Hello, I am a 42 year old mother of three children, ages 24, 23, and 18. I am also raising my two grandchildren, ages 4 and 5. I am very frustrated with my 23 year old daughter because I tried keeping this situation from happening. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandchildren to death, but as a grandparent, I would like to be just that, a grandparent.
I have the same responsibilities that I had with raising my own children now. Giving baths, feeding them, taking them to daycare, ect. My daughter feels that I am morally obligated to do these things because I am the children's grandparent. My husband and I had planned to retire as earlier as we could, and spend some time travelling, and just enjoying each other's company.
I get very frustrated sometimes, very. I feel as if I have regressed instead of moving forward. My 18 year old daughter is now attending college, and my eldest son, well, that's another story in itself. I am tired, absolutely tired. I have some medical health issues, and one being chronic pain, I have pain everyday, and it makes it extremely hard to take care of the children on a day to day basis. I have tried giving my daughter the tools needed to get herself together, but it appears that the more I help her, the more she needs, or requires. I am at my wits end, and I don't really know what the future holds. The children are so innocent in this, and they didn't ask to be born. And I wouldn't be able to sleep at night to allow her to take them knwoing full well what the consequences would be.
Young women today are not like we used to be growing up. My mother always reminded me if I had children, for sure, without question, they would be mines to rear. When I had my first child, my values, and whole life took a different turn, and my maternal instincts just kicked in, and I became the mother that my children needed, period.
My husband constantly says: 'Honey, we'll be so worn out from taking care of the first set of grands, that we won't have the strength or energy to enjoy the next set. It's exhausting at times, when I am so sick or in so much pain that I just want to lay down for a few hours but can't because I have the grandchildren to look after.
I buy the clothes, I buy the food, I give them the things they need to be comfortable, and my daughter, well , she just thinks that 'mamma and daddy' has nothing better to do but help her in her responsibility in being a mother.
When she did have them in her custody, she would silly things like, put a blue sock on one foot, and put a green sock on the other foot of her son. Or my grand daughter would go around for days without her hair being combed. Things that she knew would irritate me to know end. She had my grand children at a very young age, and by no means ready to settle down and do what's required in raising her own children.
I feared that The Dept of Social Services would step in and take custody of the kids is why I have them now. I am sick and tired of being both the grandparent, and parent to my grandchildren.
Signed:
Lashawnna A. Burney
