Topic : Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

I live 200 miles from my grandchildren and go to visit them every two weeks.  After I leave both grandchildren get upset, cry, & call me to tell me how much they miss me.  In the past year they have lived through parents divorcing & parents finding new loves.  My daughter says perhaps I shouldn't come visit so often.  what do you think?

Hang in there.  I'm writing because I too am having a problem with writing several messages on the message board, but getting no response.  I know this can be frustrating and it seems like no one cares.  I believe sometimes people just don't know how to respond or are afraid of being wrong.  Responding and willing to be supportive can also be helpful even if you don't have any advice.  Anyway hang in there and GOD BLESS YOU!

 

                                                                                                        Jayz23

Year 7*... ages now 14 and 8 years of age both boys been with us since one was 6 and the other was 1 1/2 years old.My age now 49 and tired and my husband of 8 years angry at me, he is 50 years old. My adult children are 34 son, 30 year old daughter, 28 year old son, my husbands daughter is a 25 years old daughter with 2 baby girls ages 4 and 5 months of age , not living with us. The boys are my 30 year old daughters who has been into heavy illegal drugs since she was 13 years old and had her first son by the time she was 17 and her second baby 5 years later. She abused both boys and the drugs were endless. She desserted them and I took them away and I did not want them in foster care. She was presumed dead for 5 of the 7 years , especially in the activies she was involved in the people she associated with and the area's she was last seen in. The oldest child would be in the shower and I could hear him crying his eyes out for the first two years, he was heart broken and never talked about what exactly went on in that house. The baby came to us covered in bruises and he would scream and scream if I would leave the room and he could not see me at all. The attachment disorder was the wrost the doctors had seen , at his daycare it took 2 years for me to be able to leave and not spend 3/4 the day there at the school with him for adjustment. He clinged onto me liek a baby primate does . Heart breaking was a word that I could not determine if that under scored what was happening. My husband was crushed and sex stopped , I had no energy for it and he and I have not been out for a real date for a long time . The lil one took all our time and no one wanted to watch him because of the anger , he started to become violent , a violence that went beyond anything I had ever seen in a baby. 18 months ago Katrina blew my daughter back up in Florida and Florida did the Bakers act on her and commited her for a very short time. She had over dosed again. When she could find her mental state she asked to come home and I said "NO!" It took us about 7 months of "NO!" and my brother sent her back home to us because he felt sorry for her. She has been 18 months sober and drug free but refuses counseling and will not go to AA or NA and she is Bi-Polar with a personality disorder. She now refuses to leave our home and NO we will not give the custody back to her of the boys. She is violent still with the youngest , age 8 and if her had a choice he would kill her , he has said plenty of times. He is suicidal at age 8. Attachment disorder, bi-polar ,ODD and we have in with the best psychiatrist , pediatrician and specialist you can have for children here in Washington state. My husband and I are tired and this has been more than we as parents or grandparents ever thought would happen . Studying for this and adjusting to the schedules and knowing that this might get worse with the lil boy all of age 8. While his older brother has adjusted and is a good student and excellent athelete., quiet and has a ton of friends now. he had counseling as did his brother through all of this and is closely watched. How is my marriage? Rough. Will it last? I have no clue daily. It is hard to say and I cry and I am chronically ill along with other things.I pray allot I talk to my dog and cats , I hold on to my quilt and twist it and at times go out to my garage and scream loud or simply scream at my husband. Is there away to help grandparents who are now raising their grandkids? I have seen a trend of more and more of all of us raising our kids children.Is it they are all irresponsible or lazy or simply too young or should we say, " why did you not put this sweet baby up for adoption and share this baby with the world?"Once a baby gets to a certain age, in my opinion , it is too late to break from a family , unless the whole family is disfunctional and should be broken from the child for the childs best interest. This whole situation is sad and are there answers? Yeah, I will keep my grandkids in heartbeat! I suppose in my case there was no alternative for the boys. I really adore them dearly* I chose them over my marriage , for sure*

16 year old boys have no business touching grandma's inner thighs. that boy needs some boundaries before he tries to touch the wrong woman and ends up on the floor with some angry person standing over him. take him aside and have a chat with him, tell him to cut it out.

hello...i have only been doing these meassaages for a week now, and i'm not sure, yet if i am doing this right!! i have raised my oldest gr/daughter most of her life, but after my daughter passed away, leaving 4 other kids. her husband is the dad of the 3 youngest ones, but is the step dad of the 2 oldest!!i tried to get the other step child to come and live with me, but before i even knew what was going on, they gave the step dad custody of her, and for the next 2 yrs after my daughter passed away, he molested her from the age of 13 !! i tried to tell someone that he was doin this, but no one would listen to me!! they called me a jealous woman who lost her daughter, and now wants to take someone else's daughter!!the step dad, had a record as long as your arm on abuseing this little girl from the age of 2, but yet they gave him custody of her without me even know it!! they didn't even notify me that they finally caught him doing this and put him in jail!!! then without calling me, they placed my 4 kids in a foster home!! the foster mom will not get these kids counseling, cause she doesn't believe in it!!these little kids all need couseling, but no one will see to it, that they get the help they need!!!they tell me now, that they can'thelp me, that i need to go file for grandparents rights!!!they would call me everytime before when they needed my help, infact i was the only one they called!!for some reason, after my daughter's death, they quit calling me, and they proceeded to do all this to them!!they need me in their ittle lives, i'm all they have left!!help me get the help they need to live as normal as can be expected after all they've been through!! the people in charge of taking care of kids, are not doing anything to help me with this!! what more can i do to get them help??please!!1 anyone here that can help me with this?? thank you debbie

I'm sad to see that so many of us grandparents are having to raise our grandchildren.

I'm a grandmother of three and 1 on the way. My husband and I are raising his youngest son's little boy because his parents were into drugs.We just got his mother's parental rights taken away from her. She got to where she no longer wanted anything to do with Caden.

Once she got her SSI money she stopped her visitation's. His father was willing to sign over his rights to the Court back in June 2007.

We've now finally got to start the adoption process.

We've had Caden in our home for over a year and a half.

Caden calls me mom and grandpa is papa.

I'm thankful that we've got Caden. But I wish his parents could've raised him. He's a 21/2 very full of energy . But he's worth it.

Who's going to raise the next generation of grandkids?

I'm raising my 13 year old Grandson and have been since he was 2. I've alway's tried to do the right thing to protect this boy but, now he's in his teen years and he seems to be changing a bit. His Mother lives in the same town as we do and he has seen and heard alot of negative things about her. She still today does not have her life together and he knows that and I'm hoping that doesn't have an impact on him and his future. It breaks my heart to see his Mother and what a mess her life still is but, she's 32 years old and I can't change her but, it does hurt to see her the way she is and worry that her way of life will impact her son's as he get's older and I don't want to see him destroy his future. Maybe someone reading this can give me some information cause I pretty much feel lost as to what to do.

 

Thanks,

Linda

I. raised five children all turned out to be fine adults. All have children of their own. Unfortunatly one of them does not have the morals like the rest and had a baby she abandon.I have just adopted my great grandson who I have been raising since he was eleven months old. So if I can do it you can to. he is almost ten now and the joy of my life.At seventy two and raising a child I feel God has a lot of faith in me.

and I sure don't want to disapoint him. So I help with third grade home work, teach him about what happens when we make the wrong choice in life.Like don't let your body tell you what to do when it comes to sex and drugs, you are the master and you make it do the right thing. In other words I could not help it is not and excuse. We all desire to control something so we need to teach our children self control first.I ask for prayers from all who know and love us. I Do not have my beautiful big home any more,i am back to work part time the house does not look like a model home  but it looks like a home where a happy little boy lives. So if you have a grand child or other child you can care for forget about the parent of that child rescue the child . Get your own attorney forget the state they try to repair the parent at the cost of the child.you can do this and a child can be saved and you can serve a great purpose in life.MEME

I sure give you alot of credit!! I'm 59 and raising my grandson and have been for 11 years but, to tell you the truth I don't think I could do it if I was 72. I just don't have the energy like I use to. He is a good boy and pray he continues to stay that way as he get's older. So,  I commend you for raising a child at your age.

 

Go Bless,

 

Linda

In1998, I received a call from a stranger in another town, looking for my son. Before the conversation was over, I had a 3 year old granddaughter. Three weeks later I met the woman and child and determined that the child was truly my son's, she looked exactly like I did at that age. Over the next 3 years, this woman made my life a living "Hell". Every time she tried to convince my son to take her back, he refused. This led to her punishng me by not letting me see the child. She lied to me and her parents about her employment, said she was a waitress in a 5 star establishment, but was a stripper in a very bad part of town. At least 3 times, she left the state with one of the strip club customers and had to ask her parents to finance the trips home. During her 2nd trip, she became involved with a drug dealer and came home pregnant. Her last tirade became my nightmare! She became involved with drugs and when she found out that her mom had turned her in to DCF, she left town. In Sept. 2001, she move to NYC, left the children, ages 6 and 1, alone. CPS took them into custody, she spent 3 days in jail and things actually got worse from there. She told me she was only gone for 20 mins. to drop off an employment application. (When we went to court, her lawyer told me she was only gone for 1 hr., but the police report stated that she was gone for over 6 hours.) 

Federal law states that after 1year in foster care, all minor children must be made available for adoption, if the parent(s) have not met the requirements set forth by the state. The thought of strangers caring for my grandchild caused me many sleepless nights. I was afraid of losing her forever

I was constantly assured, by the mother, that she was complying with the state and  would have the children home within a few months. More lies!!! 

In June of 2002, her mom called to tell me that the state had scheduled a hearing in August to sever her parental rights to both children. She gave me the info for contacting the social service agency, which I did. I was told that  I did not have any legal rights, but my son could petition the court for a paternity test. My husband and I were told to seek legal advice and hire an attorney in order to petitioned the court for custody of my granddaughter. I decided that we did not need an attorney. We petitioned the court on our own and were allowed to present our case that very day. Her parents went to court at the same time and testified that they did not want the little boy and could not take my granddaughter because the mother would "bully" them into giving the child back to her.  They also told the judge and the social service agency that we were the best candidates for custody. That was their one and only appearance in court!! 

From the moment we decided to seek custody, we were told that it would take about a year, maybe 18 months, to get a ruling. That was unacceptable to me!! On our 4th trip, I testified twice, once for 45 mins. and later for 20mins. The judge questioned me at length the both times, and believe me, I did not hesitate to tell her how I felt. She awarded us full unsupervised custody that day and we brought her home the next day.

Well, here we are 5 years later and my granddaughter has filled my heart with a joy that increasses daily.

She is a member of NJHS (GPA 3.8), the school band, a Cadet Girl Scout and takes piano lessons.

The little boy was adopted by a wonderful Christian couple and we maintain contact with them. He is flourishing and is a happy well-adjusted child. The agency wanted us to take him as a foster child, but we knew he needed a younger, more permanent family. It was not an easy decision to make, but it was the right one for his future. He has no memories of his other life.

We do not receive, and do not want, any monetary support from either parent or the other grandparents. 

The mother still lives in NYC, with a boyfriend for the past 4+ years and has stated that she has no desire to return to our state to live. She has seen her daughter 5x's in 5 years; twice at our home and 3x's at her parents home.

My son lives in another part of our state but we are in close contact with him. He and his fiance have expressed a desire to have his daughter live with them but have come to realize that she is where she belongs.

In closing, let me say that this is not how we had planned to spend our later years. But, now we can not imagine our life any other way. She is my only grandchild and truly a gift!!!