Message Boards

Topic : Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Number of Replies: 316
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:46:10 pm
Author : dataimport
Grandparents face unique challenges raising their grandchildren. Share your advice, support and stories here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

November 7, 2007, 1:06 pm CST

Raising Grandchild also

My husband and I are raising one of our granddaughters. Our youngest daughter has 4 children and the one we have is the oldest of these 4 and she just turned 4 years old. Her ex husbands sister has one of the little girls and the last one was put up for adoption which broke my heart at the time. As it turned out the adoptive family is wonderful people and we have very open communication with them.Of these 4 children they only child our daughter has with her is the boy, she didn't want these little girls for some reason. I can't understand how she can be like this I could never in the world fathom leaving my children when they was young like these babies are. But back to this story, she was recently divorced from the father of these children as it was a very abusive relationship on both sides, but she has not done one thing to even better herself and neither has he! She continues to live on public assistance with her hand constantly out to agencies, he got his social security for mental defects but can do what he wants and work under the table for people when needed. The best thing that happened for these little girls was to be away from them both and I make sure the little boy does not go without things but she would never give him up, she keps things just enough so social services says she is alright.

Two years ago we went to court and tried to get custody of the child we have now and was told by the court that they wanted to maintain that family as one, what a crock! It was 4 weeks later we had the child back in our home where they didn't want to take care of her. We have had this child all but 4 months of her life and they made us return her to the parents. As it turned out the father wrote a letter that I got my hands on and he stated he had "homicidal thought and fantasized about canabilism" and this child was the object of his thoughts. I immediatly went to MY counties local court not the county that refused us this child before and got a restraining order for the father and after the full hearing he is not allowed no contact with her unsupervised by my husband or myself for 5 years and now since he has proven to the goverment he is mentally ill I will go back to court when the 5 years are up and get it extended. The mother has very little contact with the child even though she has full acces to her there is no bond there at all, which is just fine and dandy with us as she is no better than he is. The other child that his ister is raising has some contact with the child we have but that person refuses to follow court orders for the children to be in contact with play dates as siblings and I am sick of going to the court to force her to do so. We raise this child so she knows who her siblings are and who her parents are we are momma and poppa.

I would not trade one day of my life now for anything in the world, she has brought such joy to us that I couldn't even imagine a day without her smile and laughter. My husband and I have done things we never would have thought of membership to the zoo, aquarium and other activities.

I am just waiting for the day when these parents have to explain why they have done what they did to these children, I know they will ask questions and I hope I am still alive to see the accountablilty then for all the wrongs they have done. My health also is bad as I have ms and just had cervical disc surgery but I live for this child now she is my insperation to go everyday, like i told my friend the other day either I beat it or it beats me and that isn't going to happen cause I have to many reasons to keep on going now.

 
November 8, 2007, 10:33 am CST

DNA Fathers

Quote From: clbeed

I think DNA testing should be mandatory at each and every birth, whether a couple is married or not. This way, a man would find out if the child wasn't his and he could choose to not sign the paternity affidavit and he could choose whether he wanted to continue to stay married and raise this child as his own or whether to get a divorce and it would be his decision and NOT the woman's decision. It isn't for her to decide. Right now, women who lie about the paternity of their child to men should be held accountable for her actions, and be made to pay back all the child support money she accepted from the man. It also isn't fair for a man to have two years to contest custody but a woman has a right to come back 1-17 years later and say so and so is the father and then make him start paying support. Why does a man have 2 years but it is unlimited for a woman?

If DNA testing were mandatory at birth, it would do away with Paternity Fraud.

My husband was a victim. He found out after we were married and the child was 4 years old. When she got pregnant, her ex boyfriend told people it was his baby, and my husband asked her about this and she said he was lying. They got divorced whent eh child was 18 months old. She moved to another state. She called my husband one day yelling at him that she got papers in the mail saying she was supposed to take the child for a DNA test and he told her he had not sent anything. Later when he questioned her about this, all she had to say on the matter was "nevermind".  She got mad when he wanted a DNA test, and insisted to everyone that  it was his child and she had no doubt about that. Little did she know that he already had a DNA test with the child when he had her for visitation and it showed he wasn't the bio father.

She wanted a court ordered one so he agreed and she was to take the child in her state and he went and showed up for his DNA sample. She refused to take the child and wanted him to sign over his rights. She did not want to go to court and be embarrassed I guess.

My husband was hurt and the child definately got hurt in all this. He never would have stayed married to her had he known she cheated. She made the choice for him and it wasn't her choice to make.

I recently saw a show where a father abandoned his daughter after 10 years because he found out she didn't share his DNA. Is that what makes a father now? It is wrong that the mother had an affair, but it is totally wrong for the father, who thought this girl was his biological daughter for 10 years, and then decides he doesn't want to pay child support???? That is so wrong. Dr. Phil, I'm surprised that so many in your audience seemed to condemn the woman for the lie and deception, when this man loved this girl for 10 years and then could walk out on her??? If that was me and my husband, he would have loved his daughter no matter if she shared his DNA or not. It is so only about money that it is disgusting! Shame on you for not taking sides with a daughter who LOST the only father she ever knew! Shame on his new wife for pressing the issue. She should have just accepted the girl as baggage, same as the older daughter. Shame on the dad for his cowardly decision to abandon his daughter because the DNA is different. Who cares??? I mean, after 10 years, who cares????
 
December 5, 2007, 8:22 am CST

Grandmother worried about signs of Homosexuality in teen boy

Hello, this is my first time writing to a board .

I'm trying to help my daughter cope with the worry of her boy showing signs of

being attracted to another boy at school.  Ages about 14 - 16. 

There is not a strong father figure in the family and one case of homosexuality

on the father's side ( an uncle).

We are not trying to do any harm here, nor being prudish, but hoping to open a disucssion to point

other options/taking time to mature and be sure/ or just have someone to talk to about this matter.

He is a very quiet boy who does not open up easily to conversation.  There are other  strong male figures on the mother's side but none living close at hand or anyone he is especially close to.

Thanks for listening and hopefully we will get some leads on what to do next.

I think it's in it's infancy this budding relationship.

 

 

 

 
December 14, 2007, 6:51 am CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: swindell

  

Was it just an easy way out on your part?   

I want to know why you didn't try to raise your own children on your own, get assistance if it was needed.  Why you let go so easy.?  And didn't fight for them. 

Maybe this will help me understand, why we are now raising our grandson. 

Why don't young people want to take care of there own responsibilities? 

And why us parents are so darn trusting and gullable. 

 

 

     i agree with you i am a grand mother raiseing my 2yr granddaughter and i can't undrestand how these so called Mothers  just walk away from there babies. My heart breakes every time ny grand baby asks where is mommy. i was a single mom raising 3 children , with no help. i never once thought of leaving my babaies behind, and living a life with out them. I was a abuse woman at that so that is way i left there father . I want to get legal custody of my gravd baby to.

 

 

i like to have some friends on this matter e-mail ne: at pattyscammon435@msn.com if you like to talk

 
December 14, 2007, 7:06 am CST

am ? that to

Quote From: lana1meyer

I'm sad to see that so many of us grandparents are having to raise our grandchildren.

I'm a grandmother of three and 1 on the way. My husband and I are raising his youngest son's little boy because his parents were into drugs.We just got his mother's parental rights taken away from her. She got to where she no longer wanted anything to do with Caden.

Once she got her SSI money she stopped her visitation's. His father was willing to sign over his rights to the Court back in June 2007.

We've now finally got to start the adoption process.

We've had Caden in our home for over a year and a half.

Caden calls me mom and grandpa is papa.

I'm thankful that we've got Caden. But I wish his parents could've raised him. He's a 21/2 very full of energy . But he's worth it.

Who's going to raise the next generation of grandkids?

i am right with with i ama grandmother raising  a granddaughter , and i ask the same ? i am 44 yrs old so will me and my husband be raising are great -grand child to. hopefully not.

 

 

 

  patty

 
December 14, 2007, 7:19 am CST

i feel the same way

Quote From: findbalance

I don't understand these women either Lashawnna.  There are so many people out there that so want to be parents and cannot have children.  Then there are women like our daughters that just have no clue what a gift they have been given and we are left holding the bag.  It is exhausting and it is very scary to.  I guess we can only live with the hope that some day they will change their ways and step up to the plate and be a parent.

 

findbalance

i to have a daughter that was to young to have a baby, and now i am the one raising her. i love her to death and would never let anything  happen to her but i didn't picture my life doing this all over again. i want to go back to work but, i can't got to much going on with this child. while her parents party and have  alot of fun.

 

 

    patty

 
December 14, 2007, 6:16 pm CST

My son died

His wife is does drugs and is abusing their 5 yr old daughter. I would love to have the opportunity to raise my grand aughter however, she "hates" me and withholds visiting rights. I am lost. I want to do something
 
December 17, 2007, 8:57 pm CST

get a lawyer

Quote From: jayz23

Hang in there.  I'm writing because I too am having a problem with writing several messages on the message board, but getting no response.  I know this can be frustrating and it seems like no one cares.  I believe sometimes people just don't know how to respond or are afraid of being wrong.  Responding and willing to be supportive can also be helpful even if you don't have any advice.  Anyway hang in there and GOD BLESS YOU!

 

                                                                                                        Jayz23

 
 
December 18, 2007, 3:43 pm CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: bmederios

Yes i am a grandmother raising my grandson due to his mother's alcohol and sexual problems. I pray when she takes him home that he is okay due to her sex parties and drinking. I have become so depressed that i can do nothing to stop her from exposing him to this lifestyle of her. He is taken care of by me and is healthy so the law don't see a thing. I wish i could do something to wake her up but know she must wake herself up first. I pray that god will watch over him every minute of everyday. He is 6 years old and extremely smart in school and life. I hope he will always have love and that she will get caught one day and be put away or lose him. Send your thoughts to  me about how y'all cope.
I am a 56 yr old who adopted my grandson 6 yrs ago (he is 7). I was in the same boat. My son abandoned him with us, but when I called child protective for help, they said he wasn't neglected since my son left him with us, and he wasn't abused, so they couldn't help, except my son could waltz in any time and take him without us having any legal standing. We contacted an attorney (Louisiana) and here is what we were told to do. First, we got my son to sign a temporary guardianship agreement, allowing us to get him medical care etc. Then we filed it with the court. Then we added an addem allowing our grandson to live with us temporarily. After a period of time, we filed to terminated parental rights based on abandonment and neglect, and from there, we filed for adoption. We became his foster parents while waiting the allotted time. This all protected him from being able to be taken from us while we made things legal. I don't know the laws in your state, but it would be worth the consultation fee to find out what you can do to protect this little boy. It is hard, it is expensive, it is time consuming, exhausting, worrying, and most of all WORTH EVERY MINUTE. God bless you, and please let us know what happens.
 
December 18, 2007, 4:50 pm CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: saragrafton

I recently saw a show where a father abandoned his daughter after 10 years because he found out she didn't share his DNA. Is that what makes a father now? It is wrong that the mother had an affair, but it is totally wrong for the father, who thought this girl was his biological daughter for 10 years, and then decides he doesn't want to pay child support???? That is so wrong. Dr. Phil, I'm surprised that so many in your audience seemed to condemn the woman for the lie and deception, when this man loved this girl for 10 years and then could walk out on her??? If that was me and my husband, he would have loved his daughter no matter if she shared his DNA or not. It is so only about money that it is disgusting! Shame on you for not taking sides with a daughter who LOST the only father she ever knew! Shame on his new wife for pressing the issue. She should have just accepted the girl as baggage, same as the older daughter. Shame on the dad for his cowardly decision to abandon his daughter because the DNA is different. Who cares??? I mean, after 10 years, who cares????
I also saw that program, and if you recall, he stated that his first reaction was to withdraw from the child. He recognized later that that was the wrong thing to do and that he loved her and wanted to see her. At that point, she was unwilling to see him as she was hurt at his response. I think both reactions are understandable, and I fail to see how you can defend the actions of the mother. Had she been truthful in the beginning, perhaps the daughter AND the man could have been spared a lot of pain, hurt, humiliation. Why do you let her off so easy? No, I do not think he should have to pay for this girl financially, but perhaps he can build a new, more honest relationship with her, based on loving each other, not based on the woman's lies. Should the guy have rejected the girl? Of course not. Was it an understandable first knee jerk reaction? Yes. So who really caused all this in the first place? Not the daughter. Not the man. Who is left in this equasion?
 
First | Prev | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | Next | Last