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Topic : Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Number of Replies: 316
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:46:10 pm
Author : dataimport
Grandparents face unique challenges raising their grandchildren. Share your advice, support and stories here.

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November 16, 2005, 12:29 pm CST

grandparent wanting to raise grandchildren

 My son has a son who is a 1 and half and a daughter who is we guess is about 3 weeeks old. See the mother took off out of state with my grandson about six months ago and she was pregnant with the little girl at the time. CWS had been all over her for not takeing care of her 2 year old and my grandson. I raised my grandson for 7 months of his life and her and my son had gotten into some arguments starting in the begining of there so called relationship and she had him beat up and she tryied to run him over with her car .In selfdefence he hit the back glass on the car and to his horror the 2 year old was in the car. The child wasn't hurt bad bad Thank God he had a few scratches on his head. But of course she yelled child abuse and spouse abuse. He was locked up for child abuse and false imprisonment. He got 5 years probation and 5 months in jail. Now he has felony charge hanging over him.She told me later she just wanted to punish him for 2 weeks and things go back to normal. During this time I still have my grandson . She wasn't supose to even have her 2 year old per CWS . They said she wasn't taken care of him. To make a long story short  they tried to make it work again and moved in with my aunt free rent free food. No kids to take care of. All she wanted to do is live off the goverment and my son wasn't raised that way. So they got into a big fight and she started to hit herself clawing her own face. And then started hitting my son he didn't know what she was up to . She took off down the road to the main hwy and he went after her to make sure she didn't hurt the baby she was pregnant with mean while she abandond my grandson at the house with my aunt.She started to kick my son claw him infront of a pizza place he drawed his knee up to protect himself and they said he kneed her .The police were called and no charges were filed. she went to the hospital that night and at the same time I came and got my grandbaby. The next thing I know her mother called and said defax wants them to come get the baby.Never once did her mother help with him or call about him. The next thing we know her mother has tempary custody of him. We were not notifyed of this defax wouldn't talk to me. They even demed her house unfit to raise chidren in.I have to say her house was a very nasty place.I was afaid to sit down any where for fear of catching somthing.They never looked at my home it was anew home.Then she told me defax said the only way to keep the boys was to move out of state. They were going to take the unborn baby to. She promised me I could see my grandkids anytime.gulable me belived her.I found out a week ago she sold my granddaughter without letting my son or me know she was even born. He did not want this to happen at all. I belive his rights were abused becase he wasnt there to say what he wanted.Now I here that my grandson is so fat that he can't walk . I had him doing all that when she took him she is the sorriest and lazziest mother I have ever seen.Please tell me what kind of rights my son and I have I want to get him before she kills him.We also want the little girl to .She said once that the only way to hurt my son was to torement me she new that would get to him the best.How can I get both of these kids back in our family. My son wants nothing more than to be apart of his kids lifes. PLEASE HELP US SAVE THEASE KIDS. D.MOULDER
 
November 17, 2005, 2:21 pm CST

TIRED OF NO REPLY

Quote From: danamoulde

 My son has a son who is a 1 and half and a daughter who is we guess is about 3 weeeks old. See the mother took off out of state with my grandson about six months ago and she was pregnant with the little girl at the time. CWS had been all over her for not takeing care of her 2 year old and my grandson. I raised my grandson for 7 months of his life and her and my son had gotten into some arguments starting in the begining of there so called relationship and she had him beat up and she tryied to run him over with her car .In selfdefence he hit the back glass on the car and to his horror the 2 year old was in the car. The child wasn't hurt bad bad Thank God he had a few scratches on his head. But of course she yelled child abuse and spouse abuse. He was locked up for child abuse and false imprisonment. He got 5 years probation and 5 months in jail. Now he has felony charge hanging over him.She told me later she just wanted to punish him for 2 weeks and things go back to normal. During this time I still have my grandson . She wasn't supose to even have her 2 year old per CWS . They said she wasn't taken care of him. To make a long story short  they tried to make it work again and moved in with my aunt free rent free food. No kids to take care of. All she wanted to do is live off the goverment and my son wasn't raised that way. So they got into a big fight and she started to hit herself clawing her own face. And then started hitting my son he didn't know what she was up to . She took off down the road to the main hwy and he went after her to make sure she didn't hurt the baby she was pregnant with mean while she abandond my grandson at the house with my aunt.She started to kick my son claw him infront of a pizza place he drawed his knee up to protect himself and they said he kneed her .The police were called and no charges were filed. she went to the hospital that night and at the same time I came and got my grandbaby. The next thing I know her mother called and said defax wants them to come get the baby.Never once did her mother help with him or call about him. The next thing we know her mother has tempary custody of him. We were not notifyed of this defax wouldn't talk to me. They even demed her house unfit to raise chidren in.I have to say her house was a very nasty place.I was afaid to sit down any where for fear of catching somthing.They never looked at my home it was anew home.Then she told me defax said the only way to keep the boys was to move out of state. They were going to take the unborn baby to. She promised me I could see my grandkids anytime.gulable me belived her.I found out a week ago she sold my granddaughter without letting my son or me know she was even born. He did not want this to happen at all. I belive his rights were abused becase he wasnt there to say what he wanted.Now I here that my grandson is so fat that he can't walk . I had him doing all that when she took him she is the sorriest and lazziest mother I have ever seen.Please tell me what kind of rights my son and I have I want to get him before she kills him.We also want the little girl to .She said once that the only way to hurt my son was to torement me she new that would get to him the best.How can I get both of these kids back in our family. My son wants nothing more than to be apart of his kids lifes. PLEASE HELP US SAVE THEASE KIDS. D.MOULDER
 WHATS GOING ON I THOUGHT DR.PHIL WAS SUPOSE TO GIVE US ADVICE . I WROTE A LETTER TO HIM OVER A WEEK AGO AND NO REPLY . I POSTED THIS LETTER YESTERDAY AND STILL NO KIND OF REPLY. I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME PLEASE SOMEONE HEAR ME HELP ME SOMETHING. THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT SHE'S DOINGING WITH MY GRANDSON                          GRANDMOTHER WANTING TO RAISE GRANDCHILDREN
 
November 21, 2005, 5:39 am CST

Raising our grandson

My husband just got legal guradianship of our 2 year granson. Our daughter left a very bad relationship back in July 2005.  Her and her 2 children came to live with us in our tiny 2 bedroom apartment at the time. 

She got a job, I took care of the boys. ages 8 and 2, she had long hours. worked 4p,m. -til 2 a.m.  Well she would never come home, until late in the morning.  She was staying out ti mornings.  So I would get her son off to school, and continue watching the little one. 

well, she met this mexican at work, they kept doing this for about 5 weeks.  The next thing I know,  she has married this guy.  moved upstairs into the apartment up above us.  I still had the kids all of the time. 

Well, the father of the youngest boy, has a vilent temper, is bi-polar, doesn't care about anybody but himself. 

paternity had never been established. 

It got so bad, that she finally gave us guardianship of our youngest one, and left the area. 

now her new husband has her right where he wants her, no kids she sent the 8 yr. old to his dads. 

no family around, tells her who she can see, or who she can have to their place. 

pretty much no relaltionship with her kids at all. 

we are stuck fighting with the father. 

he wants to have paternity established.  he really doesn't stand a chance on getting custody because of his own issues.  felony conviction for battery to a miner, no home, lives with 2 girls, no money, will not seek therepy for his disorder, 

our therepist that we are going to has suggested at some point in the future, we may want to consider adopting the 2 year old.  The first 2 years of his life, all he has experienced was moving 6 times, fighting between his parents, he has emotional problems, and social problems. 

To top it all off our daughters new hubby wants children of his own. 

We think he is up to no good.  And has brainwashed her. 

  

 
November 21, 2005, 9:09 am CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: qtpie28

hello.I gave my first daughter to my mom and step-dad.It was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made.They told me how great it would be and that I could see her whenever I wanted,I havent seen my now 9 year old daughter for about 5 years.I am not allowed to call her,write to her or even think about her.Thats what I was told.I also gave my son to my ex fiances parents because we didnt have the finances to care for him.The difference is that I get to talk to him on a regular basis.He is spoiled rotten.I miss my kids and the point is,if I could do it again I would never give them to thier grandparents.I would have raised them myself.

And tell me why you gave your daughter up to begin with? 

My daughter was involved in a bad relationship.  Her way out, she ended up running into the arms of someone she met with at work, then after about 5 weeks, ended up marrying the guy.  Who is just as controlling as the last guy.  He is hispaniic, she ended up letting her 8 yr old son go to live with his dad, and we got the 2 yr old.  Basically it all boils down this guy doesn't want to mess with her kids.  But wants his own.  The whole thing is sick. 

The 2 yr old has emotional problems steming from all of the fighting the first 2 yrs of his life, and all the moving 6 times.  He is socially behind. 

Needless to say we are picking up the pieces. 

The lists go on. 

This is why I ask you what did you do, to deserve the treatment? 

As it looks right now, we will probably be taking care of our littlest one til he graduates from high school. 

Because his dad has issues to, bi-polar, convicted for battery to a minor, horrible temper the list goes on their. 

Our therepist suggests that somewhere down the road that we eventually adopt our grandson, 

Right now I am angry that the daughter I thought had the brains and determination, has messed her life up so much.  And for what uncaring men. 

This one is very tricky and has played her for a stupid fool. 

 
November 21, 2005, 10:55 am CST

easy way out?

Quote From: qtpie28

hello.I gave my first daughter to my mom and step-dad.It was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made.They told me how great it would be and that I could see her whenever I wanted,I havent seen my now 9 year old daughter for about 5 years.I am not allowed to call her,write to her or even think about her.Thats what I was told.I also gave my son to my ex fiances parents because we didnt have the finances to care for him.The difference is that I get to talk to him on a regular basis.He is spoiled rotten.I miss my kids and the point is,if I could do it again I would never give them to thier grandparents.I would have raised them myself.

  

Was it just an easy way out on your part?   

I want to know why you didn't try to raise your own children on your own, get assistance if it was needed.  Why you let go so easy.?  And didn't fight for them. 

Maybe this will help me understand, why we are now raising our grandson. 

Why don't young people want to take care of there own responsibilities? 

And why us parents are so darn trusting and gullable. 

 
November 25, 2005, 2:26 am CST

What is happening to our world?

I don't know what has happened to the younger parents now days. My husband and I have custody of our two granddaughters Gabby 5 Bree 3 and the father has the right to see them every Sunday but since September till the end of October he has sen then 3 times and didn't keep them the full time the courts gave him. And the last we have heard from him was in court asking if he could claim them on his taxes. The Mother got with him when she was 17 and her life has went to hell her and him started doing meth and god only knows what else. We had Gabby once before when she was 1 but then when Bree was born It was so hard for Gabby to see her mommy and daddy to leave with her sister but not her so when she was 3 we gave them custody back the stupid thing we ever did. Now since last September we have had both girls and the mother is in and out of jail the father has just dropped off the face of the earth and yet these girls Love their mommy and daddy . Even with all the abuse they went through. But I can understand that because I was abused as a child and I loved my mom and dad at time I hated them but the love was still there. And We are dealing with the girls saying they hate their mommy and daddy and what to know why they don't come see them or send them anything for their birthday or Christmas. And I have to say to them that their mom and dad love them that they are just having trouble and someday they will be back. God I hope not!! 

The girls have seen so much their parents fighting like cats and dogs and now we have to watch the 5year old because she feels like the 3 year old is moving in on her ground. She blames her for her mom and dad leaving her before and I just tell her that its not true that her sister is in the same shoe as her and that they need to be there for each other. And it seems like every time I turn around I hear of another set of grandparents raising their grandchildren. Whats going to happen to these kids when they get older and become parents all they know is Mommy's and daddy's walk out on them.And the other part that I think isn't fair is the courts gave the parents lawyers but we had to pay for ours, how is that fair? I'm 43 and I've had surgery 9 times on my back and the pain I live with 24/7 is hard to deal with when I'm trying to take care of a 3 and 5 year old. I just don't get it whats happened to the parents and why don't the courts step in and do something because we had to fight to get the girls and the only reason we did get them was because the father hadn't been in their life for almost a year other then to run back when he was hit with a child support order then he came back and married my daughter and then he was off again so that stopped the support order. And its cost to raise two kids. And my husband don't make the kind of money he was making when we got married so it's even harder now. Plus the cost of my pain pills I have had to go off of some of them because  we just couldn't afford them. How do we handle the stress and angry feeling we have the anger comes form the fact that we aren't able to be grandparents we have to play the mom and dad role we don't get to spoil them and send them home to mom and dad. Are the feeling I'm having normal are there other grandparents out there that feel this way? If so please let me know because I set up at night and cry because of the stress and anger I have. I Love the girls so much it just breaks my heart when they ask why and I don't know what to say to make them feel better and the bad dreams they have and I have to sit with them telling them its OK  nanny and pepaw is here for them and we aren't going to leave them. They don't want to leave my side so I don't get any time away form them other then when they are at school. And then I'm running around trying to get what I can done on the house but the 3 year old only goes till 11am so thats not much time. Am I wrong with the feelings I'm having? 

 
November 27, 2005, 8:58 pm CST

The emotional side of Raising Grandchildren.

My husband and I have been together for 6  years now.  my step-daughter at 19 had a baby girl.  We have had her since she was about a month old (Both mother and child lived with us until then). She is now 9 months old. In the begining the mother said she was not ready to be a mother, didn't want to "grow-up", and wasn't ready to be on her own. She lied to a DSS worker saying she use to hurt small animals and was having those feelings again. As it turned out she was just wanting to have the baby taken without it being "her fault". We allow her to visit any time she likes, but she most often doen't. It has been a long 9 months for us. She at times says she would like the baby back, but does nothing showing she could handle it. I spent the first few months trying to get her to do things with the baby when she came over and she started comming less and less.  She refuses to give up drugs, control/get help for her extreme temper or get to know her child but at times wants her back. It really hurts my husband and myself because we are having to draw the line constantly.  NOW after 9 months of raising her child, she tells us she is 2 months pregnant with a 17 year old boy's baby. Nothing has changed in the 7 months since her first child was born, now she is going to have another one? Is she going to leave this child with us also? My husband is 42 and I am 33, all of our children are 13 and older. We thought we were about to the point we would have time for each other, But it seems we are starting over again. What do we do? 

When she has this child, do we refuse to raise it , watch it end up in foster care.  How do we get through to her that she is not having a "show 'n' tell" doll. She never thinks of the months or years beyond having these babies. Just assumes someone will take care of them. She seems to think we are required to raise her children because she "Never wanted to be a mother" and the whole time ATTEMPTS to control (by phone) all of the baby's activites. i.e. daycare (she wants me to stay home with the baby longer than a year) (Tough!),  visits with the other grandparents.  She does not like this because the father does not visit with the baby and says that if he isn't a father to her that they have no business acting like grandparents.  She is very inmature and I am at a loss as to how to get through to her. This is ripping our family apart. It is a everyday thing we deal with at home. I love this baby so much, I would give anything for her to be with her mother or father but only in a safe, healthy, productive, loving home. None of which either parent are willing to provide. I am worried about the bond the baby and I are building. My step-daughter doesn't want her daughter to FEEL like I am her mom, but how can we not feel like mother and child when I am with her every single day being a mother to her.  I am worried about so many things at this point I not sure I can give a full understanding of all the issues we are having but this is a good starting point.  Anyone have any suggestions? 

 
November 27, 2005, 9:33 pm CST

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quote From: qtpie28

hello.I gave my first daughter to my mom and step-dad.It was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made.They told me how great it would be and that I could see her whenever I wanted,I havent seen my now 9 year old daughter for about 5 years.I am not allowed to call her,write to her or even think about her.Thats what I was told.I also gave my son to my ex fiances parents because we didnt have the finances to care for him.The difference is that I get to talk to him on a regular basis.He is spoiled rotten.I miss my kids and the point is,if I could do it again I would never give them to thier grandparents.I would have raised them myself.

I have several questions for  you, dont take offense but I need a better understanding of what you are saying. One, how old were you when you had your first child? Second child? What exactly is your mother's reasons for now allowing you to see her or your child? It seems extreme that they would not let you call or write to your child,  Do they have some reason for feeling this way? The comment about you not being allow to think about her, what is that about? Who can control what you think? The fact is that your parents have been raising YOUR child and you need to resolve issues with them before you can move past to the issues you have AND will have with your children. The lesson that you only live once proves true, it's easy to SAY now that you would have raised them yourself, but you didn't take that chance when you had it. Then you had another child when you knew before conciving him what your finances were going to be with a child. I am not saying to blame yourself totally, but it doesnt sound like to me you see the other side of the coin or where your fault is in this issue.  

  

     It was for you a mistake, but you dont have it to do over again, BUT you can build a health relationship with them now. Talk to your family, talk to a professional. Comming to your parents with a healthy positive attitude about the future will be a good start to building a relationship with your children.  If there is no way to connect with your child now, write your feelings down so that you will have something to SHOW for the love you feel for them when they contact you in the future.  

  

  

 
November 28, 2005, 1:26 pm CST

RAISING ONE

MY HUSBAND & I ARE RAISING 1 OF OUR GRANDCHILDREN WE HAVE 5. 

2 OF THEM HAVE PARENTS THAT ARE RAISING THEM . THE OTHER 2 HAVE PARENTS THAT ARE ON DRUGS & HAVE BEEN FOR THE PAST 7 YEARS. THEY HAVE NOW  LOST THEIR CHILDREN TO DDS FOR THE 3rd TIME ( THEY WILL BE ADOPTED OUT THIS TIME) 

EVERYONE SEEMS TO THINK MY HUSBAND & I SHOULD TAKE THEM.  I CANT HANDLE ANYMORE CHILDREN. THE ONE WE HAVE IS 17 MO. OLD NOW .WE HAVE HAD HER SINCE SHE WAS 4 MO OLD & MY HUSBAND IS DISABLE & CAN HELP ME VERY LITTLE SO I KNOW I CANT TAKE ON 2 MORE CHILDREN TO RAISE. THERE AGES ARE 4 & 5 YRS. I LOVE THESE 2 GRANDCHILDREN AS MUCH AS I DO THE OTHER 3 SO DOES ANYONE KNOW  WHAT I SHOULD SAY TO PEOPLE WHO INSIST THAT WE TAKE THEM 

 
November 28, 2005, 1:26 pm CST

RAISING ONE

MY HUSBAND & I ARE RAISING 1 OF OUR GRANDCHILDREN WE HAVE 5. 

2 OF THEM HAVE PARENTS THAT ARE RAISING THEM . THE OTHER 2 HAVE PARENTS THAT ARE ON DRUGS & HAVE BEEN FOR THE PAST 7 YEARS. THEY HAVE NOW  LOST THEIR CHILDREN TO DDS FOR THE 3rd TIME ( THEY WILL BE ADOPTED OUT THIS TIME) 

EVERYONE SEEMS TO THINK MY HUSBAND & I SHOULD TAKE THEM.  I CANT HANDLE ANYMORE CHILDREN. THE ONE WE HAVE IS 17 MO. OLD NOW .WE HAVE HAD HER SINCE SHE WAS 4 MO OLD & MY HUSBAND IS DISABLE & CAN HELP ME VERY LITTLE SO I KNOW I CANT TAKE ON 2 MORE CHILDREN TO RAISE. THERE AGES ARE 4 & 5 YRS. I LOVE THESE 2 GRANDCHILDREN AS MUCH AS I DO THE OTHER 3 SO DOES ANYONE KNOW  WHAT I SHOULD SAY TO PEOPLE WHO INSIST THAT WE TAKE THEM 

 
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