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Topic : Good Parenting

Number of Replies: 277
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:45:41 pm
Author : dataimport
Being a good parent means more than just changing diapers and wiping noses. Share with us your strategies and stories of great parenting.

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October 22, 2005, 3:43 pm CDT

Good Parenting

Quote From: missmama4

I really wish that there was really a book on the correct way to raise your children, but let's face it, there isn't. It's basically trial and error. 

My situation is, I have 4 girls. 7,4,3,and 1. My 7 year old lives 18 hrs away, which goes without saying, very hard. My other 3 are at home 24-7. My 4year old, Ryan, is getting such a smarty brittches, that I can't take it. My 3 year old, Bailey, use to be so sweet, but now is following in Ryan's footsteps. My 1year old, Emma-Grace is to the point to where she won't mind. I'm worried that I have waited to long to discipline. Seems like I would have it right by now, Wrong!  

It's my fault, I am not consistant. I say, "If you do that again, I'm gonna," about a million times and never do anything. They know this. They're kids but they're not stupid! 

So, I know my problem, now the question is how do I change it? Is it too late? Am I doomed?  Help! 

No it isn't too late, start now and stick with your guns, be consistent and keep the communication lines open. You are the parent and it starts with you, no changes will happen if you do not start making them. Start a sticker chart and when ever you see them doing something good/nice/listening, they get a sticker on their chart and when they receive so many stickers, they will get a special treat from you, My three year old is smart and she has caught on to our system, I give my girls coins to put in theri banks when they do waht they are suppose to do and if they don't they get no money and they know it.
 
October 28, 2005, 12:45 am CDT

Good Parenting

                  "While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all  about" 

 
October 28, 2005, 12:46 am CDT

Good Parenting

                          "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world".
 
October 30, 2005, 5:16 am CST

my four year old is too quiet

My 4yr old daughter is very quiet and likes to keep to her self partly because she stayed home with my very protective mother till she was 3 and didn’t socialize with other children, and we just moved to a new town 2yrs ago and haven’t made any real family friends yet. She's finally made a friend in preschool but her friend is too bossy. This friend is 3 months younger than my daughter but she is lot more social, bubbly and outgoing which I thought was going to help my daughter but I’m now starting to worry. She (her friend) chooses every game they play, what they play with, how they play it, what role my daughter plays and everything else. And her friend gets upset when things don't go her way. My daughter being so quiet and peace loving has always gone along with her, and now I think she’s started to be too dependent on her. I feel like my daughter is not being able to develop her own personal interests or ideas without her friend. This friend is a very sweet child and I admire her very much but how do I get my daughter not only to be bold enough to make her own decisions but also be able to stand up for her self?  

 
November 2, 2005, 8:23 pm CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: akofano

My 4yr old daughter is very quiet and likes to keep to her self partly because she stayed home with my very protective mother till she was 3 and didn’t socialize with other children, and we just moved to a new town 2yrs ago and haven’t made any real family friends yet. She's finally made a friend in preschool but her friend is too bossy. This friend is 3 months younger than my daughter but she is lot more social, bubbly and outgoing which I thought was going to help my daughter but I’m now starting to worry. She (her friend) chooses every game they play, what they play with, how they play it, what role my daughter plays and everything else. And her friend gets upset when things don't go her way. My daughter being so quiet and peace loving has always gone along with her, and now I think she’s started to be too dependent on her. I feel like my daughter is not being able to develop her own personal interests or ideas without her friend. This friend is a very sweet child and I admire her very much but how do I get my daughter not only to be bold enough to make her own decisions but also be able to stand up for her self?  

maybe you and your daughter can get with the mother and little girl sometime and have a play date, maybe at your home. Your daughter can choose what she wants to play with before hand and bring it out to the living room, maybe she can bring out a set of blocks and can instigate the play. also have some coloring material for them and let them color and make pictures and then discuss with them what they have colored, also playdough could be a good thing. you can also have them take turns choosing an activity, you can start by asking your daughter what she would like to do then all of you do it and tell the girls that you are going to set a timer for 15 minutes and when the timer goes off then it is the other ones turn to choose an activity. Your daughter just may need a little boost to get her involved and the other girl may just need to be encouraged to think of others, they are both different personalities and still very young, They can actually be an asset for another but they need to learn balance when they play which is possible if they are guided.
 
November 4, 2005, 3:01 pm CST

my 4 year old son

my son hes in preschool and the teacher had told   me that maybe he could use some  speech class but i think he talks fine and i can understand him so can she but she said if i wanna help him with it more then i should look into this but im really unsure of what to do cause i dont kno if its necissary  so what should i do ???
 
November 6, 2005, 10:05 am CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: lilmamma

my son hes in preschool and the teacher had told   me that maybe he could use some  speech class but i think he talks fine and i can understand him so can she but she said if i wanna help him with it more then i should look into this but im really unsure of what to do cause i dont kno if its necissary  so what should i do ???

I'm going to be blunt and perhaps a bit rude by saying this. But, in and Albert Ellis kind of way, sometimes being direct is what people need. If your use of language here is any indication of your son's then, clearly, he does need some help. Studies show that both professionals and laypersons rate the use of language as one of the top three things associated with intelligence (If I recall, Professionals rated language number 2 and laypersons rates language at number 1). Communications (through the use of language) is also a vital part of any relationship. We need to communicate to solve problems and meet goals. So, there could be nothing wrong with getting your son help to communicate better, nothing. Whether you think he needs it, whether your son's teacher thinks he needs it, whether I think he needs it, further developing his language skills can't hurt.  

 
November 10, 2005, 2:17 pm CST

Heeeeeelp!

I have two daughter, 8 and 6, plus I am 6 months pregnant. not the issue though... the issue is my 6 year old, she is so excited about the baby but in the last month or so she has decided that she is helpless. I think I will pull my hair out if I hear the words "I can't" anymore. She says "I can't tie my shoes", "I can't find my clothes".... on and on and on. Plus she has decided to take up the habit of lying, about everything from brushing her teeth to how much homework she has. It is almost like she has become an expert on it. What can I do? I want this to stop before the baby gets here, I will be insane.  
 
November 10, 2005, 4:00 pm CST

Good Parenting

Quote From: nifferssvo

I have two daughter, 8 and 6, plus I am 6 months pregnant. not the issue though... the issue is my 6 year old, she is so excited about the baby but in the last month or so she has decided that she is helpless. I think I will pull my hair out if I hear the words "I can't" anymore. She says "I can't tie my shoes", "I can't find my clothes".... on and on and on. Plus she has decided to take up the habit of lying, about everything from brushing her teeth to how much homework she has. It is almost like she has become an expert on it. What can I do? I want this to stop before the baby gets here, I will be insane.  
I'm not sure if this is going to help or not, but I can tell you why she's doing what she is doing. She is aware that there will be a new baby in the house, and that baby will get all of mom and dad's attention... not her. Even if she is excited about the new baby. The, possible, good news is this: some personality theorist feel that being the middle child isn't nearly as bad as it might seem. The theory is that the middle child has gotten all the attention at some point, and has also had to deal with losing all the attention, thus better equipped to deal with frustration later in life.  
 
November 12, 2005, 11:41 am CST

Honesty is the best policy

Quote From: cscutie79

 Desperately need some advice .          I am a 26yr old single mom of a very beautiful and intelligent 8 yr old. When I found out I was pregnant for her I broke up with her father because I finally saw who he was( Liar, Cheat and troublemaker). Well a couple of yrs ago he talked me into letting them meet. My daughter was quickly drawn to him but I realized he was never going to change. Shortly after he got into trouble and was placed behind bars.My Daughter didn't know him very long but she fell in love with her "dad" and now I am torn about what I should Do.  Should I let him fade like some distant memory?   Should I tell my daughter that he is in jail???   I feel like she is happy and we have a stable home...
I never Bad mouth him...As a matter of fact I always remind her that He does love her very much and I'm sure he misses her.   Do you think knowing her dad is a bad person will affect her?? Should I allow him to write or should I keep on telling my daughter that I am clueless to his whereabouts?
I don't want her to be angry at me when she gets older for not telling her, but on the same note I'm not sure if children should know that one of their parents is BAD.   Please Help me If you can...
I agree with some of what the other reply said, but not all. I agree that it is your responsibility as a parent to protect your child from anyone including another parent. I also agree that you should be honest and open. Where I disagree is this: your child's identity is tied to her perception of her parents (where she came from). Whether you like it or not, this is who her father is and that is a part of who she is. I have some experience with this, as our first two kids are adopted. Both come from teen mothers who made serious mistakes in their lives - and I don't mean getting pregnant. In spite of this, we never bad-mouth the birth-mothers EVER. We separate the behaviour from the person. We keep the focus on taking responsibility for your actions. I would do this with your daughter too: your father loves you and his behaviour doesn't change that fact. He has done some bad things (NOT he is a bad person) and now he is in jail. That is sad for you, because you love him, but it is the right place for him to be. Something like that, anyway. It is really important for you to be honest with your daughter. People are screwed up more by finding out that what they knew was a lie, than by knowing that their life isn't perfect. Tell her how it is. If you believe that her father is not a good influence in her life, tell her that. Tell her that you don't want her to get hurt and that you believe it is better for her not to have contact with her dad. The important thing is that what you say doesn't make her think that she will be bad, that it's "in her blood". That can happen without you meaning it. It was the case with my daughter's birth mother. She was adopted herself (an abandoned baby) and always believed that was how she would turn out. And she did. My daughter is only 6 so we will have to let you know in ten years' time, but we believe it has been right. She is a beautiful, happy, loving child with a great attitude to her life. We really put the emphasis on honesty and responsibility. We tell all the kids (we have 3, one biologically 2 yrs old, plus our 6 & 8 yr olds) that life is about choices and you have free will to be good or bad. Nothing in your blood makes you that way. One other thing, I grew up mostly without a father. He was abusive and bad in lots of ways, and I went with my mother from age 7. It wasn't hard for me to be without him, because I knew I was better off and it was the right choice. My sister was only a baby, so she never knew him at all. Because she was never told about my father's character, she romanticised about what kind of dad she had missed out on. She became promiscuous as a teen, seeking that male attention. I believe it was better for me to know the truth about my father (even if I had to learn it the hard way) than for my sister to be "protected" from knowing. Hope this helps, and good luck with talking to your daughter about this.
 
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