Quote From: peanut27I've struggled desperately with my mother's and I relationship. I completely empathize with the daughters on the show, and feel so heartbroken over their situations yet am glad to see I am not alone. My mother was physically and emotionally abusive, beating me weekly and calling me a whore at age 10 (long before I was sexually active), and to this day denies it all. I've become such a disappointment to her, she even denies me as a daughter and never tells me she loves me. I believe personally that I am successful for the most part, having earned advanced degrees and being financially independent and socially well accepted. Most of my girlfriends have healthy relationships with their mother, so it is isolating and difficult to heal from the pain of having such a traumatic childhood. Our relationship in my late 20's has completely degenerated. She refuses to speak to me whatsoever, and we haven't spoken for over a year. Even worse, I am expecting my first child soon. I am reaching out in this blog for some advice. How do you heal such deep childhood scars when the other party will never participate in the process? Thanks for responding.
I am 54 years old, and your story is so much like mine. Just remember that your mother's behavior is about her, not about you! I was beaten everyday my mother had a bad day, and I can tell you she had more bad days than good. I was called every name in the book....even some that I didn't know what they were! You can get better. I won't say that you won't always miss a good relationship with your mother, because you will. I guess it is kind of like a death, and you will mourn for what you never had, but the pain will get less, as time goes on.
I found out that my mother's denial had a lot to do with herself. If she admitted to me that she was responisible for the way she treated me, that would mean that she was a horrible, awful person. She would not take responsibility for what she did to me....it was always somone else's fault or my fault that she beat me, and verbally brow beat me!
It may take your mother years to decide to address this issue....it took mine until I was 40 years old. I forgave her for my sake, but I will never trust her like a daughter should be able to trust her mother. Just like the abusive mother on the show, she is selfish, and her life is ALL about HER! That will never change. At least it hasn't with my mother.
My advice to you is don't waste time waiting for her to come to her senses, because that ball is in her court.
I want you to read every book you can, on being a good mother. You work on being the kind of mother to your child that you would have loved to have. This is what helped me through my pain. I never wanted to hurt my children, the way I was hurt, so I needed all the knowledge I could get. I had to model myself as a mother, because I did not have a good role model.
You can do this...you must do this!
I have to wonderful grown children. I guess the best compliment I got was from my step-mother. Someone said to her with awe, that my daughter is such a good mother. My step-mother said that is because she had such a good mother as a model. That compliment still brings tears of joy to my eyes!
You can do this, sweetie!
My prayers are with you, and if you need anything, let me know!
Cathy
(Original Air Date: 04/03/06) Marri and Jessica both want to confront their mothers, who they say were neglectful and abusive during their childhoods. Marri has put up with her mother, Marilyn's, addiction to crack cocaine for 18 years, and she's ready to shut her mom out of her life for good if she doesn't admit she has a problem and seek help for it. Marilyn says her drug use is the solution, not the problem, and she can be a good mother and still smoke crack. Then, Jessica says she had to care for herself when she was a little girl. Her mother, Deana, was never around, and when she was, she was bringing strange men home for sex. In a ploy for attention, Deana committed her daughter to a mental institution -- three times! Tired of holding in her anger, Jessica demands her mother take responsibility for what she's done. Will these daughters get some emotional closure on their painful childhoods? Share your thoughts here.
