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Topic : Good Parenting

Number of Replies: 277
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:45:41 pm
Author : dataimport
Being a good parent means more than just changing diapers and wiping noses. Share with us your strategies and stories of great parenting.

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December 15, 2005, 10:28 am CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: debrasatt

I wanted to know if anyone else thought that this was as stupid and unfair to any child as I did.From what I was told when I talked to the vp.I does not matter if this happened back in sept and he was never late agian.he is not allowed to attened any school fun actives.and even the most miner incedent gets him 5 hour of after school detention.Like for instance he was 30sec. late for class last week I forgt to call the school and tell them he was late because it was my falut not his so today he has to be in dention from 2:30 till5:30 pm. I tried to tell them it was my fault not his and she said so what.A I.E P is indivaual education program for childeren with diabilities.Which my son has so do my other childeren.He was late for school everyday the very first week.It was with his first period class.From what I was told it was like 30 to 1 min. late but the school rule is that does not matter if it is 1sec. late you get written up.I have had a few problems with them giving his unescussed tartes when I have pr agganged him for dentest appointments and such thier responce is well a tarty is a tarty.He has had only one ohter problem in school and that is he was tired from a busy day tha previos day and fell asleep at his desk witch he got written up for that.I am treated like a over protectve parent at this school.Am I over reacting to this or do I have a real concern about the way this school handles disapline.I rewrote my other son iep last year to fit his needs and he is haveing a good year.and out of this particular school.This school seems to have some issues as to disaplining kids.Or am I over reacting to this Should I rewwrite his IEP.
I for one, would not keep my child in this school. Is thre another school you can put him in or maybe even homeschooling? Doesn't seem to me like the people in this school is very caring........
 
December 15, 2005, 10:38 am CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: debrasatt

I wanted to know if anyone else thought that this was as stupid and unfair to any child as I did.From what I was told when I talked to the vp.I does not matter if this happened back in sept and he was never late agian.he is not allowed to attened any school fun actives.and even the most miner incedent gets him 5 hour of after school detention.Like for instance he was 30sec. late for class last week I forgt to call the school and tell them he was late because it was my falut not his so today he has to be in dention from 2:30 till5:30 pm. I tried to tell them it was my fault not his and she said so what.A I.E P is indivaual education program for childeren with diabilities.Which my son has so do my other childeren.He was late for school everyday the very first week.It was with his first period class.From what I was told it was like 30 to 1 min. late but the school rule is that does not matter if it is 1sec. late you get written up.I have had a few problems with them giving his unescussed tartes when I have pr agganged him for dentest appointments and such thier responce is well a tarty is a tarty.He has had only one ohter problem in school and that is he was tired from a busy day tha previos day and fell asleep at his desk witch he got written up for that.I am treated like a over protectve parent at this school.Am I over reacting to this or do I have a real concern about the way this school handles disapline.I rewrote my other son iep last year to fit his needs and he is haveing a good year.and out of this particular school.This school seems to have some issues as to disaplining kids.Or am I over reacting to this Should I rewwrite his IEP.

I agree with the other post. It sure doesn't seem like they are treating him fairly, particularly is he is disabled. By the way, what kind of disability does your son have? I would call around, and find a school with a good program. Again, I'm not sure what you mean by disability, so I'm not sure what kind of thing might be appropriate for him. It is possible that:
a) The school (which doesn't seem to be a good one) has labeled him wrong and he doesn't need anything but a new school. 

b) If he is in fact disabled by some sort of MR (Mental Retardation) or just special needs (ADD, ADHD) etc.), then there are schools with programs that specialized in that. I know my high school took in kids from all over the state because its program was so highly recommended.  

c) If you mean disabled as is physically handicapped (e.g. Deaf) there also plenty of schools specifically for that.  

  

So, write us back, let us know what you mean by disabled and we'll see what your options are from there.  

 
December 15, 2005, 2:09 pm CST

Good Parenting

 I'm kinda worried about my 2 yr . old daughter . She has seperation anxiety really really bad , she wont let me out of her sight hardly .  When we are at home  , when I start to  go upstairs she follows almost every time . She wont stay with anyone expect her granparents ,and they live in Tx and we live in La.  She wont even stay with her daddy. I mean I can't even go to the store for 15 min. with out her throwing a fit if I leave her . Its not just a small fit , she gets really terrified . I dont know why , I v never left her for a long period of time or anything. Iv tried leaving her in the nursery at church for just small amounts of time , and every time they've had to come get me out of church to come get her , b/c she is crying so bad and breaking out in like hives , her neck turns all red and stuff.  I dont know what to do . Every one I tell about this says I need to just leave her for a little bit and tell her MOmmy will be back  in a minute , but Iv tried this and it doesnt work . Has anyone else been in this situation before , and do they grow out of it ?  I sure hope so b/c i need sometime to my self , DOnt get me wrong I Love it that she Loves me so much . I just wish I could atleast go to the store alone every once in a while .   IF anyone has any advice I would really  be grateful .      

                              Thanks , casie 

 
December 19, 2005, 11:14 am CST

reply

Quote From: tkebobby

I agree with the other post. It sure doesn't seem like they are treating him fairly, particularly is he is disabled. By the way, what kind of disability does your son have? I would call around, and find a school with a good program. Again, I'm not sure what you mean by disability, so I'm not sure what kind of thing might be appropriate for him. It is possible that:
a) The school (which doesn't seem to be a good one) has labeled him wrong and he doesn't need anything but a new school. 

b) If he is in fact disabled by some sort of MR (Mental Retardation) or just special needs (ADD, ADHD) etc.), then there are schools with programs that specialized in that. I know my high school took in kids from all over the state because its program was so highly recommended.  

c) If you mean disabled as is physically handicapped (e.g. Deaf) there also plenty of schools specifically for that.  

  

So, write us back, let us know what you mean by disabled and we'll see what your options are from there.  

   He did not start talking until he was 6 yrs old nad still is in spech terapy.he has trouble with reading and comprhintion.reading level at third grade level.he can add and subtract but has improved alot this year.writting is very messy.The school and one doctor say he has adhd.but Iam going to get he seen by a profesional.But everyone know how long it takes to get in to see one.he is 13yrs old and was held back in kindergarden.He does not like his first period class because it is a read out loud class and words do not come out of his mouth right at time but he is improved over the years.He does seem to be tired every morning even though he gets 11 hours of sleep.So I am not sure what is going on with him.sence he is in middle school this vp does not inform parents of problems until kids our in detenion or have allready failed a class.She belives it is none of our buisness.She says it is because she is ring to teach them to be independent of us.I belive she does not want parents involved in the school.Indevidusl education program Is for childeren with special needs.I am going to rewrite his.very soon.I am not the only one who has had a problem with this vp. onther mother had a family  emergancy across state and needed to take her child out for a week.she did all the nessesary paper work had all teachers sighn and got all homework for that week.When she got back she had calls from the school wondering where her child was and a letter form the school about the beca law and a notice form the court system and a court date about the truence of her child.She tried in vane to get the school to fix thier messin vane . The child did get grade on his homeworke.She went to courk it was dis messed .But the school put her child in in house detention.This made no sence to me.I have learned from having my older child in this school lst year the vp does what she wants.The only way to make her payattention is if you have a Iep then call lots of meetings and rewrite to and I can to fit your childs needs and make it a strong one.This is a new school it was build 2 years ago to catch the over flow of childeren here.It is only two years.I am not saying the teachers are the problem it is the adminastration and its rules for the school that are so furstrating and make no sence.I have heard some parents complane last year that thier kid spent more time in detetion or in house suspntion then class when you ask why they said stupid things like not holding a pencil right or not having a shoe tied.Some of the kids did get in trouble for the right reson so nto all was lost.I wish I could send him to onther school but it is not possible.So I will rewrite his iep get him diagnosed right.I do tell people who are thinking about buing a house here who have childeren about the problems with the admintrtion and tell them if thye can put up with the messed up system the teachers our good but the vp and p our messed up.
 
December 20, 2005, 8:29 pm CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: debrasatt

   He did not start talking until he was 6 yrs old nad still is in spech terapy.he has trouble with reading and comprhintion.reading level at third grade level.he can add and subtract but has improved alot this year.writting is very messy.The school and one doctor say he has adhd.but Iam going to get he seen by a profesional.But everyone know how long it takes to get in to see one.he is 13yrs old and was held back in kindergarden.He does not like his first period class because it is a read out loud class and words do not come out of his mouth right at time but he is improved over the years.He does seem to be tired every morning even though he gets 11 hours of sleep.So I am not sure what is going on with him.sence he is in middle school this vp does not inform parents of problems until kids our in detenion or have allready failed a class.She belives it is none of our buisness.She says it is because she is ring to teach them to be independent of us.I belive she does not want parents involved in the school.Indevidusl education program Is for childeren with special needs.I am going to rewrite his.very soon.I am not the only one who has had a problem with this vp. onther mother had a family  emergancy across state and needed to take her child out for a week.she did all the nessesary paper work had all teachers sighn and got all homework for that week.When she got back she had calls from the school wondering where her child was and a letter form the school about the beca law and a notice form the court system and a court date about the truence of her child.She tried in vane to get the school to fix thier messin vane . The child did get grade on his homeworke.She went to courk it was dis messed .But the school put her child in in house detention.This made no sence to me.I have learned from having my older child in this school lst year the vp does what she wants.The only way to make her payattention is if you have a Iep then call lots of meetings and rewrite to and I can to fit your childs needs and make it a strong one.This is a new school it was build 2 years ago to catch the over flow of childeren here.It is only two years.I am not saying the teachers are the problem it is the adminastration and its rules for the school that are so furstrating and make no sence.I have heard some parents complane last year that thier kid spent more time in detetion or in house suspntion then class when you ask why they said stupid things like not holding a pencil right or not having a shoe tied.Some of the kids did get in trouble for the right reson so nto all was lost.I wish I could send him to onther school but it is not possible.So I will rewrite his iep get him diagnosed right.I do tell people who are thinking about buing a house here who have childeren about the problems with the admintrtion and tell them if thye can put up with the messed up system the teachers our good but the vp and p our messed up.

First off, I'm not really sure what you're getting at with this problem you've having with the VP. He/She doesn't seem to be doing a very good job. That being said, perhaps changing schools should be something you want to look into!  

  

SECOND, he didn't start talking until he was 6? This to me said one of two things: Either you and everyone else in his life failed to encourage him and get him to talk... which a) I highly doubt, and b) is highly unlikely. So, don't worry there, I'm sure you did just as any parent does/did. Or two, Autism (or Aspergers). Delayed (particularly, that late) is one of the key signs of Autism. How does your son to do with other children.... does he seem to have a lot of friends? Austin would certainly explain why he doesn't want to read out loud! Furthermore, the school has no validity claiming your son has ADHD... just as I am not going to CLAIM your son has Autism, I'm merely suggesting that as a likely answer based on what you have told me. However, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that you take your son in to see a psychologist/psychiatrist to see about ADHD and Autism, you need to find out.  

 
December 30, 2005, 6:35 am CST

single mom

well i don't have to tell you that being a single mom is a lot of hard work  

sometimes it can be very stressful and sometimes you feel like a failure 

my son is 7 and he does see his dad every weekend  

right now he is out of school for the  holiday break and is with him alot since his dad is on family leave  

since his wife had a baby on dec 15th 

my son is a good kid but he gets an attitude and talks back like he is running the place 

i have tried everything and afraid to say that i have spanked him, and sometimes popped him in the mouth. is that wrong?  

i know i am a good mother but sometimes i think i am not 

my son had told me that and with all i have it is hard not to cry 

i recently became engaged to my b/f of almost 3 yrs  

we are planning next year to get married as well as buy a house 

i think being around my soon to be husband more than he is will help 

he does not have that male figure in the household  

when i tell my son about what my b/f talked to him about he will say well he is not here 

so i think that will changed dramatically 

what does everyone think?  

let me know  

  

  

thank you  

  

 
December 30, 2005, 6:44 am CST

hi there

Quote From: tkebobby

We can all say that as a result of good parenting a child should become and adult who does/doesn't  ________. We can all fill in the blank with hundreds of things good people do or don't do. But How do we get there?  

  

Good parents start with good people in a good relationship (between spouses)... opposite or same sex. Before I go any further, I need to address that statement. Children need to have two adult in their home lives to give them the best opportunity to live a full life. At a very basic, superficial level the child gains one of two things: a) two incomes (and a whole host of things associated with socioeconomics)  or b) the full time attention of at least one parent. I understand that their are some situations where this is not possible (and shouldn't happen) I.E. Death, abuse (physical, verbal, or psychological), neglect, etc. However, the growing trend in the country is to leave our spouse for reasons other than those examples. I'm not claiming that children of single parents can't thrive, I know many who have. What I am saying is that those people had to overcome a lot of unnecessary hardships. Furthermore, putting children in those situation when it is not necessary ought to be illegal!  

  

But what is "good?" 

"having desirable or positive qualities especially those suitable for a thing specified"  

"full: having the normally expected amount" 

"moral excellence or admirableness" 

I could go on with the technical definitions (and feel free to consult a dictionary if you want more of them) but isn't "good" a subjective term? Isn't "good" relative to those things not seen in a favorable light? Then who am I to call someone a good parent? Who are you to say the same? Maybe it's not our place to call someone a good parent. But we do it every day in our society. I'm not talking about judgments you can I make, I'm talking about adoption. Two people who have a one night stand, with no intentions of having a child, can have a child no on is going to tell them otherwise. But if two perfectly willing people, who physically lack the ability (one or both) to have children, want to adopt we as a society make them jump through a number of hoops to prove they are "good" people who can provide a child with the best opportunity to live a full, healthy life.  

  

So, someone has defined what a good parent is and frankly no one argues with the idea that we should screen adoptive parents. So how is that so far fetched from licencing people to parent? Yes, there are some "bad" parents who slip through the cracks of the adoption system. But, there are by far and away more "bad" parents who had absolutely no regulation what-so-ever. How can this idea offend so many when we use the same screening process on (mostly) very willing couples who want children? 

well that is the case with me and my son  

i am a single parent and it is just me and my son in the home 

i think it will changed once me and my fiance get married in the fall of next year and purchase a house  

he has no respect for me at times  

he will talk back and when i tell him something it is like i have not said a word 

what do you think? 

will that make it change? 

we have been together for almost 3 yrs and he does not live with us  

but i think it will change when we all are under the same roof 

 my fiance even thinks that  

  

let me know 

  

 
December 30, 2005, 7:13 am CST

hi there

Quote From: cathyjul

I agree its never to late but I believe its hard to do what you don't know. Read some books get some ideas and get a backbone with those kids. If you can't do it when they are little you will never do it when they are older.  

  

My son earns bingo chips for good behaviour and looses them for poor behaviour. He gets spending money. TV and computer time for his chips. I bought an white board and its in a place where he can see it and I keep score for the week as to what he has earned. If they persist anking for something tell them they will lose chips. For me if I ask him to do something once and he does it he gets three, if I have to ask twice he gets 1 and it I have to ask a third time he owes me three. Another strategy is if your not sure avoid the word "No".... say I need to think about it, we will see. That way when you say No they will learn that you mean it. Last once you say it there is no turning back... Make it so!  Good luck. 

well that is onething i have never tried  

i think i will try that with the poker chips and white board 

i think that is a good idea 

thanks  

  

 
December 30, 2005, 7:51 pm CST

Sexual Behavior in Children

 

     Today I had a 7 year old girl over for a play date with my 6 year old daughter. They are classmates and have been friends for two years. Today was only the third time this girl was over to our house and my daughter has never been to her house. As I was walking past my daughters room I heard my daughter say “OK but let’s do it quick before my mom catches us.” I opened the door and they both had their pants pulled down with their bottoms in the air. When they saw me the dropped to the floor and sheepishly wiggled back into their pants.

  

 

     After questioning them it seems they were playing “you show me yours and I’ll show you mine”. The friend told my daughter that if she did not do it she would not be her friend anymore so my daughter did it even though she knew she shouldn’t. So it seems I have two problems.

  

 

     One is that after extensive research, I cannot find anything that tells a parent what to say to your child about this. It seems we should say something and there are plenty of things NOT to say to avoid the “shameful, self-conscious feelings about natural and healthy interest in their bodies”. Yet it needs to not happen again. We have already had the privacy talks but how far should one go in explaining the why’s without confusing the child or putting ideas in their heads?

  

 

     The second problem I seem to have is my daughter’s desperate attempt at keeping a friend. Why would she do something she knows is not right to keep a friend and how can I improve her self esteem?

  

 

     Hopefully there will be some answers for me here.

  

 

  

 

 
December 31, 2005, 7:00 am CST

I want to be fair

I 'm a mother of 4 children. I have two sons 21. I have 2 daughters 19 and 20.  My daughter 20 had been engaged for 2 years now. We are planning a Oct. wedding. My daughter 19 recently got an engagement ring with plans to finish college  first thinking of a date in 2009. My son came home from the Army and ask his girlfreind to marry him . Of course she said yes. They now want to get married in a few years. Here is my problem. I'm a single mother on a fixed income. I have been planning my oldest daughter wedding and slowly paying ahead. Wanting to be fair to everyone. How do I decide how to pay for who's next. My daughter beleives that my son should wait his turn in line if he wants mom to pay for it. My son thinks since he is the oldest I should pay / plan his first. I feel really torn right now. I want to be fair. I want them both to have the most exciting day of their lives to be the best. Their father is still in the picture however he is totally disabled from an accident and is living on a tight budget also.,  Please someone anyone give me some advise to help clear my head...
 
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