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Topic : Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Number of Replies: 316
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:46:10 pm
Author : dataimport
Grandparents face unique challenges raising their grandchildren. Share your advice, support and stories here.

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June 28, 2008, 6:36 pm CDT

what blessings

Quote From: itsgina14

 I have 2 of my grandchildren, that I am raising. I have had them both since birth. Morgan is now 3 years old. And Trinity is 18 months. I have adopted Morgan, and Trinity's adoption is in process now. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is very rewarding. All I have to do is look into their little faces and I know I made the right choice. It is much more difficult  now, then when I raised their mother and her sister. I do not have the energy now, that I had then. All the things I thought I would be able to do when my biological children were grown, will probably never happen now. For me, it was a good choice, I love the girls very much, and I am never lonesome or bored.nor will I ever be able to retire.

YOU are so fortunate to have such blessings from God in your life. I have one son and he had one little girl who just turned 2 years old on June 6th and on June 17th he and his wife voluntarily terminated their parental rights to my precious granddaughter. They were pushed into doing it and my daughter-in-law brainwashed by the CPS worker and both of them put down so much and treated so unfairly and made to feel like they did nothing right when it came to caring for their little girl even though she was doing fine at home with them. It is all such a big mess! I couldn't get her becuz the CPS Worker does not like me and her husband is the sheriff of the county and I don't have the money for an attorney to fight to get her.

I called our Senator on friday and then was told to contact the attorney general and talked to that person and then from there it was suggested that I file a formal complaint on that CPS Worker. I am going to do that on monday morning!  Any other suggestions would be much appreciated. I have got to get my granddaughter!  I need prayers. 

 
July 10, 2008, 6:45 pm CDT

attitude

     hello!! my husband and i are raising our 16 year old granddaughter, well the main problem is that as long as all is going well for jessica(granddaughter) life is good but if not, all hell breaks loose!! she yells and screams and tells us that she wishes we would die. my husband had a heart attack about 4 years ago and she actually told him that she wished he would have another heart attack and die. lately she has been hanging with the neighbor kids none of them is 21 mind you but there is always booze there and pot. i just don't know what to do anymore. she is getting out of control. i think that she's bi-polar but a doctor hasn't diagnosed her. most days i really wiat for her head to spin around!! lol she has been through a lot in her little life. we had her from the time she was 3 months until about 5 years ago, her mother came home to visit and we thought she had changed, that she would take good care of her, jessica wanted to go live with her mother, biggest mistake we ever made. her mother moved to missouri and lost custeody of her 4 kids. it took 3 years of fighting the courts to get jessica home. but we can't keep letting her get away with all that she does because of what she's been through. we really need dr phil's help!!!! thanks for letting me vent, glenice
 
August 31, 2008, 4:48 pm CDT

OUR PRIDE AND JOY

Quote From: arizonataken

I have been raising my grandson for the past year. He is an adorable grandchild, the love of my life. My daughter had him when she was sixteen. I was shocked that she could just move out of our house (last month) and leave so quickly. It was as if one day she decided she no longer wanted to deal with the baby. I think my rules also caused my daughter to move out. She hated the curfew times and rarely did any chores around the house.  My grandson turned one year old two weeks ago.  My heart sank when she showed up to the party without a gift. I just couldn't and still don't understand how she could leave everything and just "go."  The other day I found the ultrasound photos.  They brought tears to my eyes. I am feeling very lonely right now. Is there anyone out there who feels like me or has gone through this? My husband is very supportive of the adoption. I never realized how long adoptions take..........even within the family. 
Hi i am in the same situation as you. We have adopted our grandson. I have had him since he was 4 months old. His mother decided she no longer wanted to be a parent. She admitted she had him for the extra money, and to get a better place to live. She done some terrible things to him. Starving him and leaving him in his cot all day to cry. He is a lovely little boy and he is our pride and joy. i cant understand how anyone could hurt a innocent baby like that.
 
September 12, 2008, 3:38 pm CDT

You guys are so great.

I just wanted to post in here and tell everyone that has adopted their grandkids that you are so admirable for that. They will be so thankful that they didn't end up in the system.

My parents were alcoholics and addicted to all kinds of drugs. My sisters and I were about to go into the system, but my grandparents wouldn't allow that. I'm 20 now and I thank god everyday I had them in my life!! I lived with them from age 4 to age 20. Things weren't always the best, but I wouldn't change a thing about my life, because god gave me these two wonderful people. Without them, who knows where I would be?

Thank you everyone who is giving your grandkids a chance to a good life. :)
 
October 26, 2008, 6:26 am CDT

need advice really bad!!

I am a grandma raising 3 little granddaughters ages 11,5,4, looooog story short,both daughters into drugs,and constantly moving in and out taking the kids leaving the kids. they take saboxin and pot say I over react and fight with me. they fight like crazy in front of thier kids and it,s a big mess,I don,t know how to go about fixing this,any advice?? any questions I,ll be glad to answer. thank you
 
November 1, 2008, 5:23 pm CDT

aunt and uncle

Quote From: donna55

I am a grandma raising 3 little granddaughters ages 11,5,4, looooog story short,both daughters into drugs,and constantly moving in and out taking the kids leaving the kids. they take saboxin and pot say I over react and fight with me. they fight like crazy in front of thier kids and it,s a big mess,I don,t know how to go about fixing this,any advice?? any questions I,ll be glad to answer. thank you

My husband and I have legal custody of my neice who will be two this month. The mother has another child that my other sister in law is raising.  We just found out she is pregnant again and wants to keep this baby. She wanted to keep the others but walked out on them to do her crack.  She wants to see her daughter but my husband and I are not allowing her until she can stay sober long enough, she has been on crack for about 15 years and have never stopped on her own only when she was put in rehab or jail by the courts.  I wonder if there is any hope for her?

 

 

 
November 9, 2008, 10:33 pm CST

Raising a grandchild... it is hard

My husband and I are raising a grandchild soon to be 4.  We have been raising him since 2 months, at least part time.  I had not seen my son for 4 years, wasn't sure he wasn't dead but knew he was on drugs and he called and said "hey you are grandparents".  Well, I hoped he had straighted out, he had not.  So we took control of the child's environment, got him formula (momma couldn't get out of bed to do it and Dad couldn't get out of bed to do it).  Long story, short, we took the grandson in full time at age 18 months. We take him to see his parents one day a week (IF IF they are sober) and they can manage that, they just can't stay off the meth longer than that.  I wouldn't even do that if he didn't love them so much, which he does.  I am just never sure what that short period of time around them does to him.  They have also been pregnant at least another 2 times and I don't know what happens to those children.  With the new laws, I have no way to find out, but I spend my nights praying that they were "sold" to private adoptions with people who really want a child,, I know that my son and g/f always have a lot of money right after the pregnancy. It doesn't last long, of course, they spend most of their time getting high during that time.  My
"BAD dreams" have those children going into dif worlds".

 

The problem for us, is that we have always paid for his doctor's visits, his food, his daycare,, his speech ,everything and our own pedicatrician has told us that we couldn't win a case on "neglect", because he doesn't act or look neglected,, and then said "because you make sure he isn't neglected.  Your best chance is to let him live there until they hurt themselves or him".  Well, I just can't go there.

 

He is smart,, we give him every opportunity.  OK, people will say, we can because we have the money,, well we were getting ready to retire,, and it isn't like we didn't like the clothes his parents put him in,, they are both on meth and couldn't even wake up to buy formula for the child.  They get high and are up for days and then sleep for days.  That is the way it is.

 

Our goal is to take guardianship for this child but they won't give him up volunterily because they get state welfare for him,, without him they have no money,, they now get about $1450 a month for him (and he doesn't live there) and She gets the same for her older daughters (who haven't lived with her for 4 years).   They can't live on drugs if we take him away and we can't prove negligence, so what do we do???  WE can let him live there and get abused,,, NO.  We can let him live there while they "cook"  ,, NO.  We can let him live there until someone calls DHS, and if ANYONE has been involved with DHS in OKLA,, well, they can't seem to show up until the kid is dead, and then they have an excuse.

 

You know,, it would be nice if DR Phil would take on some of these issues.  These are great horrific issues that Someone should deal with.  I meet grandparents everyday during business, at the grocery, at church who are raising grandkids because of meth.  WHY doesn't someone HELP us!  We need advice, we need legal help (we can't spend every dime of our retirement for legal fees, when we have to spend that retirement to raise a child).  WHY does everyone pretend to not notice.

 
December 5, 2008, 2:19 pm CST

help for grandparents

Quote From: okjaybird

My husband and I are raising a grandchild soon to be 4.  We have been raising him since 2 months, at least part time.  I had not seen my son for 4 years, wasn't sure he wasn't dead but knew he was on drugs and he called and said "hey you are grandparents".  Well, I hoped he had straighted out, he had not.  So we took control of the child's environment, got him formula (momma couldn't get out of bed to do it and Dad couldn't get out of bed to do it).  Long story, short, we took the grandson in full time at age 18 months. We take him to see his parents one day a week (IF IF they are sober) and they can manage that, they just can't stay off the meth longer than that.  I wouldn't even do that if he didn't love them so much, which he does.  I am just never sure what that short period of time around them does to him.  They have also been pregnant at least another 2 times and I don't know what happens to those children.  With the new laws, I have no way to find out, but I spend my nights praying that they were "sold" to private adoptions with people who really want a child,, I know that my son and g/f always have a lot of money right after the pregnancy. It doesn't last long, of course, they spend most of their time getting high during that time.  My
"BAD dreams" have those children going into dif worlds".

 

The problem for us, is that we have always paid for his doctor's visits, his food, his daycare,, his speech ,everything and our own pedicatrician has told us that we couldn't win a case on "neglect", because he doesn't act or look neglected,, and then said "because you make sure he isn't neglected.  Your best chance is to let him live there until they hurt themselves or him".  Well, I just can't go there.

 

He is smart,, we give him every opportunity.  OK, people will say, we can because we have the money,, well we were getting ready to retire,, and it isn't like we didn't like the clothes his parents put him in,, they are both on meth and couldn't even wake up to buy formula for the child.  They get high and are up for days and then sleep for days.  That is the way it is.

 

Our goal is to take guardianship for this child but they won't give him up volunterily because they get state welfare for him,, without him they have no money,, they now get about $1450 a month for him (and he doesn't live there) and She gets the same for her older daughters (who haven't lived with her for 4 years).   They can't live on drugs if we take him away and we can't prove negligence, so what do we do???  WE can let him live there and get abused,,, NO.  We can let him live there while they "cook"  ,, NO.  We can let him live there until someone calls DHS, and if ANYONE has been involved with DHS in OKLA,, well, they can't seem to show up until the kid is dead, and then they have an excuse.

 

You know,, it would be nice if DR Phil would take on some of these issues.  These are great horrific issues that Someone should deal with.  I meet grandparents everyday during business, at the grocery, at church who are raising grandkids because of meth.  WHY doesn't someone HELP us!  We need advice, we need legal help (we can't spend every dime of our retirement for legal fees, when we have to spend that retirement to raise a child).  WHY does everyone pretend to not notice.

Hi,

 

I agree that we grandparents need help! 

 

I am raising my 7 year old grand daughter and have temporary guardianship signed by my daughter.  Official custody has never been established as the father never was a part of her life.  The day before Thanksgiving, my daughter was severed papers from the father and it was filled with nothing but lies.  The father and new wife want to get out of paying child support.  He said that his daughter was abducted and living in Oregon.  He did not state that it was the grandmother who has raised her since she was born.  He has made about 3 child support payments and had visited his daughter about 15 times in 7 years.  Many times only staying for 30 minutes.  My daughter or I cannot afford legal fees and can only hope that our response to the court will be enough for the judge to see that this is nothing but a ploy to get out of paying child support.  Also, he is trying to move the case to Sacramento, and there is already a custody and child support case in Santa Clara.  Then he had the nerve to call me on Monday, and said if I adopt my granddaughter he would dismiss the case.

 

Not sure what to do. 

 

 
December 19, 2008, 10:19 am CST

Not allowed to see my only grandchild

Quote From: smileylynn

Hi! We to are not allowed to see are granddaughter's 13 & 15 I miss them so very much. we were lucky we had them in our lifes for the first 13 yr's so I guess we should  feel lucky. I was wondering how I would get to your web site cangrands would love to join Thank you in advance Lynn Dennett 

Lynn I know how you feel.

My only child died on 09/09/2007 as a result of a motorcycle accident.

 

My ex-daughteriin-law doesn't like me so I am not allowed to see my only grandchild.  My grandchild is 6 years old and it breaks my heart not to be allowed to see her. When my son died I lost so much. My ex-daughter in law is on drugs her life’s ambition is to cover her body in tattoos. The situation is bleak.  

Take care,

Holly 

 

 
February 23, 2009, 12:24 pm CST

Not a GP but have a son with his GP

I have 3 children, but my oldest son is with my mother right now.

 

I didn't just hand him off to her like he was unwanted; my mother and I had a mutual agreement that she would take care of him until I got back on my feet.

 

Which I did, and have been ready for him to come back. The first time I told my mother that I was ready, both her and my son said they were not ready yet and I have her one more year.

 

This year, I am putting my foot down--or at least trying to--and telling her that he needs to be here when he's done with second grade, so I can enroll him in school, take him to the doctor and the dentist, buy him school clothes, etc.

 

The "trying to" part involves my mother's attitude toward this whole thing, or the way I perceive her attitude to be. I had spoken with her last Sunday and she handed the phone over to my son so he could talk to me. I was asking him questions about him being ready to come back home and trying to ease his fears about leaving his grandma and grandpa, and all the things he's ever known for the past few years. Then the conversation was on a tangent (as it goes with talking with most 8-year-olds) and he put down the phone for a moment to ask his grandma a question. Then my mother got on the phone and said that he needed to stop crying and that I needed to stop putting illusions in his head about what he's going to get when he comes over here and blah blah. She also went on to say that if "he doesn't get things the way that he wants it, he's only going to beg you to come back here".

 

Nevertheless, I was pissed that she would question my parenting. When I had calmed down, I wrote an email telling her that I would never put illusions into any of my kids heads, and that it doesn't matter whether or not he's ready to come back home, he'll just have to get over it. She wrote me back later saying that "I never said anything about illusions....you shouldn't have to make him come back home if he doesn't want to."

 

Frustrating to say the least. (Sometimes I just shake my head and say, "what a piece of work my mother is!" And my husband would chime in and say, "she's not crazy, she's just evil, I keep telling you.")

 

Anyway, not to get off topic....

 

My real question is:

 

What is "the best interest of the child" here? To have him stay with the GPs and continue on with his life there where he is, allowing my mother to adopt him; or to be with me, because I'm his mother?

 

Am I wrong to exercise my parental rights by telling my mother that my son needs to be with me?

 

I love that boy very much and would never want to cause a lot of hurt in this situation.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for listening!

 
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