Topic : Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

hello I live in Virginia I have 4 grandchildren in Foster care in West Virginia they tell me that I have no rights them because of where I live and that I should not want to see them.  I am in the same boat I cant afford a lawyer to go over and fight in the state of West Virginia. I wrote to Dr Phil and I hope he will do a show on this concern.  They are keeping these babies from me because of where I live.  Also,  the 2 boys were taken in april of 20065in May of 2006 she had a baby girl social services came from West Virginia and picked the baby up out of the hospital in Virginia.  She had another baby in August of 2008 they did the same thing again If you can help in any way please let me know and I will do the same.

Desparate in Virginia

I dont know you an I hope I can help in the situation a little.  I have 4 grandchildren 3 my daughters mother in law have.  One of the children is still in foster care.  My daughter had another child in 99 which I adopted.  I admire your mom and dad to take them to keep them out of the system of the state.  It hurts every day that I cannot see my grandchildren or be with them.  I live in Virginia they were taken in West Virginia.  That is there excuse that I cannnot have them. I know you have 4 help as much as you can God will reward you in the end if not down here up in heaven.

My x-wife does not have any rules at her house and my son turned 16 this month. We have been seperated since 10-03. We have actually never went to court and made official on paper as far as are divorce. I think the reason is why,  evrything was working out fine and we were being civil to each other. My son started his freshman year this year and failed every class 1st and 2nd semester. The tension buil as time went on between us and I was the only one that was talking to teachers and paying attention to his attendance. Well in April he had to go to court for Truency. My son was angry about going to court. When I told the judge that he did not have any respect for any my authority or anyone elses. He got so angry he stopped talking to me. He then told me that he was going to live with his Mother. Before that we would trade every other week on Sunday nights. Now that he is at his mom's he will not talk to me at all. When I call and he is there he just picks up the phone and hangs up on me. His Mother seems not to have any problems with his actions. When he went to juvinelle hall for an assement he told them that his curfew after school was 10 pm at his mom's house and at my house was 5-6 pm.

 

My question is that now that he acts like he hates me, what should I do? I was not the best Father, but I did coach a minimum of 10 of his sports teams and loved him with every fiber in my body. Worth mentioning is that I was in a car accident in July of 05 that left me paralyzed.  When I quesstion his Mother, she says all he can remember was me drinking while he was growing up. Which I know is just untrue.

 

The problem seems to me that he would rather hate me so he could have total freedom and live with his Mother. For example he just got two piercings in his bottom lip and a tattoo on each arm. I was not asked if I thought it would be ok, which of course I would of said absolutely NO.

 

Any feedback would be appreciated.

 

Thanks. 

 I Feel What Your Concerns Are.But The Fact is The grandchildren We Are Raising Depend On Us Grandmothers To care For Them.I Have Raised My 2grandchildren Since Birth.and Had Custody Of my 7yr.old Grandson for 5yrs.My 2daughters each had babys 3months apart.and lived at home.my daughter of my special needs grandson just got temp.custody of her son who i was raising since birth and had to take her to court and fight for my grandson.because she"s Bi-POLAR And was unable to care for her self.never mined my grandson.And Know that she has custody she still can"t cope.what is wrong with ower system?My other daughter had everything.good job,graduated,new car and she had my grandughter at home.and never could care for her.but she did go to court 4yrs.ago and gave me custody.I thought it would be intill she got her self together.not having any idea she was on drugs.she is so bad i am affraid she's going to die.she was so beautiful.I got calls from BOSTON POLICE that they found her Prostituting in china town.I have done everything to try to help her.nothing worked.I don't see or hear from her for days.my grandughter is also7yrs.old and i would like to adopt her to pertect her.her mother and father who is all so a drug addict.wrote letters for me to adopt there daughter.what do you do?i have know money to adopt.i am the only one she knows that has cared and has been taking good care of her since birth.yes i would love for my daughter to pull together to be there for her daughter.but if i wate it will never happen and if she does great.but its not fare for ower grandchildren to be put on hold.its not there fault.i love my grandchildren and my daughters to.but i will do what i have to to pertect my grandchildren.so i say move if you need to with those wonderful grandchildren and if there parents pull them selfs together enough.they will find you and do whats in the best intrest of those children.i worry every day about my daughter.know one in the family can belive she would ever go this way.what does parents do.just when you thought your job as raising young children and spending time hours in emergency rooms was over.here we are doing it all over again.i'm just so tied out.11yrs.till there 18,i'll be 60yrs.old good luck.

I have been raising my grandson for the past year. He is an adorable grandchild, the love of my life. My daughter had him when she was sixteen. I was shocked that she could just move out of our house (last month) and leave so quickly. It was as if one day she decided she no longer wanted to deal with the baby. I think my rules also caused my daughter to move out. She hated the curfew times and rarely did any chores around the house.  My grandson turned one year old two weeks ago.  My heart sank when she showed up to the party without a gift. I just couldn't and still don't understand how she could leave everything and just "go."  The other day I found the ultrasound photos.  They brought tears to my eyes. I am feeling very lonely right now. Is there anyone out there who feels like me or has gone through this? My husband is very supportive of the adoption. I never realized how long adoptions take..........even within the family. 

My seventeen year old daughter recently moved out. A week later she had a lip piercing and blond and black hair, and a tatoo.  I about died. I come from a strict background and was shocked as I did not raise my daughter to be like this. Sounds like your child is rebelling like mine is and wants some major attention, whether it's positive or negative.

 

This is what I would do:  continue to keep in contact with your son. Send cards, holidays, birthdays, leave phone messages, send nice emails, continue with the invites. Your son will come around. I know it is tough, but I am ignoring my daughters attempts for attention. The tattoos and piercing are a cry for attention. I wouldn't even say anything about those things. I would simply try and be friendly and caring. Hopefully, your child will turn around. It won't be in the next day or two, maybe it will take years, but teenagers are so moody, one day they love you and the next day they hate you.

My 16 year old grandson is now living with my husband and I since April and we need advice to get custody of him.  He does not want to live with his mother anymore because she constantly puts him down and says he will be like his father. He told her, he did not want to live with her and she told him to get out of her house.  He was failing in school because of all the tension he had at home, he pulled his grades up just barely to pass to the next grade.  He has improved his attitude since living with us and he wants to stay with us. Please help me get the necessary legal advice for the State of Florida.

 

Thank you

Wow where to start.  I am sitting here crying because I totally understand the only difference is it is my sons child and eventhough my son is around everyday the mother would rather party with her mother, smoke weed and pop pills, than be a part of her sons life.  He just turned 2 a few weeks ago and his mom didn't even bother to show up.  What is up with all these mothers do they not know how damaging their choices are to these babies.  Good luck and I wish you the best.