ex got mad and took me to court trying to force me to move back closer or me to give him custody of the kids.  That was in 2004 and the girls still live with me.  We were both ordered to take parenting courses and counseling and place the kids in counseling.  My husband and myself did a in-home parenting  course that was 16 weeks long.  Our parenting adviser became someone that turned to for advice and our children began to trust her.  She is still involved with us to this day.  I have placed the kids in counseling to try and work through the problems, but no matter what we do nothing works.  My ex has told my daughters that everything they say to the counselor is told to us.  When one of my daughters said that she was afraid of being at her dad's and she shared this information with the counselor he told her to get out of his house.  She was 8 years old and he placed her in his truck and drove her to my parents house and left her.  He told her that she was not welcome at his house anymore until she stopped saying that.  The other 2 sisters were there and were told to take all of her clothes and toys because she won't be back.  It stayed that way for over a month.  He called and demanded me to bring his daughter to him so that he could take her to the counselor that she told this stuff to.  Eventually my daughter decided that she would go and apologize and say that she made it all up so he would allow her back in his house.  My daughters come home with horrible stories of how he makes comments about wishing they were boys and not girls.  When they go their to his house most of the time he isn't there and they spend it with the step-mom.  It continued getting uglier and uglier and the kids were feeling it all the time.  I just gave up and tried to work with them as much as possible.  We had been doing that for almost a year but everything is getting ugly again.  My youngest daughter has had problems her entire life.  She wasn't an easy baby and was a very difficult child.  A few years ago I took her to a doctor and they diagnosed her with ADHD and saw many signs of ODD.  She was placed on medicine, but my ex didn't approve.  He refused to give her the medicine and said it was my parenting.  I worked with the doctor and the school and I would just give her the medicine when she was with me.  It seemed to work for a while but eventually that stopped also.  I took her to another doctor and they did multiple tests on her.  My ex seemed at first okay with it.  I asked him to come to the appointment and to write down any of his concerns.  He did nothing.  I ended up faxing him the questionnaire so he could put his input in the whole thing.  I took my daughter to the first appointment and she refused to go in there by herself so I went  in there with her.  The next appointment she was able to go by herself.  The report came back with her possibly being bipolar and that she the world as a very scary place.  Her doctor saw that her case was very rare and very serious.  We were told to see this new doctor.  My ex demanded to go to the appointment with us.  After he was told what the findings were he said he didn't believe it and that she was making it all up.  He got on the phone with my daughter the night before the appointment and told her she was a liar and that she didn't see any of the things like she said.  We went to the appointment and my ex goes into his Jekyll and Hyde act and acts like he is on board with it all.  I took her to the next appointment and we talked about how much the medicine helped her.  Summer vacation came and my daughters spent a month with their dad.  I got phone calls from them and they said everything was going great.  When I got my daughters back they told me how they didn't get any of the medicine and that Dad said they didn't need it.  My daughters told me how they blamed everything on me and that they didn't feel the medicine worked.  5 minutes later my daughters sat there saying that they said all of that because dad made them afraid.  My youngest daughter said that she pretended she made up all of her illness because her dad was disappointed in her and she didn't want him to think bad things about her.  My oldest daughter has acid reflux and has been prescribed prevacid to be taken daily.  I sent her a new prescription for that month and the entire time she was given 7 pills and not even on a continued basis.  She cried about how much her stomach hurt so he took her to the doctor and now he is having all these test and procedures done without telling me anything.  I have no idea what to do.  I know the things he did to me when I was married to him.  I know how he looked like the picture perfect man on the outside but was cruel and emotionally abusive to me.  I know the pain and hurt my daughters feel because I lived that life.  I have no where to turn.  He has money and will lie cheat and steal to get what he wants.  If we go to court I know that it will get so ugly and the kids will be destroyed in the process.  I have seen him promise my daughters he would buy them horses if they would go to court and say that they wanted to live with him.   I just need help from somebody anybody

Your situation is already very ugly. If half of what you say is the straight poop, your ex- is hell-bent on destroying your children (and you) regardless of whether you get the cojones to take the SOB to court, call Child Services, whatever.

He may already be anticipating something, if he covered his tracks by taking the one daughter to the Dr. behind your back. BE READY. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

Ask yourself this: What more do I have to lose by holding him accountable for the shabby treatment of our children? What would the children stand to gain?

maryann

"I just wish that the judge or attorneys would put a stop to this father taking my daughter back to court ever time he doesn't get his way."

You would think so, wouldn't you?? That would actually make sense!! Sigh. I must comment, though, that on the limited basis that I have dealt with family law attorneys, I doubt seriously that many of them really want to be involved in the sort of "chicken sh*t" squabbling that you describe (unless they are real money-grubbers and some fool is all too willing to pay them); they need to deal with major issues like complicated divorce settlements. If at all possible, they  will recommend that the parties settle it among themselves or employ mediation; court proceedings tend to be a true last resort.

As far as the step-parent issue goes, speaking for my own sitch, DH  (the step-dad since DD was 4) leaves disciplinary issues to me 99% of the time, although he will do the routine "Get ready for bed" calls, that sort of thing. DD's stepmother (while she was in the picture, stepmom & DD's father divorced earlier this year after 2.5 years) was much more wanting to be in control of the situation (including issues that should have been strictly between DD's father and myself). It created a LOT of resentment all the way around, with DD stuck in the middle (something I NEVER wanted to have happen).

Again, good luck.

-bact

 I recently wrote to ask questions about a child and family investigator, step parent roles and other issues that were going on with my grandchild. Well the parents did go to mediation and it seemed as everything was worked out except child support. Papers have not been signed yet thank goodness. My grandchild's father works fulltime and also has a business but knowing that his child support was being reviewed he decided to put the business into his new wife's name. Is that legal? I don't understand how he can get away with that. Now they are saying that daycare expenses will be more for him even though he doesn't use daycare. Family members do the daycare. Can they use daycare expenses if they have not occured yet to determine child support?  Makesme think that he is just not wanting to support his child since his current order is around $20.00 per month. Crazy amount. If anyone knows anything about the questions I just asked please let me know. Also thanks for the info on step parents.

-fam