Topic : Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

I am a grandparent raising my twin 14 year old grandsons. I have had them since they were 2 1/2 years old. My daughter was not involved in their lives very much and passed away 4 years ago. Their father is not around either.  

The boys were excited about entering middle school 3 years ago. They have learning disabilities but enjoyed school, even though they learned by different methods. They were raised in a non-violent home, by the Golden Rule and monitored television viewing. I still block channels that I feel are inappropriate for teens.  They did fairly well for the first 2 semesters in 6th grade and made honour roll and then the grades went down. I found out that some kids were teasing them about their mom--some of the things being said were horrible: going to the cemetery to visit your dead mom; my mom's buying me something special today, you can't get something special because you have a dead mom etc. Unfortunately for my boys nothing was done to stop the teasing. I had meetings at the school with the 'team' and was met with statements like 'kids will be kids' and 'I'm sure nobody said that' and nothing was done. They were bullied and beaten  on their way home from school. At the end of the school year my boys told me that the boys were finally disciplined for teasing about a 'dead mom' but it wasn't for them. It was for another boy from a better family and, according to my boys, they believe it's because they aren't as good as the other one. They also told me that nobody believes in the Golden Rule, not even the teachers and that the only way to get anywhere is to fight.  

Seventh grade proved to be worse. My boys had the attitude that nobody wanted them at school, why do the work, that they were 'stupid' and couldn't learn anything. Their relationship has become violent and their anger into the eighth grade has become worse. And, they take their anger out on me. Both boys at different times have said they wished I could homeschool. That had been something I wanted to do before they went to middle school but wasn't possible. I regret that I couldn't do it. 

Now I am looking for a way to get computers and other educational supplies so that I can homeschool. My income is social security disability so I have been looking for low cost loans or grants for grandparents but haven't had any luck. Does anyone have any information that could help us? I don't want my boys to drop out and they still have a desire to learn at this point. They are in counseling and their therapist also thinks it would be beneficial but she has no idea where to look for resources. We live in a town that has few resources and the school system is failing badly. Our town tested so poorly that it was last in the state for standardized tests given in October. I hope someone has information that can help. Thank you. 

My brother and I were reaised by my grandmother on my fathers side.She did the best she could and we never did without LOVE!You are doing a really great thing raising the kids.Don't get down on yourself and do what you think is best for the boys.Its true....kids will be kids...but really now....does that give kids the right to be cruel?I say a big NO!Parents need to stand up and deal with their children that bullie.I respect your greatly for what your doing.....you will find what you need to help you.Have a great day! 

Hi  I'm Sallie,  this is my first post.  I too am raising 2 grand girls.  My daughter has been home and gone a lot.  She's now 39 been in prison and treatment facility.  The two girls Jodi now 9 and Zoe now 7 (ds) have been with my husband and my self for most of their lives.  I too had enabled my daughter severly and this is the eventual consequence.  She has now accused me of kiddnapping her girls and lying to her.  Well Meth will do wonders for your thought process. The drs. had filed charges of med. neglect and child endanger ment while we were on the truck(hubby is a truck driver) when we came home for christmas all H@#$ had broken loose and the girls came back to us.  I have guardianship of them as mom just vanished for about 5 years.  She now lives in a town about 300 hundred miles from here and has her 15 yr old daughter (whom she didn't raise) and is working all nite.  She does have phone communication with the girls and tells them she is getting a home and will get them back.  However the reason she didn't have them has not been resolved.  The little one has downsyndrome and is a child at risk and has to have access to med. attention sometimes at the drop of a hat.  Right now she's very healthy but can get really ill with any virus.  My daughter has stated that she wants the older one but not the little and has expressed that to her daughter.  We have an ongoing relationship with an attorney and she does say that the state will not let my daughter have her girls. 

I was very angry for a long time but these little ones need the stability and interest of people who love them.  We are doing our best, and I finally had to quit feeling guilty about my daughters choices.  It's very expensive and hard raising the girls but I wouldn't trade it for the world.   

I hope that all of you can find the help and support y ou need.  And quit with the guilt.  Our adult children have made their choices. 

I can see my daughter's life and choices in so many of the posts here. 

Hi all, 

This is my first post here.  Here is my story. 

It all started last year for us anyway...my hubby's daughter (yes I am the step-parent) has had problems in the past with drugs.  Crack is her drug of choice.  Not that it matters which one they use.   

In 1989 she had a daughter, in 1990 we took the baby in, with no court orders or anything, we took a chance.  She came over one evening after a few months of us having and caring the baby and wanted money, so she could go party.  We told her no.  So she called the little girls father in PA to come get her.  Fast forward to 1997...she is pregnant and in jail for......drugs.  She has this baby, a boy.  We help her get an apartment, the baby is 3 weeks old and she calls and says "come get this kid or I won't be held responsible for what happens to him.  So we go get him, she winds up back in jail.  We take care of him for 2 and a half years.  Now here we are again.  Last fall we got the little boy back here living with us again.  Domestic abuse and drugs abuse...again.    Paternal grandma has the 2 kids that she has with her husband.  She has them 3 weeks and the state protective services calls us and says that if we don't take the babies then they will go to foster care.  That was in January.   

This girl has now told us that she has cancer, that she  was diagnosed in December with terminal intestinal cancer.  Although she is not recieving any kind of treatment for said cancer.  I am sorry I realize that it sounds terrible, but this is the same girl that has told sooooo many lies and her only concern is for herself.  Her father has so many health problems of his own but she isn't concerned about him or his health  just herself.   

We can all sit around and place the blame on bad parenting, but I firmly believe that that excuse can only carry you so far.  At some point in your life you MUST take responsibility for your own actions and decisions!  I believe that this daughter of my husbands is the only one responsibile for what she has done.   

I have learned through all this that the most important thing in all of this is the well being of the children, the minor children. 

God Bless the Children 

Hi again, 

I just wanted to share with all of you that there is a website that you can join that is just Grands raising grands.  www.grandsplace.org   There are lots of people there that are in the same situation that we are all in.  They are absolutely wonderful and they have links to many informative and helpful sites that are dedicated to the kids and their rights and yours.  Lots of friends to be made there.  I hope you visit it. 

I just thought I would get started with a post on here. I had done this a while ago, under a different subject.   

I just received tempory custody of my granddaughter.  Her mother has a serious (and denied) drug problem. She had been living in another state from me, but had finally run out of options, so she finally came to live with me. After taking over the primary care of my 14 month old granddaughter for the last 6 weeks, and her mother disappeared for the better part of 4 days, I called DCFS, and filed a complaint for neglect. She was threatening to take her out of my house, and I could not let her do that...and could not let her even stay alone, because all she would do is pass out, and the baby would be crawling the house as much as possible. I had baby-proofed the childs bedroom and hallway, but my daughter refused to clean up the mess in her room, and left the child in her bed most of the day....anyway, you get the idea...what a disaster....  

I am single, divorced a couple of years ago. I had to take custody, because I couldn't even put her in daycare to have her taken care of...not to mention medical and all. So, now the round of courts begins, I have to try and hold down a full-time job, and take care of my granddaughter by myself while her mother has a fit, acts ridiculous, and refuses to accept the problem as hers.   

So, support...suggestions...and prayers are in order.....thanks...