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April 4, 2006, 3:32 pm PDT
save yourself
Quote From: bellusklmI met my now ex, who is also the father of my 10wk old son, just over a year ago through mutual friends. We started dating, and a month later, found out I was pregnant. We decided to go through with the pregnancy, and discussed our relationship and our future, which I thought would be together because at the time, he told me he wanted it to work as much as I did. I knew I had fallen in love with him after about three months, when I was about 10wks pregnant. I loved everything about him, and we had a great freindship. I knew he had been divorced from his ex-wife for about a year and a half, and that he still talked to her on ocassion. She filed for divorce behind his back after cheating on him multiple times, and after going through marriage counseling, where he says, she blamed everything on him that went wrong with their relationship. Even after she moved the new boyfriend and his daughter into the house they used to share, he continued sleeping with her for almost a year after their divorce. He told me at one point after a heated discussion about her, because I didn't and still don't understand why he talks to her, that he was still in love with her. Like an idiot in love, I stayed with him because he said he wanted to work on things with us and make our relationship work. When I was seven months pregnant, he broke up with me, all for reasons that had to do with him, and the issues he has with his ex. Whenever she calls, he answers, and has now begun spending time with her (she is now single, has been since November). He said that nothing that had to do with her influenced our relationship, and that he didn't want to get back together with her, this was when he broke up with me. The reasons he gave for not being able to be with me were that I was jealous, insecure, and posessive - well, of course, look at the relationship he's had with her, why wouldn't I be all those things, especially seing as how I love this man, and he's the father of my son. He has stopped coming to see his son, has bought anything for him, and won't answer my calls, although I have not tried to contact him in over a week, and it all started when I found out about him and his ex, through a mutual friend. I don't understand how he could walk away from me and his son, when all I ever wanted was to be with him, and be a family. I am truly devestated, and brokenhearted. I do the best I can each day to not think about him, and how much it hurts, but I just wonder, will he ever realize that she doesn't care about him the way that I do, and that even after two years of being divorced, she still has the ability to keep him at her beck and call. Why does he still care for her, and why does she do it to him? It hurts so much to know that he walked out on me for no good reason, and now has walked out on his son, for her. It's sad to say, and I'm very sorry to hear your story. You unwittingly got caught up in a situation with a man who was not free, not emotionally. I'm glad you have a son, as the years go by, you will be so amazed as you learn from him what love truly is. I'v been a single mom for 18 years, and you will never know anything as brilliant as the love and bond you two will share. Right now I imagine the pain you are going through must feel almost unbearable, I'm sure you think of him, and her, constantly, please don't let the pain immobilize you. I know it's easy for someone to say, but I can tell you that I have lived through pain like yours, and there is a definite light at the end of the tunell. I promise you that in time, it will hurt alot less, and though I'm sure your self-esteem and self-worth is in the toilet righr now, it won't remain there. Do not be a victim. You had no control over the choices he has made, but you do have control over the choices you make for yourself and your son. A few tips that seem to make difficult times easier for me... act like the lady i'm sure you are. Even though your heart is broken now, behave in a way that will leave you with no regrets. Try to remind yourself that you will not always feel this pain, and try your best not to carry the baggage you are sure to have from this experience into your next relationship, as I can tell you as well from my own experiences, that is a huge mistake. When my girlfriends are going through a breakup, or myself, I always have a few comments to put things into perspective. First, I know it sounds like I could be trivializing things, but I'm not... really think about what I'm going to say... You made a mistake. You picked the wrong guy. Oh well. You simply made a mistake. Another thing... What is the worst thing that could possibly happen in this situation,...on one hand, the worst thing has already happened, on the other hand, you don't strike me as a woman who could spend her life with a man without common sense, without good decision making skills. We are all so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and there are in fact some wounds that time does heal, and you will find that this is one of them. You will go on, you will hold your head high, I hope you will remind yourself that his actions have nothing to do with you. He had no business starting a relationship with you, and if I were you I'd probebly be angry about this, but unfortunatly, it is what it is, and now you need to forgive, probebly mostly yourself, as we all tend to be hardest on ourselves, and live, and breathe, and love your self, and your son.
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(Original Air Date: 04/04/06) Have you ever called it quits and then decided you wanted your ex back? Amber's divorce from her husband of 10 years, Duane, is almost final, but she wonders if she's making the right choice. Is Duane willing to change and meet some of Amber's demands? Should Amber tear up the papers and let Duane move back in? Then, Scott and Erin have been married, divorced, reconciled, engaged and are now separated again. He wants her to come home and raise their children together, but she says she doesn't know how she could ever love him again. What's behind the conflict in this marriage, and can they resolve it and reignite their romance? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
