Quote From: straghtupOur 18-yr-old son is close to graduation and is not going to college and will not get a job. He claims to be looking by 'asking his friends'. I've forced him to apply at 3 places, but have since determined that I'm more concerned about this than he is and stopped helping. He was to have a job to save money to buy a car, of which we were going to help pay for with some of our stimulus payment. The rule is: If he is working by graduation 5/31/08, he can stay home for the summer to save and get a place to live, but if he is not working, he will need to move out on 6/1/08. Today I spoke with him just to make sure he understood our expectations of him, and he does. Although he could barely look up from his video game, as usual. My Question: How do we go through the 'function' of moving him? I can pack his stuff, care package and all, but when he has no vehicle to leave with do I just set everything on the front patio? I'm guessing he will have to call, or will have already arranged, for a friend to assist him, but am unsure. I did mention that if these friends were the ones he expected to get him a job (rather than himself), they may need to get him a place to stay also. He deserves Graduation and a Graduation Party but it will be pretty uncomfortable knowing he is leaving the next day. He will expectedly badmouth us to guests that we are such 'jerks', but we are comforable with the knowledge that this is a result of his lack of responsiblity. So, in the event that he is not working in 3 weeks and is expected to leave, what advice can anyone provide? Thank you !
You mentioned that your son has no college plans. What about vocational or technical school? There are a lot of opportunities in those schools for him to get involved in something he is really interested in. Try visiting some of those schools with him, even if he seems disinterested at first. He can talk with a career counselor there. They have written aptitude/interest tests that can guide him toward a career that best uses his abilities and interests.
Second, TAKE AWAY THE VIDEO GAMES!!! Lock them up, or sell them!! They are obviously detrimental to your son's ambition...video games can actually be addictive. He is wasting a lot of time and brain power on them.
Your son does deserve a graduation party...it is a time to celebrate his achievement.
What's the rush on getting him out the door??...18 is awfully young for a kid to be completely on his own, especially if he is not in school. You are setting him up for failure if you send him out on the streets too soon. I realize that you are trying to get a point across, but I don't think that you are using the right approach. He needs to mature some more, and he needs to learn the skills necessary to make it on his own.
While living at home, though, he should be paying rent, if he is not going to school. You could put the rent into a savings account for him, for future expenses of getting his own place. He should be doing his own laundry, helping with the cooking and cleaning, learning to budget his money and balance his checkbook, and learning how to manage his time.
My husband lived at home until he was 21. He went to techinical school and received a degree in Applied Sciences and Diesel Mechanics. Whe he graduated from school and got a job, he paid rent. He helped with the household chores and cooking. The rules were very clear. I think that you can make some kind of arrangement with your son.
Are you working outside your home? If so, it is harder to help your son manage his time during the day. Maybe you could use some of your vacation time to help him get started on exploring the possiblity of techinical/vocational school. If he goes out with no training and no job skills, he will end up in minimum wage jobs for life!! If he won't make the calls to the schools, you do it for him...some kids just need extra help in finding direction in their lives.
Our oldest son is now 19. He is currently attending culinary school, and he loves it!! He is working part-time, and he currently lives with my brother and his wife, about 300 miles from home. To pay his room and board, he is their personal chef. It is a good arrangement for him for now. When he graduates and gets a good job, he will then be expected to move out on his own. He is saving as much as he can now, so he will have the money when it is time to go out on his own. When he first went down to school, he had a small apartment, but he was really lonely, and he was barely getting enough hours at work to cover his rent, food and bus fare. We worried about him constantly. When my brother offered to have him move in there, it was really a relief. He is really too young to be completely on his own
When our son was researching the schools, I did a lot of the "leg work", making calls and getting the information. We helped our son fill out his school application, and helped him with the FAFSA and student financiang paperwork. He is paying for his own schooling, but he needed us to be co-signers on his loans.
I think that there is hope for your son to become a responsible adult, but kicking him out isn't going to accomplish that goal...again, help him explore the option of technical school...he just might find his niche'. If he decides to go to school, allow him to live with you, or find him dorm housing.
I'm sure that you don't really want your son living in a box under a bridge, or free-loading off of his friends...
