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Topic : Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Number of Replies: 316
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:46:10 pm
Author : dataimport
Grandparents face unique challenges raising their grandchildren. Share your advice, support and stories here.

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February 21, 2006, 6:46 pm CST

quote

Quote From: deborahnc

First, if you can prove you had the child in the time frame that she claimed the child on her taxes. I would go to a tax advisor and see about amending your taxes to include the child. Then she can deal with the IRS issues. If you have had the child for 5 years, check with your state about laws regarding TPR (which is terminating parents rights) it maybe that you can first have her rights terminated by the court then proceed with an adoption... WITHOUT her consent. The most important thing to remember is to keep RECORDS, anything involving the child.... ANYTHING! 

Even if adoption is not possible, the love support and guidance you give her is what will matter in the future, always keep that in mind. If you have had temp. custody through the court for a long period, talk to you tax advisor don't allow her to miss use money that could be used for the benifit of the child.  If that is not possible ask the court of child support and that part of the tax credit for the child. Courts dont always do what is right, but given the proper information most Judges try do what is best for the child. It is scary but taking a stand now will allow you to set rules and boundries for the future, something it sounds like this "mother" needs.  

It is very hard for  a grandparent to get custody of a child.    You have to prove so much.   One lawyer told me it would cost me more then I would ever earn.   The child's mother would get a legal aide attorney which will cost her nothing.    It really is a heat breaking thing.   I would love to fight for custody of my youngest grandosn but he has a father that just came out of jail and a mother who is on drugs and has a mental problem.     THe lawyer says I have to prove all this.   Believe me you would have to go back and forth to court so many times it will break your heart.     They will most likely give the mother visitation and then eventually let her have the child.    Hold on to that child as long as you can  It is so unfair to see our grandchildren suffer and there is not much you can do.    Hopefully your son will stick by you..       Good luck     
 
February 21, 2006, 7:04 pm CST

quote

Quote From: shelbik

I am a 34 year old mother of 5 who feels that my parental rights, if you call them that… are being trampled. I do not fall into the category of teen mother, drug user, child abuser, or an incarcerated parent. My children, all girls, are 6 months, 9yr old step-daughter, 10, 11, & 14 years old. I grew up in an emotionally, mentally and physically abusive home.  As an adult, I made a decision that, that legacy stops here.  I would not pass the abuse down to my children.  My children would have a happy childhood and I would do my best to see that it happened.  My mother has continued to undermine my parental rules, berate me in front of my children and condone my daughter’s lack of respect towards her elders.  I have endured years of malicious and slanderous lies about me and my parenting by my mother and sister.  She has made anonymous calls to DCFS and to this day she denies making them.  It is a shame to see the Department that is used to “protect” children condones such behavior from an adult.  

 I have been in a 14 year long fight to keep custody of my eldest daughter.  Ten years ago, her grandparents were awarded grandparent visitation and I have abided by it and even given them more than were awarded. My parents were also sued by myself and my ex-husband for the cost of our attorney fees and in 1996 they were ordered to pay the fees in excess of $9,000. (You will find a copy of the check enclosed). The toll that this type of suit takes on a family and marriage is unimaginable.  My husband at the time was falsely accused of physical and sexual abuse, all of which were unfounded. The allegations were only made on my eldest daughter’s behalf at the time she was three years old and the same goes this time around only this time she is 14. Please keep in mind that I have 3 other biological children of whom my mother & sisters has no interest.   

 Now that my ex-husband is not in the picture the allegations are being made toward me. It is the same scenario just 10 years later.  My daughter and I have a relationship that most mothers and teenage daughters have.  I have rules that should be followed and she does not think that she A) Should have rules and B) have to follow those rules.  I am very aware of who Courtney runs around with and where she is at, at all times.  With the way the world is today, I don’t think that a person can be blamed for trying to guide their children in the right direction. 

  

 

During the process of defending ourselves it drove my marriage to divorce and my ex-husband to suicide.  Last October I remarried and now my current husband and I are being slandered and put under financial hardship once again, by having to seek council to defend my guardianship. This time there are not allegations of sexual abuse just that my daughter wants to live elsewhere rather than have rules at home.  I want my child home and it seems that “legally” she doesn’t have to come home.  I will not give up guardianship or rights to my daughter.  I gave birth to her, she is not a car that you trade in when it starts acting up and that is what is being asked of me.  She has signed the petition for guardianship….she is 14 years old.  I am 34 and confused by all of this, so how on earth she to know what is is best at her age. 

Recently, my daughter has decided that she would rather go live with her biological father, of whom she has never known.  He gave her up for adoption and surrendered all rights in 1996.   

  I was under the impression that once you surrender your rights, you were not to have any contact unless the custodial parent gave consent, not the grandparent.  DCFS and Kid’s Hope United are actively involved and state that the child should return home, but also state that they cannot make her. It has been over a month and she is adamant and refuses to comply. She is a typical teenager who is currently smarter than her mother and step-father.  If it is any indication of the type of person my mother is, just ask he is a caseworker with Kids Hope United.  She knows my mother personally and asked to be removed from the case out of fear of retaliation from my mother if the case did not go her way.  She has had personal experiences with my mother and was afraid that my mom would go after her job. She told me this during a conversation that I had with her before she turned the case over to Ron.  That is why Ron from Kid’s Hope United was handed the case.  Since Ron has taken the case, they have “avoided” meeting with Ron by dodging phone calls and visits. I had sought to have counseling for Courtney and myself and that is when this all started. 

My mother and sister are only fueling the fire by encouraging her to stay away and have done so by sneaking the child to and from visits with her biological father without my consent & telling her to lie to me about it for over a year.  This is a perfect example of why grandparent’s rights should not be given. We are talking about my parents, not my in-laws.  Currently, I am being sued for guardianship of my own child and not for any good reason.  Why should I have to hire an attorney and defend my parental rights, when I am just trying to raise my children?  My mother is financially supporting the suit and has the money to do so.  Please note, that in no way do I want any part of his estate.  I simply am trying to show that my mother and sisters have the financial means to keep dragging me thru the courts. 

  

 

 I feel as a custodial and the only legal parent that I should be able to go and get her and make her come home.  I am being told that as long as she continues to refuse no one can make her return and if I do go try and make her return home, then she is placed in protective custody and DCFS and Kids Hope United is once again called.  When did our children start being able to legally decide what is best for them at such a young age?  I recently heard on the radio that our State Representatives were at odds, over if an 18 year old person is capable of making a decision that will affect the rest of his life by getting a tattoo.  However, the law is letting my 14 year old daughter decide what is in her best interest by letting her “choose” where to live.  I see something critically wrong with this picture.  Since when does getting a tattoo have more of an effect on you life than leaving home at such a young age?

  

 

  There is no abuse and this is just a typical case of a teenager who along with her grandmother, knows how to use the system and is abusing it.

  

 

 

 

This has been going on for way too long and would like some help to see that something of this nature does not happen in the future.  I can understand a child not wanting to return to an abusive or neglected home, but in this instance it is not the case.  We are a family of medium income with a good home and good moral values.  Just because I feel that my teenager should not have her belly button pierced, a cell phone, or a $100.00 purse does not mean that I am a bad parent or that my child can decide that he/she wants to live with someone who will buy it or who can afford to.  My other children are on high honor roll and excel in school. They both have 4.8 and 4.7 GPA and Courtney, my oldest did so up until grandma & aunts started deciding what was in her best interest. She excelled in school and was in Beta Club and honor roll until she started sneaking around with my mother and sister to see her biological father. That is when her grades initially started to decline. It was actually a relief to her when I found out. I did not have a problem with her wanting to know “where” she came from.  What I do have a problem with is the fact that my mother and sister made the decision as to what was best for Courtney.  That should have been my decision to make.  She is at a very impressionable age and I did not and do not feel that telling a teenager to lie to her mother is a real bright idea.  Teenager’s have enough problems opening up to their parents. So why did her grandmother tell her to lie to me.  I find that in itself disturbing behavior, from what should be a responsible adult.  If you will, note the timeline of events.  August 1st my attorney sent my mother a letter stating that she was to cease visits to her biological father or we would seek to have her grandparents rights terminated.  Less than 2 months later, my daughter was gone.  

  

 

I am a good mother and I love my children.  Raising a teenager is not easy, as I am finding out.  I do not hit my children, nor do I use the belt, but in this case I do admit to pulling my daughters hair, but only after she looked me in the eye and in front of my younger children, proceeded to call me a mother f-ing b--ch of a mother.  She has done this in the past, but never in front of my children or to my face.  What kind of example does this set for her siblings?  I also have submitted several letters of my character in my defense and can provide testimony from such individuals and others if needed.   

 

 

In closing I would like to state that when this all began, my husband, my uncle and I were told by DCFS caseworker that the allegations would be unfounded.  I was also told by DCFS in an interview at my home, that “people” in his office had heard that my daughter and I had never had a good relationship.  I suspect that those statements were a big influence in the decision that was made.  I thought that the decisions were based on the facts and not hearsay or an individual’s opinion of someone. I also do not understand how the department can “ADD” an allegation, just because they had no evidence to prove the initial claims. The only people that you will find to state that I am a bad parent would be my mother, sisters and a 14 year old who doesn’t like rules. DCFS never took the time to speak to other family members, school teachers or others on my behalf. I am sure that he is a very educated individual, but I feel that he was looking at the situation from a “teens” point of view and not a parenting one.  DCFS was at all times very polite and professional, though the statement regarding his co-workers and there opinions I found disturbing and influential. I have recently found out that  a caseworker, in the DCFS Office is REALLY good friends with my sister and brother in law who my daughter currently is staying.  She has advised them on many matters having to do with this case.  Now I see how the DCFS system works.  I requested a copy of the complaints some time ago and I have yet to receive them from the  office.  

 

  

 

  

 

  

 

Let your 14 year old go live with her grandmother.     I have my 14 year old grandson by his choice.    When your daughter sees it is not all that much fun living with grandma because with her grand mother hopefully there will be rules just like at home.    She will get tired of it and come home.    Stop fighting over her that is what she wants the attention.    Let it go take the time with your other kids she will come back.     You should show her that you and your mom are together on this.  Sometimes kids like to pit mom against who ever as long as she is getting the attention.    Tell her you love her and when ever she wants to come home the door will always be opened.
 
February 21, 2006, 7:21 pm CST

hartbroken

Quote From: nates_nana

I really don't know which topic to post this under.  I'm still confused on how these boards work. 

  

I don't know where to start, but I'll try to keep this short.  

  

Here's my dilemna: I raised my grandson almost his entire first year because my daughter was still being a teenager (17) doing teenage things, and would NOT stay home and take care of him.  We fought because I tried to get her to stay home and she didn't want to do it.  THEN.....the first disagreement we had once she hit 18, she moved out and used my grandson as a pawn (a behavior she still uses to this day). If she was made at me, I didn't get to see him. Eventually, I had to pacify and please her to see him. He is now 4yrs, and throughout these 4 years, whenever she's mad at me, I don't get to see him. He and I are very close and she doesn't seem to understand it is him that's suffering.  Instead, she only sees that she is "punishing" me. 

  

The current issue, is that she had been letting the 4yr old co-sleep with her most of his life. She now has a boyfriend who is very manipulative, and she doesn't "like" him (so she tells me), but she is sleeping with the guy because he pays her bills. She refuses to get a job. Her younger son who is 23mos. (who use to be joined at the hip with her) has also been pushed aside because her boyfriend has a 2yr old daughter whom she treats like royalty (to please the boyfriend).  My grandson has told me numerous times: "Mommy likes xxx better than me" (xxx=boyfriend's daughter). 

  

She moved the kids into a smaller trailer (but with more bedrooms) so her friend (a girl) could move in and pay half the rent. Her boyfriend pays the other half.  My 4yr old grandson has suddenly been "dumped" out of her room and into his own room at the new trailer and he is absolutely petrified!  He has been begging to stay at my house, and when she comes to get him, he sobs and pleads and begs me not to make him go home. When he gets home, she lets him call me, and we spend 40 minutes (at least) with him totally sobbing, begging me to come get him.  His younger brother (who use to go to bed first), now stays awake while he's put into the dark room by himself and told it's bedtime while he screams hysterically that he's scared.  He tells me he knows his "Mommy doesn't like him anymore" which is how he seems to be feeling.  The younger son is permitted to take his toys, hit him, bite him, etc and he's not allowed to do anything about it.  When he tries to say anything to his mother about his brother (taking his toys or doing anything), she tells him "Be quiet, that's not nice!" or "I don't want to hear it".  He's not even permitted to say anything.  Now the new 2yr old daughter of the boyfriend even gets to sleep in my daughter's room, while my 4yr old grandson screams hysterically. 

  

I can't do a thing about it, because the minute I say anything to my daughter she says she "doesn't want to hear it", and will do the opposite.  She's 21 and still rebelling it seems.  There have been different guys in her life, and while she would date them, she always left my grandson with me, night after night when he was 2, 3, etc.  Now, her new live-in boyfriend manipulates her, calls her names, has hit the roomate, etc, and she won't throw him out because she needs his money.  No one can even suggest anything about her parenting though, because the first thing she says is "I know I'm an excellent mother and I'm not doing anything wrong!".   

  

My older grandson is in sheer terror because of the way she's handling the sudden sleeping in his room....not to mention she just moved into this trailer two weeks ago, and it's a new room that he's not familiar with, and she suddenly wants him to sleep alone for the first time in a room he's afraid of, while his brother now is permitted to stay awake.  She ran out of fuel on Thursday, so he slept at my house from Thursday through Sunday nights, and today he begged and begged me to pick him up from school so he didn't have to go home.  She came here for awhile this afternoon and when she tried to leave, he had a "meltdown" and refused to leave, ran and hid and then hung on my leg.  

  

Of course I reinforced what she said, (her telling him it was time to go).  I "back her up" in front of him, but I'm just physically sick over seeing this poor baby pushed aside for her selfish reasons to begin with, and now shoved into another room because she's sleeping with a guy she hates for his money.  I don't even know what to say to my grandson anymore because he begs me (and I means begs, pleads, sobs, cries, etc), to "Come get him", "Don't make him stay there", "Let him sleep at my house", etc.  I'm sure there's a better way to wean him to his own room....but she won't hear anything from anyone about it!  It's her way or no way, no matter what effect it has on him and his well-being. 

  

From the time his younger brother was born, he was pushed aside and has always been treated second rate.  Now that my daughter has a boyfriend with money, that's become her "goal in life"...to please the boyfriend, even at her son's expenses (both sons).  I have left out a whole lot more info and other things she's doing to and with the kids, but it would take too long to put it all here.  She never hits them or swears at them, etc....she's just so caught up in herself and her own self-centered needs that she can't/won't see what she's doing.  She was almost evicted last month because she has no income at all.  She absolutely refuses to work....she expects everyone to take care of her and support her.  However she will insist to anyone and everyone that she is mature, responsible, and independant (which is far from the truth). 

  

There's much more to this, but it would take too long to type it all.  She's done soooooo much *to* me, and against me, etc, but I have to tolerate it and not say anything to her, or I don't get to see my grandson.   Then, if I don't want to give her money, she tells me I'm suppose to start being a mother to her!!!   

  

I know there really isn't anything I can do for my grandson (because the first thing she'll do is forbid me to see him), but how can I handle this for myself?  I am so upset over this that I'm sick everyday.  This poor baby is begging for help and I can't do a thing to help him.   

  

Suggestions? 

  

I know my daughter is the same way but I did get to see my oldest grandson(who is 14 and has lived with me for the past 3 years) I would go to his school at lunche time, I would sit out side his home and when he was playing I would talk to him one of the family members would bring him to the park and I would play with him there so I always let hime know I was there for him.    His mother has bi-polar so she rages for awhile and they is calm and that is when she would give me my grandson.  This went on for years and it almost put me over the edge but I hung in there and now he lives with me and does not want to see his mother and he does not talk to her.    He has a 7 year old brother who is going through the same thing.    I do not have the energy to fight for this little one but I hope some day when he is older he will come live with me too.
 
February 21, 2006, 7:42 pm CST

understand

Quote From: cathyjay3

I don't know what has happened to the younger parents now days. My husband and I have custody of our two granddaughters Gabby 5 Bree 3 and the father has the right to see them every Sunday but since September till the end of October he has sen then 3 times and didn't keep them the full time the courts gave him. And the last we have heard from him was in court asking if he could claim them on his taxes. The Mother got with him when she was 17 and her life has went to hell her and him started doing meth and god only knows what else. We had Gabby once before when she was 1 but then when Bree was born It was so hard for Gabby to see her mommy and daddy to leave with her sister but not her so when she was 3 we gave them custody back the stupid thing we ever did. Now since last September we have had both girls and the mother is in and out of jail the father has just dropped off the face of the earth and yet these girls Love their mommy and daddy . Even with all the abuse they went through. But I can understand that because I was abused as a child and I loved my mom and dad at time I hated them but the love was still there. And We are dealing with the girls saying they hate their mommy and daddy and what to know why they don't come see them or send them anything for their birthday or Christmas. And I have to say to them that their mom and dad love them that they are just having trouble and someday they will be back. God I hope not!! 

The girls have seen so much their parents fighting like cats and dogs and now we have to watch the 5year old because she feels like the 3 year old is moving in on her ground. She blames her for her mom and dad leaving her before and I just tell her that its not true that her sister is in the same shoe as her and that they need to be there for each other. And it seems like every time I turn around I hear of another set of grandparents raising their grandchildren. Whats going to happen to these kids when they get older and become parents all they know is Mommy's and daddy's walk out on them.And the other part that I think isn't fair is the courts gave the parents lawyers but we had to pay for ours, how is that fair? I'm 43 and I've had surgery 9 times on my back and the pain I live with 24/7 is hard to deal with when I'm trying to take care of a 3 and 5 year old. I just don't get it whats happened to the parents and why don't the courts step in and do something because we had to fight to get the girls and the only reason we did get them was because the father hadn't been in their life for almost a year other then to run back when he was hit with a child support order then he came back and married my daughter and then he was off again so that stopped the support order. And its cost to raise two kids. And my husband don't make the kind of money he was making when we got married so it's even harder now. Plus the cost of my pain pills I have had to go off of some of them because  we just couldn't afford them. How do we handle the stress and angry feeling we have the anger comes form the fact that we aren't able to be grandparents we have to play the mom and dad role we don't get to spoil them and send them home to mom and dad. Are the feeling I'm having normal are there other grandparents out there that feel this way? If so please let me know because I set up at night and cry because of the stress and anger I have. I Love the girls so much it just breaks my heart when they ask why and I don't know what to say to make them feel better and the bad dreams they have and I have to sit with them telling them its OK  nanny and pepaw is here for them and we aren't going to leave them. They don't want to leave my side so I don't get any time away form them other then when they are at school. And then I'm running around trying to get what I can done on the house but the 3 year old only goes till 11am so thats not much time. Am I wrong with the feelings I'm having? 

At least you do have the kids.      Tell the oldest one the truth.    She lives with you because her mom and dad can not take care of her.    If you lie to her she will come back at you later and ask you why you lied.   Even though she is only a little girl she will understand and believe me the truth is better than her wondering why  you tell her  her parents love her but they are never around.  Just be there for them it is hard for them and they will heve to live with this for the rest of their lives so tell the truth.       It is very hard for us as grandparents to raise these kids because they have problems and we can not fix what their parents have done,  It is horrible and I hate my daughter for what she has done to her sons and do not know if I could ever forgive her.           It will get better
 
February 22, 2006, 4:30 pm CST

Dr. Phil do a show on us grandparents!!

I think that Dr.Phil should do a show on all of us grandparents who are doing the right thing.  There are questions all of us have ie: what do we say to the children when they ask WHY their parents can't/won't take care of them OR would it be better to move children that have lived with grandchildren for several years to younger family members who are willing and able to raise them. What about abandonment issues?  Teens being raised by grandparents. Visitation? 

  

 Yes I agree that everyday I look into my beautiful granddaughters eyes (Kaylin  6 years and Kyah 3 years) I say Thank God we were there to help...but gosh dang it I wish they had their God given rights which is to be raised by the 2 individuals who CHOSE to have them.......and get the whole experience with us as the Grandparents..with all the fun attached to that.  I always shake my head at people who say "Aren't they lucky they have you?" and think....how could I have lived with myself and NOT taken them. 

 
February 23, 2006, 11:10 pm CST

From one Grandparent to another

Quote From: twomanics

I think that Dr.Phil should do a show on all of us grandparents who are doing the right thing.  There are questions all of us have ie: what do we say to the children when they ask WHY their parents can't/won't take care of them OR would it be better to move children that have lived with grandchildren for several years to younger family members who are willing and able to raise them. What about abandonment issues?  Teens being raised by grandparents. Visitation? 

  

 Yes I agree that everyday I look into my beautiful granddaughters eyes (Kaylin  6 years and Kyah 3 years) I say Thank God we were there to help...but gosh dang it I wish they had their God given rights which is to be raised by the 2 individuals who CHOSE to have them.......and get the whole experience with us as the Grandparents..with all the fun attached to that.  I always shake my head at people who say "Aren't they lucky they have you?" and think....how could I have lived with myself and NOT taken them. 

Today I cry as a grandmother and a mother.  Where did I go wrong what could I have done different my heart is so broken for my grandbabies I think I made the wrong choices in having children.  I have my oldest grandson who is now 5 and I he came to live with me when he was 2 days old his mother left at 6 weeks and never came back.  I love him he is a very sweet and kindest little man and the love of my life.  I just won custody back from CPS in December for my daughter on her other 2 children who are 1 & 2. It cost me dearly both financially and emotionally but I stepped up and went to bat for my daughter I believed in her.  Hubby (whom is not her real father) and I moved to a different county (attorney advice) and provided a home for all of us so she could get a job and back on her feet.  We paid for all of the costs including  the lawyer bought her a car a cell phone got her a job etc etc.  We got them back about a month ago and she went to visit friends last weekend and has been missing ever since.  She never showed up for the job we got her with hubbies company and she decided to let those poor babies sleep at whatever friend would take her.  When I finally tracked her down today she said she was applying for assitant not coming back was going to move out and get her own apt. She thought I was unhappy with her living with us ( I made her pick up after her and babies and keep her portin of the house straight ) as well as every  other excuse she could think for not working and to move back to the county who took her children in the 1st place(Against the attorneys adive). Those poor babies have no stability no home and no chance and she has no money.  I feel responsible for there demise as it is my fault.  I fought for them it is my fault they are now homeless again and it is my fault there are where they are today.  I think I am helping then this happens now I want the state those babies and find them a decent parent with enough good sense to provide a home and the love they need to grow and find there path in life.   I can not tell you how I feel and what a horribly thing I have done in getting them returned to there mother (She has a known drug problem but I believed her to be clean) . I am beyond upset and beside myself with grief. I am not upset about her moving I am upset her choices have continued to be bad ones for the babies.  That they are unstable and homeless and  I don't want to lose faith but my soul hurts so bad for what has happend I simply don't know what to do .  Please pray for those babies and my soul for what I have done.   When you think you are dong the right thing and you are so wrong how can you look your self in the mirror knowing those babies are homeless somewhere and to know you really can't help them.  Heartbroken in Seattle
 
March 5, 2006, 9:17 am CST

Granma wants to do the right thing

Recently my daughter met a guy on the internet and just after knowing him for a month moved in with him out of state. He fed her a bunch of lies which I proved to her were lies. She has taken my 3 yr old granddaughter from the only home she has known. I have taken care of her daughter since the moment she was born. providing this child with everything a child could want,need or desire I have given her every oppurtunity lessons in ballet ,gymnastics.bought her memberships to museums etc. I have told my daughter if she would come back I would get her an apartment put her through school, watch my granddaughter and help her until she got back on her feet she said what if the offer wasn't good enough.  What should I do besides collecting mile points flying back and forth cross country? This guy is a felon, a liar, has been married twice, and living on welfare. SOME ONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!
 
March 13, 2006, 4:24 pm CST

Pray just pray!

Quote From: kbgranma

Recently my daughter met a guy on the internet and just after knowing him for a month moved in with him out of state. He fed her a bunch of lies which I proved to her were lies. She has taken my 3 yr old granddaughter from the only home she has known. I have taken care of her daughter since the moment she was born. providing this child with everything a child could want,need or desire I have given her every oppurtunity lessons in ballet ,gymnastics.bought her memberships to museums etc. I have told my daughter if she would come back I would get her an apartment put her through school, watch my granddaughter and help her until she got back on her feet she said what if the offer wasn't good enough.  What should I do besides collecting mile points flying back and forth cross country? This guy is a felon, a liar, has been married twice, and living on welfare. SOME ONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!

I wish there was something more substantial I could tell you.  One thing I can tell you is it is hard to say but it is YOUR daughters life.  I know as we sit here and look at her choices it is both confusing and painful.  We just can not understand why someone with all the love in the world would make a choice that is so dreadful for them and the life of their child.  For now be grateful that you can get on a plane to seen your grandchild.  It will NOT be that way forever.  Do what you have to do for now. And remember to pray. 

  

I am here today because my 20 year old son came home yesterday to announce his girlfriend of about 4 weeks is having his baby? I have always talked openly about protection and sexually transmitted diseases with my son...I don't know where it all fell apart.  I have been divorced for 5 years now, my son still has somewhat of a relationship with his Father.   

  

 I asked to meet my son's girlfriend when they first started dating because he was spending A LOT of time away from home.  He said she wants to move slow so she was not ready to meet me yet...so I waited a couple more weeks and asked again....well I still have not met her, even after the pregnancy announcement.  My son has attempted to pressure her into meeting me and she broke up with him so he backed off ........and has asked me to just back off."she is just not ready/willing to meet me yet"........ 

  

Can Any Body Smell a Rat...I think so.  He said she is 29??? My son is very Innocent and somewhat insecure and I think he just wants to belong to someone...he has no idea what he is in for...He moved to her apartment yesterday, he is uncomfortable talking to me when she is around.  I have seen a change in his personality...Mom you call me too much and you are holding me back???  Yes, I pay for the tuition and books and bought the car he drives (he does pay his car insurance and a small car payment) .I asked to talk with her over the phone....she refused!  What the HELL is going on..I can not think, sleep why wont she meet me??  My head is swirling around with ideas.  My son tells me she is about 3weeks pregnant??? he would 'nt really know.  He has a part-time job and has now decided to quit school.  Not that he was that interested in going in the first place. 

  

Has anyone else had this happen??  Any idea why she REFUSES to meet me.  I have never seen or talked to her.  My son has always introduced me to previous girlfriends.  He wants me to meet her he has even shown me where she lives.  But I know if I just showed up, I would lose that battle and maybe my son.  I have heard him tell her he wants her to meet me.  He said Mom what can I do?  Also he thinks he is going to marry her "do the right thing" 

  

 
March 17, 2006, 4:07 pm CST

don't you just love 13-year-olds?

hello all,i am a first timer here on the boards, so please excuse any mistakes i may make. here's the background. my mother-in-law has adopted all 5 of my sister-in-law's children. my sister-in-law is currently in jail and should be getting out in about 20 years or so. i never really got to know her, but people tell me that she is someone who is frequently verbally and physically abusive towards her children and mother. i think this past experience may have resulted in all the kids having some form of behavioral problems. here's the situation. yesterday one of the kids, the second oldest, has recently run away. my husband and i are told that this is the second time she has run away. yes, she came back both times, but not before we seriously contemplated calling the police. yesterday she left the house at 4pm and returned home around 11 pm. we were also told yesterday (for the first time) that this child has graduated from screaming obscenities to her grandmother to actually hitting her. here's my question. given that my husband and i do not live with them, what can we do to make things better? i would hate to see this child follow in her mother's footsteps. her GPA has recently dropped to such an extent that her middle school is threatening to expel her. when we heard about this, i am ashamed to admit that i lost my temper. i told her that it is impossible for her to break out of the poverty cycle with no college degree. and that from the looks of things, she may not even graduate from high school. i am afraid i may have contributed to her running away by losing my temper.i am very worried about this child and i don't know how i can help. i have tried talking to her and it does not seem to help. any and all advice will be welcome. thank you all very much for listening.
 
March 27, 2006, 10:47 am CST

visitation

hello I'am the grandmother of a 3 year old boy who is my son's child.My son has visitation tue&thur every other week-end,every other holiady and from june -sept in summer. My problem is grandparents visitation.Because my grandson's parents were not married the mother has the right to say if I can see the 3 year old. She will say yes I can see him then after i drive 16 hrs. their is a show down maybe yes maybe no to the visitation. I realize this is a power struggle going on. my question is how can I make this go smoother.
 
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