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Topic : 04/12 Dangerous Love

Number of Replies: 594
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Created on : Friday, April 07, 2006, 10:09:03 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
If two people are truly in love, does anyone have the right to judge them? What if their relationship crosses moral boundaries? Jeremy, 16, is disturbed that his 45-year-old father, Chuck, is engaged to a 17-year-old girl who used to be his classmate. Chuck says he wants to spend the rest of his life with Michelle. The constant fighting in the house led to Jeremy moving out. Why did Michelle's mom allow her daughter to move in with Chuck? Did Chuck mislead her? See what Dr. Phil tells these parents they must do. Then, Angela is repulsed that her brother, Anthony, wants to marry their second cousin, Tosha. Anthony says he loves Tosha and nothing's going to stop their relationship from moving forward. Does Angela have a legitimate reason to be concerned? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 11, 2006, 1:10 pm CDT

Think about this...

Quote From: bass61688

I am the 17 yr. old that is engaged to Chuck. In Indiana, it is quite legal for us to be together. We are not getting married until I am done with college and have my career under control. We want to make sure I am ready for that commitment. We have been together for a year and a half, and that is a hell of a lot longer than most people thought we would make it. As far as children go we agreed not until I am at least 28. Chuck is a great guy, and a great father. He is stable and encourages his children to do what they believe is right. Which is why we went on the show. So watch what you say, you never know, the heart of me could be the face of your child one day. Think about that.  

  

Michelle

Assuming this is really true love (as opposed to Chuck lusting after a teenager) & that you & Chuck stay together:  When you're 28, Chuck will be 56.  When your oldest child enters the first grade, Chuck will be 62 or 63.  When your oldest child graduates from high school, Chuck will be 84, if he's still around.  Say you have a second child 2 years later.  When he or she graduates high school, Chuck will be 86.  Most people don't even make it to 86, much less 84!  Couples who have children when the man is over 55 are gambling that the guy will be around throughout the children's childhood & will have energy to raise them.
 
April 11, 2006, 1:17 pm CDT

04/12 Dangerous Love

Quote From: bass61688

I am the 17 yr. old that is engaged to Chuck. In Indiana, it is quite legal for us to be together. We are not getting married until I am done with college and have my career under control. We want to make sure I am ready for that commitment. We have been together for a year and a half, and that is a hell of a lot longer than most people thought we would make it. As far as children go we agreed not until I am at least 28. Chuck is a great guy, and a great father. He is stable and encourages his children to do what they believe is right. Which is why we went on the show. So watch what you say, you never know, the heart of me could be the face of your child one day. Think about that.  

  

Michelle

First of all, I will never have children and that's my final decision and I got something to say to you KID. I maybe only 19, but I know a thing or 2 about guys cause I'm one and I know and also have that feeling that some maybe most guys would have and that feeling would be the perversion or the killer in them that is never unleashed until it gets unleashed and out of control. Chuck maybe a great guy to you and to the people around you but that's just a suit he's putting on to hide who he really is. Think about it, a 45 year old guy going out/getting married to a 17 year old girl doesn't sound normal to anyone for that matter and about Chuck, (hey I'm not saying I know him, I don't, I just know guys in general that I know) when he'll strike, he'll strike. What I mean is, he will lure you in so much to liking him to loving him and he will make his move and you won't know what to do afterwords because the situation will be so emotional and hard to go through, believe me. So stay on guard cause you'll never know what to expect down the road. Expect the unexpected. Now I really hope that's not the case here, I hope you are happy with Chuck and you live a good life with him and love him and all that. I hope for a happy relationship with you & Chuck but remember what I said.
 
April 11, 2006, 1:32 pm CDT

Theory!

Okay so i have a theory about cousins getting married.  When Adam and Eve, being the first people  created, ate from the Tree of Knowledge they commited the first sin but I also think it made them smart.  When they had kids and started populating the earth brothers and sisters had to get have kids and then cousins had to have kids and so on.  What happened to all that knowledge? In the last 50 years or so we have been finding out crazy new things and knowledge is returning but only haver thousands of years of sifting out all the ret@rded people.  and Kissing cousins is cool if she is hot. jk gross.
 
April 11, 2006, 1:40 pm CDT

Excellent insight!

Quote From: tripleh

First of all, I will never have children and that's my final decision and I got something to say to you KID. I maybe only 19, but I know a thing or 2 about guys cause I'm one and I know and also have that feeling that some maybe most guys would have and that feeling would be the perversion or the killer in them that is never unleashed until it gets unleashed and out of control. Chuck maybe a great guy to you and to the people around you but that's just a suit he's putting on to hide who he really is. Think about it, a 45 year old guy going out/getting married to a 17 year old girl doesn't sound normal to anyone for that matter and about Chuck, (hey I'm not saying I know him, I don't, I just know guys in general that I know) when he'll strike, he'll strike. What I mean is, he will lure you in so much to liking him to loving him and he will make his move and you won't know what to do afterwords because the situation will be so emotional and hard to go through, believe me. So stay on guard cause you'll never know what to expect down the road. Expect the unexpected. Now I really hope that's not the case here, I hope you are happy with Chuck and you live a good life with him and love him and all that. I hope for a happy relationship with you & Chuck but remember what I said.

That is exactly how pedophiles operate.  You have a lot of insight for someone just 19.  I'm 44.  Chuck should be looking at women my age, not 17!  When someone in my age group is "dating" a 17 year-old, odds are they're a pedophile regardless of whether the girl is technically of the age of consent. 

  

P.S.  The age of consent varies in the U.S. from 15 in one state (South Carolina) to 18.  If their relationship is technically legal it's b/c they're in a state with an age of consent of 17 or younger. 

 
April 11, 2006, 1:47 pm CDT

04/12 Dangerous Love

Quote From: heirnspare

hi all. i don't think people should judge others. we may want some advice.. but when it comes down to it-it's all about the specific couple. they have minds of their own & we cant & shouldnt live our lives for anyone but God & ourselves. 1 thing we should ask when getting into ANY relationship---how does that person make us feel? how do they treat us??? can i live w/the answers to those questions my entire life? yes, considering others is a good idea BUT noone lives there life for others only for themselves. consider all the differences... are they major? like our belief system... our morols...but if they are minor...compromise is key. so let people live their own lives w/out everyones opinions...afterall, its the couple who have to deal w/ all this together. they'll figure it out...one way or another.
I agree.  We don't seem to mind much when a 17th year old girl is sexually active with some one her age but God forbid if she should want to be with an older man.  Why ?  As long as they are not related in anyway and there is no deception involved, I don't really think it's anyone business to tell themwhat they can or can not do in the romance department.  Yes, it may not be all that rosy 20 years down the road for the couple, if they decide to get married, but isn't it their business and their business alone ?  It certainly is not immoral in any sense of the word.
 
April 11, 2006, 2:34 pm CDT

I don't think this story was meant to be taken literally. (nm)

Quote From: joellard

Okay so i have a theory about cousins getting married.  When Adam and Eve, being the first people  created, ate from the Tree of Knowledge they commited the first sin but I also think it made them smart.  When they had kids and started populating the earth brothers and sisters had to get have kids and then cousins had to have kids and so on.  What happened to all that knowledge? In the last 50 years or so we have been finding out crazy new things and knowledge is returning but only haver thousands of years of sifting out all the ret@rded people.  and Kissing cousins is cool if she is hot. jk gross.

  

 
April 11, 2006, 2:42 pm CDT

its awsome!!

ok so i am a 13 year old girlwho thinks it would be awsome to be marring a old guy so exicting and different i don't see anything wrong with it
 
April 11, 2006, 3:18 pm CDT

If a child is being exploited, it's everyone's business.

Quote From: mtinca

I agree.  We don't seem to mind much when a 17th year old girl is sexually active with some one her age but God forbid if she should want to be with an older man.  Why ?  As long as they are not related in anyway and there is no deception involved, I don't really think it's anyone business to tell themwhat they can or can not do in the romance department.  Yes, it may not be all that rosy 20 years down the road for the couple, if they decide to get married, but isn't it their business and their business alone ?  It certainly is not immoral in any sense of the word.

First, I think lots of folks have a problem about sexually active 17 year-old girls no matter who the partner is.  Few 17 year-olds are mentally & financially prepared to have babies.  Babies born to 17 year-old girls tend to suffer more from poverty, abuse, neglect, & overall poor parenting than babies born to older mothers (adults!) in stable marriages. 

When the 17 year-old's partner is 45, there's the added dimension that the man likely is a pedophile exploiting her.  We don't have a level playing field here.  The girl's so young her brain's not fully developed.  Combine that with a lack of life experience as a teacher & she's easily manipulated, exploited, abused & trapped in a bad situation.  She's not likely to have the adult level of judgement she'll have even 4 years down the road when she's 21.  She's not considered by society to be old enough to vote or drink alcohol for good reason.  There's a reason for statutory rape laws.  If if she's technically of legal age in her state, society (such as the good folks on this DB) have every right to be concerned as the odds she's using poor judgement & the odds he is exploiting her for his own sexual gratification as opposed to any genuine caring for her are high.   

 
April 11, 2006, 3:58 pm CDT

You are all wrong

Look, face it, love is love, and people in our society think they have the answers to everything, when they don't even have all the right questions. I love Chuck, and he loves me. No one knows the heart-ships we have been through, nor the pain. Most of my family hates every ounce of Chuck, and yet he has done nothing to harm them. I am my own person, and am more mature than most 17 yr. olds. For those of you whom are behind the two of us, you know how it feels to be in love, for those who aren't, you all don't know the meaning or the feeling. One day you will and eventually will stand behind us.  Thank you 

  

Michelle 

 
April 11, 2006, 4:13 pm CDT

If the role was reversed......

Hello Everyone 

  

    In this situation you have a 45 year old man with a 17 year old girl. This makes it not o.k. This makes it o.k to blow this way out of proportion. People think its mutual sex, rape, the media got to write a story, prosecutors got to prosecute, police have to write a report an investigation has to be called in. Theres everything wrong and illegal with this age difference that makes it not o.k.  

   Me Personally I am not saying it is o.k. 

Lets reverse this situation 

      Lets say its a 45 year old woman having sex with a 17 year old boy.  No-one would give a crap about that. There would be no case to trial. Charges would be dropped. People would act like it didn't happend. Basically the woman would walk scot free and get away with it. Whether it was a crime or not. 

     Simply put when its a man to a girl. The charges go full effect and the National Guard has to be called. When its a woman to a boy, WELL lets just feel bad for the boy and hope it doesn't happend again............ 

 
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