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Topic : 04/13 Engaged Too Soon!

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Created on : Friday, April 07, 2006, 10:11:35 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How long does it take to know if you’ve found your soul mate? Years? Months? Weeks? Or could you know in only a few days? Just two weeks after their first date, Katie and Erik walked down the aisle. Did Katie get married so fast just to beat her sister to the altar? And is Erik everything he says he is? Find out what Dr. Phil learned about him through a background check. Then, Lance and Stacia knew each other only three months before marrying. Lance says that simply wasn’t long enough and so, within their first year of marriage, he had five affairs. Now, they are headed for divorce because they say they don’t really know each other. Can this marriage be saved? Next, Darcy is 51 and has been engaged seven times. At one point she was engaged to two men at the same time! Will she ever find love? Plus, Sandra has been engaged six times and married four – and she's barely 30 years old! Dr. Phil shows these guests – and you – how to Love Smart before rushing to the altar. Talk about the show here.

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April 13, 2006, 8:37 am CDT

Engaged too soon

Quote From: ummzainab

I think what Dr. Phil is saying is that no one will love you like you can love yourself. 

What do you want from anything in life? Find out, and then once you know that make a plan.  How do I get there? What sort of resources do I need?  

You dictate how others perceive and treat you. 

For example, I am a mother and a wife.   

My daughter needs my time and attention.  My husband needs time and attention.  I need time and attention.   

They don't care about my well being, not because they don't care about me but because it's human nature. 

So my husband expects breakfast on his table, a packed lunch to take to work, dinner at the table, washed clothes, clean house, a wife whose ready for her husband, and all this is about him, him, him. 

Now, I need a break from time to time, and believe you me, many many times, it's not enough to verbally say it, I have to put my foot on the ground and say, you know, It's my time off and if you want anything then do it yourself. 

So here, I loved my self and I gave myself what I needed.  He would not give it to me freely.  

Same with your job, friendships, etc.   

Even though, I am sitting here giving you advice, I am in most need of it.  It's hard and tough I know, but turn it to your benefit. 

  

  

 I would like to pass on a little bit of wisdom that my father-in-law told me once and that is , you don't really know a person until you have been with that person for approx 5 years and by that time you will know about all there is to know including wether you could happily spend the rest of your life with that person. I dont know why but all the couples who I know came within that time frame are still happily together including my husband and I (22yrs now) . As far as the things you do for your husband if you want to do these things for your husband and do them with love then thats fine. If you do them because he says you HAVE to or else then you should be out the door so fast. You sound as though you need to start living your life now and let him get on with his. You are supposed to be a wife not a scullery maid my dear.Love yourself even if he doesnt seem too you deserve it. 

 
April 13, 2006, 8:40 am CDT

04/13 Engaged Too Soon!

I was in highschool when I met my husband and after our first meeting (at a school dance) I was completely infatuated and so was he. I told my mom that he was the person that I wanted to spend my life with.   

  

My mom said that was nice, but there was no hurry because we probably both had 60 years or so left of our lives. She also talked to me about birth control. Six years later, we married and now 28 years later we are very happily married. Those six years weren't all sweetness and light.  We had some big issues to resolve, discuss and fight about. I am really grateful that my mom was able to just calm me down and make me see marriage for what it is-a lifetime promise.   

  

Why would anyone hurry that decision? 

 
April 13, 2006, 8:43 am CDT

04/13 Engaged Too Soon!

I think that people need to quit sleeping with everyone that they meet and make a decision.    

choose to get married not just try someone on for size.   get to know someone first there is always time for sex later.  every one seems to be in a hurry to move in with someone but they have one foot in the door and one foot out   and then they complicate things by bring innocent children into it.  no wonder society is so messed up.  make a decision and stick with it!!! 

 
April 13, 2006, 8:45 am CDT

wrong

Quote From: xtina0775

Thank you for your input. 

  

I was thinking maybe I should wait til the baby is born to figure things out.  I think I will do that.  I will wait til my head is clear and maybe when the baby is born it will bring us closer together.  We will see.  Thanks for taking time to read my post and give me feedback -- it is most appreciated. 

It's a proven fact that when a baby enters the picture, it brings the parents further apart, not closer together. Communication - which you appear to be doing at the moment - will bring you closer together, not the baby.
 
April 13, 2006, 8:50 am CDT

04/13 Engaged Too Soon!

Quote From: atzd123

 Mine was an arranged marraige, so I only met my husband twice over the course of a week before we were engaged.  We've been married for nine years now.  I wouldn't recommend this to anyone.  I'm not saying our marriage is bad, we've grown to love each other, but we've had quite a few long hard years.   I think  if  someone has the opportunity to date for a while, they should.  What's the rush?  If it's really love, it will still be there. 

One of my Grandmothers married a man by arrangement.  She had seen him before because they grew up in the same village, but they never dated like we do, they just exchanged letters.  They stayed married all their lives (just shy of 70 years) and had 11 children. 

My Grandmother told me that if they had dated like we do now, she would never have married him because they were too different: he was a complete turd and she was a wonderful woman-lol (she didn't say THAT part-that is my evaluation).  I thought how sad it was that she spent her whole life with a man who couldn't understand her and who reined her in so much. 

 
April 13, 2006, 8:59 am CDT

It is real to me..........

Quote From: qwerty_1

I find it both very amusing and very frustrating as to America's perception of marriage these days. Marriage is an issue of the heart and not a signature on a "license" or a "tax" form. If you are living together--sleeping together--sharing together etc. YOU are married! Marriage IS NOT government or church issued. In the United States you are not officially alive unless you have a "birth certificate"-- not officially dead without a "death certificate" and not offically "married" without a "marriage license" and that is about the goofyest thing I have ever heard in my life. You get a license to drive a car not to sleep with your husband or wife! MARRIAGE is a heart/life choice as is DIVORCE. Lawyers, preachers and judges just love the game and its all rather pathetic. Be good to one another........... 

 

     My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 years. We have a very strong relationship- in every aspect. People often say to us "wow, you are so in love-I can see it when your together and when you  apart" We are not married, not engaged- we are simply boyfriend and girlfriend by law. By heart he is my husband. My life long partner, best friend & soul mate. Unfortunately, his family doesn't recognize us as a real partnership because we haven't stood in front of 150 people and said "I do" and signed a piece of paper. Because we have not had gone though this tradition  my name does not appear on wedding invitation ( I am "guest") nor am I included in any planning of any event or occasion, or included in family photos. This especially hurts my feelings when My boyfriends' siblings partners (who are engaged and one is married) are included and they have only been apart of the family for 1 year. I think I will never get the respect I deserve unless I have a ring on my finger.  It is hard to not want the wedding and make it "official" by law, by government, by God, and by family.
 
April 13, 2006, 9:09 am CDT

engaged to soon

my thought is even though we are told not to live with the other  person before marrage, but i think 

in away it helps to get to know the other person because i think that s why things don't last . 

peaple are searching for that right one and it may happen right away and it may take year to find  

the right one . i think that some people have trouble likeing  them self and it hard to please  

other people . they forget to communcate and talk to each other .you have to be best freinds . make sure that you have the person that you want to be with before you take that next step.If they don't ,have all what you are looking for then i think thats why some people cheat on other because  they think that the  grass is greener on the other side and its not .it may some times be green but it may also be worse .  so i think you should think long and hard before you take a step that you might reget later. 

 
April 13, 2006, 9:22 am CDT

Too true

Quote From: zakksmomm

An advantage to online dating is that you can see if the other person has similar interests. I have tried online dating and the men I met turned out to be morons. To top it off, I was paying for a service to meet guys who were worse than the guys I met on my own. For me, it was a waste of money. Married guys also get on there pretending to be single. 

There are some awful people on there, God really blessed me.
 
April 13, 2006, 9:40 am CDT

We sound like two peas in a pod

Quote From: k8yann

     What I don't get is why people live together for years on end before getting married, and then end up divorced not to long after they get married.  

     Marriage is a life time and weddings are one day. I think that if you put as much time into your marriage as you do into your wedding you can make it work.  

     I did get married quickly to my husband but I knew he was the one and we have great communication and do not let things get out of control. We know how to fight fair, we keep no secrets from eachother and we remain open minded to eachothers thoughts on the big and small things. 

     What is right for everyone is different and like Dr. Phil said "you can't always make the right decision, but you can make your decision right." 

     When you point your finger at others alway remember that you have 3 fingers pointed right back at you. 

My realtionship with my husband moved pretty quick, we moved in together about four months after we met and got married a year later. 

We have always been honest with each other.  I have told him the truth when I would have looooooved to make up a nice lie.  We know each other inside out.  He can read me like a book, I can be thinking somethig and he will comment on what I am thinking about.   

In the three-plus years we have been together we have never raised our voices at one another.we have had a disagreement or "two" but we always discuss them like the adults that we are.  In order for a mariage to work you have to find someone that will tell you the truth even if it might hurt your feelings. 

 
April 13, 2006, 9:46 am CDT

A ring on the finger

Quote From: nikkitea

     My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 years. We have a very strong relationship- in every aspect. People often say to us "wow, you are so in love-I can see it when your together and when you  apart" We are not married, not engaged- we are simply boyfriend and girlfriend by law. By heart he is my husband. My life long partner, best friend & soul mate. Unfortunately, his family doesn't recognize us as a real partnership because we haven't stood in front of 150 people and said "I do" and signed a piece of paper. Because we have not had gone though this tradition  my name does not appear on wedding invitation ( I am "guest") nor am I included in any planning of any event or occasion, or included in family photos. This especially hurts my feelings when My boyfriends' siblings partners (who are engaged and one is married) are included and they have only been apart of the family for 1 year. I think I will never get the respect I deserve unless I have a ring on my finger.  It is hard to not want the wedding and make it "official" by law, by government, by God, and by family.

"I think I will never get the respect I deserve unless I have a ring on my finger.  It is hard to not want the wedding and make it "official" by law, by government, by God, and by family." 

 

  

God is not "law" "government" or even "family". God is the relationship you have to LOVE. Be it your Boy friend - family- friends and your relationship to creation. Your Creator does not condemn or reject you--- people do. People are taught social boundries  very early in life. Doesnt make it right, just makes it what it is. I don't know you but I respect you for making your post- loving another and standing your ground. Respect is earned in strength. My Cherokee heart teaches me this-- Regards,   Singing Eagle  Aho 

 
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