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Topic : Daycare/Babysitters/Nannies

Number of Replies: 102
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:45:10 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you have a nanny? Is your child in daycare? Share advice and stories about your experiences with childcare.

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November 22, 2005, 7:53 pm CST

Daycare/Babysitters/Nannies

Quote From: crystal528

I can give you FIRST HAND advise from someone who is a worker at a daycare. I am a classroom teacher, primarily for the ones and two-year-olds. 

  

Separation anxiety happens with almost all children.  It is understandable.  But, I can guarantee that by you placing more attention to it, the worse it will get. We have several ones and especially two year olds who cry "Mommy, Daddy" for about 15 minutes after they get dropped off. What we, the teachers do, is called redirecting, getting the child onto another activity, with their friends, while mom and dad slip out quietly.  It is common. It is heartbreaking. It CAN BE OVERCOME......  

  

We had a boy who would CRY AND SCREAM Mommy Daddy ALL DAY LONG. That was about 3 weeks ago. Now his parents drop him off, and he is with his friends and happy.  You have to learn by kids crying, having a tantrum, WHATEVER, they are doing this for attention.  

  

We, at our learning center, are very loving and caring workers. We do all we can to make the child feel comfortable. It is so hard for the parents. To hear your child screaming is heartbreaking.  

  

(In another comment I saw someone write about biting--THIS IS SOOOO COMMON. Some children bite more than others. We redirect and make them sit for a while. Telling them they have to be nice to their friends, ETC......) 

  

Let me also comment on the fact that make sure you are taking your child to a very good learning center/daycare. Where I work is a learning center/daydare/preschool. We have lesson plans, even for infants, ones, twos. We stimulate the brain ALL DAY LONG. There are STRICT RULES about everything. Ratios, food handeling, positive reinforcement.........Make sure you walk through daycares during regular hours. Notice how the teachers are. Notice the directors of the daycare.  

  

Its like if you put your child to bed. They cry, they scream. Parents give them attention. The child has got what he/she wanted. You have to learn to reinforce what you are teaching and do not give in.  Put them back in the bed. Over and over. No talking while you do this. Do not look at them while you do this. They will learn.........This is what happens and the kids basically run over the parents like a steamroller. 

  

Another point I want to make is that I have seen children inside of daycare and ones who have not been to daycare. Daycare/Learning Centers are SOOO beneficial. My two years olds that I have are so far ahead of twos I have seen just sitting at home with mommy. They are serving themselves, eating with utensils and regular cups..From ages 1-5 their brains are like sponges. Get the kids involved in manipulatives, creative play, building blocks, socialization. It is so beneficial for them.  

  

Good luck to everyone contemplating on this and I hope I have shed some light on the topic. 

  

Just want to make it clear that children do not neccessarily need a daycare center to learn and to be socialable and to be independent, what ever. I refuse to put my children in a daycare center becasue I am just as good at teaching/raising my children as any care giver. Child care and preschool teacher has been my career choice for many years (until I had my own) and though most the children there do ok and benefits from it, it is not neccessarily for all children. I am a stay at home mom of two kids, and they are well on their way to succeeding. My oldest is four and in preschool for 7 hours a week and she is ahead of her class in academics (reads, writes, and basic math), never gives the teacher any problems and very social and friendly and doesn't throw fits when I leave her. doesn't have problems being dropped of at the sitters on a accasions, Every thing she knows and has learned is from me and her father, I interact and teach my children every day, they do not spend their time in front of the tv and playing all by them selves. Good parenting will provide their children everything they need and it doesn't have to be day care. My children are smart and does just as good if not better then those in daycare. it all comes down to the time and effort that parents put into their children. For those putting your children in daycare, seek out the best and do your home work, get every detail that you possibly can including back ground checks and credentials of every one there as well as state manditory inspection reports, where I live, reports have to be posted for all to see and read. For those who don't feel that day care is the answer, it is possible to teach and prepare your children for the future, parents are actually the best teacher for their kids so don't feel pressured by society but follow your hearts and know what is best for you and your children. My oldest was coloring at 11 months and writting letters/words by the time she was 2 1/2, she is doing basic math at the age of 4, she has a wonderful imagination and lots of friends, and when it comes to manipulatives, she does 24 piece puzzles and builds castles with blocks using every piece available, my little one isn't far behind. I have no regrets for keeping my children home. Also, those needing child care, a center might not be the answer for your children, some children benefit more from a smaller setting, maybe a sitter who watches just a couple of kids or a nanny coming to your home or a relative. There are ways of socializing your kids and it doesn't neccessarily mean the school system. My oldest is in preschool becasue she wanted to go to be with a certain friend and because I wanted to see how she did in the classroom setting but we are considering homeschooling which is a wonderful option for some families. Also kids in daycare tend to get sick more often and pick up habits from other children, Thankfully my daughter hasn't picked up any bad habits but she certainly has had more colds since she has started. Just wanted to throw out more options to parents who want the best for their children. I am not trying to discourage daycare from any one, but I just wanted to point out that kids who do not attend daycares can learn and succeed just as well or even better then those who are, it all depends on who is taking care of the children, In the same way that not all parents are going to teach and interact with their children as they should, not all teachers are going to either, believe me, I saw it many times this is why I say, get to know the credentials as well as the individual, a piece of paper means absolutely nothing when it comes to hands on.
 
November 22, 2005, 7:58 pm CST

Daycare/Babysitters/Nannies

Quote From: lady143

I think you have to take your cue from your kids.  

They are letting you know they are not ready to be away from you. It was not clear if you needed daycare to work or for your daughter to socialize? If it is not a "have to" thing then remember the more you try to forced the situation the worse it maybe come. She may just not be ready to feel safe with strangers. By supporting her she will grow up feeling like her needs matter to you, the most important person in her life. 

Your son may be feeling disconnected from you and feel you are distracted. Try giving him 10 -15 min. of attention when he acts this way, just sit and hold him and let him know that you think he is as special as he thinks you are. 

  

Even though the crying can be hard and frustrating, remember that they are just trying to communicate and just want their needs met by the one they love the most. 

As I said in my previous post, some kids do better in a smaller setting. Socializing does not have to be learned at a center, there are other ways of getting a child to learn to socialize and learn academics and all as well. it takes some kids longer then others to get used to other people taking care of them. I also know that the longer the parent sticks around the longer it will take the child to get used to the setting. Parents who decide to put their children in a day care center just need to do it, say their good byes and leave and let the teachers deal witht he child's crying which in all honesty, I personally would have a hard time doing but usually the child will settle down.
 
November 22, 2005, 9:31 pm CST

agree with what you are saying

Quote From: jettav

Just want to make it clear that children do not neccessarily need a daycare center to learn and to be socialable and to be independent, what ever. I refuse to put my children in a daycare center becasue I am just as good at teaching/raising my children as any care giver. Child care and preschool teacher has been my career choice for many years (until I had my own) and though most the children there do ok and benefits from it, it is not neccessarily for all children. I am a stay at home mom of two kids, and they are well on their way to succeeding. My oldest is four and in preschool for 7 hours a week and she is ahead of her class in academics (reads, writes, and basic math), never gives the teacher any problems and very social and friendly and doesn't throw fits when I leave her. doesn't have problems being dropped of at the sitters on a accasions, Every thing she knows and has learned is from me and her father, I interact and teach my children every day, they do not spend their time in front of the tv and playing all by them selves. Good parenting will provide their children everything they need and it doesn't have to be day care. My children are smart and does just as good if not better then those in daycare. it all comes down to the time and effort that parents put into their children. For those putting your children in daycare, seek out the best and do your home work, get every detail that you possibly can including back ground checks and credentials of every one there as well as state manditory inspection reports, where I live, reports have to be posted for all to see and read. For those who don't feel that day care is the answer, it is possible to teach and prepare your children for the future, parents are actually the best teacher for their kids so don't feel pressured by society but follow your hearts and know what is best for you and your children. My oldest was coloring at 11 months and writting letters/words by the time she was 2 1/2, she is doing basic math at the age of 4, she has a wonderful imagination and lots of friends, and when it comes to manipulatives, she does 24 piece puzzles and builds castles with blocks using every piece available, my little one isn't far behind. I have no regrets for keeping my children home. Also, those needing child care, a center might not be the answer for your children, some children benefit more from a smaller setting, maybe a sitter who watches just a couple of kids or a nanny coming to your home or a relative. There are ways of socializing your kids and it doesn't neccessarily mean the school system. My oldest is in preschool becasue she wanted to go to be with a certain friend and because I wanted to see how she did in the classroom setting but we are considering homeschooling which is a wonderful option for some families. Also kids in daycare tend to get sick more often and pick up habits from other children, Thankfully my daughter hasn't picked up any bad habits but she certainly has had more colds since she has started. Just wanted to throw out more options to parents who want the best for their children. I am not trying to discourage daycare from any one, but I just wanted to point out that kids who do not attend daycares can learn and succeed just as well or even better then those who are, it all depends on who is taking care of the children, In the same way that not all parents are going to teach and interact with their children as they should, not all teachers are going to either, believe me, I saw it many times this is why I say, get to know the credentials as well as the individual, a piece of paper means absolutely nothing when it comes to hands on.
I read through your entry in response to mine. I do completely agree with what you have said.  I was not placing my opinion on "all children". I do have several friends who have young children that teach them just as well as a daycare.  Like I said, I do agree with everything you have said. In personal experience (my sister-in-law) is a stay-at-home mother with a 2 1/2 year old. She does nothing with him. No teaching, nothing. I guess that is where it really struck me seeing that daycare is so beneficial. But not for everyone, I know. I see my nephew so far behind compared to the kids in my class. I do agree with you about the sicknesses, etc. It is an individual choice. Parents have to do THEIR homework before putting their children in daycare.  
 
December 10, 2005, 8:18 pm CST

Kids biting

Quote From: sonjii

My son is 3 years old and will be 4 in March 

Lately i have been getting complaints from the day care that he has been biting other kids 

and sometimes he does it even it they are not fighting 

he will just to up to a kid and bite him for no reason 

i feel so ashamed and conserned , we have talked to him about it 

but seems like he is not listening  

he is still doing it 

  

what should i do???? 

I have worked with all kinds of kids in daycare and there are so many reasons why they bite.  I thought it was crazy when our school used to send ONE YEAR OLDS homes because they were biting!  My son was not a biter until he was bit and he was 3 when it all started!!!  My son would bite to get the kids away from him.  He did not like to tell them to go away so he would just bite them to get them to hit the road.  I did the same thing to him, I would talk and he would ignore.  I did buy the book Teeth Are Not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick and that seemed to help.  When I thought things were better, he started again.  My mom told me that she had to go to extemes with me because I was a biter.  She bought black licorice (because I HATED the taste of it) and would have me bite it everytime I bit someone.  I tried it with my son and his teacher tried it too.  He stopped in less than a week.  I know it sounds extreme, but come on... it is licorice!!  I am now having this problem with my daughter and I came upon a WONDERFUL website...    http://pediatrics.about.com/od/biting/.   I hope this helps!!
 
December 15, 2005, 9:49 am CST

maybe this will help

Quote From: queenem75

I have worked with all kinds of kids in daycare and there are so many reasons why they bite.  I thought it was crazy when our school used to send ONE YEAR OLDS homes because they were biting!  My son was not a biter until he was bit and he was 3 when it all started!!!  My son would bite to get the kids away from him.  He did not like to tell them to go away so he would just bite them to get them to hit the road.  I did the same thing to him, I would talk and he would ignore.  I did buy the book Teeth Are Not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick and that seemed to help.  When I thought things were better, he started again.  My mom told me that she had to go to extemes with me because I was a biter.  She bought black licorice (because I HATED the taste of it) and would have me bite it everytime I bit someone.  I tried it with my son and his teacher tried it too.  He stopped in less than a week.  I know it sounds extreme, but come on... it is licorice!!  I am now having this problem with my daughter and I came upon a WONDERFUL website...    http://pediatrics.about.com/od/biting/.   I hope this helps!!
I have a three year old as well , who will be four in march as well. He isn't in daycare yet, but we have playdates with other parents and he goes to a classroom invironment every week, and has two younger siblings. I am not sure if the siblings are part of the solution, but when he was in his "bitting era", it was his sister, and a couple of his cousins that were older than him. The first thing we did is get him to notice how the kids he had done it to felt, and reacted to what he had done. Then we asked him if he liked that person and wanted that person to be his friend and like him. When he took notice to how he had made that person feel, then we asked him if he would like to feel that way. When he took notice to how he felt hurting a "friend" or someone who was good to him, we explained how you treat people the way you want to be treated, and we haven't had a problem with it since. Now we are going through how name calling is the same as bitting because it hurts people. We are trying to teach him the difference of nick names, and bad name calling(teasing). Wait till you get there!!! Just use the same technique.
 
December 19, 2005, 11:49 am CST

Daycare

The way I figure it, had I been taught how to manage money ALOT better than I have then I wouldn't have to work and could stay home with my child. Yeah Yeah I know I could take it upon myself to make changes to learn to do this but it seems like when I get any extra money to even remotely try and do this Murphy's law kicks in and something goes wrong that my little extra money has to go to this problem.
 
January 2, 2006, 9:34 pm CST

Not too little for daycare

Quote From: logans_mom

I am thinking about taking my 20 month old boy to daycare for 2 days a week, a few hours in the morning. He is very shy around other children and i am wondering if this will help! Does anyone have an opinion on this? Do you think he is to little to go to daycare? 

No he is not too little for daycare.  Putting him in daycare two days a week a few hours in the morning, will be good for him.   I worked in daycares so i know that there are some children who cry for mommy and it is heartbreaking both for the teacher and the parent to deal with, but eventually the child gets used to their caregivers and the caregiver usually distracts the child with a toy or reads them a story or gets him/her involved in an activity.    

  

When i worked in a daycare - we had an infant room (6mos +) thru to preschoolers (5 years) and as i recall when one baby joined the infant room he was 6mos old and the mom would stay with him in the infant room (for a little while) to get him used to the interraction between the other babies and the teachers.      

  

I think it is absolutely beneficial for children of any age (even babies) to have some kind of interrraction with other children, at a daycare, or at a parent-child activity programs, this gets them socializing and interracting and getting along well with other children.     

  

And parents of infants as young as 6months old - this includes you too,  babies may not  be interracting with each other as toddlers or preschoolers do, but they are aware of the fact that other children are around them and even at the age of 6 months old they are capable of learning - at that age and through the preschool age - they are sponges, they learn and mimic what others do, even if they are too young to verbalize, they know and they are watching and  "understanding" 

  

 
January 2, 2006, 9:44 pm CST

3 kids ... wow

Quote From: moms3boys

I am a stay at home mom to three wonderful rowdy boys.  I love being able to be with them although we could have better things if I worked. My problem is about babysitters.  I have not had a night out with my husband (or without) in eight years. We take our children everywhere we go.  We do not have family members able to help. I have tried to get a sitter but I usually felt they were too young to care for the baby.  But now he is one and into everything. Sometimes I get comments about watching all three is too much.  How do I trust people I barely know? How do I not?  I let my three year old play next door with a new neighbors 4 year old daughter (this was hard, but she came to our house everyday) and he came home and told me the little girl pulled down his pants and touched him.  I felt like it was all my fault. This is the only time I ever trusted someone else with my children and look what happened!  However, I need a break! I have to figure out how to find someone I can trust. Where do I start? How do I not have a panic attack if I do?

You say  "How do I trust people I barely know"   That is a good question, but my question to you is where do you look for your babysitters?   The best way to find someone who is old enough and mature enough is to put an ad in the local paper specifying certain qualifications the sitter must have.    Another suggestion is to find a local nanny agency.  I had been registered with a few nanny agencies in my day and they go through certain formalities - such as police checks, and medical checks and reference checks and stuff like that.   One nanny agency even asked me to list the medications i was on - including Birth Control!  That kinda went too far as i didn't quite understand why they needed such personal information.    

  

Regardless - you need a break - if you havent had a night out with or without hubby in eight years, then it's time for a break and the suggestion is to locate the "perfect" babysitter and the way to do it is to either go thru an agency - who as i say asks questions of their own, and then when the agency suggestes her to you - you and hubby can ask her your own questions too - you can throw scenarios at her such as "what would you do if?....." and see what she answers.    You'll find your babysitter - you just have to seek her out and by doing one of these suggestions, you'll find her. 

  

Good Luck! 

 
January 26, 2006, 10:46 am CST

thanks

Quote From: crystal528

I can give you FIRST HAND advise from someone who is a worker at a daycare. I am a classroom teacher, primarily for the ones and two-year-olds. 

  

Separation anxiety happens with almost all children.  It is understandable.  But, I can guarantee that by you placing more attention to it, the worse it will get. We have several ones and especially two year olds who cry "Mommy, Daddy" for about 15 minutes after they get dropped off. What we, the teachers do, is called redirecting, getting the child onto another activity, with their friends, while mom and dad slip out quietly.  It is common. It is heartbreaking. It CAN BE OVERCOME......  

  

We had a boy who would CRY AND SCREAM Mommy Daddy ALL DAY LONG. That was about 3 weeks ago. Now his parents drop him off, and he is with his friends and happy.  You have to learn by kids crying, having a tantrum, WHATEVER, they are doing this for attention.  

  

We, at our learning center, are very loving and caring workers. We do all we can to make the child feel comfortable. It is so hard for the parents. To hear your child screaming is heartbreaking.  

  

(In another comment I saw someone write about biting--THIS IS SOOOO COMMON. Some children bite more than others. We redirect and make them sit for a while. Telling them they have to be nice to their friends, ETC......) 

  

Let me also comment on the fact that make sure you are taking your child to a very good learning center/daycare. Where I work is a learning center/daydare/preschool. We have lesson plans, even for infants, ones, twos. We stimulate the brain ALL DAY LONG. There are STRICT RULES about everything. Ratios, food handeling, positive reinforcement.........Make sure you walk through daycares during regular hours. Notice how the teachers are. Notice the directors of the daycare.  

  

Its like if you put your child to bed. They cry, they scream. Parents give them attention. The child has got what he/she wanted. You have to learn to reinforce what you are teaching and do not give in.  Put them back in the bed. Over and over. No talking while you do this. Do not look at them while you do this. They will learn.........This is what happens and the kids basically run over the parents like a steamroller. 

  

Another point I want to make is that I have seen children inside of daycare and ones who have not been to daycare. Daycare/Learning Centers are SOOO beneficial. My two years olds that I have are so far ahead of twos I have seen just sitting at home with mommy. They are serving themselves, eating with utensils and regular cups..From ages 1-5 their brains are like sponges. Get the kids involved in manipulatives, creative play, building blocks, socialization. It is so beneficial for them.  

  

Good luck to everyone contemplating on this and I hope I have shed some light on the topic. 

  

Thanks for writing in!!  My son  will go to a daycare/learning center like u described next month, he will be 6 months old.  I prefer him to be 12 mos, but as a teacher without tenure I need to go this year in order to secure my tenure [very annoying], but anyway it's great to hear from someone like you, it's very reassuring.  Thanks a lot!!
 
January 26, 2006, 10:55 am CST

can't we all just get along

I've been reading the posts on daycare & it seems like a tug-of-war exists between SAHMs educating their kids & working moms sending their kids to daycare/babysitter.  I wish that we can see that it is the type of care a parent or a daycare gives a child.  As long as high-quality care is administered with warmth & love, all children will do exceptionally well.  And if ur child goes to daycare, the type of quality time between parent & child makes a difference as well.  It's the SAHMs & daycares that have neglected children that make either choice sound bad.  And it's not only the SAHMs or the working moms, it's the dads, the grandparents, the family, the village!!  In an ideal world & this one too, I'd like to see someone post a positive statement about staying home or daycare & have no one get offended.  Just b/c one chooses a particular route doesn't mean that the other person who has chosen the opposite route is wrong.  We're all right if we care & love our children.  I just had to post that.  Thanks for reading. 

 
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