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Topic : Co-Parenting

Number of Replies: 596
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:44:44 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you sharing a child with someone who doesn't live with you? Share your story and your strategies for effective parenting.

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September 29, 2005, 11:49 am CDT

Dead Beat Dad

Quote From: qqqhhh

I think parents have an obligation and a responsibility to support their children.  The $3000 your Ex owes is your CHILD'S money and I think you owe it to your child to hold your Ex accountable.

 

I bet you could really use that money for your child, couldn't you?

 

The only way to give your Ex any consequences is to take him back to court.  If he goes to jail, it isn't YOUR fault, it's your Ex's fault!  So let your self off the hook, okay?

Do what you know to be the right thing.  Q

I too also had to collect a large amount of money from my ex-husband.  We were married for 10 years and had adopted a little girl.  He felt that if he no longer wanted to see her and since she was not her real father that he should not have to pay child support.  It took me two years to finally track him down.  

  

I live in Tulsa, OK where we have what is called the Rocket docket.  I feel every county/state should have this system.  (I tried going throught the state to collect my child support but they told me that if I was not receving any money from the state that I was not a priority.)  So, I hired an attorney and had the ex served with papers to show up in court.  He pled not guilty so it had to be set for trial.  Withing 30 days, we were back in front of the jude.  Of course I had all my documentaiotn and could prove that he did owe me back child support.  The judge haned down a 6 month defered sentence and sat him up on a payment plan to pay his child support.  This was done straight from his payroll check of the employer that he worked for.  Within 30 days, I was receiving checks from his place of work.  Every 3 months we have to go back before the judge.  If he is not making payments he would go to jail.  I was holding $500.00 in day care receipts and I showed up for court and not him.  (He thought that because his employer was submitting payment it was ok not to show.)  Since he did not show up and he was not paying the daycare and medical that was due, the Judge order a warrant for his arreast and fined him $500.00.  They picked him up at his place of employment and he had to sit in jail until the total amount of back child support was paid in full. 

  

  

 
October 4, 2005, 9:11 am CDT

Step-parent ewants real mommy out of daughters lives

My ex-husband remarried.  I was very supportive of this and actually encouraged it.  We had a joint custody situation.  We never had a lawyer for the divorce, because I could not afford one and the parting was amicable. 

  

Every thing was civil up until my oldest daughter's birthday which fell on my weekend to have the girls.  He gave me a hard time, lied about some stuff for that weekend.  I ended up going to court.  Now instead of joint custody, I have visitation and I have to pay child  support which I can really not afford.  I have always been a homemaker and now I have two small children.  My ex-husband makes $100,000/yr.  Now I am sorry I did not have the lawyer, because things have been quite nasty. 

  

His  new wife makes my daughters call her  mommy.  My oldest daughter brought me her homework planner  to be signed, so I signed it.  The step-mother erased my name.  My daughter cried and then got punished for it.  This woman had also called our local building department to report that there were too many people living in our house (my husbands aunt and his father live with us in an 1800's carriage house).  When this  plan did not work the building department was called for a part that was sagging 9an area where no one resides) and our house ended up getting condemned.  I had no where to live my  baby and my toddler.  It was horrible.  She then continued to call in that we were still living in the house with the children, but I had gone to California and Florida to stay with relatives. 

  

The step-grandmother sits near me at my daughters soccer games and says annoying things that she knows I will hear.  The step-mother throws out personal items that I buy my daughters when they take them home from the visitations.  My 11 year old is on to what is going on.  But my 8 year old breaks my heart as she is fickle. 

  

I just want to enjoy my daughters in peace, be able to buy them items and not get harassed.  My lawyer says to record everything, but that is so stressful.  I don't want to live like that.  I just don't know what to do. It is making me very angry. 

 
October 4, 2005, 1:29 pm CDT

Loyalty issues - 19 y.o. "stepson" and his father (my boyfriend)

Help!!  I'm caught in the middle of a very distressing situation. 

  

My boyfriend (48) and his son (19) have been having problems for several months now (I'm 33 - so I'm actually a few months closer in age to the son than to the father).  I have not worried too much about it, because I honestly just believe that it is the natural "separation" process that young men tend to go through with their parents.  Through all this he (the son) has been friendly, but not overly close to me.  On occasions he has come to me for advice about other areas of his life (girlfriend, friends, etc) but never about family. 

  

Recently I helped him get a job at my work, so we are spending much more time together, and he has begun to talk to me about things with his dad.  I feel very torn.  I am so honored and glad that he trusts me and confides in me - especially since I would very much like to someday be part of his family.  But on the other hand, I feel that I am being disloyal and dishonest to my boyfriend if I keep secret the things that his son is telling me.  I honestly don't know what to do. 

  

Thanks for any advice you can give me. 

  

Becky 

 
October 7, 2005, 2:41 pm CDT

100% Shared Parenting first in Divorce

The presumption of Shared (Equal) Parenting in divorce is gaining momentum in several states across America, but not fast enough for millions of non-custodial parents and their children. States like New Hampshire, Conneticut, Pennsylvania, Georgia, and Massachussets have either passed legislation or have legislation pending that promotes the presumption of equal child custody unless proven otherwise in divorce. Most states, like Texas for example, have divorce laws that unfairly favor one parent (usually the mother) in divorce.  

  

Governor Benson of New Hampshire created a teask force to investigate the flaws of current divorce proceedings and child custody laws. The findings and more can be found at 

  

http://nhfamilylawreform.org/hhsletter_Highlighted.pdf 

http://www.equal-custody.org 

 
October 9, 2005, 8:39 am CDT

Big difference of opinion

My DH is a really good Daddy to my 2 yo son and 5 yo daughter.  HOWEVER... before we met he was into cartoony-type sexy images of females (kind of like Jessica rabbit, but actual humans).  They kind of take Betty Boop to the next level... skimpy bathing suits (they don't expose any genitalia, but they are sexually suggestive).  There are skateboards called "hookups" that he thinks are really cool.  Anyway... these boards currently sit in a closet, because I feel strongly that my young kids not be exposed to these.  He thinks that I am making too big a deal about it, and if I don't bring attention to them the kids won't think anything about them.   

  

Here is the problem... he told me that he wants to have "his own room" where he can display all his collectibles for himself, including these boards.  I told him that is fine, so long as the kids don't go in there.  He thinks that would make them too much of a taboo and could potentially make the kids think that sexuality is wrong.  While he acknowledges taht he doesn't think they are "appropriate" for the kids, he also doesn't think they are "inappropriate."   He thinks we as a society make too big a deal about images of the human body and the recognition of people as sexual beings.   

  

I don't know what to do.  It seems crazy that I would subject my kids to a lifetime of split parenting (divorce), because of these images, but I feel like I'm going against my own desires by "allowing" them.  This is becoming a situation where DH feels as though he is being controlled by me and that he wants to be able to just be himself in this one room. 

  

What do you think.  Here is a link, so you have an idea of what I'm talking about. 

  

http://www.skatesonhaight.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=HDDP 

  

Please let me know what you think. 

  

Thanks! 

  

 
October 13, 2005, 4:16 pm CDT

Co-Parenting

Quote From: magickali

My ex-husband remarried.  I was very supportive of this and actually encouraged it.  We had a joint custody situation.  We never had a lawyer for the divorce, because I could not afford one and the parting was amicable. 

  

Every thing was civil up until my oldest daughter's birthday which fell on my weekend to have the girls.  He gave me a hard time, lied about some stuff for that weekend.  I ended up going to court.  Now instead of joint custody, I have visitation and I have to pay child  support which I can really not afford.  I have always been a homemaker and now I have two small children.  My ex-husband makes $100,000/yr.  Now I am sorry I did not have the lawyer, because things have been quite nasty. 

  

His  new wife makes my daughters call her  mommy.  My oldest daughter brought me her homework planner  to be signed, so I signed it.  The step-mother erased my name.  My daughter cried and then got punished for it.  This woman had also called our local building department to report that there were too many people living in our house (my husbands aunt and his father live with us in an 1800's carriage house).  When this  plan did not work the building department was called for a part that was sagging 9an area where no one resides) and our house ended up getting condemned.  I had no where to live my  baby and my toddler.  It was horrible.  She then continued to call in that we were still living in the house with the children, but I had gone to California and Florida to stay with relatives. 

  

The step-grandmother sits near me at my daughters soccer games and says annoying things that she knows I will hear.  The step-mother throws out personal items that I buy my daughters when they take them home from the visitations.  My 11 year old is on to what is going on.  But my 8 year old breaks my heart as she is fickle. 

  

I just want to enjoy my daughters in peace, be able to buy them items and not get harassed.  My lawyer says to record everything, but that is so stressful.  I don't want to live like that.  I just don't know what to do. It is making me very angry. 

This woman has a lot of nerve! I hate women like that. Although I am in no position to give you legal advise and I can tell you that I feel for you on this. The new wives move in and try to take over. One of these days, your girls will grow and and if they are this old now, they will probably remember whats going on. They will resent her and probably their father for what she is doing. You just be the best mother you can, bite your tongue, hire a lawyer if you want, pay your support and PRAY. Before you know it, your girls will be grown.  

Hope things get better for you. 

 
October 13, 2005, 6:33 pm CDT

dad or step-dad??????

My son is 4 years old, 5 in Feb. 2006. When he was first born, me and his father were not together any longer. I was with someone else, he was single. He come to the hopsital when he was born and had regular visits with him, he took responsibilty. He only paid $25.00 a week CS, and made pretty good money, but I told him as long as he was a part of our sons life and helped me when I needed additional help that 25 was fine.  Well 4 months later he got his self a new girlfriend (who was my long time rival I might add) Suddenly, visits slow down (his family would still see him) CS stopped.My son almost died in the hospital and he lived 30 min. from the hospital and she wouldn't let him come see our 4 month old son who almost died. He claimed he didn't have a way, but she had a brand new car sitting in the drive, if she was half a woman she wouldn't have brought him to see his son. Well........she didn't. He survived, without his dads support. A couple of times they would split up and he would call me and me being stupid and neuve would take him back. Then they would get back together. Now all these years later, I'm remarried to a wonderful man who is a great daddy to my son. His real father has not seen him in a couple of years. Me and my husband has talked about him adopting. The real father is having CS garnished out of his check $42 a week. I have asked him to sign his rights over, he said he would if I drew up papers stating that I didn't want any future support. But I decided, what gives him the right to get out the responsibility of this child? So, I decided against it.  

But..........should I? Is that $42 a week mean that much that I should let this worthless piece for a father be in my sons life any longer? He adores my husband. What do you think? 

 
October 19, 2005, 4:07 pm CDT

Father - Son relationship or lack of ...

I became divorced from my ex-wife when my oldest son was 7 years old. Now, ten years later, our relationship is pretty much empty. He acts like I'm a ghost, as if I were not there. He dosen't call me, and can't even come over to me when I attend his HS games, to say hello, or thanks for coming out. This attitude has been going on now for 1.5 years. Question: whats all this about ?? I can't get anyone to talk to me about it.
 
October 21, 2005, 3:41 pm CDT

ghost parent

Quote From: slharms

I became divorced from my ex-wife when my oldest son was 7 years old. Now, ten years later, our relationship is pretty much empty. He acts like I'm a ghost, as if I were not there. He dosen't call me, and can't even come over to me when I attend his HS games, to say hello, or thanks for coming out. This attitude has been going on now for 1.5 years. Question: whats all this about ?? I can't get anyone to talk to me about it.

He's a typical teenager who has reached the stage where "parents don't exist" or "I don't need/have parents".  Teenagers go thru stages where they don't want to be around their parents.  I did it!  I was preoccupied with my friends and trying to make my own life.  I didn't want to hear my parents lecture me, tell me what to do.  I wasn't into drinking or drugs.  My parents and I are now the best of friends!! 

Can you engage in any activities with him?  Shoot some pool, watch a movie, take him and a few friends out to dinner etc... and find out what his personality is like to see if it is truly something personal towards you?  

How often were you involved with him until this point?  You mention you go to his games,  but was this how the relationship was from the beginning with him?  

Kids -especially boys - don't make a point to call their parents.  Are you kidding?  They forget to mention when they are going to be home let alone  to say hi, how are you and let me hear about the people at your work?   

I don't know how close the two of you were through out the years but several of my friends have talked about this attitude as the child gets closer to being independant. 

  

 
October 21, 2005, 3:52 pm CDT

Co-Parenting

Quote From: kristawood

My son is 4 years old, 5 in Feb. 2006. When he was first born, me and his father were not together any longer. I was with someone else, he was single. He come to the hopsital when he was born and had regular visits with him, he took responsibilty. He only paid $25.00 a week CS, and made pretty good money, but I told him as long as he was a part of our sons life and helped me when I needed additional help that 25 was fine.  Well 4 months later he got his self a new girlfriend (who was my long time rival I might add) Suddenly, visits slow down (his family would still see him) CS stopped.My son almost died in the hospital and he lived 30 min. from the hospital and she wouldn't let him come see our 4 month old son who almost died. He claimed he didn't have a way, but she had a brand new car sitting in the drive, if she was half a woman she wouldn't have brought him to see his son. Well........she didn't. He survived, without his dads support. A couple of times they would split up and he would call me and me being stupid and neuve would take him back. Then they would get back together. Now all these years later, I'm remarried to a wonderful man who is a great daddy to my son. His real father has not seen him in a couple of years. Me and my husband has talked about him adopting. The real father is having CS garnished out of his check $42 a week. I have asked him to sign his rights over, he said he would if I drew up papers stating that I didn't want any future support. But I decided, what gives him the right to get out the responsibility of this child? So, I decided against it.  

But..........should I? Is that $42 a week mean that much that I should let this worthless piece for a father be in my sons life any longer? He adores my husband. What do you think? 

Yes, when a person relinquishes their parental rights, they -in most cases- don't have to pay child support because now in the courts eye, they are no longer the parent and no longer responsible.   

My ex signed away his parental rights when we divorced.  I do not receive a penny in child support.   

If your husband is the father your child never had and you can live peacefully as one complete family with no interference and your husband is willing and lovingly accepting your son, then let it be said.  Allow him to adopt and get over the financial aspect.     

If he signs away his rights, he is signing away any and all responsibilities to the child including emotional, physical and financial support.  If/when he signs, the biological father will have no reason to contact or communicate you or your son again.  

If it is truly a bad situation, why drag it on when your child has the opportunity to be happy? 

 
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