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Topic : Good Parenting

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:45:41 pm
Author : dataimport
Being a good parent means more than just changing diapers and wiping noses. Share with us your strategies and stories of great parenting.

 
waterlily
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November 12, 2005, 11:43 am PST

Sorry, just realised that was an old post ...

Quote From: cscutie79

 Desperately need some advice .          I am a 26yr old single mom of a very beautiful and intelligent 8 yr old. When I found out I was pregnant for her I broke up with her father because I finally saw who he was( Liar, Cheat and troublemaker). Well a couple of yrs ago he talked me into letting them meet. My daughter was quickly drawn to him but I realized he was never going to change. Shortly after he got into trouble and was placed behind bars.My Daughter didn't know him very long but she fell in love with her "dad" and now I am torn about what I should Do.  Should I let him fade like some distant memory?   Should I tell my daughter that he is in jail???   I feel like she is happy and we have a stable home...
I never Bad mouth him...As a matter of fact I always remind her that He does love her very much and I'm sure he misses her.   Do you think knowing her dad is a bad person will affect her?? Should I allow him to write or should I keep on telling my daughter that I am clueless to his whereabouts?
I don't want her to be angry at me when she gets older for not telling her, but on the same note I'm not sure if children should know that one of their parents is BAD.   Please Help me If you can...
I thought I was replying to a new post. Hope it was still helpful. Have you talked to your daughter? How did it go?
 
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cathyjul
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November 17, 2005, 11:00 pm PST

Good Parenting

Quote From: nifferssvo

I have two daughter, 8 and 6, plus I am 6 months pregnant. not the issue though... the issue is my 6 year old, she is so excited about the baby but in the last month or so she has decided that she is helpless. I think I will pull my hair out if I hear the words "I can't" anymore. She says "I can't tie my shoes", "I can't find my clothes".... on and on and on. Plus she has decided to take up the habit of lying, about everything from brushing her teeth to how much homework she has. It is almost like she has become an expert on it. What can I do? I want this to stop before the baby gets here, I will be insane.  

Try finding a way to praise her and make her feel like she is is your special big girl. Talk about how much she means to you and what a big help she will be. Also point out privildges she has that the others don't (gets to stay up a bit later) It could be she is just afraid she shes not going to be your baby any more.  
 
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cathyjul
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November 17, 2005, 11:17 pm PST

Good Parenting

Quote From: missmama4

I really wish that there was really a book on the correct way to raise your children, but let's face it, there isn't. It's basically trial and error. 

My situation is, I have 4 girls. 7,4,3,and 1. My 7 year old lives 18 hrs away, which goes without saying, very hard. My other 3 are at home 24-7. My 4year old, Ryan, is getting such a smarty brittches, that I can't take it. My 3 year old, Bailey, use to be so sweet, but now is following in Ryan's footsteps. My 1year old, Emma-Grace is to the point to where she won't mind. I'm worried that I have waited to long to discipline. Seems like I would have it right by now, Wrong!  

It's my fault, I am not consistant. I say, "If you do that again, I'm gonna," about a million times and never do anything. They know this. They're kids but they're not stupid! 

So, I know my problem, now the question is how do I change it? Is it too late? Am I doomed?  Help! 

I agree its never to late but I believe its hard to do what you don't know. Read some books get some ideas and get a backbone with those kids. If you can't do it when they are little you will never do it when they are older.  

  

My son earns bingo chips for good behaviour and looses them for poor behaviour. He gets spending money. TV and computer time for his chips. I bought an white board and its in a place where he can see it and I keep score for the week as to what he has earned. If they persist anking for something tell them they will lose chips. For me if I ask him to do something once and he does it he gets three, if I have to ask twice he gets 1 and it I have to ask a third time he owes me three. Another strategy is if your not sure avoid the word "No".... say I need to think about it, we will see. That way when you say No they will learn that you mean it. Last once you say it there is no turning back... Make it so!  Good luck. 
 
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donovan
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November 19, 2005, 2:13 pm PST

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Hello everyone I am new to these boards and about to be a father.  I am 21 and my girlfriend is 18 and I know we can handle it, I am just affraid that I am going to mess up.  I had a pretty horrible father but the most terrific mother ever and I don't want to turn out like my dad.  So i guess I am looking for advice to help me be the father I know I am capable of.  So if there is any advice out there I am all ears.
 
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jettav
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November 19, 2005, 8:59 pm PST

Good Parenting

Quote From: donovan

Hello everyone I am new to these boards and about to be a father.  I am 21 and my girlfriend is 18 and I know we can handle it, I am just affraid that I am going to mess up.  I had a pretty horrible father but the most terrific mother ever and I don't want to turn out like my dad.  So i guess I am looking for advice to help me be the father I know I am capable of.  So if there is any advice out there I am all ears.
being a good parent takes work, effort, love, respect and determination and so much more. The first thing you need to do is love and respect the mother of your child and be there for her through thick and thin no matter what. Know that being a mother has got to be the hardest job on earth for it is usually the mother who is the primary care giver of the child. When she says she needs help or gets over whelmed, be there for her and offer your help as well as allow her time to her self and to have a social life just as you need as well. Be there for your child, know that he is young and needs both his parents to love him and to care for him and put the child as a high priority on your list. None of us are perfect but when we love and respect our families then we will all reap the good benefits from it. Youa re both so young but if you are there for each other and working together, you will do just fine. I, myself come from the crappiest of homes and my husbands mom dies when he was 9 so that left him with a single father working and being gone a lot so neither one of us had all that great of role models but we were mature and determined to be the best paretns ever to our children, we love and respect each other and we work together with our little ones. parenting isn't always easy but well worth the task and our children deserve the best that we have to offer them. Also waht helps me to be the motehr that I desire to be is prayer and my faith in God, and also meeting with other parents and not being afraid to ask for help if needed, there is always some one there who can help us in some way shape or form. My husband was 34 when he first became a father and he had the same concerns as you,and he is a wonderful father to our girls, it is all in the attitude and desire as well as I believe your realtionship with your girlfriend, you have to be a team here.
 
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tkebobby
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November 21, 2005, 12:09 am PST

Good Parenting

Quote From: donovan

Hello everyone I am new to these boards and about to be a father.  I am 21 and my girlfriend is 18 and I know we can handle it, I am just affraid that I am going to mess up.  I had a pretty horrible father but the most terrific mother ever and I don't want to turn out like my dad.  So i guess I am looking for advice to help me be the father I know I am capable of.  So if there is any advice out there I am all ears.
The first thing you should do is, literally, write down what your dad did as a father that you didn't like. Then, figure out why he might have done what he did. I never understood a lot of things my parents did until recently, and a lot of them were for the better (I still don't like to admit they were right). If you still really feel that the things you have written down were wrong, then come up with a specific plan as to how you are not going to do the same thing and what you are going to do instead. E.G. My parents like the "because I said so" reasoning. I now know that explaining things to kids tends to work better, and it what I have decided to do. So, what did your dad do, can you MAYBE see his side? And if not, what will you do? Again, literally write it down or type it out. Second, kids are EXPENCIVE... just a fact. A good paying, stable job is a must (for one of you anyway, doesn't matter which one). I know no one has "the right way" to raise a kid, but some a sure as hell better than others. Start buying books, again, they may no all be right, but it's probably better than trying improv. it. There are far more things that help make a good parent, or things that parents can do to raise their kid correcty, infact far more than I 1) am willing to type about, and  2) know about.
 
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aaabbbccc
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November 21, 2005, 4:57 am PST

"But Daddy says it's okay"

Okay, I need some good advice, and fast, if anyone is up to it.   

I am the mother of an 8 year old and a 4 year old-both girls. I am having particular trouble with the 8 year old in this instance. She has had trouble sleeping through the night since she was an infant, and therefore, her father has stayed with her through the night for emotional support. Well, now, it has been eight years, and I have been trying very hard to get him to stop sleeping with her each and every night. I feel that it is unhealthy and sick, but he disagrees. Since I have complained so much, he sleeps on the floor in her room sometimes instead. He just won't leave her so that she can learn to sleep alone. I set limits about this to them both, throughout the day and for most of the night,  because I keep finding them together-him with her instead of being in bed with me, where he belongs.  I am absolutely exhausted, plus I still have the 4 year old to care for, who has special needs.  When I finally get so tired that I fall asleep, (at usually 2 or 3am) the 8 year old either goes to get him to sleep with her, or he goes in her room on his own. I wake up to an empty bed! 

Yes, it is true,  I have not slept with my husband consistently for about 8 years. Instead he sleeps with our eight year old!  When I explain my views on this he says that I am crazy, but I just don't know how to resolve this eight year feud while restoring our child's emotional health. Please Help! 
 
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tkebobby
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November 21, 2005, 7:30 am PST

Good Parenting

Quote From: aaabbbccc

Okay, I need some good advice, and fast, if anyone is up to it.   

I am the mother of an 8 year old and a 4 year old-both girls. I am having particular trouble with the 8 year old in this instance. She has had trouble sleeping through the night since she was an infant, and therefore, her father has stayed with her through the night for emotional support. Well, now, it has been eight years, and I have been trying very hard to get him to stop sleeping with her each and every night. I feel that it is unhealthy and sick, but he disagrees. Since I have complained so much, he sleeps on the floor in her room sometimes instead. He just won't leave her so that she can learn to sleep alone. I set limits about this to them both, throughout the day and for most of the night,  because I keep finding them together-him with her instead of being in bed with me, where he belongs.  I am absolutely exhausted, plus I still have the 4 year old to care for, who has special needs.  When I finally get so tired that I fall asleep, (at usually 2 or 3am) the 8 year old either goes to get him to sleep with her, or he goes in her room on his own. I wake up to an empty bed! 

Yes, it is true,  I have not slept with my husband consistently for about 8 years. Instead he sleeps with our eight year old!  When I explain my views on this he says that I am crazy, but I just don't know how to resolve this eight year feud while restoring our child's emotional health. Please Help! 

First of all, you are correct, the behavior is not helping your daughter. Why is it that she can't fall asleep? That might be a good place to start, as far as actually helping her sleep. As for your husband, the only way for you to stop the problem is to change his behavior (as your child hasn't really done anything wrong). You need to put your foot down and tell him that his behavior is NOT healthy, nor it it helpful. "...unheathy and sick..." Normally, I wouldn't see a problem with a father sleeping in the same bed as his 8 year old daughter if she couldn't get to sleep, if it were once in a while. (By the way, have you tried letting her sleep in your room?) But this pattern of consistancy over 8 years REALLY worries me. I'm not making accusations, and I need a lot more information to come to this conclusion, but initial when I read this it lead to be believe something terrible is going on in that room. It is possible that she is being molested. One HUGE indicator of molestation in children is night terrors (more than your average nightmare). Again, I'm not making any accusations, but this really made me worry. EITHER WAY, the behavior needs to stop.
 
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jennife72
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November 29, 2005, 5:35 am PST

good parenting

Quote From: tkebobby

First of all, you are correct, the behavior is not helping your daughter. Why is it that she can't fall asleep? That might be a good place to start, as far as actually helping her sleep. As for your husband, the only way for you to stop the problem is to change his behavior (as your child hasn't really done anything wrong). You need to put your foot down and tell him that his behavior is NOT healthy, nor it it helpful. "...unheathy and sick..." Normally, I wouldn't see a problem with a father sleeping in the same bed as his 8 year old daughter if she couldn't get to sleep, if it were once in a while. (By the way, have you tried letting her sleep in your room?) But this pattern of consistancy over 8 years REALLY worries me. I'm not making accusations, and I need a lot more information to come to this conclusion, but initial when I read this it lead to be believe something terrible is going on in that room. It is possible that she is being molested. One HUGE indicator of molestation in children is night terrors (more than your average nightmare). Again, I'm not making any accusations, but this really made me worry. EITHER WAY, the behavior needs to stop.

that is not atall appropriate for him to be sleeping with her now in the bed  

it was ok when she was little but even then it is questionable  

but she is 8 

she has to learn to sleep in her own bed  

  

  
 
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jennife72
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November 29, 2005, 5:36 am PST

hi

Quote From: tkebobby

The first thing you should do is, literally, write down what your dad did as a father that you didn't like. Then, figure out why he might have done what he did. I never understood a lot of things my parents did until recently, and a lot of them were for the better (I still don't like to admit they were right). If you still really feel that the things you have written down were wrong, then come up with a specific plan as to how you are not going to do the same thing and what you are going to do instead. E.G. My parents like the "because I said so" reasoning. I now know that explaining things to kids tends to work better, and it what I have decided to do. So, what did your dad do, can you MAYBE see his side? And if not, what will you do? Again, literally write it down or type it out. Second, kids are EXPENCIVE... just a fact. A good paying, stable job is a must (for one of you anyway, doesn't matter which one). I know no one has "the right way" to raise a kid, but some a sure as hell better than others. Start buying books, again, they may no all be right, but it's probably better than trying improv. it. There are far more things that help make a good parent, or things that parents can do to raise their kid correcty, infact far more than I 1) am willing to type about, and  2) know about.

what kind of mother was she when you were little?  

did you know your dad?  

i think you will do fine  

did you have some male role models in your life  

such as uncles or grandfather 

  
 
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