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Topic : 07/21 Settle This

Number of Replies: 357
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, April 07, 2006, 10:04:37 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/10/06) Are you and your spouse caught in a never-ending battle over who's right? DrPhil.com users wrote in about the biggest problems in their relationships. Heather says her biological clock is a ticking time bomb, but her husband, Steve, says they aren't ready for a baby. What does Dr. Phil think? Then, Roberta has been trying to get her husband to work on their relationship by reading one of Dr. Phil's books, but he refuses. Will he have an excuse after the show? And, Rita is asking her husband, Jeff, "Where's the romance?" Jeff says after eight years of marriage, he shouldn't have to wine and dine his wife. Will they meet in the middle? Plus, should a husband have to give up his testosterone toy, and how do you decide how big your wedding should be? Dr. Phil steps in to decide who's right once and for all. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 10, 2006, 12:47 pm CDT

Why does the romance have to stop after ANY amount of years?

Romance is beautiful and great and should be instigated by both partners once in a while. It doesn't have to be anything big and yep, when I feel like I am being jipped, instead of sitting around wishing I could be romanced, I instigate it and we are both happy. It takes two to make a happy healthy marriage therefore it should take two to put and leave the romance in the marriage.
 
April 10, 2006, 12:51 pm CDT

Am I in the wrong here

  My biggest grip is that my father-in-law moved into our 1st apartment together before my husband an i did.  That was over 5 yrs ago an we are still supporting him.  He doesn't work an if u want him to help around the house we have to pay him an by him a pint.  All he does is drink an make a mess.  I am feed up.  If he does have money from one of his 2 day jobs he waste it never tries to help with an bills.  He will get money from his friend an buy a 2 liter an its his an his only.  What about all the food, water, heat,  clothes, an roof that we provide.  Shouldn't that be his payment?  Shouldn't he also help around the house for free?  We are also raising our 7 yr old nephew.  So I am a stay at home an my husband is the only one that works.  I think that it is one thing for my husband to suport me since it is something that we decided together an since my father in law wouldn't babysit while i worked.  I don't think he should use the excuss that i don't work as one for him not to work.  Someone help me because my husband won't make him leave because it is his dad.  Did i mention that he also lived with my sister in law for a year.  Someone help get this 43 yr old man to work an out of my house so i know what its like to have a normal marriage.  This is killing my marriage.   

 
April 10, 2006, 12:52 pm CDT

04/10 Settle This

Quote From: onpath410

Steve, can I ask whether you have a measuring stick for financial security? If you don't have enough savings now, how much would be enough? Is it more time you'd like with your wife rather than the money? If you're not ready for a baby, the money will never be enough. I know a man who has fifty thousand saved and does not feel financially well-off enough yet for a baby. I don't feel 26 is young AT ALL to be getting pregnant. Fertility drops at 27. Her clock is right on time. Not that you can't wait, or that it's bad to do so, but her age is a poor excuse to put babies off. Would you both be happy with waiting another year and then trying? I don't persume to tell you what to do, but that would be the first compermise I would try. Good luck and very best to both of you.
Thank you for pointing that out about fertility dropping. It seems women who want to get thier baby making over with young are being given a hard time.


 
April 10, 2006, 12:55 pm CDT

04/10 Settle This

Quote From: mrskrich

In response to the 26 year old wanting to be a mother.... 

  

I had my first daughter at 21 and am currently pregnant with my second at 23.  Our first daughter was not a "planned" pregnancy.  The first year was rough, but we had the help of my mother.  Money and otherwise.  This baby was a "planned" baby.  I have always wanted children and love having them..even the days I want to pull my hair out *I am a SAHM, My husband is in the military* 

  

If you have the ability to plan and save...take it.  I don't think you have to wait 5 years but even a year of planning can be great.   With this baby we had a few months of planning before we got pregnant and then these months that have followed.  I know the figures Dr. Phil gives but somehow we all make it...and no matter what they cost...children are worth ever penny. 

  

Good luck!   

I had my first kid at 21 and my second at 23 . Me and my  husband have been married now for almost 25 years it will be our Anniversary  and we didn't plan out any thing or save any money  we just took them as they came my son is 25 and my daughter is 23 and we are friends and we all had to grow up toghter. My kids grow up around all kind of  people they knew there p&q's and were very well behaved my daughter had Cancer when she was a year old  my son was never left behind in anything where she went we all went my daughter went to camp my son went with her  as  they go older my son had a problem with his sister it is just now they can talk to each other  . My daughter still lives with us and my son does not .   My mother did the same thing I'm 20 years younger than  my mom and dad 

 
April 10, 2006, 12:57 pm CDT

04/10 Settle This

Quote From: mrskrich

In response to the 26 year old wanting to be a mother.... 

  

I had my first daughter at 21 and am currently pregnant with my second at 23.  Our first daughter was not a "planned" pregnancy.  The first year was rough, but we had the help of my mother.  Money and otherwise.  This baby was a "planned" baby.  I have always wanted children and love having them..even the days I want to pull my hair out *I am a SAHM, My husband is in the military* 

  

If you have the ability to plan and save...take it.  I don't think you have to wait 5 years but even a year of planning can be great.   With this baby we had a few months of planning before we got pregnant and then these months that have followed.  I know the figures Dr. Phil gives but somehow we all make it...and no matter what they cost...children are worth ever penny. 

  

Good luck!   

I had my first kid at 21 and my second at 23 . Me and my  husband have been married now for almost 25 years it will be our Anniversary  and we didn't plan out any thing or save any money  we just took them as they came my son is 25 and my daughter is 23 and we are friends and we all had to grow up toghter. My kids grow up around all kind of  people they knew there p&q's and were very well behaved my daughter had Cancer when she was a year old  my son was never left behind in anything where she went we all went my daughter went to camp my son went with her  as  they go older my son had a problem with his sister it is just now they can talk to each other  . My daughter still lives with us and my son does not .   My mother did the same thing I'm 20 years younger than  my mom and dad 

 
April 10, 2006, 12:57 pm CDT

Marriage

My husband cheated on me in Oct of 05 one month and a half after having our 4th baby.  I just found out in Feb of 06.  I want to leave him and he wants me to stay.  What should I do?  Dr. Phil please write me back. Thanks April  MD
 
April 10, 2006, 12:57 pm CDT

04/10 Settle This

Quote From: mrskrich

In response to the 26 year old wanting to be a mother.... 

  

I had my first daughter at 21 and am currently pregnant with my second at 23.  Our first daughter was not a "planned" pregnancy.  The first year was rough, but we had the help of my mother.  Money and otherwise.  This baby was a "planned" baby.  I have always wanted children and love having them..even the days I want to pull my hair out *I am a SAHM, My husband is in the military* 

  

If you have the ability to plan and save...take it.  I don't think you have to wait 5 years but even a year of planning can be great.   With this baby we had a few months of planning before we got pregnant and then these months that have followed.  I know the figures Dr. Phil gives but somehow we all make it...and no matter what they cost...children are worth ever penny. 

  

Good luck!   

I had my first kid at 21 and my second at 23 . Me and my  husband have been married now for almost 25 years it will be our Anniversary  and we didn't plan out any thing or save any money  we just took them as they came my son is 25 and my daughter is 23 and we are friends and we all had to grow up toghter. My kids grow up around all kind of  people they knew there p&q's and were very well behaved my daughter had Cancer when she was a year old  my son was never left behind in anything where she went we all went my daughter went to camp my son went with her  as  they go older my son had a problem with his sister it is just now they can talk to each other  . My daughter still lives with us and my son does not .   My mother did the same thing I'm 20 years younger than  my mom and dad 

 
April 10, 2006, 12:57 pm CDT

Jeep

There obviously has to be some compromise with the vehicle situation.  As a wife & a Jeep lover I can understand both sides. Ever thought about getting rid of the bike and keeping the Jeep?  Or how about a Jeep Cherokee - more room & family oriented (maybe automatic to accomodate her)?   Good Luck !! 

 
April 10, 2006, 1:08 pm CDT

WEDDING DAY EXPENSES

I was surprised that Dr. Phil agreed that the couple on the show should spend $10-$12,000 for a wedding, I think that is crazy! I kept waiting for him to say the word "compromise" but he never did. Our divorce rate in America is 50%.. people should spend more time and energy creating a healthy foundation for their marriage instead of fussing over the actual event of a wedding. I understand that this ritual is important for the husband, but they could trim it down to $5,000 and still have the day be special. The bottom line is that this should be for them, the bride and groom, not to impress anyone or to "top" anyone else's wedding.
 
April 10, 2006, 1:15 pm CDT

Steve on waiting....

Quote From: steve44

Steve here from the Monday show...my wife posted a comment that I have come around...well she thinks so...but truly I feel that we should wait...watch the show and see why...come back and post some more after the show...I will be on the message boards to see what everybody thinks, and I will gladly reply to any messages or questions for me on here!

Hi Steve and Heather... 

I was there at the show you were on, actually had a great time...LOL 

But, I will have to agree with Heather, I am a mom of 2 children, and to be honest there is never a good time to have children, now I'm not saying if you neither of you have a job or in major financial debt, then of course it's REALLY not a good time to have a child.  But, both of my parents were older when they had me, (30-35), and to be honest I am very mad at them for doing that.  For one, I'm very lucky they are in good health and still do what ever they want at 67-72, but I feel a little cheated (or selfish) that they might not get to see their great grandkids, and two, I never had a grandpa, they were both dead b4 I was even a year old.  Also, yes, I had my first one when I was 20, (he is like my best friend), and was not married to his dad, then 4 1/2 yrs later, met my husband, and I told him if we didn't have a child by the time I was 30 we wouldn't have one, well, needless to say my other son was born right at 9mo. after our wedding... yeah, that was a little quick, but I don't regreat it cuz I can still relate to my kids and enjoy still being young and able to keep up with them. 

My brother who is 5 yrs older than me did what my mom and dad did, and his kids are only 5 & 8 and he and his wife are 43, and when I get to be 40, my oldest will be 20.  Just my feelings on it, just thought I would share.  But really good luck to you both, and hope you had as good of a time as I did... 

Lisa 

 
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