Topic : Good Parenting

 Time to remind everyone that there is a person behind every screen name. Let's remember to address the topic without personally attacking another member because their views are different from yours. We all can learn a lot from everyone's viewpoint, let's try to keep this discussion progressing in the manner intended. Thanks.

Kinda funny that you have posted this cause on the way home from a long day at Church today, I really got to thinking that this whole thing just plain got out of control and yes it started over the mcdonald thing and I posted in support of that poster in encouraging her to do what she felt was right and I plugged in some beliefs of my own and as I was driving home, I realized how useless this conversation is as well as a waste of time mainly because, for me personally, I shouldn't have to feel that I need to argue/explain with some one about my beliefs and convictions. I will admit though that to be considered one that shelters her kids really baffles me becasue in all honesty, my children are not sheltered. We don't encourage some things in our home and that is perfectly fine as we all as parents love and respect our kids and do not encourage anything that we are against, at least I don't think parents would do that. I love my children and feel very blessed by God to have provided them for me and we enjoy life very much here in my home. I don't believe in "sheltering" our children away from the realities of this world and I think I am beginning to see that "sheltering" has different meanings for every one. I defined in a previous post what I thought sheltering was, and that is what I believe and if others want to believe that I am sheltering my children then that is their right to believe that and I am beginning to accept that, I don't like being put in that category but what does it matter? I will say also that this debate (what ever it was),helped me to realize that standing by our convictions is not always easy, but is possible to stand up for what we believe.Parenting definetly is not always easy but it certainly is rewarding and any good parent will know this and do what is right for their kids. I agree to disagree on that certain subject and I agree that it is time to move on and also to realize that we don't know one another as posts can be read differently by each reader so therefore I will try my best not be offended by what others say to or about me, as well as to try not to offend others. after all we all know ourselves and situations better then any one else.

Hello,  I read that your children are going to be three and five next year( my son also turns 3 on January 3rd) and I have to ask if you find it hard to give equal amount of time to each.  My youngest is going to be 4months on the 15 of this month and I already find it hard to balance time between them.  We do a lot of things together and of course, they both want alone time with mommy.  I'm just wondering how you handle it and maybe help with some suggestions.

My girls are 23 months apart and though it could be a challenge, I would not change it at all. I always made sure that when the baby was sleeping or content, I would spend that time with my oldest. Bath time was Amy and mommy time, daddy would take care of the baby during this time. When the baby was in need of attention, My oldest would watch/help or I would set her up with a favorite activity for a bit, she was fine and happy...........Now that they are going on 3 and 5, they play together and are like best buddies but of course at this age, they argue some, but for the most part, we do not have problems. I make sure that I spend individual time with them off and on during the day, When they are playing individually, I take advantage of that time and will go over to one and spend some time with her and then I will go to the other as well. Sometimes, I will go out and take one of the girls with me and the other stays with daddy, My oldest is in preschool 3 days a week and of course I take her to school and we sing, chat, work on Bible verses on the way then I come home and spend time with the little one. We read and dance daily and sometimes one will leave the room to go do another activity and that leaves me with the other. I take advantage of every moment that I can, I don't stress about it, it just happens. I think as your kids grow older, chances are it will get easier as they will both have times that they will be playing alone and you can take that time and spend with them individually. I am lucky and blessed to have theri father around to help out (when he can, of course) and that helps a lot, hopefully you have that advantage as well. Leave the baby home with him for a an hour or so and take your oldest to the store with you, or an activity and spend alont time together and of course when the baby gets older, you will have to do the same with him, they will have to take turns :). I think you will see a difference as they grow older as your little one, I am sure is still very demanding of your time as most babies are, just always remind your oldest how special he is and that he is a great big brother and he will be fine...........gotta go, my youngest is sad. :( Have a nice night)Hope I helped some, maybe I will think of other things later or I am sure others will as well.

Thank you for your input.  My husband works 48 hours a week so I don't have his help as much as I would like, but on his days off he is a big help.  He spends time with our son and daughter while I get a little break.  Breaks are good.  My son will go and do things on his own so that gives me time with my daughter, but she's not old enough to do things on her own yet so I get a half an hour to an hour at a time alone with my son when she naps.  I think I'm still adjusting to there being two now instead of one.  Anyway, just wanted to say thanks, gotta go now.

I think the adjustment is probably the hardest on most parents but it does get easier as they grow older. Enjoy your little ones, they are precious.

My children has decided to dessert me and has found something better to do then to clean LOL. They are such good helpers (usually). They decided that they would much rather hang out with daddy and watch shows, which is ok, I know they may still be a bit wore out from the weekend, I know I am. :)......................I was talking to my hubby this afternoon and asked him about what he thought it meant to "shelter" your child and his respnse was that "all parents shelter their kids to an extent". Like in our home, we do not watch or allow porn in our home or the computer, we monitor what we watch, we do not allow our kids to spend the night with just any body, including some family members becasue they drink and go out partying, we do not eat at certain restaurantes, we do not go into bars,.Are we sheltering our children? yea, I guess we are, we are protecting/teaching them that some styles of living just is not right and we can back them up with why we believe this way. I am sure there are other ways that we "shelter" our kids, but as a parent we must teach and guide them on how to make wise decissions and we are their primary examples in life, it doesn't mean that they will grow up and believe in every way that we do but they will have teachings and resources to look back on. There will be a time when they will have to decide for them selves what is right and not right and chances are they will have children of their own and they will have to teach and guide their children in the way that they see fit in to helping them to grow and mature into the beings that God has intended them to be. Any way, I think hubby is right in what he said so sheltering really isn't a bad thing though I do believe there may be parents who over do it but thankfully my children have and will have privelges and fun activities as well as more positives through out their childhood and teen age lives, they will experience so much and though there may be some tough times and dissappointments, I believe they will learn many truths as well as gain their own insights and convictions and at the same time realize that not every one is going to be on their side with their belief system but it is still possible to stay true and respect others for who they are. I know that I have certainly learned alot through out my life and though I am not perfect, I am proud to be the person that I am today for God Himself has brought me a long ways and I am proud to be the parent that I am and the fact that I am a strong person when it comes to my beliefs and the love and care that I share and have with my children, I am also glad for the lessons and insights that I can learn from others, including those on these boards, we may be different in personalities and experiences but we are all parents to the most precious beings on earth and for that I am thankful. I am now content with the thought of being a parent who shelters her kids but in a positive way, I suppose I should go and thank hubby for the great insight LOL........... Happy parenting every one and I am sure I will be back as it is just too calm here today, nice but a little too quiet, think I will go do some more laundry and maybe even clean some furniture and put on some nice praise and worship music..........Maybe some one here can tell me how to space on these boards. I still haven't figured it out(as I am sure you have all noticed). I think it is the only thing that has me stumped on this new set up, though not so new anymore I guess. LOL.

I believe in honesty but of course I am sure there is a right and wrong time with a situation like this.My niece was adopted by my aunt and when she found out, she was a bit bitter about it but the approach was all wrong and the parents did not agree on when and how to tell her therefore, one acted and it didn't go too well, but then I know another case with the exact opposite response and it was done with more thought and communication. I think you and your husband need to communicate and talk about it and even discuss the emotions that may come with it as well as the possible results and all, I think if you know your daughter well enough, you will figure out the best time to do this. I think when you do decide it is time, have some photos of her real dad so she can see what he looks like and let her know that there may be a time that he might decide to come around and that it is ok and that you will never discourage her from getting to know him. keep as positive as you can with her and at the same time, both you and your husband need to let her know how much you love her and want to give her the best life that you possibly can be. I can guarentee that as she grows older, she will know and feel the love of those who care for her, she may not understand everything at first but if you are honest and opened with her, she will be ok. I know a couple who adopted and they consistently tell their child that they got to choose her as theri child and that was a real special occasion, maybe your husband will be able to plug in something like that as well, that he loves her as his very own and he was happy to accept her into his life. I don't know if I helped any but hang in there together and I am sure everything will turn out ok.

I'm a child of adoptive parents. My situation is a little bit different, as I am Korean and my parents are Caucasian, and I would have found out no matter what. However, given that, I was told for as long as I remember that I was adopted and this was normal to me. My parents have always been Mom and Dad (Mom and Dad as in proper noun). I know I have biological parents which I came from but my parents are the ones who have raised me my whole life. I like that you have decided not to hide the facts. There is a difference between the work Father and Dad. Father is merely the person whom the sperm came from. Dad is the one who raises the child. Your husband is her Dad, plain and simple. Yes, let her she is adopted and that she has a BIOLOGICAL father, but her Dad is your husband. But her biological father is nothing more than that, he is a means which she became. But the man who is raising her, the man who loves her, and the man who is her Dad is your husband.  

  

Looking to the future, she may one day want to know who her father is. You can't deny her that. But, if she understands who her Dad is, you shouldn't have a problem as far as her wanting to be with him or anything to that effect.