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Topic : 06/09 Loving Dumb

Number of Replies: 294
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 31, 2006, 12:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/05/06) Love -- It can be the best feeling in your life, or it can leave you scarred, wounded and completely baffled. When Jeannie first appeared on the show, she was surprised to learn what men really thought of her. She got a wake-up call from Dr. Phil, but has she put his advice to work and have things changed? Next, Hayley and Chad's romance started to sizzle after their trip to Love Smart Island. When Dr. Phil sends them on an adventure, what does Hayley learn about herself when it comes to relationships, and could you be making the same mistake? Then, Todd, one of Love Smart Island's popular bachelors, is back to face the reality of why he can't find the one. Will he change his game when he meets three new bachelorettes? Plus, find out why men dump women without an explanation, and see a special musical performance that will fill your heart with love. Tune in to find out if you're unlucky in love or if you’re just loving dumb. Join the discussion.

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April 5, 2006, 2:10 pm CDT

loving dumb

hais any one out there over 50 ??? I have been a widow for 13 years and just got into a relationship...but I am so unsure of  "him" he seems to have "other" love interests and "old" ex "friends....yet wants me to sleep over..no not live in.....yikes
 
April 5, 2006, 2:15 pm CDT

This message is for Jeannie if she see's it!

 Hi,  

   I am hoping that Jeannie (from the show) sees this e-mail message.  I think you and my brother  would be a great match.  That is if you're not so shallow as to look for a man that's good looking enough to be on the cover of GQ.    My brother is 45 years old.  He's never been married and has no children.  He has worked the same job for over 25+ years, owns his own home free and clear as well as his Lincoln Navigator.   He doesn't smoke, he's neat in appearance and he's very kind and wise.  He's got a good sense of humor but he also has a serious side.  He can be a lot of fun in the right circumstances.   He likes movies, eating out, dancing, family etc.  He works the evening shift at the air force base in Enid, OK., repairing the flight simulators.   For that reason he doesn't get out too much and doesn't meet many women.  He's been serious twice in his life....but he's very cautious and takes his time in everything he does.  Perhaps too long for the other two girls?  He would make a very steady husband and a good father except that he's now been hurt twice and he's gun shy.  In fact, you'd probably have to call him to make the first date because he's had just as bad of luck with women as you've had with men!   I think you'd be a cool sister-in-law!    Do you happen to live in the Mid-West , as he's probably not going anywhere and he doesn't think that long distance relations work?   Waiting to hear from you!    Thanks......signed:  Big sister looking for a sister-in-law!  :~)    

 
April 5, 2006, 3:02 pm CDT

what should I do? :-(

  

I am 31, single, NEVER married and believe it or not NEVER had a relationship....I have tried everything to meet someone......NOTHING works. I love travel and have been all over the world, and enjoy photography, I have NO debts of ANY kind.....doesnt ANY nice girl want me?  

  

  

 
April 5, 2006, 3:06 pm CDT

Why?

Dr. Phill, 

Why is it that all of the singles you use on your show are skinny and very attractive?  I know that physical appearance is important however, there are plenty of singles out there that are attractive but may not be skinny or the fitness type.  I am sick of people saying that in order to find a match you must not be overweight.  Why can't people learn to stop being so superficial and realize there is more to a person than their physical size? 

 
April 5, 2006, 3:08 pm CDT

THIS IS FOR HALEY

 I watched to show today and started crying when Dr. Phil asked you why you had a hard time opening up.  I totally releated with you and felt your pain.  I was 19 when my dad died (14 years ago).  It devastated me.  I had a great dad. I actually got married when I was 20, but my husband still wonders when "I'm going to totally let him in and take down my walls" and we've been married almost 13 years and have 4 children.  I love him very much, but I keep up my walls so I won't get hurt if something happens to us or to him.  What made it worse was my mom died 8 years ago.  I have panic attacks flying because I'm petrified to die and leave my kids without a parent, because I don't have any  and it's really hard!  If you find a way to "open up," please share what works.  So far I'm still too scared.  But don't let that keep you from being involved seriously with a man.  I do have a very good marriage, and I love my husband very much....it's not his fault I won't completely let him in.  Don't put your future on hold, because no one will ever be able to fill the void your dad left behind!
 
April 5, 2006, 3:10 pm CDT

What kind of questions where those?

With all the talk by DR Phil about asing intelligent  questions  when you first meet someone, why couldn't the guy on todays show be given some meaningful questions to ask the three women? 

 
April 5, 2006, 3:12 pm CDT

04/05 Loving Dumb

Dr. Phil, why is it that it is always the man's fault when it comes to calling the other person back or letting the other person know how they feel? I am 46 years old, live alone in Ontario, never been married, and yes have dated and have had relationships. Just so your women readers here know, I have been in 3 close relationships and I have not been the one to do the dumping. I have been the dumpee.   

In all cases the women have said I have been too loving...too 'clingy' (as your readers put it)...I have been too willing to do things for them.  I guess you could say I was more than willing to do as I was told. My last relationship actually ended by my female partner sending me a registered letter saying she did not want to see me any more and to stay away, don't come around anymore..etc.  She only lives 3 miles from my house and rather than call she sent a registered letter? If a man did that I am sure that yor readers would be raking him over the fires and calling him all sorts of names. 

I have been wanting to find someone to join me in my life here for a long time but have not been that lucky enough. I have a good job, I love to travel and have done a lot of it. I have my own place but am also the first to admit that I am not perfect...no one is. I have medical problems that I never hide, after all I am 46 yrs old and they are not real problems..(diabetes, celiac, heart) as they have not stopped me from travelling around the world. But women see them as problems...they will use anything it seems to break off a relationship...and I am sure some guys will do the same.  

But there are those of us out there, both men and women who I am sure, would really really like to find that other person to join us in our lives. We will just have to keep on looking.  If there are any women out there though in the Oshawa Ontario area, well I am in your neighbourhood here...Get in touch. 

 
April 5, 2006, 3:19 pm CDT

Thank you!

Quote From: lsmember

First and foremost Jeanie, I think you are beautiful. You do have a wonderful personality and I think deep down we all can relate to how you feel. I had someone ask a coworker if being on the show and talking with DrPhil helped? I have to say that yes it did. I know what I am looking for in a man and how to behave myself. An no it didn't > I have emmersed myself in work as to not take any one up on their offer to go out on a date. I know that it is hard for me to take a man serious if he has just gotten out of any type of relationship. Watching the shows and the guests I can relate to everyone, a little bit here and there. Dr Phil was right..if the walls dont come down we will end up lonely and alone. This may seem trivial to some people, maybe love and attraction have come easy to you. Maybe you are misunderstanding that having a close bond with another human is what life is all about. As a guest you put yourself out there in hopes that 1- you can get some help, 2- that those who identify with you can get some help. 

Please understand- it is no easy task to raise a child on your own after a divorce, put yourself through school and find a job and still expect to have love fall in your lap. All the women on the show have had obstacles to overcome as well as millions of women in America do today. 

  

Dr Phil is offering us the help we need to stay sane while looking for a life partner. 

Thanks for the encouragement! Things have been so awesome for me, Since this show even I have lost another 10 pounds I have been working through Self matters & I have made so many changes in me it is amazing, the person I was in the first show. Like I said I remember her but WOW I am so different, Life is so good for me single or not, I have been on several dates since this show.. I did all the love smart things It was AMAZING how much it works.  FOr me Dr phil has been a blessing, He knew what I needed when I didnt know. He got me a Personal trainer, who is Now one of my dearest Best friends, she needed me as much as I needed her, he got me a Gold's gym membership, a Nutrionist Robert Reames who is AMAZING ( yes I say that alot Haa) and A therapist who walks me through self matters. All these things I took as a huge blessing & took the ball & ran with it.  

 

If I never find the One, I am cool with it. I am so happy with life, with myself with my friends & family My new job.....I hope my blessing rub off on others. I hope every one gets a chance to read love smart it really is a great guide to how the "Game" of love should be played...  

 

Like I said Not only am I playing the game right I also have changed the Bait haaa.  

 
April 5, 2006, 3:20 pm CDT

OMG

I honestly can't believe that there are actually "real" men out there! 

I was pleasantly surprised when I heard Todd's story.......  he seems to be the male version of me! 

I'm amazed!   

In this fast-food nation, it's nice to see that there are still people out there who want to hold onto more traditonal values. 

cheers, t 

 
April 5, 2006, 3:20 pm CDT

Stop looking for reasons

 I've been reading through the message boards and I notice one thing in common with this topic.
Women are feeling sorry for themselves.

I am curious; why do you give men (or anyone in your life) that much power to make you feel like a smaller person? Or make you feel like there is something wrong with you? These feelings are all ones that you allow yourself to feel.

The problem is you are all wasting your time on trying to find answers or reasons - and when you finally get one, it seems fake, or insulting. Not the answer you were expecting.

This is what happens when you really don't have a reason for doing something. That is what you have to acknowledge. Many of these men - both in your own personal life and on the show, do not have a reason for why they don't want to be with you anymore. It's just a gut feeling.

Reverse the situation for a moment if you will. I find it hard to believe that women do not "fall out of love" with men, or they just decide they are not interested in someone they've been seeing anymore. The difference between men and women in this situation is women will get stressed out trying to find "a nice way" to break it to the man. He could be really sweet, kind hearted and generous, but for some reason there is no chemistry - women are just as guilty of lying to get out of a relationship, the difference with this type of lying is they are lying to cushion the blow. Worse still, they will sometimes stay in the relationship because they don't have the heart to say "It's just not there anymore".
Other times, the man could just be perfect, but annoying, and you have no interest in spending another day with him. People rarely understand the things about them that are annoying, or unattractive, until it is pointed out to them.

Men on the other hand will tell it like it is, and women can't understand this because they know that if they were in the situation, they would offer an explanation, or like above, lie just for the sake of giving a good answer so there are no quesitons. Women break up with men the way they hope to be broken up with - and it will rarely work out this way.

Women have to stop assuming they are the perfect catch for a guy. They have to stop listing in their minds all the good and wonderful things they can offer to a relationship. All these things would make a relationship wonderful and perfect ... if you were dating yourself. What you find great in yourself, may be just mediocre to a man - and this is when you set yourself up for disappointment and the "why me" attitude.

The key is to be as comfortable in your own skin as you possibly can be. It's funny how out of all the things women will cry over in their lives - the top of the list is usually over a man. Learn to be independant. The biggest mistake is when a woman becomes dependant on a man for her happiness. Do not measure your happiness by who you share your life with. Measure your happiness by just how happy you feel when you are alone. Any other way leads to dependancy and there is no faster a way to get rid of a man in the beginning of your relationship. Remember that dependancy isn't always as black and white as saying "I need you". Men seem as though they have evolved to smell a dependant woman, sometimes even before she can realize she is depandant.

To sum it all up I offer this advice: When in a relationship, emerse yourself more in thoughts of the other person before you think about the way they are thinking about you.

I will leave you with a quote by Austro-German lyric poet Ranier Maria Rilke:
"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you beacuse you could not live them. It is a quesiton of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will graduall, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."
 
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