Topic : Co-Parenting

You "think" you want the kid" I don't mean to be rude - but why are you thinking about all of this now?  You really should have considered all of these things before you got her pregnant.   Now you are bringing a child into the world with a mother that has temper issues and two parents who can't live togethor.  I would seriously consider giving the child up for adoption to two parents who would give the child the home he/she deserves.  This is really sad and I'm not being judgemental but I really encourage you to put the interests of the child first - give him/her a loving home and environment that two parents who love each other can provide.

You know the pro’s and the con’s of this relationship. My advice for you is to give her some reasonable boundaries/rules; the number one most important one is that she has to begin going to therapy. I know that because she has no health insurance, that is an issue. Getting married is a huge decision, but so is having a child! I think that having a baby is a bigger decision, and if getting married is just a by-product of the pregnancy, then think of it this way: you can get a divorce later if things don’t go well- but you’ll always have the baby. Do what is best and right for the child. The child’s mother having health insurance and therefore the ability to get therapy, prenatal care, and other benefits that come along with it, is best for the baby. This woman has a long pattern of being negative, etc., and it will take work with a professional to realize how to un-learn those behaviors.

My fiance, who is now divorced, shares custody with the father and she is frequently having to deal with a problem. Their 8 year old son will see something in the store, and ask his mom to buy it for him. Sometimes she agrees but frequently she does not because she believes that buying things on a whim sets a bad example. Very often, these things are trinkets by the cash register.

 

When her son goes back to dads place and she doesn't have him for a couple of weeks, her son will come back and say "Remember that thing you wouldn't buy me? Well dad bought it for me"

 

She has asked her ex-husband not to do these things out of respect but he continues to do it anyways. Its like he is trying to buy his son's love or something. It seems like he is attempting to undermine her.

 

Any advice would be appreciated!

I'm an active duty service member who is stationed near my 3 year old daughter's father. I have physical custody and he has visitation. we've tried hard to stay near for her sake but I am considering leaving the military next year and going home. neither of us are originally from this area and it's very expensive. He insists he's going to live the rest iof his life here. I have noone here but him, my friends come and go as they are active military members as well. I want to move home where the cost of living is much cheaper and my family lives. I know our little girl would love the country life there. and I just feel she'd be so much safer. My only option is that or stay out here in the military and hope I can continue somehow getting stationed here. which is no gurantee. and that when I deploy he will not be deployed. But I am just heartbroken at the thought of moving her so far away from him. She is a wonderful amazing sweet little girl and she loves us both very much. I've had my share of trouble with him even some quite questionable circumstances that are hard to believe like him vandalizing my car or trying to get me fired at work! other than a few angry moments I cant really understand he's been pretty responsible and consistant with our daughter and I know he loves her very much. I also know I can give her a great life at home. and he has harrassed me quite a bit. It's been 4 years and neither of us has ever had a serious relationship or introduced her to signifigant others. It's worked out but Ive been in limbo. I want to finish school but can barely afford living here. much less do it and spend quality time with her and stay active duty. I don't know how I can make a good decision because it absolutely breaks my heart taking her away from him. although of couse we would have a good visitation schedule I think. and we are both flexible. It's just not the same. how in the world can I make the right decision? I've put it off as long as I can. I'm up for orders and I have to decide. I have planned and know it can work. and now the new G.I. bill. it just seems like I can finally advance too.

My daughter is 13. She was given alcohol by her drunken stepmother because my daughter was depressed. I called the police, the stepmother admitted to it, and they did nothing. I called children services, they said its not illegal in the state of ohio to give a child alcohol as long as its in your own home and that youre a legal guardian. So i guess in the state of ohio, you can make your child or stepchild a drunk, no matter how old they are. My daughter said she felt loopy, happy, and got a headache from it. I told her that alcohol is not the answer to depression. I told her dont ever listen to her stepmother again about drinking. I think she will listen to me, but why is the state of ohio allowing this.

Ive been having  a terrible time with my fiances ex whom he has 4 kids with, she has taken to calling our house up to 15 times a day, emailing etc. she takes him to court every 3 mths. for support, visitation etc. she has sent so many horrible emails about myself as well as his family. we have tried to get custody and more visitation but it seems that the legal system is outlined for mothers. I feel he is a wonderful father and would be a better parent for the children to live with. she lies all the time about the kids being in counseling, expenses for the kids, possible abuse by his family. It is as if she is trying to push him and his family out of the kids lives and just wants the child support money. We have so many emails showing what kind of a person she is and have caught her lies on many different occasions  she has even moved the kids to a diff country for a few months but no one seems to care. what do we do?

Hi everyone,

 

My ex husband is an alcoholic and has a bad temper.  We just got divorced and I have full custody and supervised visitation in order.  For the last year he was being supervised by his parents and it was working out fine.  My son coudl go there and have fun and I felt he was safe.  However, about 2 weeks ago my ex came over unexpectedly and started and argument.  I got my son in the house but then he kept yelling through a window which I coudlnt' get closed because of him.  He left but then came back again and tried to yell some more, this time the window was shut because I shut it as soon as he left.  I picked up the phone and started dialing the RCMP's number and then he punched the window that my 2 year old was standing in front of.  I talked to the police, pressed charges and got restraining orders against him.  However, he came back a week later and wa son my property and broke a beer bottle on my deck. 

 

I called the cops again but there was nothign they could do because I didnt' see him do it and had no proof that it was him. 

 

I have since decided to move to get away from him and have a normal life as he is trying to make mine hell by staying where I am. 

 

I am so upset becauyse I just moved here one year ago and have bought a house for my son and I and am near family and friends and am lovign the small city life.  I'm upset because my son and I are always the ones that have to adjust and he keeps living his merry little life. 

 

My biggest question to everyone is how do I deal with my son constantly asking for his daddy.  His  dad is a good dad when he is sober, and not angry, he has always paid child support and has spent a lot of time with his son in the past..

 

I have contemplated letting him see him supervised by a Social Services Worker but I just dont' know what to do.  I feel so confused.  If it wasn't for my son asking for him everyday and telling me how much he loves his daddy everyday I just would move and forget about him but he asks to go see him everyday and i keep having to tell him he is at work because I dont' knwo what else to tell him.  He is so little and innocent and doesn't know what is happening.  I am scared he is going to feel abandoned by his father if I don't let him see him.  I just do not know what to do.  I am so torn both ways.  I would never let him see him alone ever but part of me feels like he just doesn't deserve to see this little boy that loves and admires him when he can act the way he did in front of him.  I just need some advice from others who have been in this situation.

 

I wish I coudl be a cold hearted witch but I can't.  It is killing me that my son is hurting and missing his dad.  what do I do?

What does the noncustodial parent do when he doesnt agree with what the mother is exposing the child too. A recent death in the family has brought up many adult issues that the 3 year old should not have to be exposed to but the mother does not agree. She is asking the child questions regarding what she saw and heard involving the situation. The father knows that she was not exposed to anything regarding the death but now believes that the child has been asked so many questions involving the situation that she has made things up just to give an answer to her mom.

Please help because this is a situation that can only get worse if nothing is done.

 

I am 27 years old now, but my father was a chronic cheater to my mother basically the entirety of a 10 year marriage and was an every other weekend Dad. My mom was pretty much a tell ya straight kind of Mom and at the time they divorced ( I was 6) we had the same type of conversation about him leaving. I found out my Dad had cheated on her when she was in a moment of anger with him...now I understand her being hurt and him doing wrong...but at the time I just saw the fact that my dad hurt my mom and I spent A LOT of time being angry with him about it, especially since there was no one I idolized more than my Daddy. a very short 2 years later my dad was diagnosed with HIV and an even shorter 3 years later he was gone. ( This is not a sob story for me)...I wasted years that I could've spent just enjoying the time I had left but I was too angry, for many reasons. He let me down, but he apologized and explained that just because he was a really bad husband doesn't mean that my Mom did anything wrong. He never ever would put my Mom down infront of me or my sister. My point is....don't ever feel like not telling your kids something like that is wrong you're only extending a very short childhood, by not making them have to deal with a "grown-up" situation. You're town doesn't matter...yeah it sucks to be done wrong like that and have people know about it, but most people aren't brave enough to talk about stuff like that to someone's face most of them will talk behind your back first. All you can do is be honest with your kids in a tender way about it...don't let them see your anger let them see what you've gained from being dragged down like that and rising above it. Do not deny them the possibility of a good relationship with their Dad over past greivances and a child's natural instinct to protect Mommy ( the one they look to for ALL the support)....because you know you're better than that. use this as an opportunity to emphasize what kind of person they want to be looking for, or what you hope they can find in a person so that maybe they can have a happier ending like you would've wanted. After all we all want better for our kids than what we had it right? 

 History.  2 Kids, 18 DS, 16 DD and 2 1/2 DD w/new husband.  My ex has been in and out of jail for the past 2 years due to DUIs, 2 rehabs in the past 2 years.  The latest he just got out 4 weeks ago after a 6 week stint.  The kids have lived w/me full time for at least the past 3 years.  Now, my DD16 has had a change of heart and wants to go live w/the ex every other week.  All of a sudden he's forgive, I"m being treated like the devil incarnate and there you have it.  Today he calls to invite her to go to Mexico over our fall break next week w/some woman he's been dating for the past 2 weeks.  I wasn't even asked about the living arrangement, just told by him that DD wants to live w/him.  He doesn't ask me about the Mexico thing just asks her.  I'm the custodial parent and he's steam rolling me so that he doesn't have to pay child support. It's all about the money. 
I've agreed to let her try living w/him every other week, told her that I'm not for it but given the nature of his absence the past several years I understand that she wants to try it.  I'm definitely not for the Mexico trip.  He'll so have a slip, it's what happened when he went w/his old girlfriend this past spring and she told em it scarred her to be in a foreign country and have him drinking.
Thanks for reading, please post something.  Friends are telling me to tell my daughter no way on living w/the dad, one even went to say that if she wants to not to come back to me, but that's unreasonalbe in my opinion.  Ugh...