Message Boards

Topic : 07/03 "I Want My Ex Back"

Number of Replies: 261
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, March 31, 2006, 12:46:27 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/04/06) Have you ever called it quits and then decided you wanted your ex back? Amber's divorce from her husband of 10 years, Duane, is almost final, but she wonders if she's making the right choice. Is Duane willing to change and meet some of Amber's demands? Should Amber tear up the papers and let Duane move back in? Then, Scott and Erin have been married, divorced, reconciled, engaged and are now separated again. He wants her to come home and raise their children together, but she says she doesn't know how she could ever love him again. What's behind the conflict in this marriage, and can they resolve it and reignite their romance? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More July 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
April 4, 2006, 8:11 pm PDT

04/04 "I Want My Ex Back"

Quote From: blueyes85

Dr.Phil has said this before and I agree with him 100% 

Children would rather grow up in a happy home than a broken home. 

I am sure your children would not like to grow up with a mother and father who are unhappily married. Not to mention you guys are what eventially they will grow up to look for. I mean like eventually when they start looking to settle down you guys are the role models for what they will look for in a mate. I believe 100% that children are better off with a happy home environment than a unhappy one. 

I think unless you would like to quit work and fish and hunt, YUK you are not doing your child any favors trust me, I have 3 boys, and that is what they grew up thinking that this is what a man does, they are selfish, wrong, and over the age of 23, and I screwed up and let it be acceptable when they were young.I let them see dad does and mom stays with the kids makes for a lonely life now. I can only tell them now that if that is what they choose in life that is fine just don't sacrafice a soul for there own selfish pleasure, unless that soul lives eats and breaths the same amount of hunting, fishing, and if not come on, put some balance on it, come home for birthdays, mothers day, and the days that you are not about them, quit supporting his lifestyle, drink all the pop you want. If he does all the things that he wants to do why can't you have a pop and live in a well lighted  house if  that is what you want
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
April 4, 2006, 8:25 pm PDT

Reality Check

I think 3/4 of the people on this message board needs a reality check. Can anyone else see what an actress Amber is, or is it only me? 

  

Not once did Amber admit to having any faults, not even a little on, throughout the whole show. Duane kept saying he made the mistakes, he had an error in judgement, he was sorry--get the picture? Duane even said he would meet her half way on her demands (which were many) and she never said she would work towards the same goal.  

  

Amber could turn on and off the waterworks very easily. At one point crying and the next minute laughing giddily when it was at Duane's expense.  

  

Talking about the porn-come on . I bet everyone here has been to a porn site. She seemed more upset that he didn't wait to tear into the videos until she was with him. Can the man not do anything on his own. Do I see some control issues? 

  

She tried to fix him!!?? He is not a piece of equipment. He is a human being. People don't fix people. As partners they work together on a problem--not fix a person. 

  

Buying a motorcyle? So. My husband bought a motorcycle, that is his to have fun with. I enjoy it as well. What is wrong with him having a motorcycle? I bet her breast augmentation didn't come cheap. What is it a competition of he has/she has? 

  

O.K. The list of demands.I can't remember all of them, there were too many but the ones that stick out in my mind are 

     1. Sign over the house-- I don't know if she realizes that in a divorce everything is divided in half. Half the house is his, he helped work for it why does she think she deserves the whole thing? 

     2. Move in with your mom---Why would he do that?  He deserves his own place as much as she does.  She gets the house and he gets to move in with mom? C'mon-talk about not living in reality. She must be dreaming. That just frees up more money for her alimony. More money in her pocket-makes sense doesn't it? 

      3. Pay off your bills---How when Duane is paying for a house he no longer lives in? And alimony. And child support? And trying to have a house of his own? 

      4.Stop talking to your divorced male friends--Afraid he is trying to learn from their mistakes-how to fight for his rights. Someone may give him some advice. 

  

It sounds like Amber needs to grow up. She needs to realize when you are no longer a married couple pooling your resources, you can no longer live the high style you are used to. I don't believe Duane was the only big spender in the relationship. It looks like Amber has a pretty pricey upkeep, and got upset when Duane spent some money on himself. 

 

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
sad
April 4, 2006, 9:04 pm PDT

PLEASE HELP

 FOUR YEARS AGO I MET A WONDERFUL GIRL ONLINE AND STARTED THE BEST LONG DISTANCE  RELATIONSHIP I EVER HAD. EVERY NOW AND THEN i WOULS GO SEE HERE WHEN I HAD VACATION TIME FROM MY WORK.  WELL THIS PAST DECEMBER OF 2005 I DECIDED TO MOVE THERE TO LIVE WELL WE REALIZED IT WOULD TAKE TO LONG FOR ME TO GET CITIZENSHIP TO WORK THERE SO I STAYED FOR TWO MONTHS THEN CAME BACK HERE TO CALIFORNIA WHICH WAS MISTAKE NUMBER 1. WE TALKED FOR A BOUT A MONTH BEFORE I MADE MISTAKE NUMBER 2 WHICH WAS THIS. I WANTED TO BE HONEST WITH HER SO I TOLD HER THAT I FELT LIKE I WAS HOLDING HER BACK BUT I ALSO WANTED TO TELL HER THAT SHE NEEDS TO TAKE EVERY JOB OPPURTUNITY THAT COMES HER WAY UNTIL SHE MOVES HERE BUT I DIDNT GET THE LAST PART OUT AND BEFORE I KNEW IT WE WHERE BROKEN UP.  I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO GET HER BACK BUT I FEEL THE ONLY WAY TO DO THAT WOULD BE TO GO TO HER HOUSE PERSONALLY WELL I CANT. I RECENTLY STARTED MY OLD JOB BACK AND DONT HAVE ANY TIME OFF. I MISS HER DEARLY  AND WANT HER BACK PLEASE TELL ME HOW AND IF THIS IS POSSIBLE.
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
April 5, 2006, 12:37 am PDT

04/04 "I Want My Ex Back"

It's scary and takes all kinds of courage, but after 10 mths of separation, I filed for divorce.  I still have loving feelings for him but I cannot live with him.  I walked out of his life and into my life without a tear or regret.  I admit it gets lonely and I even wonder sometimes if I did the right thing, but I did.  He had post traumatic anxiety from Vietnam, depression, a low opinion of women, and used foul language calling my son and I names.  I have been to the women's shelter and I've had it.  Soon my divorce will be over and I pray for a better future. 
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
April 5, 2006, 12:41 am PDT

04/04 "I Want My Ex Back"

Does it ever bother you that all the good men might be taken?  Maybe Dr. Phil's new Love Interest book can help me lift my spirits that there are still some wonderful loving men still single.  I just want one, the one for me.  Bag 'em, tag 'em, and take 'em home.  I'd love to.
 

Message Emote
blank
April 5, 2006, 5:42 am PDT

Life is waiting on you

Quote From: hill0234

i have a situation a little different than everyone elses. i am 20 yrs old, before you judge me and say im young and dumb just hear me out, i need advice.  im not married but have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years we talk about living together and maybe one day getting married but i dont know how much longer i can take this.  like everyone elses stories he was great in the beginning. shortly after we got together he left for the military, since then everything has changed.  he lies about the smallest things and he makes me feel like next to nothing on many occasions.  one time he went to a strip club and told his friend if he had a girl that could dance or move like that  he wouldnt have to go to the clubs, i got a box of chocolate for christmas and he told me if i ate it i would get fat and we would have to break up; i know he jokes about these things but it really gets to me.  he also has a big spending problem, for the first year of our relationship i paid for and he made about double the amount i did, he buys things just to buy them and he doesnt need anything that he buys.  he has his credit cards maxed out and cant pay his insurance or phone bill because he never has any money but he goes to the bars and spends $200.  also i called him about 6 times, he didnt return my calls until about midnight i was worrried about him the whole day and he didnt seem to care, the next day he called me twice and couldnt get a hold of me so he called my cousin to find out where i was, what i was doing and why i wasnt answering my phone, its like we only talk when its convenient for him. another thing that is really getting in the way of things is one of his "girl friends"  for christmas he bought her a $300 louis vuitton bag.  he will pretty much do anything she asks, if she has a problem he listens and is there for her. she tells him to buy her a bag he does it.  t he thing that bothers me with all of this is when i try to talk to him he tells me he doesnt want to deal with it we can never get anything worked out also i asked him to download some music for me so i could burn a cd and he told me no because he didnt want stupid music on his computer.  i have thoughts about breaking up with him and how i cant live like this anymore but i love him and he is the best boyfriend i have ever had.  he is shipping out to sea in about a month and i am worried what might happen to us, does it seem like i am headed for disaster, should i end things before they get worse? advise please! sorry so long!!!
When I was your age I was involved with someone just like that.  Thank God I had enough smarts to get  out of that relationship when I did.  Now I married to a wonderful man for over 20 years.  What if I wouldn't have left the other man who treated me so bad?  I would have never meet my husband!  I feel that things happen for a reason and we should follow our hearts.  Dump the chump!  There is someone else better for you out there.  Life is to short to settle for second best!
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
confused
April 5, 2006, 10:27 am PDT

anybody have advise

My husband and I have been seperated for 5 months.  We still talk everyday we are best friends.  Last year he cheated on me with a younger woman.  Then 2 weeks ago he just slept with someone he met at a bar.  He is currently seeing someone else not in a relationship but also sleeping with this other person.  He says he still loves me.  I still love him but not sure if I'm in love with him.  We have been married for 11 1/2 years and are thinking about divorce.  I don't think he will ever change.  He still wants to have sex.  Should I just cut the ties completely and file for divorce?  I am so confused because I still have feelings for him.  I have 2 children with him.  It is so hard to just put my feelings aside.  I have read lots of advice and still don't now what to think or do.  Any other advice?  I'm still not sure if he is over me.  He still wants to spend time with me.  help
 
User Mood
Worried

Message Emote
blank
April 5, 2006, 10:53 am PDT

04/04 "I Want My Ex Back"

Quote From: ohlady

Life is too short to live it so unhappy.  I was with a wonderful man for 25 years.  He treated me with respect and I treated him the same.  We found things that we enjoyed together and sometimes we gave into the things that made the other happy, but not hurtful or boring to the one giving in.  I lost my love in November 2004 after a long illness.  I would give anything for just one more day with him but I know that I treated him good while he was on this earth and I also know how much he loved me.   Maybe the people on Dr. Phil's show today should ask the question, "What if something tragic was to happen to my partner, would I have said and done everything I could to let them know how much I loved them?"  Something to think about! 

wow.. Bless you heart for saying something completely non-judgmental.  And offering faith as a backdrop for it.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I know your heart aches.   No problem is carved in stone with simple one liner judgments assessing a situation with out all the facts.  I support you and your are an honorable person for saying what you did.  People screw up sometimes.  But that in no way offers us a way out.   For better or worse means for better or worse. 
 
User Mood
Depressed

Message Emote
sad
April 5, 2006, 11:02 am PDT

sad

Amber, 

   after seeing you on the show my heart broke for you. You seem to really want thanks to work out but I think in your heart you know it is over. You are to good for him. I noticed no matter how upset you got.... I NEVER SEEN HIM REACH OUT TO YOU. He is not worthy of you or your love. I know that is not what you want to hear.  I thank that if he is willing to change his bad habits it could work out. He does not have the right to degrade you in front of your kids.  why does he feel the need to look at trash on line? never could understand that gee get a life and grow up. that is what young boys do. TIME TO BE A REAL MAN!!!!  You looked so sad so lost. I have been hurt before and was lucky to have worked it all out. I wish  I knew exactly what to say. I sure do not have all the answers to the perfect happy life. I know we all make mistakes and have regrets but we have to learn from them, and do not keep making the same mistakes over and over.  A very special person in my life says "Don't tell me your sorry and keep doing the same thing over and over cause your not sorry (sorry you got caught) but not sorry" sorry demands a change, It takes 2 to make a marriage and only 1 to destroy it. I will be praying for you and your family I hope you get what makes you happy  that may mean moving on, and I'm sure that scares you. the uncertainty of the unknown, scared you are making the wrong choice. Just follow your heart. I believe families should stay together but sometimes staying together would be worse. I have been told in the past that one person can't fight alone. If the other person wants to fight fine smile nod and say my favorite words."yes dear what ever you say" smile and agree to every thing. Turn to god pray and i will be praying for you. God loves you and is there with you reach out to him and he will never let you down. he will never put more on your plate then you can handle. 

 

Message Emote
blank
April 5, 2006, 12:52 pm PDT

04/04 "I Want My Ex Back"

Quote From: april2256

I too am in a similar situation as everybody else I am 32  been married for 13 years.  I left my husband about 6 months ago because of all the lies and all the cheating that was never ending.  In the whole 13 years he has cheated on me phycically not including the internet chats with multiple women and looking at porn.  He has cheated on me with at least 9 different women.  Over 13 years I have left 10 times always to come back it feels hopeless.  I leave and he comes to me and he tells me just what I want to hear and I go back even though deep inside I know that nothing will ever change.  Why do we do this to our selves?  I know he won't change Steve will be telling me how much he misses me and loves me and get in the car and call his girlfriend and tell her the same thing I know this but I feel like I have no control over my feelings.  I know before i even pack up my kids and myself and head back into this relationship that nothing has changed.  Now yeah at first it's wonderful he's attentive and warm he says he loves me he holds me at night and makes love to me all the time. Then 3 weeks into it it starts to fall back into the same patteren.  This time I am praying that it is different that I wll have the will power to stay away and make a new life for my self.  I am sick of being a victim of his sick games.  I am better than what he makes me feel that I am.  Over the 13 years I have gained so much weight I went from a very good looking 130 lb young woman to a 311 old feeling woman at the age of 32.  I know that this has a lot to do with it my self image and self esteem so if anyone knows how to rebuild all that please share.  I am currently in school and it's going good I think I have finally decided that I would rather just be alone than to be with him.  It's hard cause I know he doesn't want to be with me how could he when all he ever does is search for somthing better than me or at least that is the way it feels.  It is very hard because I am trying to stick to my guns and to stay single and to work on getting my life back together but it's like he won't let me leave.  Like that guy on the show he uses the kids to keep me on a leash, he says that if he can't have me then lets me friends I don't want to be his friend.  But he makes me feel that I am being so mean to him when I know deep inside that I am not.  I really don't know what to do or where to turn.  How do I move on when he's there all the time being charming and all that. How do I turn my back on my childrens father when do still love him very much?  These are questions that I ask myself everyday.  I don't want to feel like this anymore.  Sometimes I feel like getting in my car and just driving until I get far away so that he will never be in my life ever again.
i've got to tell you something.Don't ever think that your husband is the way he is regarding other women,because of something you did or didn't do.it won't matter what you weigh or look like,he will always look for other women.He comes back to you and is nice to you because he knows you will take it.You said yourself that you started out one way,happy and healthy and ended up the opposite.You need to get healthy for yourself first and then your kids.You dont need to turn your back on your kid's dad,you should still keep a good relationship with him for their sakes[providing he is a good father]Its hard to break out of what we consider to be a safe place-keep praying for strengthKeep reminding yourself how you really feel and that deep down you dont really buy all the stuff he is telling you because his actions speak louder than his words.I know how bad this feels because my husband of 11 years is a liar too.It would be so very easy for me to forget what he has done [as i have in the past ,but not this time]and go back to the old way of living but i cant.i just cant take it anymore!And i suspect,neither can you.Good luck,I'll be thinking of you.
 
First | Prev | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | Next | Last