Topic : 04/11 What Are You Afraid Of?

My cousin recommended a book called "Peace in the Light".  I think the author's name is Dannion Brinkley.  I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but she has said the book is extraordinarily comforting for people who are depressed and obsessed with thoughts of death.   

  

I don't think it's a religious book.  The author admits to having been a "not-so-nice" guy throughout his life and was struck by lightening (not once but twice).  It's a "near death" kind of experience, I guess,  where he was "shown" some things while in the near death state.  I don't know whether or not I believe this kind of thing.  But you can preview the book on Amazon.com.  You don't need even to leave the house to get it if you order from Amazon.  It might help. Good luck.   

  

  

 I battled "medical phobia" for most of my life.....I can well understand!  Almost like the guy who fears costumes I could not stand the sight of someone in surgical scrubs...even if it was on halloween night and it was a little kid dressing up as a doctor!  I recall when I was a teen I walked around for 3  months with a piece of a metal sewing needle embedded in my big toe because I was too terrified to say anything lest my mom took me to the hospital.  Eventually the thing worked its way out but in the end I knew I risked serious complications from my phobia.  



This sort of phobia is literally bad for your health (I am also health-concious and do the best I can to avoid the need for a doctor)...but I'm 36 and I'm more afraid of what might happen if I don't get a check up.  It's a tough nut to crack, medical phobia is - but as of now I am 95% free of the fear (the only fear I still harbor is of being in an accident and being taken to a trauma center - Dr. Phil is 100% right about all fear stemming from the lack of control.....in all other medical situations I can consent or refuse treatment but in a trauma situation all bets are off and I know it) and I'd be happy to share some ideas on how to rid your self of it (or at least minimize it to the degree you can seek medical help when needed).



First off, it's a really good idea to seek out some therapy (not the heavy intesive stuff but just for your phobia).  That's what I did.



The next thing I did was to slowly immerse myself in my worst fears - not literally but on paper, film and by proxy....I set out a goal to create a website (not everyone has the time, ability or inclination to do that sort of thing but I'm an artist and that's how I express myself) that would explore every angle of every medically related fear.  As I worked on the site in sections, I would watch limited amounts of medical programming (with remote in hand - I taped them first incase I needed to forward wind really quick or stop the tape) - the real documentary stuff showing people going into the hospital, preparing for surgery, etc.  Blood and gore don't scare me, but if it bothers you, you can forward thru parts where they are going to show surgery.   Then I got on Ebay and actually bought old medical instruments and surgical tools (I spent hundreds of bucks working on getting thru this fear!).  The first box that arrived I was afraid to open in for several days - but finally I got up the nerve and found my self able to actually touch and handle items that are normally found in an doctor's office, an exam room or even the OR.  I would actually sleep with a few of these things laying on my night table (like I was tempting fate and nightmares but ironically I seldom did have nightmares about that stuff).  I even bought an old pair of scrubs and hung them on the back of my bedroom door where I could see them when I was in bed!  



Naturally at first this creeped me out to no end, but over time I actually ended up desensitizing my self to nearly every thing I feared.  But the most powerful thing for me was to take back my power:   I forced myself to realize that I could walk away from any doctor or medical treatment if I didn't want to go thru it or like the doctor's advice.  As an adult, no one (outside of a dire emergency) could force anything on me.  And they can't do it to you either.   Doctors aren't all-poweful beings that can force their will on patients - I had to learn they are just people who have expertise in areas that we don't.  You can take or leave their advice and recomendations.  That was the most powerful turning point for me was to realize that in the end, I am the one who decides what is done with my body.  



I have posted a link here to the website I created - at the stage of phobia you appear to be in I would not recommend poking around my site just yet - some of the imagery is pretty strong for the medical or dental phobic.  Howerver, the page I linked to is the opening page and it's safe - you may want to bookmark it for future reference when you do get around to tackling your fears.



Believe me - it can be done!  It's not easy and often very scary,. but once you are free the world will be entirely different.

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People that know me think I'm crazy.  I get the shivers at the thought of touching cotton balls.  My children used to think it was funny to chase me with some cotton in their hands.  My husband will take the wad of cotton out of pill bottles for me.  When I'm at the hair salon to get a perm, I need to close my eyes and clench my teeth when they put the long strip of cotton around the perm rods so the solution doesn't  run down my face or in my eyes.  Nobody that I know, knows anyone else with this problem.  When I saw it being discussed on the Dr. Phil show, my mouth dropped open.  I'm not the only one!   

I thought that Dr. Phil's explanation was very interesting and it made a lot of sense to me. 

  

Please Please don't give up on your dream.    Let other people read your short story and get more opinions.    If there are short story contests where you live - submit it to them, try submitting it to magazines or something like that.   Get a professional opinion.   If this is truly a dream of  yours, don't give up on it just because of what one person said.   Maybe this "friend" isn't much of a friend for saying that.    As far as you never being as successful as your brothers and sisters... You are your own person who has your own dreams and you need to follow those dreams and not feel like you're being a burden.    

  

Let me backtrack for a second - I am in my thirties, I've been in and out of jobs and jumped careers for the past 14 years.  I know i will never be as successful as my brother, who is working in the Pharmacutical industry making much more than i will ever make.  Yeah, i do get a bit jealous of his success and the fact that he's out on his own and i'm still living at home,  but I know my day will come when I will be successful in my job. 

  

I also have my own dream of being a published writer of either a novel / short stories or poems.  I managed to attain one of those dreams and am a three-time published poet.   I submitted poems (for a fee of course) to a local contest and three differnent times in three different anthologies i had a poem published.   Sure i didn't get paid, but i had the satisfaction of being able to say that I am a published poet. 

  

Good luck and please whatever you do DON'T GIVE UP on the dream, continue writing and let others read it, and contact someone who can give you a "professional" opinion or possibly some editing tips... 

  

Cheers.     

  

  

I don't want to "creep" anyone out and keep them from seeking medical help or keep people out of needed surgery.  But I have read quite a few research articles on something called "Anesthesia Awareness".  If you have surgery, they typically give you a formulated combination of three different drugs (depending on your condition) to "put you under".  One is a paralysis drug to keep you from moving, the second is a pain drug, the third is, I think, a general sleep drug.   

  

Anestheisia awareness  happened to me when I was ten years old.  I was having minor eye surgery (won't go into the details), but I DID wake up during the procedure.  It was only for a couple seconds.  I just had the feeling of not being able to breathe and being paralyzed and wanting to tear the mask off my face.  I did not experience any physical pain, but it was certainly a feeling of panic.  I never want to feel that helpless again.   

  

There are cases of people being under surgical procedure and actually waking up and experiencing the pain of the surgery because they were not given the correct combination of pain drugs.  Sometimes anatheseologist would become nervous about administering a dosage considered unsafe based on the patient's condition (such as heart disease) -- so they may "under-medicate" the pain drug based on the risks associated with exacerbating the condition with too many drugs.   But anesthesia awareness has caused major emotional trauma with some people. 

  

I would suggest anyone with medical phobias seriously discuss this with their doctor if they are facing surgery.  One documented case was a woman who was in a three hour surgical procedure.  The paralysis drug worked, the anathesia drug worked (too a limited degree), but the pain suppression drug did not work.  She was awake and aware and in physical pain throughout the entire three hour surgery.     

  

Again, I don't mean to "creep" anyone out, or suggest that surgical procedures are a BAD thing to be avoided, and most people will never have this issue;  but this is a real phenomenon in a small percentage of the population and should be addressed by every person about to undergo a procedure with their doctor prior to the surgery.     

  

I put a lot of messages on this board, but when I really think back, that surgery thing when I was ten years old has probably exploded a lot of my fears. 

  

  

    And I thought I was the only scaredy cat. Zombies totally freak me out. I'm so freaked out by them that I have a zombie emergency plan {just in case}. My husband and friends always tease me, thinking that I'm nuts or need to grow up.  Sometimes I wonder if I really have a reason to be so afraid. This fear has kept me up many many nights, or maybe they are right I need to grow up. 

   Other things that freak me out, being awake at 3am, the noise from the grudge and silent nights when nothing in my neighborhood makes a sound {creepy}. Call me nuts! TTFN 

Thanks for responding to my post.  I lived in the Bay Area all my life until about 14 years ago.  In fact I lived up in the Santa Cruz Mountains while I was in High School.  Graudated for Los Gatos High School.  It's a small world.   

  

My stepfather committed suicide almost two years ago so I kind of know what you've been through.  They do say that suicide can run in families but I guess we just have to fight our thoughts and try to make our lifes better.  If you'd like to chat more post me again, I'll be looking for you. 

 I lived in CA for about 5 years.....well after Loma Prieta and Northridge....but I heard plenty of tales.  Never had anything bad enough to barely turn a wall picture crooked, but one night around 3 am there was one way out in Mojave (the Hector mine quake) and it shook clear to the coast.  All I know is I woke up and my bed was swaying back and forth like something out of the Excorcist!  Scared the daylights out of me....I didn't get out of that bed until daybreak.  Granted, that was nothing compared to Loma Prieta but IMO there's little scarier than nearly being shook out of your bed in the middle of the night.....then I got like you - every truck that went by my place I was bolt wide awake - I hated it. 

I was always dreading a big one.....however the most threatening thing that happened to me out there was having a huge forest fire burn to within seven miles of my house.....all day thinking I'd have to leave and take whatever I could carry.  Thank God they stopped the progression and it eventually was put out.   I have now moved back east, not a quake-free zone but certainly less than CA (there was one near here back in the early 80's, but we lived near a railroad crossing so we just thought it was a train when all the dishes began to rattle....afterall, the trains did the same.)

I was the one on the show today with the cotton phobia. I'm so glad you guys know what I'm talking about! Everyone's favorite response is...well, you're wearing cotton...they don't understand that it's different! My friends have filled birthday presents with cotton, chased me around with it, even covered my car in it! I know it sounds silly (that's why I was laughing so much on the show today) but I can't help it - it still freaks me out!

i'm that last girl - they are totally creepy! i didn't even like watching the video segment about me before he came to talk to me because it showed so much cotton! ahhh! and i guess we're not the only ones!!