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Topic : 07/21 Settle This

Number of Replies: 357
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Created on : Friday, April 07, 2006, 10:04:37 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/10/06) Are you and your spouse caught in a never-ending battle over who's right? DrPhil.com users wrote in about the biggest problems in their relationships. Heather says her biological clock is a ticking time bomb, but her husband, Steve, says they aren't ready for a baby. What does Dr. Phil think? Then, Roberta has been trying to get her husband to work on their relationship by reading one of Dr. Phil's books, but he refuses. Will he have an excuse after the show? And, Rita is asking her husband, Jeff, "Where's the romance?" Jeff says after eight years of marriage, he shouldn't have to wine and dine his wife. Will they meet in the middle? Plus, should a husband have to give up his testosterone toy, and how do you decide how big your wedding should be? Dr. Phil steps in to decide who's right once and for all. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 7, 2006, 10:10 am CDT

Marriage

is a 24/7 event and why not romance your spouse after years of marriage, it is actually one of my favorite things to dow for my husband and we have been married for 13. Romance is wonderful, regardless of how long you have been married, if a couple would learn to do this for one another then there wouldn't be fighting over it! Romancing to me is just another way of showing your spouse that you are still "into them" and you still enjoy them, it is wonderful.
 
April 7, 2006, 10:18 am CDT

having a baby

is a wonderful event and experience, I had my first at 37 and second at 39 and I wouldn't change a thing. Both were healthy and still are, I was also healthy and in good shape and I am a wonderful mother, my children are now 5 and 3, no regrets here.........I do not know how old this lady is who thinks her biological clock is ticking away, but don't stress over it! to the husband, I say, you have to understand the feelings of your wife for she is wired differently then you and you are not going to agree on issues, males and females are different in their thinking, remember, a womans nature is to be the nuturer and that is the way she was created, it is the nature of the husband to be the provider and I know you want what is best for your family.communicate and compromise and just do it, work together and know that there is no perfect time to have a baby, but you have to be confident and know that you will love and respect and care for your child and that they deserve to have the best parents around. If you walk together on this, you will be happy and so will your children..............My husband thought the same thing that HE was not ready for kids, but all that changed when he looked into the beautiful eyes of our beautiful little girl and when he found out I was pregnant with number two, he was over joyed.
 
April 8, 2006, 6:59 am CDT

Let's settle this within first

Dr. Phil told Roberta that she desires her husband fill a void.  Dr. Phil says" Give yourself the love you wish you received."  Does anyone know what Phil means?  I wish he would explain what he means on the show. 

  

Beth 

 
April 8, 2006, 4:14 pm CDT

04/10 Settle This

Quote From: jettav

is a wonderful event and experience, I had my first at 37 and second at 39 and I wouldn't change a thing. Both were healthy and still are, I was also healthy and in good shape and I am a wonderful mother, my children are now 5 and 3, no regrets here.........I do not know how old this lady is who thinks her biological clock is ticking away, but don't stress over it! to the husband, I say, you have to understand the feelings of your wife for she is wired differently then you and you are not going to agree on issues, males and females are different in their thinking, remember, a womans nature is to be the nuturer and that is the way she was created, it is the nature of the husband to be the provider and I know you want what is best for your family.communicate and compromise and just do it, work together and know that there is no perfect time to have a baby, but you have to be confident and know that you will love and respect and care for your child and that they deserve to have the best parents around. If you walk together on this, you will be happy and so will your children..............My husband thought the same thing that HE was not ready for kids, but all that changed when he looked into the beautiful eyes of our beautiful little girl and when he found out I was pregnant with number two, he was over joyed.
Hi there!  I'm Heather, the one who wants the baby on Monday's show :).  I'm 26 years old, which I know sounds young to be so crazy about having a baby.  I want to be done having children by the time I'm 30, just as a personal preferance.  On the show, I said I don't want to be an old mom, which I apologize in advance for if it offends you.  I didn't really want to say it on camera.  My husband has come around a lot since the show though, so hopefully I won't be waiting those 2-5 years!
 
April 8, 2006, 6:11 pm CDT

04/10 Settle This

Please don't let what I wrote color your views on the subject; I'd love to hear any and all advice!
 
April 8, 2006, 6:24 pm CDT

Reallyyyyyyy?

Quote From: vartanho

Hi there!  I'm Heather, the one who wants the baby on Monday's show :).  I'm 26 years old, which I know sounds young to be so crazy about having a baby.  I want to be done having children by the time I'm 30, just as a personal preferance.  On the show, I said I don't want to be an old mom, which I apologize in advance for if it offends you.  I didn't really want to say it on camera.  My husband has come around a lot since the show though, so hopefully I won't be waiting those 2-5 years!
Steve here from the Monday show...my wife posted a comment that I have come around...well she thinks so...but truly I feel that we should wait...watch the show and see why...come back and post some more after the show...I will be on the message boards to see what everybody thinks, and I will gladly reply to any messages or questions for me on here!
 
April 8, 2006, 7:52 pm CDT

04/10 Settle This

It's Heather again, got a new screen name :)! 

 
April 8, 2006, 8:39 pm CDT

04/10 Settle This

Quote From: vartanho

Hi there!  I'm Heather, the one who wants the baby on Monday's show :).  I'm 26 years old, which I know sounds young to be so crazy about having a baby.  I want to be done having children by the time I'm 30, just as a personal preferance.  On the show, I said I don't want to be an old mom, which I apologize in advance for if it offends you.  I didn't really want to say it on camera.  My husband has come around a lot since the show though, so hopefully I won't be waiting those 2-5 years!
 I also want to be done having kids by the time I'm 30.

I planned my life in a way so that I wouldn't have to ship my kids off to daycare and so later in life I can get a job and have a career.

Those were my priorities.

I too didn't want to be an "old mom"...that's ok, don't worry about offending people hon. Having a baby after 35 isn't for every woman. I certainly didn't want to do it and there are tons of legit reasons for that.
 
April 8, 2006, 9:13 pm CDT

It's a Commitment

Hi Heather, 

  

I was 28 on my wedding day and we waited 4 years to have our first child. At age 37, I gave birth to my second daughter.  Sometimes feeling ready is not enough to know what you're getting into.  You can have a wonderful pregnancy - but the birth can wipe you out.  That's what happened to me.  A women usually cannot know what pregnancy or childbirth will do to her until it's too late.  Being a new parent of a newborn can be overwhelming.  And there is no break from becoming a parent!  It's wonderful that you are ready to become a mother!  Just know that it is a lifetime commitment once you become pregnant.  I am 50 and still looking and feeling young - one daughter is about to graduate high school, the other is in middle-school.  So having kids in your 30s or up to age 40 is not a bad choice.  I am satisfied with having my last child before hitting age 40, and the thought of being pregnant, going thru childbirth again after 40 was NOT an option!  I do understand the frustration.  Did you and your husband talk about having a family before marrying?  If he is leaning toward not having children at all, then that is a serious issue to resolve!  You both can come up with a compromise, you should not rush into it and he should consider your timeclock.  Good luck!  Susanpear 

  

   

 
April 8, 2006, 9:25 pm CDT

04/10 Settle This

Susan, 

  

Thanks for your post!  I realize that having a baby is a huge, lifelong commitment, and you're never truly ready for it if you haven't experienced it.  Steve and I have been married for almost 3 years, and together for almost 8, so I feel like we've had plenty of time for ourselves, and that we should focus on the next step in our lives :). 

 
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