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Topic : Single Parenting

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:46:38 pm
Author : dataimport
A family doesn't always include a mom and a dad. If you are raising children alone, get support from people who understand here.
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littlewitch
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August 20, 2008, 6:57 pm PDT

single mom of three

  I am a 25 year old single mother of three small kids. My childrens father doesn't have any thing to do with them. As soon as I filed child support on them they left the state. My middle child was just diagnosed with arnold chiairi type 1and I am having to take him to Baptist hospital in Winston-Salem to have futher testing done. I am not able to work so I am trying to get disability but am having a hard time getting it. So because of this me and my children are having to live with my mother. Which is very hard because there are 9 people living there and it is a small there bedroom trailer. Every time we need to go somewhere we have to depend on someone else because we can't afford our own car. I am even having trouble getting my middle child in school. I had him registered to go and then the school called and said they put too many kids in the classrooms so he couldn't go. If anyone out there has any advise please help.
 
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mominthemiddle

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frustrated
September 1, 2008, 7:46 pm PDT

Sandwich Generation

I have never participated in a message board format before. I guess the only way to begin is to say that I am a single mother caring for my 11yr old son and my 90yr old mother. My mother is in very poor health and has been bedfast for several years. I take care of her at home. I have health issues as well which adds to the challenge of all this. Between the stress of my mom increasingly becoming more confused and my son pushing my buttons ( especially when I am worn down with a tough day with my mom) I am hard pressed to find a way to release this pressure. I am angry more and more with my son for not helping and giving me a hard time, yet he won't negotiate with me. I don't know how to handle them both together.

How can I get more help and discipline with my son. My mother's condition will play out on its own. I can only manage it the best that I can. I am really at my wits end with this coming at me from both sides and being only one person to deal with it.
 
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littlewitch
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September 13, 2008, 9:58 pm PDT

Single Parenting

Quote From: stevieco

I commend you for sharing what you have learned.  As a single mother I am glad to know that there is at least one male that "gets it".  After reading some of the message boards there are alot of women that dont get it either.  I hope you continue spreading your word.  Helping one other person have this realization is well worth it because it will directly affect a child.

I alaso commend you for sharing what you have learned. I just wish more fathers would understand what it take to raise children. I am a single mother of three small boys. Their fathers have nothing to do with them except to call and ask about them maybe once a month or every other month. It's great to know that there is a father out there that really knows and enjoys what it means to be a father.
 
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chanet72
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September 16, 2008, 1:23 pm PDT

You really have right there!!

Quote From: ntjstmom

First of all, I guess you had the write to reply to my message this way but you do not know the entire story. My son's father and I met 5 years ago. We dated for almost a year before he asked me to marry him. He was working and trying to go to school at the time and seemed excited about starting a life together. But things changed after some big suprises entered our life. I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids that were to such extreme that my doctor suggested that I have a hysterectomy. At this time I was still childless and very much in love with my then fiance hoping to have children with him someday...Needless to say, he and I decided to try to have a baby even with wedding plans for our future. Sounds ok? OK. Then the trouble began. My husband to be found out that having a family to care for can be a bit overwhelming and decided to revert back to his own childhood. He became obsessed with online chatting, avoiding any kind of responsibilites around the house that I could no longer perform because I was considered a "high risk" pregnancy. It seemed to go downhill. But but that time, yes, my son was already on the way. I feared that I would end up a single parent since my fiance had decided to quit his job. When my son was born he tried but failed miserably in taking responsibility. So, yes, it is my fault for being a single parent but let me defend myself in saying that yes, I was trying to have the family I have dreamed of and thought that I had found the right man. Maybe I was wrong to pick him but all of the signs seemed to be there. I guess if I was a psychic I would have know that he was going to cop out on me.  And by the way, I did have to have the hysterectomy. And now I am so lucky to have him. Your response seemed to attack me like I am some teenage girl who got pregnant out slutting around at a frat party. No thanks, I am not that kind of girl. Sometimes the nice girl gets screwed over by the flaky guy.
I really think that before anyone can blame only on the single mom they should know more of the story!! I was glad to hear you gave response on that answer you got! I have the same kind of a background in my life too with my son and I really hope you're doing better now and I would be happy to hear more about you :)
 
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ashleamull
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September 28, 2008, 4:29 pm PDT

childrens father

i have been separated for four months now my husband moved 3 hours away
and has not come one time to see our two children he also has not paid
any child support  he does call about three times a week actually i
call him so the kids can talk and he answers about three times a week
but he always promises them he will call or says hell do his best to
come see them but he never does they are 6 and 3 and don't understand
this sometimes i think it would be better for them if i just quit
calling and quit answering if he ever called but at the same time they
love him to death and i know he loves them i have child support
enforcement looking for him to pay his child support but they can not
find him i just don't know what is better for the kids to keep getting
hurt because he doesn't live up to his end or for me to just cut him
off I'm not worried about the money i sure could use it but i am more
worried about my kids having their father he used to be such a great
dad always playing and reading to them now he is virtually non existent
i just dont know what to do
 
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mp1970
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October 2, 2008, 10:31 am PDT

My blended family is not blending

I have been a single parent for 16yrs and have a 16 and 18yr old daughter, I also have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 yrs. We are now living together for the past almost 3 months and my 16yo daughter just does not want him around every day. She says she doesn't care that we are together but just doesn't want him living with us until she leaves for college. Now I feel like my boyfriend is being as childish as she is because he does not speak to her because she doesn't speak to him. It's like they are invisible to eachother. We are beginning to argue about things almost on a daily basis. He makes comments how I did not teach my daughter manners and how to be polite and courteous because she does not acknowledge him. I am tired of the ridiculous nit picking and comments he makes. I've gone to family counseling w/my daughter and he was supposed to make an appointment w/the therapist so he can have a session and its been 2 weeks and he has not called yet. I feel like my daughter is willing to make more of an effort than he is and he is supposed to be the adult.

Has anyone gone through this same situation that is willing to give me advice. I appreciate all help.
 
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stevieco

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October 6, 2008, 11:38 am PDT

Single Parenting

Quote From: mominthemiddle

I have never participated in a message board format before. I guess the only way to begin is to say that I am a single mother caring for my 11yr old son and my 90yr old mother. My mother is in very poor health and has been bedfast for several years. I take care of her at home. I have health issues as well which adds to the challenge of all this. Between the stress of my mom increasingly becoming more confused and my son pushing my buttons ( especially when I am worn down with a tough day with my mom) I am hard pressed to find a way to release this pressure. I am angry more and more with my son for not helping and giving me a hard time, yet he won't negotiate with me. I don't know how to handle them both together.

How can I get more help and discipline with my son. My mother's condition will play out on its own. I can only manage it the best that I can. I am really at my wits end with this coming at me from both sides and being only one person to deal with it.

I think its great you have been able to care for your mother as you have.  But it sounds like your son is missing out on his mother.  If you dont have a support system then I suggest you find one.  Hospice is a major support, with wonderful people, which will free up some of your time so that you can spend it with your son.  Your County Nursing Services could also be of assistance with an in-home provider and numerous other resources. 

Your son doesnt understand the hard time you are experiencing and why would you want him to undertand.  He is a child and needs to enjoy his childhood with his mother.  Dont be angry with your son for not helping, he didnt choose the situation you have chosen.  You will never get these years back with him.  Please get support for you and your family.  There are numerous resources out there.  Seek and you will find.
 
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stevieco

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October 6, 2008, 11:45 am PDT

Single Parenting

Quote From: mp1970

I have been a single parent for 16yrs and have a 16 and 18yr old daughter, I also have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 yrs. We are now living together for the past almost 3 months and my 16yo daughter just does not want him around every day. She says she doesn't care that we are together but just doesn't want him living with us until she leaves for college. Now I feel like my boyfriend is being as childish as she is because he does not speak to her because she doesn't speak to him. It's like they are invisible to eachother. We are beginning to argue about things almost on a daily basis. He makes comments how I did not teach my daughter manners and how to be polite and courteous because she does not acknowledge him. I am tired of the ridiculous nit picking and comments he makes. I've gone to family counseling w/my daughter and he was supposed to make an appointment w/the therapist so he can have a session and its been 2 weeks and he has not called yet. I feel like my daughter is willing to make more of an effort than he is and he is supposed to be the adult.

Has anyone gone through this same situation that is willing to give me advice. I appreciate all help.
I went through a similar situation, only my daughter was a little younger.  However the male adult did behave as immature as my daughter.  The unfortunate part is that I had to kick him to the curb because he was not a positive influence on my daughter and chose to behave as her peer.  I could talk to him until I was blue in the face but it wouldnt change a thing.  I dont have control over him, only he does.  If he chooses to not behave appropriately with my child then its time for him to go.  I am there to raise my daughter not my boyfriend. 
 
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stevieco

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October 6, 2008, 11:52 am PDT

Single Parenting

Quote From: ashleamull

i have been separated for four months now my husband moved 3 hours away
and has not come one time to see our two children he also has not paid
any child support  he does call about three times a week actually i
call him so the kids can talk and he answers about three times a week
but he always promises them he will call or says hell do his best to
come see them but he never does they are 6 and 3 and don't understand
this sometimes i think it would be better for them if i just quit
calling and quit answering if he ever called but at the same time they
love him to death and i know he loves them i have child support
enforcement looking for him to pay his child support but they can not
find him i just don't know what is better for the kids to keep getting
hurt because he doesn't live up to his end or for me to just cut him
off I'm not worried about the money i sure could use it but i am more
worried about my kids having their father he used to be such a great
dad always playing and reading to them now he is virtually non existent
i just dont know what to do
Its confusing that you say you call him but Child Support cant find him....are you telling them everything?  If he doesnt want to participate in the childrens lives then there is nothing that you can do for him.  Worry about doing for your kids.  You can comfort and care for your children just as you always have.  Dont say anything negative about DAD and reassure your kids that DADDY loves them.  Put pictures in their room of DAD.  Make your and their lives as normal functioning as possible so that they know they can count on you.  You dont know what the future holds but no matter what you still have your kids.  Dont play the games of not answering the phone if he calls or cutting him off.  Life goes on if he doesnt follow through so if he doesnt follow through, and your kids get hurt, then replace it with something positive.  Dont wollow in the hurt with them, teach them to get through it.  Have a back up plan if he doesnt follow through. 
 
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kiwi1234
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October 8, 2008, 11:34 pm PDT

tired of it

I am so tired of doing everything all alone. It was the same when a I was married, so you would think I would be used to it.  Yet I am feeling that I just dont want to keep having to take care of it all. So many days all I feel I do is run about getting my two teens to where they need to be, and pick them up to bring them home.  I work six days a week, and I am feeling so overwhealmed in all areas.  I feel as if I will never get ahead.  I am beginning to want out of it all. Is that wrong? My childrens father left the state, and provides very little or no financial support, yet my bills just seem to pile up, leaving me even more stressed. I dont want to ruin my credit, but I am so tired of having live barley making it month.  why is it that you have to basically loose everything in order to get assistance. I have a good job teaching, but it doesnt make enough to live on.  I cant move far because of my job and kids school, so moving to say the high desert where it seems to be the only affordable rent is not possible. so I ask why is it that those of middle class cant get ahead, I pay my bills and taxes, but no help is avaiable because supposebly I make too much. I know I am venting, but I have no one I can talk to
 
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