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Topic : 07/17 Mommy Dearest

Number of Replies: 326
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 31, 2006, 12:44:40 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/03/06) Marri and Jessica both want to confront their mothers, who they say were neglectful and abusive during their childhoods. Marri has put up with her mother, Marilyn's, addiction to crack cocaine for 18 years, and she's ready to shut her mom out of her life for good if she doesn't admit she has a problem and seek help for it. Marilyn says her drug use is the solution, not the problem, and she can be a good mother and still smoke crack. Then, Jessica says she had to care for herself when she was a little girl. Her mother, Deana, was never around, and when she was, she was bringing strange men home for sex. In a ploy for attention, Deana committed her daughter to a mental institution -- three times! Tired of holding in her anger, Jessica demands her mother take responsibility for what she's done. Will these daughters get some emotional closure on their painful childhoods? Share your thoughts here.

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April 3, 2006, 1:25 pm CDT

DR. PHIL WALKED ON EGGSHELLS!

During the first segment, I kept waiting for Dr. Phil to do his thing ie:  "TELL IT LIKE IT IS"  to the crack-addicted mother who sat there with her head held high, her chest puffed out, and her righteous attitude exuding - but he never did. 

It seemed to me as though he walked on eggshells with her. 

I was especially disappointed when his advice to the daughter was "perhaps she could visit with the children for an hour a day if she sounded rational"... 

Are you kidding?!!!  She shouldn't be anywhere near those children!!! 

The mother sat there argumentitively, justifying her behavior, while I felt as though Dr. Phil really let her daughter down terribly by not "doing his thing". 

 
April 3, 2006, 1:37 pm CDT

My mom

I wish I could go on these shows and talk to theses people. I lost my mom when I was 19 years old. I feel like the mothers dont fully understand the bond between mother and child...
 
April 3, 2006, 1:37 pm CDT

understood

dear marri, 

  

when i saw you on tv today... it broke my heart. i know everything your going through. but i am so proud of you... i just  want to tell you that. my upbringing was not much different... except mine was with my father. dr. phil was so right.... you need to set yourself apart from this. get it out of your life... i know that will hurt. but you dont have a choice. especially that you have a child. you need some serious "you" time. please give it to yourself. move to any place you would dream of. life can happen anywhere and it can be better. you just need to create that. it seems like you are already on your way there with your masters... i know it sucks to see other people actually have things handed to them.. knowing  that for  the rest of your life if you want  something you will have to get it yourself. but i tell myself everyday that my life is an uphill road. it will be harder than most but at least i have life. what else could i ask for??  

 
April 3, 2006, 1:43 pm CDT

04/03 Mommy Dearest

Quote From: tar723

it seems like the daughter has had a pretty good life, by all appearances, and there are children who blame their parents for everything. my perception of the daughter and the mother is ... the daughter would drive me to drink, for sure. the daughter is manipulating and she should love her mother no matter what, rather than give her an ultimatum - stop or i'm out of your life. i'd say ... goodbye. it is not her daughters business what her mother chooses to do. she seems like a pretty decent person ... except .... OMG! she smokes crack. i wouldn't touch it myself, but hey, if you can't handle your drugs, don't do them. legal or not.   

  

i find it interesting that people accept prescribed drugs that change people, cause problems, etc. one example would be for someone to be prescribed medicinal marijuana (@ $3,000 per 30-day supply - marinol - i think), as opposed to smoking illegal marijuana. it is acceptable to pay up the nose for a "legal" prescription, and acceptable to be prosecuted for smoking marijuana.  

  

bottom line. people are who they are, drugs are only a part of them, part of the consequences of who they are. if i took a prescribed drug for ... let's say ... mental disease and sat on a couch all day long because the drug make me that way, it's okay. i know somebody like that. but it's okay. it's been prescribed by a doctor - this drug, that drug, let's see if this one works. 

  

in this particular case, it appears to me the mother is medicating herself appropriately, for her. i think the rest of the world should mind their own business. and the daughter can live with her choice to disown her mother.  

I find it interesting that you compare crack and marijuana...and then you compare crack and drugs for people with mental problems.

Apples and oranges...apples and dogs.
 
April 3, 2006, 1:43 pm CDT

04/03 Mommy Dearest

Quote From: krueger

Your remarks are obsurd! How can you say "the daughter would drive me to drink, for sure"? While you might blame your own child for such a thing, it is NEVER the child's responsibilty! It is your own responsibility. A child does not MAKE their parent do anything! 

  

You also said: "she should love her mother no matter what, rather than give her an ultimatum." Hello! Who is the mother and who is the daughter here? The mother should love her children enough not to expose them to such things! 

I totally agree with you!?!?!    

  

 
April 3, 2006, 1:48 pm CDT

04/03 Mommy Dearest

Quote From: loopdlu212

During the first segment, I kept waiting for Dr. Phil to do his thing ie:  "TELL IT LIKE IT IS"  to the crack-addicted mother who sat there with her head held high, her chest puffed out, and her righteous attitude exuding - but he never did. 

It seemed to me as though he walked on eggshells with her. 

I was especially disappointed when his advice to the daughter was "perhaps she could visit with the children for an hour a day if she sounded rational"... 

Are you kidding?!!!  She shouldn't be anywhere near those children!!! 

The mother sat there argumentitively, justifying her behavior, while I felt as though Dr. Phil really let her daughter down terribly by not "doing his thing". 

I said this in a different topic, but it applies here too. Just because this woman shares DNA with these kids doesn't mean the relationship isn't harmful.

I like Dr Phil but he has too much of an attatchment on DNA. It's completely arbitrary. Maybe it's because I'm an atheist and I don't believe that there is a spiritual connection between people. This woman has nothing to offer these kids other then her DNA linkage. What value does that honestly have? NONE!
 
April 3, 2006, 1:53 pm CDT

To Amber

Quote From: amberb

I wish I could go on these shows and talk to theses people. I lost my mom when I was 19 years old. I feel like the mothers dont fully understand the bond between mother and child...

I am so sorry that you lost your mom, and so young. You are right too - some people just don't understand. I hope it doesn't take a loss like yours for them to come around. 

  

God bless you, Amber! 

 
April 3, 2006, 1:57 pm CDT

For Marri

Marri, 

  

I wanted you to know my childhood was extremely similar to yours. I too was pulling  pot seeds for my mom and bagging weed at 5. Eventually it turned into big ziplocs of cocaine. Unlike you I went down the wrong path. I started doing drugs with my mother at 19 and did for many, many years. Fortunately I started therapy during my divorce and it probably saved my life. I havn't spoken to my mom or drank or done drugs for 3 months now. I am trying to forgive myself for wasting so much of my life. One thing my therapist has made me realize is that both my parents were extremely self-absorbed, (they divorced when I was 1), so I married a self-absorbed man, an alcoholic. I also put up with him for 7 years!  

  

Marri, I know what it is like to yearn for your parents to love you and to tell you just once they are proud of you. It  drains your self-esteem but hopefully you and I will be able to overcome it one day. 

  

Sincerely, 

Veronica 

 
April 3, 2006, 2:00 pm CDT

04/03 Mommy Dearest

 While i feel  sorry for marry, i don't for jessica.  i think there's more to the story than what we all heard.  my own daughter was treated very nicely and lacked for nothing when she was growing up.  all i asked of her was to not inconvenience me so that i could get to work on time and when it looked like she was not going to do this, i did yell at her, which moved her to do what i asked.  she got presents whether it was her birthday or not.  i was sickly myself and did bring a gentleman home from time to time to ease my sorrows.  i never did drugs.  i simply could not keep up with her at times and she would get herself into trouble which she later and still to this day blames me for.  i could not imprison her so that she would keep out of trouble, but that would have been the only option  as my thyroid disease kept me from keeping up with her.  my daughter says i never gave her enough love either, but she wouldn't let me.  if she didn't get her way in everything, she would "punish" me by not giving me hugs and that's the way it had to be because i was not gonna let her push my buttons that way.
 
April 3, 2006, 2:02 pm CDT

Reply to mamaboan/Mommy Dearest

Quote From: mamaboan

I am too sad to say that your story today of the mother drug addict,once again is a mirrored story of my daughters life.I am raising her three children here because of her drug/aclohol addictions.these children could tell many sad ,horrifiying stories of what they lived in,lived through,prior to coming to live with us.We have not seen my daughter in over 19 months,when she calls,she is either high  and crazy or totally depressed and crazy.My husband and I have given up our life to see that these children have a safe,happy,secure,loved life without the dangers of drug addicts around.Sure the children are sad that their parents love drugs more than them but at least they know now they are safe and loved.My oldest granddaughter tells me she not only lost her mama,she lost her grandma,me,because i have to be her mama.so much sadness is involved when people choose to live this way,as Dr. phil just said, the scarring last a life time,not just for the children but for me,my daughters mama.Five years ago my husband and I had secure jobs, a secure bank account and looking forward to these days when we could be a couple doing things in our middleaged years,now we are parents all over again and the bank account is gone,Nevertheless, I would not take anything for the opportunity to give these children a new life, its just hard going to bed at night knowing my daughter is out there doing drugs all the time,at any cost.

I fully understand what you and your spouse are going through.  My brother and sister in law (at age 57) have had to take legal guardianship of their 3 grandchildren since their daughter got caught up in the drug scene and decided she no longer wanted to be a mom to her 3 children. (they have no idea where she is or has been the past 4 mths) They, too,  (brother and wife of 38 years) were looking forward to doing all of the nice things they EARNED after being married all those years and having very good jobs,  and a nice nest egg.....but now are starting all over raising 3 children.   

  

If I would ever find my niece I would like to ask her why she felt that it was ok to abandon 3 children and to just assume her Mom and Dad would take on this task of raising 3 more children.  My brother and his wife were the ideal family role model parents.  ALWAYS involved in their daughters school activities, their sports, etc.  They ensured their daughters were living a nice life and kept God involved in their life, while giving them a loving, spiritual, emotional, healthy life.....and this is how she takes on the responsibility of her own children? 

But, as you and your husband have mentioned above, he and  my sister in law will do all within their means to give these 3 children a good life with love, huggs, save, secure and as happy as they can make it for them.   

  

I have asked all of my friends who know my brother to keep him and his wife in their nightly prayers, because he has to keep working and keep his health great for the next 9 years.  (that is when the youngest one will turn 18)  I will keep you in my prayers want to say to you, "YOU ARE A VERY SUPER GRANDMA AND GRANDPA and MAY GOD BLESS YOU TENFOLD" 

 
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