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Topic : Good Parenting

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:45:41 pm
Author : dataimport
Being a good parent means more than just changing diapers and wiping noses. Share with us your strategies and stories of great parenting.
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jettav
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December 6, 2005, 7:21 am PST

Good Parenting

Quote From: tkebobby

I'm a child of adoptive parents. My situation is a little bit different, as I am Korean and my parents are Caucasian, and I would have found out no matter what. However, given that, I was told for as long as I remember that I was adopted and this was normal to me. My parents have always been Mom and Dad (Mom and Dad as in proper noun). I know I have biological parents which I came from but my parents are the ones who have raised me my whole life. I like that you have decided not to hide the facts. There is a difference between the work Father and Dad. Father is merely the person whom the sperm came from. Dad is the one who raises the child. Your husband is her Dad, plain and simple. Yes, let her she is adopted and that she has a BIOLOGICAL father, but her Dad is your husband. But her biological father is nothing more than that, he is a means which she became. But the man who is raising her, the man who loves her, and the man who is her Dad is your husband.  

  

Looking to the future, she may one day want to know who her father is. You can't deny her that. But, if she understands who her Dad is, you shouldn't have a problem as far as her wanting to be with him or anything to that effect.  

You gave some really good advice. This is something that I tried to explain to my niece that her adoptive parents were the ones who loved and raised her fromt he time she was 4 months old and they accepted her into their home and did so much. her bio mother (my sister) was too busy drinking and doing drugs and whatever else and the bio father that he was jesus (and I am not being sarcastic there, he really did think that), it was horrible and my niece ended up in the hospital becasue of him and she was a littel baby, but she still rebelled and went and met her real mother thinking everything would turn out right, tehway she wanted them but no way! I will not go into details there but I agree that the ones who are loving and caring for the child are the real parents, regardless of the type of person that the biological parent is, even in the best of scenerios, that the bio parent may be good at heart with good intentions and maybe even sorry for what they have done but in all reality, the adoptive parents are mom and dad. My niece now realizes how lucky she was to have been adoptive into my aunts home and glad that she wasn't raised with her bio mother, unfortuanetly, both her adoptive paretns have passed away and she will never be able to express her gratitude to them now. I think if adoptive parents are passionate and loving and caring, theri children will grow up to love and respect them and appreciate the love and acceptance, though they may need answers and and all, for the most part, I believe in cases such as the person posting here, the daughter will know who her daddy is. I personally have a family who I have claimed as my own though I was never legally adopted, I have called this couple mom and dad for many years and spent a lot of my time with them, and no way would I ever give them up if my bio dad decided to enter the picture. I agree 100% with your post................................have a nice day every one, got a busy day today around here. :)
 
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casiedhall
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December 6, 2005, 8:26 am PST

Thank You

Quote From: jettav

I believe in honesty but of course I am sure there is a right and wrong time with a situation like this.My niece was adopted by my aunt and when she found out, she was a bit bitter about it but the approach was all wrong and the parents did not agree on when and how to tell her therefore, one acted and it didn't go too well, but then I know another case with the exact opposite response and it was done with more thought and communication. I think you and your husband need to communicate and talk about it and even discuss the emotions that may come with it as well as the possible results and all, I think if you know your daughter well enough, you will figure out the best time to do this. I think when you do decide it is time, have some photos of her real dad so she can see what he looks like and let her know that there may be a time that he might decide to come around and that it is ok and that you will never discourage her from getting to know him. keep as positive as you can with her and at the same time, both you and your husband need to let her know how much you love her and want to give her the best life that you possibly can be. I can guarentee that as she grows older, she will know and feel the love of those who care for her, she may not understand everything at first but if you are honest and opened with her, she will be ok. I know a couple who adopted and they consistently tell their child that they got to choose her as theri child and that was a real special occasion, maybe your husband will be able to plug in something like that as well, that he loves her as his very own and he was happy to accept her into his life. I don't know if I helped any but hang in there together and I am sure everything will turn out ok.
Hello , I just wanted to thank you so much for your advice , it really helped alot . I need to hear everyhting you said . I cried while reading it . I know I definitly need to tell her . She is a really smart little girl , and I think I maybe should tell her now , but my husband kinda thinks we might need to wait until shes a little older , she is only 3 will be 4 in april. WHat do you think , do u think she is too young to be worried about this now ?    Thanks again for repling to my message.
 
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jettav
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December 6, 2005, 4:11 pm PST

Good Parenting

Quote From: casiedhall

Hello , I just wanted to thank you so much for your advice , it really helped alot . I need to hear everyhting you said . I cried while reading it . I know I definitly need to tell her . She is a really smart little girl , and I think I maybe should tell her now , but my husband kinda thinks we might need to wait until shes a little older , she is only 3 will be 4 in april. WHat do you think , do u think she is too young to be worried about this now ?    Thanks again for repling to my message.
You are welcome. You know your child better then any one, chances are 3 may be too young but kids are different. I don't think I would stress over it, take it one day at a time and you and hubby be on the same page. I think all the advice here has been good, take what you can use and go with it. You are caring parents and everything will turn out fine in the end.
 
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jettav
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December 10, 2005, 4:46 pm PST

LOL

My husband looked at me a couple of days ago and asked me what I thought about the idea of having another baby, I looked at him and said are you nuts, the third time might not be a charm! Meaning, chances are he/she would give us a run for our money, hehehehe. :), Of course after today at play practice at church, my little one decided that she didn't want to go on stage and decided to throw a tantrum over it, I looked at her and said, "ok, you don't have to go up" and I walked away and she followed me and said, stage! I picked her up and headed towards the stage and again, she threw a tantrum, I thought ok, so I went up there with her, gave her two bells to ring and she still didn't make it up there..........the meaning of this message????? I don't know, just thought I would share LOL. The joys of parenthood, not always easy but can be interesting at times and sometimes, at least with me, I just don't get it! :) but we made it through the day and the chicken nuggets helped the little one. Never did figure out the deal with my Anna, other then she is one tired girl and she fell asleep early so maybe tomorrow she will be back to her own little self, and get up there and ring those bells. :).
 
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December 10, 2005, 9:26 pm PST

what to do or say???

My husband and I had a fight tonight over my 2 1/2year old daughter. He feels that  we should teach her "do as i say, not as i do". im 100000% against that. He called her name and she said what? He laughed and made a comment like she wont be saying that much longer cause its not nice. I then said. well. You cant expect her to say something different if your answering her the same way.  He also has a habbit of saying MOVE when he wants to get by or pass. I asked him to say excuse me, because we want our Daughter to use the right words and have respect. I am sooo frustrated right now. Can someone please saw something to ease my mind that what im tryingto do isnt so far fetched. Thanks!!! 
 
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casiedhall
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December 11, 2005, 3:40 pm PST

Good Parenting

Quote From: jaclyn82

My husband and I had a fight tonight over my 2 1/2year old daughter. He feels that  we should teach her "do as i say, not as i do". im 100000% against that. He called her name and she said what? He laughed and made a comment like she wont be saying that much longer cause its not nice. I then said. well. You cant expect her to say something different if your answering her the same way.  He also has a habbit of saying MOVE when he wants to get by or pass. I asked him to say excuse me, because we want our Daughter to use the right words and have respect. I am sooo frustrated right now. Can someone please saw something to ease my mind that what im tryingto do isnt so far fetched. Thanks!!! 

I totally agree w/ what u are trying to teach your daughter , you have to set an example of how you want them to act . YOu cant tell them one thing and then do somethign else , that would be crazy . LIke my husdand is in the army , and everyone around him curses all day , and he does it while hes at work , but when he comes home he cant talk like that anymore b/c of our 2 daughters , we teach them not to talk like that so , so we cant talk like that either . YOu know.    WHat your saying is not far fetched at all . I understand where u are comming from . Me and my husband have arguments about our children sometimes too. It must be a mom thing. LOL.      Hope to hv eased your mind a little .        GOD Bless You and Yours..... 

  
 
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jettav
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December 12, 2005, 2:35 pm PST

starfall website

Quote From: casiedhall

Im glad to hear my dauhgter isnt the only one . Until a few days ago my 3 yr old would always ask me , can I get on the computer I would say yeah what do u want to go to and she would say barbie.com or pbskids. BUt ever since I showed her starfall.com , shes been wanting  to go on that instead . She loves it and so do I , shes learnig her letters really good now . And just by seeing them on the computer she is learning to write them to . Thanks for telling me about this website . We are really enjoying it .   

You and texas both are welcome. We love that site as well. Actually another girl who used to come to the Dr. Phil boards gave it to me, it is a really cool place for the kids, safe and fun.I spend about 15 minutes a day on it with my youngest and she loves it more then anything. She isn't as fast of a learner as my oldest so it has helped tremendously with her. My oldest will sometimes work on it in the evenings and help her little sister right along. Check out the "Iknowthat.com" site as well,just beware, it might be addicting as well. LOL. We only get on the math part on a occasions which has helped my oldest with addition and some subtraction, we mostly work hands on projects here but I will say that these websites are wonderful and a good time filler if needed.......if you want good and fun games, got o Bigidea.com which is the veggie tale site and they have coloring pages you can print out as well.....this week is pretty full so not on as often but will be back I am sure LOL.
 
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debrasatt
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December 14, 2005, 1:23 pm PST

lack of comunication from school

  My son two weeks ago came home with a permition slip to see Narnia I sighned it and he turned it in.Today was the movie.He called home and asked me to bring him something he needed for school.When I asked him if he liked the movie he said they didn't let him go.So I went over to the school and asked why no ane would answer me.One of his teachers called me and told me that it was because he is so tied at first period he puts his head down and goes to sleep.I did not know of this situation and my son goes to bed at 9:30 in the evening.No one bothered to tell me he was doing this.I asked why they didn't infprm me that he wasn't going and why .They said it was made as an anouncement to all the kids on the speckers during school hours.My son has a IEP and for the most part most kids do not payationg to anouncememnts or equate them to themselves at this age.I asked if he wasn't going why ssend a permission slip home and why I wasnot informmed of his problem and at least given sometime to talk with him and ry to fix it so that he could see the movie.I was told that is not how they do things here and he has to grow up sometime and figure out things for himself.He was not tlod he wasn't going to see the movie until it was time for them to leave and he was not let on the bus to go.It upset him and me ofcaurse.
 
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tkebobby
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December 14, 2005, 2:53 pm PST

Confused....

Quote From: debrasatt

  My son two weeks ago came home with a permition slip to see Narnia I sighned it and he turned it in.Today was the movie.He called home and asked me to bring him something he needed for school.When I asked him if he liked the movie he said they didn't let him go.So I went over to the school and asked why no ane would answer me.One of his teachers called me and told me that it was because he is so tied at first period he puts his head down and goes to sleep.I did not know of this situation and my son goes to bed at 9:30 in the evening.No one bothered to tell me he was doing this.I asked why they didn't infprm me that he wasn't going and why .They said it was made as an anouncement to all the kids on the speckers during school hours.My son has a IEP and for the most part most kids do not payationg to anouncememnts or equate them to themselves at this age.I asked if he wasn't going why ssend a permission slip home and why I wasnot informmed of his problem and at least given sometime to talk with him and ry to fix it so that he could see the movie.I was told that is not how they do things here and he has to grow up sometime and figure out things for himself.He was not tlod he wasn't going to see the movie until it was time for them to leave and he was not let on the bus to go.It upset him and me ofcaurse.

I'm not exactly sure what this post is really asking. 

First, that seems like a stupid punishment for being tired in class. Second, what is an IEP? And lastly... what exactly are you asking? 
 
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debrasatt
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December 15, 2005, 9:44 am PST

Sorry I was not clear

Quote From: tkebobby

I'm not exactly sure what this post is really asking. 

First, that seems like a stupid punishment for being tired in class. Second, what is an IEP? And lastly... what exactly are you asking? 

I wanted to know if anyone else thought that this was as stupid and unfair to any child as I did.From what I was told when I talked to the vp.I does not matter if this happened back in sept and he was never late agian.he is not allowed to attened any school fun actives.and even the most miner incedent gets him 5 hour of after school detention.Like for instance he was 30sec. late for class last week I forgt to call the school and tell them he was late because it was my falut not his so today he has to be in dention from 2:30 till5:30 pm. I tried to tell them it was my fault not his and she said so what.A I.E P is indivaual education program for childeren with diabilities.Which my son has so do my other childeren.He was late for school everyday the very first week.It was with his first period class.From what I was told it was like 30 to 1 min. late but the school rule is that does not matter if it is 1sec. late you get written up.I have had a few problems with them giving his unescussed tartes when I have pr agganged him for dentest appointments and such thier responce is well a tarty is a tarty.He has had only one ohter problem in school and that is he was tired from a busy day tha previos day and fell asleep at his desk witch he got written up for that.I am treated like a over protectve parent at this school.Am I over reacting to this or do I have a real concern about the way this school handles disapline.I rewrote my other son iep last year to fit his needs and he is haveing a good year.and out of this particular school.This school seems to have some issues as to disaplining kids.Or am I over reacting to this Should I rewwrite his IEP.
 
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