Topic : 07/21 Settle This

Unless people truly love and like themselves, they are unable to receive love. Those are often the same people who are needy and end up destroying relationships.  

When I am not getting something I feel I need from someone, I find a way to get it elsewhere (no, NOT with another person!). I do things that make ME happy and aren't destructive.  

Sometimes people are either unwilling or unable to give us what we need (or think we need). We then have to make the decision to fill that void some other CONSTRUCTIVE way. If we can, we'll find the love and peace we are seeking.  

People don't make us happy. WE make ourselves happy and people are simply a part of the equation.  

You are so off. Pregnancy should be a gift from God that is given to both husband and wife. If more people would view it that way, we wouldn't have all the problems we have today....a 57% divorce rate, adulty, drug use, sexual diseases, abortion, etc. 

Sorry, but you and I CAN'T get pregnant without a man. And until you can, it's a WE thing!!!!  

You apparently see pregnancy as a job. It's a creation of a life and that takes two. Those who are happily married and WANT a child, view it the way they should....an act that took two and a baby being created that's a gift to both parents and to society.  

Your attitude stinks. You sound selfish and bitter. Perhaps you should look into yourself and figure out why your attitude is so poor.  

I have been married for almost 17 years. WE have 2 lovely children (age 11 and age 6). We raise them. We both created them (with God's help). We both enjoy them. We both parent them. WE couldn't have had them without the other! Our chlidren are blessed with two responsible, loving and committed parents. Hopefully this will become the norm in our society once again!!!! 

Adjust the poor attitude before it affects others, please.  

I am so sick of people always siding with the person who wants a child. Why is the desire of one person to have a child any more valid than the desire of the other person *not* to have a child? 

I remember reading an advice column in which the columnist was advising people in the 'she wants to have a baby, he doesn't' dillema. THe collumnists resonse was to tell the woman that she had to decide what she wanted most because 'this wasn't something that could be comprimised on'. Good advice, BUT - earlier in the sam article she implied that everything would be just fine if the husband decided to give in and go along with his wife's desire for a baby (in 'non-biased person speak' if he s\would compromise himself). The sheer hypocrisy and discriminatory bias in telling one person that their reproductive wishes cannot be compromised, whil;e telling another person that *theirs* SHOULD BE is utterly staggering.
 

Many many years ago, one of my many aunts married her first husband and during this marrigae (which i think didn't last 10 years - give or take)   During this time they both worked full time and over the years she became 'bored' and unhappy.   She wanted what a lot of women wanted - a child.   Hubby didn't and wasn't about to compromise.   Whether or not this child issue was discussed in depth before their marriage i don't know, but as she got older she wanted one more and more and he didn't.    The outcome - she ended her marriage to him.   This devastated him because he really loved her.   In the late 1989 she met a nice man (who had two kids from a previous marriage)  and in 1992 she married him and in December 1992 she had her own baby.    

Now 14 years later, she is pretty much a stay at home mom (works on the side helping her husband with his business) raising her daughter.  (her two step-children are adults and out of the house and attending school) 

The basic "who's right" of this story is that really neither were right and neither were wrong,  the whole thing of starting a family should be discussed in detail before marriage and what-if scenarious should be examined.    Back in the early years she may not have wanted children but as the years went on and she became unhappy with her job, she changed her mind... yet her first husband never did....    

I believe in Jesus and God and heaven but I don't believe hell.  Why would God ever put any human being that he has created in that kind of torcher??? If he does than he is no better than the person that went there!! I have my beliefs and you have yours so who really is to say what is right and wrong in what one believes or doesn't believe?? 

I am 41  years old-  I have known since I was four years old that I DO NOT want kids- 

I can NOT even BEGIN to tell you the comments and the hurtful words and shocked looks I would get from people when I would say 'I do not want kids'  

I am sick of it!  Who are people to judge me for making a wise choice and decison? 

People would also tell me 'you will change your mind'-Well-no -I still feel the same- 

I  read in  the paper a preacher say that people who do not have kids are 'irresponsible!'  HUH?

That is SO wrong!  

Please do not post me back bashing me for making a smart and wise choice- 

The only people who 'should ' be having children are the ones who REALLY want children and want to be good life long parents- good for them-

Ladies  (and gentlemen)- you are NOT obligated to have children-   If you decide not to have any-Please know I am here to say-I support you and do NOT feel guilty about your decision -

Any one can be a mother or father-BUT not every can be a parent- I have heard this often-