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Topic : Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Number of Replies: 316
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:46:10 pm
Author : dataimport
Grandparents face unique challenges raising their grandchildren. Share your advice, support and stories here.

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October 27, 2005, 6:25 pm CDT

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: qtpie28

hello.I gave my first daughter to my mom and step-dad.It was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made.They told me how great it would be and that I could see her whenever I wanted,I havent seen my now 9 year old daughter for about 5 years.I am not allowed to call her,write to her or even think about her.Thats what I was told.I also gave my son to my ex fiances parents because we didnt have the finances to care for him.The difference is that I get to talk to him on a regular basis.He is spoiled rotten.I miss my kids and the point is,if I could do it again I would never give them to thier grandparents.I would have raised them myself.
I am sorry, that you are unable to see your daughter. I adopted my grandchildren, as my daughter was and still is useing drugs. I have never stopped her from seeing the girls, nor would I . She calls Morgan from time to time, Trinity is to young to talk on the phone. If I had not adopted them, DCYF would have given them to someone else. Why is it that you chose to give your babies up ??? Gina
 
October 27, 2005, 6:29 pm CDT

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: ulfarmer

My son is 14 and is going to have a son. The girl came to me to let me know first, she was 7months along. Me and my husband had to tell her father. Of course being the single dad he is was mad and I am sure embarrassed that he didn't see it. Later he asked my thoughts about it and what I wanted. I told him we all talked before he got there and I wanted to take the baby. He said fine. Now he won't let her talk to us and said he wants to put the baby up for adoption to "A RICH FAMILY", my son is very up set and will not sign any papers. I know he is young but does her father have the right to not let us have anything to do with my soon to be grandson. Money doesn't buy the love I already feel for the baby. She knows I love and care about her too. I spent all summer doing things with her and even taking her to buy her school clothes. I want so much to be apart of this babys life. Her father told us if my son don't sign the papers they will keep the baby and make it hell for him. Her dad is also a alcoholic and has dirty house and it scares me to know the baby might go to that home. Please someone let me know of our rights. I have looked up everything and nothing has said anything about a fathers rights.
Since your son is the father, he would have rights to the baby as well as the mother. If the house is that deplorable, and the grandfather to be is an alchoholic, you could notify DCYF with your concerns. Good luck to all of you. 14 is terribly young to be a father. Gina
 
October 30, 2005, 5:03 pm CST

Grandparents rights.

I am about ready to scream. My son's ex mother in law adopted my grandchildren and now is controlling them and their emotions by using a mental boot camp for my grandson. These kids are being abused flat out and the justice system is working way too slow.. while the justice system works these kids are going through a living hell. Even her son and daughter in law have testified against her. I have written to Dr. Phil for help time and again.. still no help. I have called CPS.. the health department.. no one seems to want to get involved... Do these kids all or one have to die before anyone does anything? Also... this adoption has a cloud over it that can be overturned if I can get the kids out of this nasty evil woman's custody. I need help and don't know where to go.. can anyone out there help me and give me advice on how I can get my grandchildren out of her evil clutches? HELP! HELP! HELP! She is telling them her son is the kids brother and their mom is now their sister.. it's just a real mess.. I do need help however.
 
October 30, 2005, 6:31 pm CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: itsgina14

Since your son is the father, he would have rights to the baby as well as the mother. If the house is that deplorable, and the grandfather to be is an alchoholic, you could notify DCYF with your concerns. Good luck to all of you. 14 is terribly young to be a father. Gina
Thank you Gina. I am scared because he has guns and is an alcoholic. My mother was shot by my father who was alcoholic w/gun. Yes 14 is very young to be a parent, it is not what I really wanted but he is going to be and I love both soon to be babies already.
 
November 1, 2005, 7:36 pm CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: jasmine48

I am about ready to scream. My son's ex mother in law adopted my grandchildren and now is controlling them and their emotions by using a mental boot camp for my grandson. These kids are being abused flat out and the justice system is working way too slow.. while the justice system works these kids are going through a living hell. Even her son and daughter in law have testified against her. I have written to Dr. Phil for help time and again.. still no help. I have called CPS.. the health department.. no one seems to want to get involved... Do these kids all or one have to die before anyone does anything? Also... this adoption has a cloud over it that can be overturned if I can get the kids out of this nasty evil woman's custody. I need help and don't know where to go.. can anyone out there help me and give me advice on how I can get my grandchildren out of her evil clutches? HELP! HELP! HELP! She is telling them her son is the kids brother and their mom is now their sister.. it's just a real mess.. I do need help however.
I feel terrible for you. I would suggest you get a lawyer. If she adopted her daughters children, she, the daughter, is legally their sister. Your son would be their brother in law. I adopted my daughters 2 children, though legally she is now their sister, I do not tell them that. The oldest one, Morgan, age 3 calls her Angel. I do not know where that name came from, But it fits as far as I am concerned, as she is an Angel to know she could not care for the girls, and let me adopt them without any trouble. I do hope everything works out for you, and I especially hope the little ones are safe and loved. Gina
 
November 1, 2005, 7:38 pm CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: jasmine48

I am about ready to scream. My son's ex mother in law adopted my grandchildren and now is controlling them and their emotions by using a mental boot camp for my grandson. These kids are being abused flat out and the justice system is working way too slow.. while the justice system works these kids are going through a living hell. Even her son and daughter in law have testified against her. I have written to Dr. Phil for help time and again.. still no help. I have called CPS.. the health department.. no one seems to want to get involved... Do these kids all or one have to die before anyone does anything? Also... this adoption has a cloud over it that can be overturned if I can get the kids out of this nasty evil woman's custody. I need help and don't know where to go.. can anyone out there help me and give me advice on how I can get my grandchildren out of her evil clutches? HELP! HELP! HELP! She is telling them her son is the kids brother and their mom is now their sister.. it's just a real mess.. I do need help however.
 
November 3, 2005, 8:28 am CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: ulfarmer

My son is 14 and is going to have a son. The girl came to me to let me know first, she was 7months along. Me and my husband had to tell her father. Of course being the single dad he is was mad and I am sure embarrassed that he didn't see it. Later he asked my thoughts about it and what I wanted. I told him we all talked before he got there and I wanted to take the baby. He said fine. Now he won't let her talk to us and said he wants to put the baby up for adoption to "A RICH FAMILY", my son is very up set and will not sign any papers. I know he is young but does her father have the right to not let us have anything to do with my soon to be grandson. Money doesn't buy the love I already feel for the baby. She knows I love and care about her too. I spent all summer doing things with her and even taking her to buy her school clothes. I want so much to be apart of this babys life. Her father told us if my son don't sign the papers they will keep the baby and make it hell for him. Her dad is also a alcoholic and has dirty house and it scares me to know the baby might go to that home. Please someone let me know of our rights. I have looked up everything and nothing has said anything about a fathers rights.
 Ah, what an awful situation.  (NOT judging your situation, by the way.  Just saying it's unfortunate.)

One thing I would strongly advise is seeing a lawyer to find out exactly what the laws are in your state.  I'm in Ohio, and my brother was in this situation at 16.  Being a minor, my mother was his guardian and had to consent to everything he did. 

You may have to file papers to have the baby tested for paternity - most of the time this is usually something the mother will have done (or the state can force her, I *think*,) but in my brother's case, she didn't want to have it done and intended to keep him out of his son's life.  He had to pay for the tests and all court costs associated with everything they've done so far (nephew is turning 3, by the way,)  it is all my brother's responsibility to pay for it.

Her father CAN make things difficult for you, he CAN make it hell, but you have to remember that your son DOES HAVE RIGHTS, no matter what her father tells you.  You may have to have them in court all the time, but you have to keep at it.   In our case, the judge ordered that my brother have visitation with his son and set up an agreement.  When nephew's mother violated it, my brother filed contempt charges on her for not allowing him to see his son.  So on and so forth. 

My mother now has custody of my nephew - that happened in May.  Nephew's mother had dropped out of high school and was pregnant again (different guy) and wasn't taking care of my nephew.  We all sat her down and talked to her about it and at first she agreed to sign custody over to my brother but when it came time to do it, she refused because he's stationed 3000 miles away (military) so she signed over to my mom, instead.  Since May, she's called twice.

These things can often turn very ugly  and be heartbreaking for everyone concerned, but I wish your family the best of luck when dealing with it.
 
November 6, 2005, 12:06 pm CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

 My husband and I are raising our 15 yr. old grandson. He has Asperger's Syndrome. He cannot get along with his Mom (our eldest daughter) and his brother. There are many issues with them. We have had our grandson for almost four years. He tried to go back with his Mom and brother last summer. It lasted about a month. With all his problems we have a lot to deal with but I would not have it any other way. If we didn't take him, he would have ended up in foster care.
 
November 7, 2005, 8:53 pm CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: qtpie28

hello.I gave my first daughter to my mom and step-dad.It was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made.They told me how great it would be and that I could see her whenever I wanted,I havent seen my now 9 year old daughter for about 5 years.I am not allowed to call her,write to her or even think about her.Thats what I was told.I also gave my son to my ex fiances parents because we didnt have the finances to care for him.The difference is that I get to talk to him on a regular basis.He is spoiled rotten.I miss my kids and the point is,if I could do it again I would never give them to thier grandparents.I would have raised them myself.
The question here is why didn't you raise them yourself?   I'm sure there's more to this than they took them away from you.  You say that you were told you can't write her or phone her or even think about her.  Who told you this?  A Judge in a court order?  What I see in this post is someone who gave up 2 of her children with out any explanation.  Tell us more and maybe we can be of some help.
 
November 7, 2005, 10:45 pm CST

Also a member of the club

My husband and I are raising our 4-year old granddaughter. Here is her story ... 

  

"R" was born to parents who were using and manufacturing meth. R's early life was full of neglect because the bio-parents slept for days on end after a meth high. She also experienced a lot of violence, in and out of the womb. R has two older siblings, J & B  - all by different biological fathers. B's dad had already taken bio-mom to court to get full custody so she, thankfully, wasn't witness to much of the meth problems. 

  

Child Protective Services took notice of the biological parents when J stopped showing up for school. Eventually, CPS took both J and R into foster care. R was only 13 months old. Three days later both biological parents were arrested. 

  

J and R stayed in foster care for nine months while we visited and tried to obtain custody. When both biological parents were convicted of their crimes (bio-mom: child endangerment; bio-dad: meth use and manufacture), both children were allowed to live with us. During a later placement hearing it was decided that J would go live with the other grandparents (he had lived with them the summer before going into foster care) and R would stay with us. R has lived with us for over half her short life. 

  

Bio-mom is through the legal system and trying to get back on her feet. She has met another guy and is pregnant with her 4th child by him. The boyfriend is looking to transfer to another state. Bio-mom already lives far away from R. Bio-mom will move with the BF and be even farther away. She'll also be far away from B. She's planning on taking J with her. 

  

Bio-mom is talking about possibly letting us adopt R. That's fine with us. Bio-mom has little to no contact with R. 

  

What about my husband and myself? Well, we went from being semi-retired and debt-free to working very hard and very much in debt due to legal issues, modifying our life to support our DGD, and all the travel to facillitate visitation between R and her siblings and bio-mom. What the heck, it's only money. Of course, we don't have the time to financially bounce-back like we did 25 years ago. 

  

We've been through a lot. Poor R has been through a lot. After two years of working with her she is finally getting over many of her fears. For instance, she just to never allow anything to be 'over' her - even a thick blanket - because she was afraid of being crushed or sufficating. This is probably not an irrational fear because she may have been crushed under a biological parent who was sleeping off a meth high and wouldn't wake up no matter how much R cried. 

  

Otherwise R is a smart, funny, energetic, friendly little girl. 

  

 
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