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Topic : 07/03 "I Want My Ex Back"

Number of Replies: 260
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Created on : Friday, March 31, 2006, 12:46:27 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/04/06) Have you ever called it quits and then decided you wanted your ex back? Amber's divorce from her husband of 10 years, Duane, is almost final, but she wonders if she's making the right choice. Is Duane willing to change and meet some of Amber's demands? Should Amber tear up the papers and let Duane move back in? Then, Scott and Erin have been married, divorced, reconciled, engaged and are now separated again. He wants her to come home and raise their children together, but she says she doesn't know how she could ever love him again. What's behind the conflict in this marriage, and can they resolve it and reignite their romance? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 4, 2006, 1:41 pm CDT

I was wondering that myself....

Quote From: judyblue22

Uggh! How in the world did Scott ever convince anyone that he should have custody of the children?!  He doesn't care about them except as tools to use against his ex.  He must be a heartless father.  I can't imagine ever screwing around with my children's lives like that.  It's bad enough that the marriage failed but for goodness sake, please consider the best interest of the children before refusing to let them participate in their extended family gatherings!

People like Scott make my skin crawl. It's obvious he doesn't care about anyone or anything except getting what he wants. Gee, why not come right out and blackmail her into going back with you....blech!!!  I don't think that people that behave the way he does have any clue as to how unappealing they are.  

  

You could tell how pissed off he was because Dr. Phil found fault with him. <g> Typical. He seems controlling and will probably make her "pay" for "making him look bad". 

 
April 4, 2006, 1:42 pm CDT

Yup!

Quote From: werewolf

 Ok, Duane does need to grow up a little.  What really concerned me was the fact that Dr. Phil didn't take Amber to task at all!  Her behaviour is extremely controlling and vicious!  Amber is what I was a little over a year ago, a bitching, controlling wife finding fault with everything her husband does in order for her to feel like a big shot.  I nearly destroyed my own marriage with this very destructive attitude and behaviour.  I felt as though everything I did was right and that my husband was too immature to make the "right" (ie. MY) choices.   Eventually, it all came to a head and he outright confronted me about and told me "look, I love you with all my heart, but you can't keep controlling me like this.  I'm not a child, I'm a grown man.  I don't need another mother.  I can't be with you as a partner if you keep treating me with this disrespect."  I got very angry but that's because I knew he was right.  I didn't trust him to make the choices I would make.  I knew I had to get this attitude in check in order to keep him.  He never did anything to make me distrust him and I felt sick to my stomach knowing I was treating him like this.  It took time, but I learned to let him go and not try to control him.  He stood by me through it all and helped me become the person I am today.  Now, I am no longer suspicious, angry all the time, or suffering from stomach upset due to stress.  I have seen firsthand that he makes good choices on his own.  I made the mistake of treating him like a child rather than a partner.  Our marriage is fantastic now and I can say that I no longer feel the "need" to control him.  It's wonderful.

Amber needs to stop acting like this if she expects to be in a relationship with ANYONE.  Duane is not the only one who will get tired of putting up with her controlling behaviour.  She will inevitably repeat this same mistake over and over, blaming each of her mates for HER problem.
You don't marry a man with the anticipation of  "fixing" him.  You accept him, flaws and all.  If you can't, don't marry him.  He may decide to change, and if he does, support him.  If he doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it.  Take a good look at yourself on that tape Amber.  It's not a pretty display.
I COMPLETELY agree! He may need to grow up, agreed. She, however, is way to controlling. I used to be the same way and my husband acted like him. It's not fair to either of them or their kids for them to get a divorce without at least resolving their issues first. She'll just do the same to another man. No man will ever live up to her standards.
 
April 4, 2006, 1:44 pm CDT

04/04 "I Want My Ex Back"

Quote From: werewolf

 Ok, Duane does need to grow up a little.  What really concerned me was the fact that Dr. Phil didn't take Amber to task at all!  Her behaviour is extremely controlling and vicious!  Amber is what I was a little over a year ago, a bitching, controlling wife finding fault with everything her husband does in order for her to feel like a big shot.  I nearly destroyed my own marriage with this very destructive attitude and behaviour.  I felt as though everything I did was right and that my husband was too immature to make the "right" (ie. MY) choices.   Eventually, it all came to a head and he outright confronted me about and told me "look, I love you with all my heart, but you can't keep controlling me like this.  I'm not a child, I'm a grown man.  I don't need another mother.  I can't be with you as a partner if you keep treating me with this disrespect."  I got very angry but that's because I knew he was right.  I didn't trust him to make the choices I would make.  I knew I had to get this attitude in check in order to keep him.  He never did anything to make me distrust him and I felt sick to my stomach knowing I was treating him like this.  It took time, but I learned to let him go and not try to control him.  He stood by me through it all and helped me become the person I am today.  Now, I am no longer suspicious, angry all the time, or suffering from stomach upset due to stress.  I have seen firsthand that he makes good choices on his own.  I made the mistake of treating him like a child rather than a partner.  Our marriage is fantastic now and I can say that I no longer feel the "need" to control him.  It's wonderful.

Amber needs to stop acting like this if she expects to be in a relationship with ANYONE.  Duane is not the only one who will get tired of putting up with her controlling behaviour.  She will inevitably repeat this same mistake over and over, blaming each of her mates for HER problem.
You don't marry a man with the anticipation of  "fixing" him.  You accept him, flaws and all.  If you can't, don't marry him.  He may decide to change, and if he does, support him.  If he doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it.  Take a good look at yourself on that tape Amber.  It's not a pretty display.
 I agree, I am glad somone else could see through it all....
 
April 4, 2006, 1:49 pm CDT

Oh My God!

All I can say is that Scott is soooooo lucky that the mother of his children is a sane and rational human being, does he realize that mothers have killed their former partners for less? What a control freak.......as far as visitation rules.....court orders set them up as a GUIDELINE that isn't meant to be rigid, the children need BOTH parents......lets see some flexibility for crying outloud. Just remember Scott, your children may not understand the way you are treating their mother now but kids have the tendancy to grow up and realize the truth for themselves and when they do, what WILL they think of you and your part in placing road blocks in the relationship with their mother? All I can say is I feel the most for the children involved in such an awful situation.
 
April 4, 2006, 1:55 pm CDT

scared to do anything

i just dont know what to do.My husband of 11 years is addicted to internet porn and does not have sex with me anymore even though i am in great shape and really want it with him.i recently found out that he was instant messaging a 23 year old girl from one of his accounts and has been lying to me about who she was.it turns out he has been lying to me about alot of things over the years and has created elaborate stories to tell me so i would believe the lies.he has promised me on numerous occasions that he would stop lying.looking at porn and talking to the 23 year old.i have caught him doing all this and more many times.this time i have told him to move out if he doesnt stop.he has started going to a therapist for his addictions and i have as well.i still dont know what to do,however,because i cant seem to trust him or believe him about anything.the therapist tells me i need to make a decision.i still have hope that our marriage can be saved.we have no children.i consider him my best friend,as i can rely on him for alot.i just cant keep living with a person i cant trust.
 
April 4, 2006, 2:00 pm CDT

Amber, don't go back!!

Kick Mr. Mohawk-multiple ear piercings to the curb!   

  

It's apparent to me that Duane doesn't wasn't a wife.....he wants his *toys* more, which is evident by the way he responsed once the divorce papers were filed.  13K on a motorcycle?  How about putting that 13K in a college fund for your 3 kids?   

  

Duane thinks about Duane and only Duane....the kids don't matter, the wife doesn't matter, what Duane wants Duane goes and buys, come heck or high water.   

  

Let him look at his porn, ride his motorcycle, you're better off without having such a self-centered jerk as a husband.   

 
April 4, 2006, 2:04 pm CDT

04/04 "I Want My Ex Back"

Quote From: werewolf

 Ok, Duane does need to grow up a little.  What really concerned me was the fact that Dr. Phil didn't take Amber to task at all!  Her behaviour is extremely controlling and vicious!  Amber is what I was a little over a year ago, a bitching, controlling wife finding fault with everything her husband does in order for her to feel like a big shot.  I nearly destroyed my own marriage with this very destructive attitude and behaviour.  I felt as though everything I did was right and that my husband was too immature to make the "right" (ie. MY) choices.   Eventually, it all came to a head and he outright confronted me about and told me "look, I love you with all my heart, but you can't keep controlling me like this.  I'm not a child, I'm a grown man.  I don't need another mother.  I can't be with you as a partner if you keep treating me with this disrespect."  I got very angry but that's because I knew he was right.  I didn't trust him to make the choices I would make.  I knew I had to get this attitude in check in order to keep him.  He never did anything to make me distrust him and I felt sick to my stomach knowing I was treating him like this.  It took time, but I learned to let him go and not try to control him.  He stood by me through it all and helped me become the person I am today.  Now, I am no longer suspicious, angry all the time, or suffering from stomach upset due to stress.  I have seen firsthand that he makes good choices on his own.  I made the mistake of treating him like a child rather than a partner.  Our marriage is fantastic now and I can say that I no longer feel the "need" to control him.  It's wonderful.

Amber needs to stop acting like this if she expects to be in a relationship with ANYONE.  Duane is not the only one who will get tired of putting up with her controlling behaviour.  She will inevitably repeat this same mistake over and over, blaming each of her mates for HER problem.
You don't marry a man with the anticipation of  "fixing" him.  You accept him, flaws and all.  If you can't, don't marry him.  He may decide to change, and if he does, support him.  If he doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it.  Take a good look at yourself on that tape Amber.  It's not a pretty display.

werewolf do you have the habbit of repeating yourself  

  

mamwolf 

 
April 4, 2006, 2:12 pm CDT

My ex and his ex

I met my now ex, who is also the father of my 10wk old son, just over a year ago through mutual friends.  We started dating, and a month later, found out I was pregnant.  We decided to go through with the pregnancy, and discussed our relationship and our future, which I thought would be together because at the time, he told me he wanted it to work as much as I did.  I knew I had fallen in love with him after about three months, when I was about 10wks pregnant.  I loved everything about him, and we had a great freindship.  I knew he had been divorced from his ex-wife for about a year and a half, and that he still talked to her on ocassion.  She filed for divorce behind his back after cheating on him multiple times, and after going through marriage counseling, where he says, she blamed everything on him that went wrong with their relationship.  Even after she moved the new boyfriend and his daughter into the house they used to share, he continued sleeping with her for almost a year after their divorce.  He told me at one point after a heated discussion about her, because I didn't and still don't understand why he talks to her, that he was still in love with her.  Like an idiot in love, I stayed with him because he said he wanted to work on things with us and make our relationship work.  When I was seven months pregnant, he broke up with me, all for reasons that had to do with him, and the issues he has with his ex.  Whenever she calls, he answers, and has now begun spending time with her (she is now single, has been since November).  He said that nothing that had to do with her influenced our relationship, and that he didn't want to get back together with her, this was when he broke up with me.  The reasons he gave for not being able to be with me were that I was jealous, insecure, and posessive - well, of course, look at the relationship he's had with her, why wouldn't I be all those things, especially seing as how I love this man, and he's the father of my son.  He has stopped coming to see his son, has bought anything for him, and won't answer my calls, although I have not tried to contact him in over a week, and it all started when I found out about him and his ex, through a mutual friend.  I don't understand how he could walk away from me and his son, when all I ever wanted was to be with him, and be a family.  I am truly devestated, and brokenhearted.  I do the best I can each day to not think about him, and how much it hurts, but I just wonder, will he ever realize that she doesn't care about him the way that I do, and that even after two years of being divorced, she still has the ability to keep him at her beck and call.  Why does he still care for her, and why does she do it to him?  It hurts so much to know that he walked out on me for no good reason, and now has walked out on his son, for her.
 
April 4, 2006, 2:13 pm CDT

need help

hi  im 22 years old and me and my husband have been spilt up for 6 months and i really want him back and he don't want to get back together what should i do ? I know he still loves me and i still love him . After we split he found out i cheated on him and now im going to have a baby in about 8 weeks and not sure if its his are not. He says its not his.THat was not the reason we spilt till he found out than really didn't want me back if i could turn back time i would .I feel like he is not giveing this time to be fix are to give me a 2nd go round what shold i do
 
April 4, 2006, 2:20 pm CDT

to amber

you need to get rid of this guy.  Watching you on the show broke my heart, and there was a moment when i saw you realize that you need to move on. This man is who he is, you deserve and will have, so much more in the future. good luck, cheryl
 
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