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Topic : 04/12 Dangerous Love

Number of Replies: 594
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Created on : Friday, April 07, 2006, 10:09:03 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
If two people are truly in love, does anyone have the right to judge them? What if their relationship crosses moral boundaries? Jeremy, 16, is disturbed that his 45-year-old father, Chuck, is engaged to a 17-year-old girl who used to be his classmate. Chuck says he wants to spend the rest of his life with Michelle. The constant fighting in the house led to Jeremy moving out. Why did Michelle's mom allow her daughter to move in with Chuck? Did Chuck mislead her? See what Dr. Phil tells these parents they must do. Then, Angela is repulsed that her brother, Anthony, wants to marry their second cousin, Tosha. Anthony says he loves Tosha and nothing's going to stop their relationship from moving forward. Does Angela have a legitimate reason to be concerned? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 11, 2006, 11:45 pm CDT

not nice

Quote From: groovy

First, I think lots of folks have a problem about sexually active 17 year-old girls no matter who the partner is.  Few 17 year-olds are mentally & financially prepared to have babies.  Babies born to 17 year-old girls tend to suffer more from poverty, abuse, neglect, & overall poor parenting than babies born to older mothers (adults!) in stable marriages. 

When the 17 year-old's partner is 45, there's the added dimension that the man likely is a pedophile exploiting her.  We don't have a level playing field here.  The girl's so young her brain's not fully developed.  Combine that with a lack of life experience as a teacher & she's easily manipulated, exploited, abused & trapped in a bad situation.  She's not likely to have the adult level of judgement she'll have even 4 years down the road when she's 21.  She's not considered by society to be old enough to vote or drink alcohol for good reason.  There's a reason for statutory rape laws.  If if she's technically of legal age in her state, society (such as the good folks on this DB) have every right to be concerned as the odds she's using poor judgement & the odds he is exploiting her for his own sexual gratification as opposed to any genuine caring for her are high.   

your the kind of person i dont like i had my first babe a 18 second at 19 a never once had my children suffered because i was young
 
April 12, 2006, 1:22 am CDT

04/12 Dangerous Love

Quote From: bass61688

Look, face it, love is love, and people in our society think they have the answers to everything, when they don't even have all the right questions. I love Chuck, and he loves me. No one knows the heart-ships we have been through, nor the pain. Most of my family hates every ounce of Chuck, and yet he has done nothing to harm them. I am my own person, and am more mature than most 17 yr. olds. For those of you whom are behind the two of us, you know how it feels to be in love, for those who aren't, you all don't know the meaning or the feeling. One day you will and eventually will stand behind us.  Thank you 

  

Michelle 

Michelle, 

I know you're in "defense" mode right now because you already know that just about every post here is going to express some kind of negativity for your situation, but at least try to listen to some of them from an unbiased standpoint.  I know it's hard, but people here aren't trying to hurt you (as much as you want to think they are).   

I'm 26 right now, I thought that I was mature when I was 17 years old.  I couldn't be any more wrong.   

Everybody wants to think that they know more than other people their age.  Teenagers especially.  It's human nature.  It's a maladaptive part of human nature, but human nature nonetheless. 

Anyway, your comments in italics: 

Look, face it, love is love, and people in our society think they have the answers to everything, when they don't even have all the right questions.  

Well, let's see if I can change that (I'll admit, I may fail miserably by your standards): 

1) What does "love" mean?  Everyone has their own variation of love, but these variations all share something in common. 

2) What are "the right questions" that you're looking for? 

3) To you, what is the ultimate indication that someone is mature? 

No one knows the heart-ships we have been through, nor the pain.  

One thing about the Dr. Phil message boards is that many people are open about their hardships (sorry, minor gripe--I'm a stickler when it comes to spelling) and pain.  Would it be okay for you to share some of those?   

I am my own person, and am more mature than most 17 yr. olds.  

See question #3, assuming that, as you say, I'm asking "the right questions" (and I tried my best to not make them biased or loaded). 

For those of you whom are behind the two of us, you know how it feels to be in love, for those who aren't, you all don't know the meaning or the feeling. One day you will and eventually will stand behind us.  Thank you  

Although I'm neutral about this (simply because I don't have all the facts), how do you know that people here on the message boards don't know what it's like to be in love?  There are many people here who have been or currently are in a relationship, whether marriage or just going steady.  I'm pretty sure they all know what it's like to be in love...and yet don't agree with what you are doing.   

 
April 12, 2006, 1:28 am CDT

To open up another can of worms

Okay, I know you all are not going to agree with this, but: 

http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/pedophiliaTR.htm 

This is what psychologists define as pedophilia.   

Although Chuck and Michelle are engaging in legal pedophilia (although it is pedophilia in some areas, but not in others), they are not engaging in clinical pedophilia. 

Now that we have that cleared up, regardless of the definition of pedophilia used, there are still some interesting questions I wouldn't mind having answered either by Michelle or Chuck. 

 
April 12, 2006, 1:42 am CDT

04/12 Dangerous Love

Quote From: ash089

NO it is wrong to marry a cousin yeah even thu it is 2cn cousin it is still wrong im srry but im totaly againts it i think angela is right about her brother and cousin

Can you provide facts and research to back up why it's wrong?  A website?  A book and cited sources? 

  

I'm not saying it's right (I personally wouldn't want to marry any family member, no matter how far removed).  I'm just saying if you're going to go on a moral crusade, provide some research. 

 
April 12, 2006, 1:43 am CDT

04/12 Dangerous Love

Quote From: groovy

We're ALL cousins, just some are closer than others.  What if someone marries their 5th cousin?  Their 4th?  Their 3rd?  I had a bit of a crush on a guy when I was in high school who unbeknownst to me was my 3rd cousin.  What if the female is above reproductive age or one is sterile?  I'm 44 & have a 50 year-old 2nd cousin who's single.  What if I married him but we had no kids?  Who would we be hurting? 
FDR (Franklin D. Roosevelt) actually married his fourth cousin...
 
April 12, 2006, 2:10 am CDT

Synonymous thought patterns?

Quote From: haylee

ok so i am a 13 year old girlwho thinks it would be awsome to be marring a old guy so exicting and different i don't see anything wrong with it

Michelle, 

  

Do you agree with Haylee's line of thinking above?  You probably don't, considering that 4 years younger to a teenager is like generations (but because you describe yourself as more mature than the average 17 year old, I could be wrong in placing that comment among the same reins as you).  She's 13 and, of course, you're 17.  Yet, I'm 26 and four years younger than that is 22, which doesn't seem that long ago to me.  Yet, to a teenager, that's the difference between a Senior and a Freshman, which, to them, is HUGE (back where I come from, the Seniors wanted to initiate the Freshmen with things like shaving cream and wedgies). 

  

Anyway, my point in this particular post/reply is that many people here see Haylee's way of thinking synonymous to (the same as) yours--as synonymous as "12:00 AM" is to "12 Midnight".  In fact, even Haylee sees her line of thinking synonymous to yours!  Otherwise, she wouldn't have wanted to post what she just posted. 

 
April 12, 2006, 3:29 am CDT

oh Michelle

   You feel attacked I'm sure, but its like people hitting you to put out the fire on your clothes.  Believe me, people are not just being narrow minded.  They know things you don't yet.   Such as....
     My husbands stepmother was 15 when his fahter started seeing her.  By the time she was 25, she had three children by him, and he was seeing an 18 year old.  She is now  alone, with 5 children to support, no GED, no college, no life.  The dad has been through 4 more relationships just like yours and hers since then.  Chuck may think you are mature, but that's mostly because he ISN'T.  He doesn't even know the cardinal rule of parenting.  You are not your child's friend.  Chuck still wants to be 17 himself, with the perks of adulthood.  Chuck, if your kids are as great as they are, I would say that's probably in spite of you, not because of you.
     Most of us aren't judging you.  We are desparately trying to save you.  I know you don't think you are throwing away your young years, but you are.  Being an actual adult means making hard decisions that don't always feel good.  The dream and plan of college mean nothing without the work, and being a toy for an overgrown child won't get you there. 
 
April 12, 2006, 4:11 am CDT

????

Quote From: pnl_36

        I agree. Some people in this world are just nasty. Chuck needs to find a grown up not some teeny bopper. Why  he would let some one come between him and his son is not right.(especially a 17 year old girl)... It kinda makes you wonder why can't he find someone his own age? MMM maybe cause the grown ups know what kind of guy he is.. I thought you were not "LEGAL" until 18... guess all states are different.  

   I think to want to marry your cousin is just nasty... guess some people out there just don't know right from wrong.....It will be the kids they have that will pay the price for there being sooooooo ignorant..... 

 Does the ONLY president that was so popular that they had to make a term limit rule because of him and his wife ring a bell? 

  

LOOK UP Franklin D. Roosevelt and his wife Eleanor Roosevelt 

  

or should I say Eleanor Roosevelt Roosevelt 

 
April 12, 2006, 5:45 am CDT

I have same experience as one of those on the show

Yeah! 

  

I am only 33 and have been married 4 times already, and will be ending my fourth marriage soon too. 

  

I am not a party girl. I don't do drugs or drink.  I am religious, but I don't know why this is happening?  (other than perhaps the sexual abuse and family life I lived as a child!). 

I am looking forward to watching the show tomorrow. 

Dr. Phil I wish you could shed more light on the reasons that some women do this. 

  

My dream is to have a stable family life with a good husband, and I have not found that.  My first marriage was at 23 and so in a span of 10 years, I have been married 4 times.  I am embarrased and really sad about this, especially that God has blessed me with a child from my 3rd marriage.  I want a good life for my daughter. 

So far, I have decided that for my daughter's best interest I should remain single so as to provide her with stability and help raise her well. 

  

If my previous experiences have caused any changes, it's that I have worked hard to becoming successful.  I thank God for this, as I have become a published author and I am furthering my studies as well.  I will soon launch an educational website in my native language, and hopefully  (if all goes well) opening a school in my community. 

  

So Dr. Phil why do some women seem to make bad husband choices?  What was I doing wrong? 

Thanks. 

 
April 12, 2006, 5:54 am CDT

Chuck Is A Sick Pedophile

A 45 year old man can't find anyone besides a 17 year old CHILD?There are far more 30-45 year old women who are available and legal,for Chuck to chose from.Chuck could join any singles group,go on-line or respond to personal ads in his local newspaper,join a church,parents without partners or pay for a match maker service to meet available,more compatable women. 

   The fact that Chuck wants to be with a child who has never been in a serious relationship,never held a real job,supported herself,finished her education or in short,lived as an adult-speaks volumes about what a pathetic loser and control freak Chuck is. 

   Chuck belongs to the class of dopey males who want to feel as if they're doing a female " a favor" being with her.A 17 y/o hasn't had time to live life let alone develope her interests.In ten years,she'll be a 27 year old with a Senior citizen.She'll want to do things that Chuck either won't have any interest in or physically can't do.She'll see her friends w/ younger,hotter,buff guys.I'm guessing she'll be stepping out on Chuck for some younger,toned,hipper nookie. 

   

 
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