Topic : 07/26 The Dr. Phil Foundation Helping Kids

I am sorry for what you have gone through.  My husband and I are here to give the children a safe place to be until they can go back to their parents.  We love all the kids that come into our home.  We are not in this for the money because most of the time the check we get doesn't cover all the expenses we have.  In our case there was one case where the kids shouldn't have been removed due to a medical problem, if the mom had checked into why this baby was bruising they would have been home the whole time.  Most of the kids we get are from parents who are on meth and refuse to put the kids needs infront of the drugs.  Should a child stay with parents who don't feed them?  Should they stay with parents who don't get them medical help when they are sick?  Should a 5 year old stay with family who leave her by herself at all hours of the day and night?  None of these kids were taken on the first report, the parents were given multiple chances to do right by these children, but they didn't.  I agree DSS does need improvements.  Some of these kids should NOT be returned to poeple who treat their dogs better than their kids. 

  Your right a child should come first and they should be taken care of.. problem is most of the time DSS just makes stuff up as they go. They dont prove anything at all and false reports they dont investigate. Some children ar ethe subject to drugs and abuse but that number again is no where near 1 million.

  When a child is not allowed to eat at the foster home and they did eat at home then that tells me a foster parent is abusing a child and the parents did not. I have signed documentation from DSS that at every single visit we had he brought our children food to eat as they was hungry. I dont say that to bash the foster parents I say it because it is the truth. Yes I forced DSS to sign every single paper of what we brought our children at the visits. This included food, cloths, school supplies, crayons, paper, toothpaste, christmas and birthday gifts, and many more things. Yes we brough fried checken, green beans, and macaroni and cheese to visits, I mean we brough food for our children to eat.

 The problem is that people will not tell the entire truth and the foster parents will never know the entire truth as the fsoter parents are not allowed in the court rooms and the foster parents do not see the entire case file. 95% of the time a foster parent is told by DSS why the child was removed from the home and the foster parent thinks it is the truth and then talks about it, just as some on here have. They have no clue as to what "REALLY HAPPENED" but yet they gossip about what the case worker told them.

 All I am saying is dont knock someone unless you know the entire truth and not DSS's version of the truth either, I mean the real truth.. If the media would stand up and start showing the entire truth with proven facts then things would not be as bad as they are.

 James C. Stein Sr.

hello joy... i read where you were trying to get in touch with me....we are actually in Pa.... our website is     www.itsmytyme.com  

but there are still ways you can help our org....please reach out to me and i will let you know how....thank you so much....i will send an email to your email as well...  

be blessed Elaine  

6 months ago today our lives changed- we became "non-relative custodians" (a term I despise) to two teenagers we know because their mom abandoned them.  I'd do it again in a heartbeat, despite all the emotional, financial and physical ups and downs.  My husband and I have completed all the steps to be licensed foster parents so we can get some kind of financial support since our state doesn't offer ANY monies unless you are a relative or foster parent, which to me is absurd (and we seem to be in some loophole that doesn't get any recognition or status.....as far as the state is concerned we are volunteers). 

  

I think most people go through foster care licensing first- THEN get the kids.  We did it sortof backwards but seeing the progress these children have made is really worth it.  Having 5 kids- two of them on the verge of getting drivers licenses (aagghh) is definitely an experience, but I always said I'd take more kids in if God gave them to me potty trained.  Watch what you ask for :).   

  

Kudos out there to fellow foster parents and non-relative custodians or anyone taking on the responsibility of caring for a child the way we are doing.  When people find out what we are doing their response is either we're saints or insane.  We're neither (well closer to insane haha)- I think my husband and I are doing what we we think is the right thing and what feels right.  Some days it seems hopeless, like today being hauled into court so DCF could contest reimbursing me for dental treatment for one of the children who had 9 cavities yet I couldn't get him into a Medicaid dentist for 6 months.  I took him to my family dentist (added him to my insurance plan) and our copay was $250.  For 6 months I have shelled out at this point thousands of dollars (beds, clothes, food, personal items, etc) and been reimbursed not one penny- and they're going to contest THAT?  Two kids abandoned by their mother- I take in- DCF gets free care because of how our state laws are written and yet they want to quibble over a dental bill for NINE cavities.  AAGGHH 

  

Every day is a new day.  We live it one day at a time anymore, because each day brings surprises and changes.  It's not only hard on the children being placed, but its hard on the caregivers and our children.  That said, there are some things in life fighting for and for a child to have a stable, secure and loving home free of abuse and neglect is one of them.  If we could take in more, we probably would but space may not allow that.   

  

PS- Elaine, you made me cry.  Such a giving soul you are.  THANK YOU for being a role model that *I* can look up to.  You were my renewal of energy for today.  Each day I look for somewhere to refresh my spirit from and I think I'm just going to keep watching the piece on you repeatedly!  I'm glad your kids have you- you are blessed to have them as well.   

  

  

  

I do believe that there are gross injustices to biological parents in the system.  Unfortunately its not without faults and people suffer needlessly.  In the case of the children we have custody of they were removed and placed back with their parents numerous times and the system let THEM down.  I don't know the right answer, but something needs to be done to make sure that children who are abused and/or neglected are SAFE and LOVED while at the same time not railroading innocent parents. 

  

As with anything in life there is good in bad.  There are "bad" foster homes but there are SO MANY good ones too.  I'm a normal person who saw 2 children I knew in need and took them in.  There are many people I network with who are more like me than not, making sure the kids we take care of live as normal of lives as possible while they are placed with us.   

  

I think what they do for foster kids is definately amazing, and I would never want to take away from that. I'll also admit I'm Canadian and don't know a whole lot about the American system. What I do know is that in Canada there's a lot of forgotten kids. In my family there was 7 people and my parents worked very hard to support us as much as possible but still could not really afford too. However, because they worked we got no help from government or aid services or anything else. Also, I love my family, and we always loved eachother but I was abused by someone other than my parents for a verrry long time, then I couldn't leave so I saw that person everyday of my life. Needless to say, I couldnt take it so I quit school and moved out at 16. Then I supported myself and had to work full time. And again, where I had never been in foster care or unemployed and was underage I had NO help available, my parents would have but couldn't afford too. In the long run I am now doing my grade 12 through correspondece while working to support myself and things are getting back on track. However, the point of this post is to say there are a lot of kids who's lifes probably seem great, and families reallly are amazing people but things happen... physically, emotionally or financially that make life extremely hard and we fall through the cracks, with no help to turn to anywhere because we don't fit into any of the categories, and I would hope a children's foundation would focus on those kids, who have no help at all from the system. Because, as much as the system us brutal it is something, I wish I could've had a system help me live in a place so I could finish school, because now I'm over 20 and still don't have it.  

All I really wanted more than anything else is to make people remember kids that might be like I was, and help them too, they're harder to find because they tend to hide it but there are A LOT of them, and they desperately need our help. 

  we are foster parents have been for one year.  would like to build on to able to take in more children . we would like to find a place to hepl with a loan to build on. takeing in children has been great. just need more space. tigermom70

I am from Canada and I agree that like everything there is always good and bad. The innocent getting hurt that goes both for the parents and the children. I believe that there are absolutely children who need and should be with foster families because of the environment at home. I also know first hand that here in Canada as well CFS ( Child and Family Services) can and do come into ones yard and with no investigation or evidance they come and take children from their homes and as a parent there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.  

  

If there were more foster Mom' s like this lady here then when parents like myself are wronged and our children are taken at least we would know that our children were as safe there as they were at home. Unfortunately it is sad to say that in both our Countries this is not the case. Personally I feel that the children who were blessed enough to have met this lady are a few of the lucky and blessed to survive the "system".   

  

My older children have accused my partner/boyfriend and father to my youngest 2 children of some extremly horrible abuse charges which has resulted in the older 2 being removed from my home. This is not the first time I have had to get lawyers and prove that I am innocent. Our family has been torn apart and there is no one to help us either. It breaks my heart that my children are only 10 mins away and I can't even see them but once a week. I am apparently only a good enough mom to care for my little ones which to me is odd and shows lack of investigation.  

  

My children are in a safe home yes but are they better off? No they are not. The parents are ok but they are not perfect and they do the same things I did only I took it further and spanked them when they were totally out of control. I don't feel my children are loved in this home and that breaks my heart as I know in my heart that we did nothing wrong, at least nothing that deserves having my children in the "System".  

  

Since in care my 13 yr old girl had been "cutting" herself and no one noticed. I seen her first time for 10  mins and I knew something was up and found the cuts and names ingraved in her arm. Then I was told it was just a "fad" and they would have a "talk" with her. It actually took till my daughter recently cut herself so bad it required her to go to hospital. The foster mother wouldn't let my girl even call me and no worker felt it was important to notify me till almost 2 pm the next day.  

  

so yes there is good and bad, I only pray that God finds more mom's like you. Then it wouldn't hurst as much and be as painful the child being in "care". It will never be easy for any parent to another try to raise there own and be worse at it, unfortunately it can and does happen. God bless your heart for being so genuinly loving to those who need it.  

  

And to any one else wrongly done or kids are wrongly being done by from a system that claims to care: well all I can say is pray and NEVER give up on your children. Be there no matter what and love them UNCONDITIONALLY!!! Your day will come in court and you will then have the chance to tell your story. I believe that my story will someday be heard, untill then I will treasure my weekly visits with the children and reasure them that I love them and together we can get through anything.   

  

God bless you friend and the world definately could use so many more like yourself.  

  

Thank You......  

Amen.......There are always 3 sides to every story....... theirs, yours, and the truth.

I have been a foster parent for many years. I too have seen many children returned to the original environment that they were removed from.  Yes, there are some foster homes that are not great but I never understood how that happens. Every three months we are visited by licensing and every month the casemanager comes by and also the Guardian ad lidem. We have to go through training, strong background checks, home studies, more training every year and they even check our finances. Yes, you have to have a decent income to take in foster children. That way they know that you are not doing it for the money. I spend every cent of board money and plenty of my own on the children. They come here with nothing and leave with new clothes, shoes, toys even bikes. Boxes full of items. We hug and kiss them everyday. We grow to love each other. It is always hard to say good bye. But when a parent does their case plan, I am happy to see them reunited as a healthy family.