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Topic : Good Parenting

Number of Replies: 277
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:45:41 pm
Author : dataimport
Being a good parent means more than just changing diapers and wiping noses. Share with us your strategies and stories of great parenting.

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February 2, 2006, 8:36 pm CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: rtkh05

Hi everyone
I would appreciate your advice on this matter. I have a child who has made a friend at school. My son has been talking about this other child a lot and asking if he can go over to his house to play after school etc. I have some reservations about letting my son go to this child's house to play as I don't know the parents that well. From what I have witnessed (briefly at the schoolgate etc) of this child's mother she doesn't seem very responsible or caring and I worry a bit about how well she will supervise/care for my child whilst he is at their house. I know that my child's safety and wellbeing takes priority so I would refuse to let him visit if I felt it was unsafe, but on the other hand I think maybe I could be being too cautious or judgemental about this child and his mother and possibly I havent given them a fair chance? What do you think? I don't want my unfounded fears/judgementalness to ruin my child's friendships with other kids.
On the other hand, if I decided that it was best to not allow my child to visit, how could i handle this without seeming rude/offensive to the other child and his family? 

Eagerly awaiting your friendly advice :)
 

Maybe invite the child and his mother to your home for a lunch or something. My oldest is only going on 5 but when she started preschool, she made a best little friend and her friend would always talk about my little girl and she would talk about her friend, her mother approached mea bout Amy coming to their home sometime and I was honest and up front and told her that I am sure that would be fine sometime but I needed to get to know the family some and of course she was ok with that. we have gotten togetehr several times now as families, not only will you get to know this family, you can actually make a new friend.invite them to your home for lunch or something, You never know about some one til you have actually met them and get to know them, first impressions don't always mean they are right. It is a good thing to get to know parents before allowing your kids to go visit.
 
February 2, 2006, 10:23 pm CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: jettav

Maybe invite the child and his mother to your home for a lunch or something. My oldest is only going on 5 but when she started preschool, she made a best little friend and her friend would always talk about my little girl and she would talk about her friend, her mother approached mea bout Amy coming to their home sometime and I was honest and up front and told her that I am sure that would be fine sometime but I needed to get to know the family some and of course she was ok with that. we have gotten togetehr several times now as families, not only will you get to know this family, you can actually make a new friend.invite them to your home for lunch or something, You never know about some one til you have actually met them and get to know them, first impressions don't always mean they are right. It is a good thing to get to know parents before allowing your kids to go visit.

That sounds like a good idea, meeting the child and his mother/parent with both my child and myself present initially. Thankyou for your suggestion. I guess my main concern though was if I found, even after meeting and getting to know this boy's mother or even any parent of another child, that I just didnt feel reassured or comfortable that my child would be well cared for at their home and then how I would be able to handle this without being rude and upsetting either child or the other child's parents. Obviously I'm not going to come out and say to them, "I think you are bad parents" or "I don't trust you with my child so I will not allow my child to visit you or your child at your home "! lol. I dont really know what I shuold say though other than make an excuse everytime my child is invited?  

I have had a similar issue with some of the neighbourhood children. THere is a family down the other end of our street, they have 5 or 6 children that are always riding their bikes up and down and they sometimes play with our children if they are out playing with their bikes etc. I have met/spoken to the parents of these kids before but they are never there supervising their kids when they are playing (which is usually some distance from their house) and I only let my kids play with them because we are there watching and because I don't mind the kids, they are a fairly nice bunch and all the children enjoy playing together. A few times a couple of the boys have asked if my children can go to their house to play. I have said no with some excuse like we are busy or they would need to get permission from their parents first etc but I know I wouldn't allow that to happen anyway. The parents are not responsible at all in my opinion and are always drunk etc so I just couldnt let my child be there under those conditions. I wouldn't really know what to say to the the parents though if they ever approached me about my children coming over. I don't feel I could be honest and say because you're always drunk because that would most certianly lead to an altercation and most likely the kids would suffer. 

  

Anyways I've rambled on a bit but basically I just don't know how to handle situations where I don't trust the parents of my child's friends but don't want my child to lose friendships either over the issue. Often the kids are lovely and make great company for my child but the parents are complete losers however I feel I can't deprive my child of their friends because of them.  

 
February 4, 2006, 7:50 am CST

Thank gawd

 Well atleast now I know I'm not the only one going through this.. Cause  I stay at home majority of the year with my two kids soon  to be 3 in september but I do majority of the cooking, cleaning,laundry, you name it i do it.. I'm potty training my oldest who is 3 shortly in april  i have a 1 year old as well..  My husband works odd hours and is a firefighter on top of it so that isn't much help..   He starts projects and never finishes them..  He was suppossed to devide our daughter and son's room off  before our son was born he left it till 2 days before christmas and did it all then talk about a mess....  and guess who got to clean it all up... He starts to do the laundry and well  they make it as far  as the basement beside the washer  thats as far as he goes .. same with everything else..  he won't help to potty train our daughter cause "thats a moms job" he won't get up with our son through the night  when he wakes up he expects me to do everything  and then wonders why i am tired when i am up at 6 am with him to send him to work  then the kids are up at 7 and going straight till bed time  and then after they are in bed I am still working while he sits on the couch relaxing and watching tv and meanwhile i am doing dishes folding laundry sweeping mopping whatever and he then wonders when i go to bed and he wants to "get a peice" I say no I'm tired ..  we have a big house its 4 bed rooms plus his mother lives with us  part time and i take care of her...  when she is here .. My only stress releif is when I "runaway" for four months to work at my job which is at a garden center/nursery a job i have had for 4 years and I love it gardening is something that i do when i can in the spring through fall  for relaxing... You know its bad when You consider mowing the lawn not a job but a stress relief... lol  thats me.. give me a shovel or a lawn mower or even the weed wacker and let me go...   i am so happy to be able to do those and now its rubbing off on the kids.. sure kids like to play in dirt my daughter thinks its her job to plant flowers cause mommy does it.. its one of those good things for summer cause it keeps me and kids out of the house and outside except  from 10 am till about 4pm.. daughter has asthma and we all burn way to easy....      

  

        Anyways I just wanted to let people know I'm with you... One way I get my hubby tuned  in to helping is once in a while I know Dr.Phil would say I shouldn't do it .... but the kids aren't around so I throw a lil fit it works sometimes. 

  

  

Cryssie 

 
February 6, 2006, 4:57 am CST

cry baby

Hello everyone I am new to this so please bear with...I have a 9-year old son.  He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7.  Currently he is on Adderrol 30mg.  My problem is he does not listen to anything I tell him to do.  I have to shut off the TV and take away any distractions.  Also, he is lazy - he doesnt clean his room, when taking a shower he never washes he just runs the bath water and plays, I make him get back in and explain why it is important to take a good shower and keep clean.  I thought maybe it is the ADHD but he takes medication for it.  Besides all that if I tell him to do something that he doesnt like he starts crying or saying everyone hates him.  Usually he is a great kid, funny and bright.  But as soon as we are doing something he doesnt want to do he pouts.  Am I reading too much into this, is this how boys his age act?  Any advice is appreciated!  Thank you
 
February 6, 2006, 8:12 am CST

maybe?

Quote From: jp9776

Hello everyone I am new to this so please bear with...I have a 9-year old son.  He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7.  Currently he is on Adderrol 30mg.  My problem is he does not listen to anything I tell him to do.  I have to shut off the TV and take away any distractions.  Also, he is lazy - he doesnt clean his room, when taking a shower he never washes he just runs the bath water and plays, I make him get back in and explain why it is important to take a good shower and keep clean.  I thought maybe it is the ADHD but he takes medication for it.  Besides all that if I tell him to do something that he doesnt like he starts crying or saying everyone hates him.  Usually he is a great kid, funny and bright.  But as soon as we are doing something he doesnt want to do he pouts.  Am I reading too much into this, is this how boys his age act?  Any advice is appreciated!  Thank you

If i was you maybe get the doctor to test to make sure the dose he is on is high enough cause sometimes those types of things need to be tweeked to make sure its working right .. There might be something going on as well at school that could be making him act this way such as a bully or something along those lines. or it could just a phase he is going through you never really know if there has been  something new going on at home even a little thing no matter how small it seems to us could seem huge to him you just need to keep that in mind.... the shower thing  try getting him something like a body wash he can pick out  and use just for him  sometimes that helps my aunt has foster children and thats what she had to do with one of the girls and it meant the world to her cause she never had something that was just hers before...  little things could make the biggest difference as well make sure to talk to his teachers in case there is something at school that is going on... 

  

Cryssie 

 
February 6, 2006, 9:52 am CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: emajsmom

If i was you maybe get the doctor to test to make sure the dose he is on is high enough cause sometimes those types of things need to be tweeked to make sure its working right .. There might be something going on as well at school that could be making him act this way such as a bully or something along those lines. or it could just a phase he is going through you never really know if there has been  something new going on at home even a little thing no matter how small it seems to us could seem huge to him you just need to keep that in mind.... the shower thing  try getting him something like a body wash he can pick out  and use just for him  sometimes that helps my aunt has foster children and thats what she had to do with one of the girls and it meant the world to her cause she never had something that was just hers before...  little things could make the biggest difference as well make sure to talk to his teachers in case there is something at school that is going on... 

  

Cryssie 

Thank you for the suggestions- since he is doing well in school I didnt think of the bully thing.  As far as the shower goes I have tried that but he wastes it in 2-3 showers.  I will definitely be seeing the doctor at the end of the month and I will see if the medicine needs altered.  Thank you!
 
February 8, 2006, 7:17 pm CST

I have three kids

Hello, I was wondering if ya'll could help me.  I'm new to this and well I am in need for some advise.  I have three kids ranging from 5, 4, and 2 years old.  My eldest has ceribral palsy and my other two thinks it alright to act like him.  Meaning to talk back, throw themself down, and even hit.  I ask my two yougsters if they can help me with daily chores like toys being put away and they will not help unless I start yelling at them,  I try to make things fun but they still don't want to listen to me.  I don't know what to do.  I even tried the reward thing.  My eldest goes to school and my two youngest stay at home with me.  Please help..
 
February 8, 2006, 11:06 pm CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: rv1978

Hello, I was wondering if ya'll could help me.  I'm new to this and well I am in need for some advise.  I have three kids ranging from 5, 4, and 2 years old.  My eldest has ceribral palsy and my other two thinks it alright to act like him.  Meaning to talk back, throw themself down, and even hit.  I ask my two yougsters if they can help me with daily chores like toys being put away and they will not help unless I start yelling at them,  I try to make things fun but they still don't want to listen to me.  I don't know what to do.  I even tried the reward thing.  My eldest goes to school and my two youngest stay at home with me.  Please help..
Well, instead of arguing with them, give them time to pick up toys, set the timer and have them race against the time, My girls love this and they do well. help them some as well and make a game out of it to see who can pick up the most toys and make sure they know where everything goes, also, with my youngest, she is three, I will tell her to pick up the blocks while I pick up the baby dolls whatever. Having a routine helps with this and if they know to expect it then they can get use to it. and if they still refuse to help after a while, explaint o them that they play with the toys therefore they need to help clean them up and if they dont then you are going to start bagging them in trash bags. Then do it, it works. I have had to do this a couple times and when the girls got upset about it, I told them, well, if I have to do the cleaning then I don't want the toys out so I will put them up so I won't have to clean them up. It worked and they do very well cleaning up. gotta be consistent and stick to your guns, in time they will get it.
 
February 9, 2006, 10:40 am CST

...

Quote From: jp9776

Thank you for the suggestions- since he is doing well in school I didnt think of the bully thing.  As far as the shower goes I have tried that but he wastes it in 2-3 showers.  I will definitely be seeing the doctor at the end of the month and I will see if the medicine needs altered.  Thank you!
 Thats what my aunts problem was with her foster daughter.. what they ended up doing was  those lil dixie cups she would put so much in one of those and thats what she had for her shower  so she couldn't waste it.. cause she would do same with shampoo everything you name it down the drain it went. My aunt has two older daughters of her own and  it made them mad cause she would do it to their things too..  till they learned to  take their stuff to their rooms in their shower caddies... i know my daughter  likes to pour out the shampoo and stuff to make bubbles.. so everything is up outta her reach for that but she is only 3 we keep the bathroomm cleaned out and stuff on  a shelf in hall way..  the doctor might even have a few suggestions  never know its no harm in asking and if they don't  seek further advice there is no harm in asking thats for sure....
 
February 9, 2006, 11:52 am CST

9 year old son with ADHD

Quote From: jp9776

Hello everyone I am new to this so please bear with...I have a 9-year old son.  He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7.  Currently he is on Adderrol 30mg.  My problem is he does not listen to anything I tell him to do.  I have to shut off the TV and take away any distractions.  Also, he is lazy - he doesnt clean his room, when taking a shower he never washes he just runs the bath water and plays, I make him get back in and explain why it is important to take a good shower and keep clean.  I thought maybe it is the ADHD but he takes medication for it.  Besides all that if I tell him to do something that he doesnt like he starts crying or saying everyone hates him.  Usually he is a great kid, funny and bright.  But as soon as we are doing something he doesnt want to do he pouts.  Am I reading too much into this, is this how boys his age act?  Any advice is appreciated!  Thank you

My advice is to make an appt. with the dr. who prescribes the Adderall ASAP to talk about these issues. The doctor can order more extensive testing, this testing will be very helpfull for later, also, like when he is a rebelious pre-teen and you might need to know if he is having a chemical imbalance or is he just being a 'normal' teen. Its best to do this now while you still have a shred of control. No, its not normal for boys his age to act this way.  

Im not critizising your parenting, but I urge you to examine how you react to your son's pouting/tantrums.. because kids tend to do what works for them. Perhaps you are feeding into his behavior with your reaction? This also can be brought up with a doctor. I wish you the best, you are doing the right thing by asking for advice! 

 
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