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Topic : 07/17 Mommy Dearest

Number of Replies: 326
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 31, 2006, 12:44:40 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/03/06) Marri and Jessica both want to confront their mothers, who they say were neglectful and abusive during their childhoods. Marri has put up with her mother, Marilyn's, addiction to crack cocaine for 18 years, and she's ready to shut her mom out of her life for good if she doesn't admit she has a problem and seek help for it. Marilyn says her drug use is the solution, not the problem, and she can be a good mother and still smoke crack. Then, Jessica says she had to care for herself when she was a little girl. Her mother, Deana, was never around, and when she was, she was bringing strange men home for sex. In a ploy for attention, Deana committed her daughter to a mental institution -- three times! Tired of holding in her anger, Jessica demands her mother take responsibility for what she's done. Will these daughters get some emotional closure on their painful childhoods? Share your thoughts here.

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April 3, 2006, 2:03 pm CDT

2 shots at childhood

It's sad these two young women got into the wrong parent line, I did as well.    

All I could do with that was make sure my future babies didn't get into the wrong parent line.  When I was 2, my mother beat me with a fly swatter because she said I was too clingy.  She siad that cleared the problem right up. She hasn't spoken a word to me in 11 years now.  She got raised broke, so she turned around and broke me.  I had my 2 year old run to me for a hug, and I imagined picking up a fly swatter and beating that trust and love right out of her and I felt so incredibly sorry for myself!  For me personally, the best way to heal my hurt is to provide the childhoodl for my child that I deserved for myself.    

 
April 3, 2006, 2:16 pm CDT

Sick

After watching today's show, I am sickened and saddened by the low life, loser mothers who tried to defend themselves after being such awful parents.  You could tell that Marilyn was either high on the show, or has just done so many drugs that her brain is permanently scrambled; in my opinion, Marri needs to cut off all communications with her mother (which is easier said than done, I know).  Marilyn cannot be trusted, and absolutely does not deserve to have any part of her daughter's or granchildren's lives.  Marri seems like a wonderful woman, and owes it to herself to have a wonderful life exclusive of her crack head mother.   

  

Deana and Jessica's situation really struck a nerve with me; I absolutely cannot fathom the hell that Jessica has gone through.  First of all, Deana's mom was on the show, and I'm wondering why in the world she did not manage to get full custody of Jessica when she was younger.  Not that I blame Jessica's grandmother, but she watched all of this go on, and I feel that she could have stepped up a little more during all of those years.  Deana does not deserve one ounce of her daughter's attention, and although Dr. Phil was fairly hard on Deana, I wish he would have given Jessica the same advice that he did Marri (cutting off communications, etc).  Putting your child into a mental institution?  Bringing men home for sex and drugs?  Not taking care of her in any capacity, physically or emotionally?  I saw no sincerity in that pathetic- excuse- for- a- mother's face, and I see no reason for Jessica to continue to leave it to her mother to heal her wounds.  Hopefully Jessica can heal from other sources and move on, because she would be so much better off without this cancer in her life. 

  

Today, I am so thankful for the people I have in my life, especially my mother.  Parents are supposed to not only take care of their children, but also protect them from harm; these mothers today have not only failed to take care of their daughters, but have also been the source of all of their pain and harm.  I can't wait until I have children, when I will hopefully be the complete opposite type of mother that we have seen today on Dr. Phil.  I love you, mom! 

 
April 3, 2006, 2:17 pm CDT

04/03 Mommy Dearest

Quote From: ruca555

dear marri, 

  

when i saw you on tv today... it broke my heart. i know everything your going through. but i am so proud of you... i just  want to tell you that. my upbringing was not much different... except mine was with my father. dr. phil was so right.... you need to set yourself apart from this. get it out of your life... i know that will hurt. but you dont have a choice. especially that you have a child. you need some serious "you" time. please give it to yourself. move to any place you would dream of. life can happen anywhere and it can be better. you just need to create that. it seems like you are already on your way there with your masters... i know it sucks to see other people actually have things handed to them.. knowing  that for  the rest of your life if you want  something you will have to get it yourself. but i tell myself everyday that my life is an uphill road. it will be harder than most but at least i have life. what else could i ask for??  

I think the daughter has put up with enough from her mother sometimes in life it is very necessary to just walk away and never return the mother keeps calling her back as well as the grandmother one person can only do so much and be hurt so many times I have gone to a preacher and asked the same question honer thy mother and father only goes so far and a mother can brake that and the sounds of this this mother broke that when she was a child and she has made herself a woman with no help from the so called mother figure she had in her life and she should hold her head up for her and her children everyday and be as proud as she can be.She made something of her self and shes no worthless drug addict  looking for someone to blame. They always look for someone to blame and honey you don't have to be her flunky any longer you are a self sufficent women and having this kinda mother you do not need trust be i have been right where you are and i have had to make alot of the same decisions  it's hard but living with the feeling of blame is harder.  i wish you all the luck in the world .  

 
April 3, 2006, 2:21 pm CDT

perhaps I was a "Mommy Dearest"?

 I still go 'round&'round w/ my youngest daughter about mistakes I made. I try not to get caught up in justifications, I have told her that I made mistakes, I am sorry and I love her very much. I am grateful that we both want and strive for a better relationship, but I worry that it seems like so much "lip service". I do know that I  made decisions based on hard consideration and information I had at the time, but they were not in the end always the best. Other decisions I made were simply wrong and there are no excuses or any good way to spin those desicions! What struck me about Jessica's mother was her STILL wanting to be the victim!  While I was young&stupid too, I am NOT now and just as it was always MY place to be there for my girls, it still is up to me to amend, atone, and generally simply make them know that but for them and the grace of God, go I............  I hope Jessica's mom gets that and acts on it soon because it is never too late until it is etched on stone.
 
April 3, 2006, 2:21 pm CDT

I can totally relate with Jessica's story

  

     The story about Jessica, it was a similar circumstances, except there is 3 of us children involved.  I do understand the way Jessica comes out to be towards her mother I don't blame her.  But unlike Jessica, has much has i wish I could be headstrong with my mother, it is still to this day hard to be cold towards her.  Because I always put my mother a head of my own needs no matter the consequences, cause I taught my mother was the best there was till I finally grew up and realize what was really going on. and above all I still would do anything to understand why My mother is the way she is towards me today. I am almost 27 in May, still I battle with these???>?>marks why?how?where? what did I do to you?To deserve this?  And now I am afraid to what me and my siblings went trough. That now my nephews,twins almost 2 and nephew turning 6years old are going to go trough, maybe not in the same way that I did because I know that my brothers love their children, but no child deserves to go trough life the way I did . Likely like Jessica, became the person  she is today because she did it on her own, not to repeat the same mistakes that her mother made.  So on this note, all we can do is help and do the best we can, so that when we do have children, that they can look up to us and be proud. 

 
April 3, 2006, 2:21 pm CDT

From a broken family

My mom and brother are both recovering drug addicts (crack and cocaine). My mom has been clean for 18 years or so, my brother for about a year and a half. I am very proud of this because I know the stuggle it was for both of them to get clean. I saw the drug abuse in my home daily for a very long time. I know what the signes are and I know what a person on crack cocaine acts like. The woman on the show today said that she can smoke crack and still be a good mom. I disagree completely. My mom wasn't part of my life because of her drug use, and if she ever relapsed and was back on drugs, I would take my children and walk away. Same thing with my brother. But I also know what it took to get my mom and brother clean. My mom lost her kids, her family, and all of her friends before she got cleaned up. My brother lost his son, his freedom and his family before he got clean. I understand that you have to hit bottom before you realize what it has done to your life, but on the same hand, you can't hit bottom with your family craddling you in their arms telling you it is all okay. NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR YOU. You have to do it yourself. I don't think that this woman will clean up her act and live drug free until she loses something as valuable as her daughter. And if she doesn't get clean then, than the daughter (and her kids) are better off elsewhere.  

 
April 3, 2006, 2:22 pm CDT

What about fathers???

I am writing in regards to my significant other. He is an alcholic and he is ruining my family's lives. We have been together for 15 years and we have three children together, ages 11, 8, & 5. He lets them down alot. He has promised to quit drinking so many times, I can't even tell you. Each time, however, it is just another lie to get the children off his back. I am at my wits end. I can not keep letting my children go through this, but we all love him very much. I keep asking myself, would you leave him if he had cancer? I know it is not exactly the same, however, they are both a disease... My children often tell me that we should either move out, or kick dad out. I just don't understand how he manages to miss all the damage he is doing to our wonderful children. When he is not drinking and lying, he is a great father who does alot with our children. I wish I knew how to get him to see what he is doing to all of us. He tells me that he does not have a problem, but it is me with the problem.. He says I am a control freak! I tell him, "that is why our children are in counsiling, because I am a control freak!!" I don't think so!!!!! They can't understand why their father continues to chose his drinking over them and our family. It is crazy here, either we are getting along ok, or we are fighting!! I am not sure why I am still here, except that we love him and we keep hoping that he will quit!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel for all of you who are in the same boat. Be strong, we will survive.
 
April 3, 2006, 2:25 pm CDT

tar723/Mommy Dearest

Quote From: tar723

it seems like the daughter has had a pretty good life, by all appearances, and there are children who blame their parents for everything. my perception of the daughter and the mother is ... the daughter would drive me to drink, for sure. the daughter is manipulating and she should love her mother no matter what, rather than give her an ultimatum - stop or i'm out of your life. i'd say ... goodbye. it is not her daughters business what her mother chooses to do. she seems like a pretty decent person ... except .... OMG! she smokes crack. i wouldn't touch it myself, but hey, if you can't handle your drugs, don't do them. legal or not.   

  

i find it interesting that people accept prescribed drugs that change people, cause problems, etc. one example would be for someone to be prescribed medicinal marijuana (@ $3,000 per 30-day supply - marinol - i think), as opposed to smoking illegal marijuana. it is acceptable to pay up the nose for a "legal" prescription, and acceptable to be prosecuted for smoking marijuana.  

  

bottom line. people are who they are, drugs are only a part of them, part of the consequences of who they are. if i took a prescribed drug for ... let's say ... mental disease and sat on a couch all day long because the drug make me that way, it's okay. i know somebody like that. but it's okay. it's been prescribed by a doctor - this drug, that drug, let's see if this one works. 

  

in this particular case, it appears to me the mother is medicating herself appropriately, for her. i think the rest of the world should mind their own business. and the daughter can live with her choice to disown her mother.  

To say your way of thinking is kind of out there is putting it midly.  How can Marri have a good life when: 

  

1.)  Her mother is a crack head and ADMITS she was 

2.)  Child was home alone many times - This is the mothers JOB to make sure her children are fed, have a roof over their head, are loved and are SAFE 

3.)  Her brother has a record of jail time, drugs, etc. 

  

There is no law that states you should love the human who gave you life.  Any female body can give life, but that does NOT make you a mother.  It is everyone's business when the mother's behavior, habits or lifestyle AFFECTS the other lives she is responsible for.   

  

Marri's mother CHOOSES to take the crack.  The mother you described in your post as taking a "prescribed" drug for a mental disease and sits on a couch all day, did not CHOOSE to be afflicted with the disease.  Yes, I too, had a father who was bipolar with maniac depression, but I tried to understand it was a disease he did not want or ask for. 

  

We, the rest of the world are NOT GOING TO MIND OUR OWN BUSINESS.  We, care about the well being of children.  We will report people like Marilyn who mistreat their children.  We will testify against people like her.  We will ensure children of these types of parents are not allowed to parent innocent lives and to destroy more Marri's in the world. 

  

And just food for thought....WHY WHY WHY......do women like Marilyn lay down and have sexual intercourse and get pregnant when they know they really don't want to be bothered with the true sacrifices it takes to be a loving giving caring parent.  Get your tubes tied, use the depo shot, but QUIT HAVING BABIES!!!  It is obvious from her time on Dr Phil, Marilyn really has no use in the past, present or future for children or grandchildren.   

  

I commend Marri for what life she had growing up, to be this close to obtaining her master's.  How many children from the kind of home life she has had can say that???   

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

 
April 3, 2006, 2:27 pm CDT

04/03 Mommy Dearest

    Dr. Phil keeps saying to give yourself the love you wished you received.  Does anyone understand what he means?   I wish he would explain what he means on the show
 
April 3, 2006, 2:39 pm CDT

no good mothers

I have a mother that  was and still is to this day emotionally,physically, and verbally abusive. She hit me, called me names, and never once in the 28yrs. of my life has told me that she loved me. I was the first in the family to graduate high school and college. She didn't show up at neither event. She dropped me off at the hospital when I was having my first child. Instead of her being there when I was going thru bad relationships, she talked bad about me to other people. My father wasn't better because he was sexually abusing me from age 6 to 12 every night. She doesn't even know it. She always pushed me away and never talked to me so I didn't tell. Neither of them have acknowledged what they have done or said they are sorry.  I feel Jessica and Marri"s pain. I feel their anger. I am on their side. I can relate to what they are saying and how they feel. I am proud they had the courage to come on the show. These beautiful young ladies are helping people like me all over the world.
 
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