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Topic : Good Parenting

Number of Replies: 277
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:45:41 pm
Author : dataimport
Being a good parent means more than just changing diapers and wiping noses. Share with us your strategies and stories of great parenting.

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September 9, 2007, 2:59 pm CDT

guns in the house

A friend of mine recently moved into a new house and was having a party with adults and children.  When my kids (3 & 5 yrs) and I got there I quietly asked her out of earshot to anyone else if she minded if I asked where they were keeping their gun, whether it was locked up, etc, since I knew they had one from asking long ago at their old house.  I wanted to ensure my girls did not even go into the room where it was.  I am a very protective parent and just felt like I was doing what I felt was best by asking this question.  She has a 2 & 5 yr old and apparently took my question the wrong way and became offended.  I assured her I was in no way implying her house was not kept safe.  Anyway, the conversation did not go well and now I don't know if we are even friends anymore.  I would never be offended if someone (especially someone I thought was a friend) asked me the same question.  In fact, she didn't seem to mind when I asked a year ago at her old house.  Just wanted to get some opinions on whether parents would be offended or not if asked this question?  I personally think it is a question every parent should ask if they are visiting a house where the kids will be playing and not be watched at all times, just to be safe.

 

 
September 10, 2007, 5:16 pm CDT

Good Parenting

Quote From: momofpp

A friend of mine recently moved into a new house and was having a party with adults and children.  When my kids (3 & 5 yrs) and I got there I quietly asked her out of earshot to anyone else if she minded if I asked where they were keeping their gun, whether it was locked up, etc, since I knew they had one from asking long ago at their old house.  I wanted to ensure my girls did not even go into the room where it was.  I am a very protective parent and just felt like I was doing what I felt was best by asking this question.  She has a 2 & 5 yr old and apparently took my question the wrong way and became offended.  I assured her I was in no way implying her house was not kept safe.  Anyway, the conversation did not go well and now I don't know if we are even friends anymore.  I would never be offended if someone (especially someone I thought was a friend) asked me the same question.  In fact, she didn't seem to mind when I asked a year ago at her old house.  Just wanted to get some opinions on whether parents would be offended or not if asked this question?  I personally think it is a question every parent should ask if they are visiting a house where the kids will be playing and not be watched at all times, just to be safe.

 

I think that you did the right thing. My parents have guns in their home and whenever my 3 and 4 year old children spend the weekend with them I always ask them if they are locked up and put where the kids can't get to them. I would not be offended if someone would ask me that question, I would never keep a gun in my house with my kids around. But to eack his own.
 
October 19, 2007, 3:51 pm CDT

how to my daughter's immediate attention

my daughter is nearly 5 1/2 yrs old. she is a good child but one thing that is driving me insane n because of which i get angry at her n yell  n many times spank her too,etc, is in the case of eating food , drinking milk, i try calling her first  to come 4 the meal or drink milk but she totally ignores me it feels i'm talking to the walls, then when i get angry and forcefully take her then she comes n usually crying, i want her to listen to me immediately..what  would u advice me i just hate this routine
 
October 20, 2007, 8:07 pm CDT

Good Parenting

Good parenting,  I wish I knew the secret.  I pray I'm doing a good job.  I try to protect , teach,  and most important love.  I want my children to be happy and healthy.   I want them to like me when they are grown. 

 

 

My mother is my best friend.  She has a lot of guilt about things that happened when I was growing up.  I've told her its okay.  I love her and understand what happen.  I wish I could prove to her its okay.  I'm not sure what I could do.

 
October 23, 2007, 6:39 pm CDT

strange question

hi all!

 

this is my first time on this message board.  i have a very weird question.  today my husband pointed out that our dog left us a 'present' on our back patio (a baby rabbit).  he made a point not to tell our 8 year old daughter about it and was very discret about the whole thing.  after he got rid of the 'present', he went to pick up our 11 year old daughter.  when they came back home she said, 'oh, i heard nikki left us a present'.  to which his response was to shush her so our 8 year old wouldn't hear.  i am now thinking that it was strange that he so openly explained this to our 11 year old but is keeping this information from our 8 year old.  why tell either of them if the 'evidence' was taken care of?  any feedback would be greatly appreciated as i am really confused about this. 

 

ps:  asking him would not be an option.  he's a very hostile person and would be very offended if asked about this situation.

 

thanks!!

kat

 
October 24, 2007, 9:04 pm CDT

Misbehaving at Mealtime Suggestions

Quote From: adeelayl

my daughter is nearly 5 1/2 yrs old. she is a good child but one thing that is driving me insane n because of which i get angry at her n yell  n many times spank her too,etc, is in the case of eating food , drinking milk, i try calling her first  to come 4 the meal or drink milk but she totally ignores me it feels i'm talking to the walls, then when i get angry and forcefully take her then she comes n usually crying, i want her to listen to me immediately..what  would u advice me i just hate this routine
Are you sitting down at the table to eat and drink with her too?  I know if I'm not at the table with my 4 year old and 7 year old they're not going to stay there either.  I know it's much more convenient sometimes to sit them down at the table while you get other things accomplished, but make the time to have your meals with her.  And make it fun.  Ask about her day, play a word game, tell a story.  And sure this takes more time, but in the long run it will be worth it.  If you already do this  then disregard the suggestions.

As far as meals go let her have some input every once in a while.  Maybe after showing up at the table immediately when asked for the entire week, then on Saturday she gets to plan the menu (or part of it).   Let her set the table or help with the food.  Chances are she'll be excited to be given such an important "big girl" task and you'll have a little less to do yourself.

When you want her at the table give her some kind of countdown before (like "Five minutes until table time")  My oldest needs a warning so that she can finish up what she's doing instead of being expected to just drop everything and come running.  Praise, praise, praise when she follows instructions immediately.  And I know how frustrating it is when your child doesn't listen and respond immediately, but try your hardest to be patient and not lose control, because when you get angry and yell you're really just putting her in control.

I don't know...maybe even try making the table more inviting.  A vase of flowers, colorful placemats.  Once a month my girls and I have a "dress-up dinner" if they've behaved.  Before kids I would have never thought of eating hot dogs and mac and cheese in a dress, panyhose and heels, but that's probably their favorite mealtime.

These are all just suggestions...the key is making some positive connection between your daughter and mealtime.  Something that she's going to remember when she's a mom.
 
January 1, 2008, 8:37 pm CST

Can a couple not in love still live as a family?

We call or should I say he, called it quits on us as a relationship about a year into us living together. But we stayed together for our daughter who was very young. We've lived together for 8yrs as a "non-couple" couple. To outsiders we refer to each other as boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes we even have relations with each other.

 

He isn't affectionate at all and his distaste for me enhances that. Is it healthy for our children? Because we now have two. Yea...that whole "sometimes we have relations".

 

I love him very VERY much but I know that I am not a good woman for him or at least his type. That is why he hates me. I don't plan on looking elsewhere and neither does he.

 

Can it work as a family?

 
January 6, 2008, 11:11 am CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: jaimie1974

You are the strongest female role model that your children will ever have in their lives. Every action you take, every decision you make in your daily life is teaching them what is normal, right or acceptable behavior. By staying in a not only loveless, but a hateful and hostile relationship, you are not doing your children any good. What you are doing is teaching them that it is normal for a husband to hate his wife. That it is normal for a wife to tolerate being treated unfairly/badly. You are setting your children up for a sad future, because they will grow up, go out into the world, and seek out relationships that are like the one you share with your boyfriend.
You are at a cross road in your life. I know that it seems easier to stay, but just because it is easier doesnt mean it is right. Sometimes the right thing to do in life is the hardest thing to do. You are waiting for him to change his mind, but you must accept that he isnt going to do that. He is going to continue to use you if you are there; why subject yourself to this humiliation? You really do deserve so much better in life! If you cant leave for your own reasons, then think about your precious children. They deserve to have happy, healthy lives; but to have happy healthy lives, they have to have a happy, healthy mother. I urge you to start working on making yourself a healthier (emotionally, spiritually as well as physically) and happier person by focusing your energy onto YOU. You are the only person you have any power over to change, there is no time like the present! I wish you the best.

Thank you for your best wishes. I just wanted to make clear that I'm far from being a victim in a bad situation. I'm happy for the most part. Under the cicumstances of living with someone who does not love me, he does support  the majority of the household and is a good father all and all. We don't fight much, it's just when we do it is like an explosion. But that does not happen often. For the most part, we're pretty good at playing pretend.

I know I'm the female role model but I'm also a week parent. He makes up for what I lack in patience and love. My fear is that our daughter would grow up and be in a hostile relationship. But there is a good chance that won't happen because we do not lie to them about our relationship like most parents who are unhappy do. Our oldest daughter knows prob. more then she should. But with that she will hopefully take away that things happen and everyone should try to be with someone they love and kids should always come first.

My "boyfriend" is not young and it seems like he works himself into an early grave. He is the king of stress and stacking things on his shoulders to carry. I love him for so many reasons but I hate the fact that he thinks it's not important for him to be around forever and where his priorities are. He doesn't love me and I know I hate him for it because I think he should. For not better reason then how much I worship him. But I'm deceptive and scornfull and don't actively appreciate him. I am my own worst enemy.

 
January 21, 2008, 7:19 am CST

Robin's perfect parenting

Last week my cousin called to advise me that Robin told a guest on the show that  she never called her sons any derogatory names and only spoke to them with love in her voice.  I don't believe this and if it is so then I would like to know how many hours the nanny logged.  Mothers are human and sometimes say things they don't mean and speak in a tone that  is not so flowery.  When a parent is devoting their life full time to their children then they get a real person and not a perfect rendition.  I would love to be able to call a sitter when I don't feel like mother of the year but this isn't an option for myself and a lot of other mothers .  Anyway, I was a little disappointed that you would call her from the audience and compare her to the mother on the stage and in turn insult a lot of other parents who don't have the means that you both do.
 
February 1, 2008, 1:19 pm CST

I agree

Quote From: calineptune

Last week my cousin called to advise me that Robin told a guest on the show that  she never called her sons any derogatory names and only spoke to them with love in her voice.  I don't believe this and if it is so then I would like to know how many hours the nanny logged.  Mothers are human and sometimes say things they don't mean and speak in a tone that  is not so flowery.  When a parent is devoting their life full time to their children then they get a real person and not a perfect rendition.  I would love to be able to call a sitter when I don't feel like mother of the year but this isn't an option for myself and a lot of other mothers .  Anyway, I was a little disappointed that you would call her from the audience and compare her to the mother on the stage and in turn insult a lot of other parents who don't have the means that you both do.
I agree totally! You really have to not just take what she says with a grain of salt but dive into the salt mine!
 
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