Topic : Single Parenting

Not yet, some day though, yes(After another 6 to 8 years of school!). I'm currently an undergraduate psychology student at a small college in Minnesota.  

First things first, you need to be let your son know that it is not his fault and that he has done nothing wrong to to cause his father to act the way he does. Second, I don't think all the talking in the world cannot change change his behavior. It would take some monumental, life changing even (Although, shouldn't having a kid be monumental enough to make one grow up?) or professional help (which I highly doubt you will get him to commit to). So, good effort, but I fear it might be futile. Getting your son involved in sports is definitely a good thing. Things such as music and church are usually a good alternative as well (for others reading this). But most importantly what you can do for your son is get as many supportive, caring, RELIABLE, adults in his life on a regular basis (e.g. a coach).  

  I am a 34 yr. old single parent. I have two boys, 8 and 11 yrs. old. My youngest son is very obsessive with me. He can't stand it when I am out of his sight, if I have plans, he questions me and will accuse me of going out and having sex with men. I have been divorced and seperated from their dad for two years now. He doesnt play a big part in their lives.  My boys are suppose to visit their dad every other weekend. Which for the most part usually happens.  Even if he spends the time sleeping or just laying around. The hard thing is, its ok for their dad to date other people and for them to be around their dads girlfriends kids.  Which he doesnt stay with the same girl for very long. But they have a heart attack if I even talk to a man. I live in the south, and my family all lives in the north. I have no help here as far as other people keeping my boys so I can have free time. I am very frustrated! And at times don't even like my kids. I think that this is truly sad to say, especially coming from their own mother.  :(   I have taken my youngest son to a counselor and he was put on anti-depressants for anxiety issues. I feel so bad as his only stable parent. I just dont know when it is actually ok to have my boys around other men. Please give me some advice on this. No one is perfect, I understand. and  no one is going to have all of the answers. But maybe someone out there has gone through this sort of situation.  thanks. 

Let me start by saying, good for you, for getting away from an abusive relationship. It is something that many people in abusive relationships can't seem to bring themselves to do. 

Now, to your son. You say you've won't physically punished him, good. 1) Sometimes that can promote violence, particularly to those to have already been exposed to it like your son has. 2) He's a bit old now anyway. In order for physical punishments for to be effective, they really need to hurt. A firm smack on a 2 year old butt, hurts. But in order to really hurt a 12 year old, you would have to hit him much harder than would be acceptable. Sure other things might hurt 12 year old, but I would never recommend anything more than a smack on the bottom to be used as punishment (as there are many better alternatives). Your son needs to be taught discipline. And there is a GREAT way to use his agression to accomplish something else. Matial Arts. An agressive child, given the opportunity to "learn how to beat people up," isn't likely to turn that down. Sounds stupid to teach and agressive child how to fight, right? But the other major aspet of many forms of matial arts is discipline. Discipline that will teach him when it is ok to use his fists and when it is not, discipline that will teach him to respect athority, discipline that will teach him what to do with anger, and discipline to accept failure (as long as you keep trying). Furthermore, it will give your son something that he can be proud of. I would seriously look into this, call around and explain your situation and ask if can teach your son discipline. I was once and agressive child myself, but my life was changed by just that.  

Woh Woh Woh, "... not our fault...?" Is it your fault that the dead-beat-dads has a poor family life? No. Are you doing what you can? Maybe. But there are VERY few (and by very few, I mean hardly any) situations where one party is totally responsible for leaving a child in a single parent situation. Two people have to decide to have sex (premarital or otherwise), two people decide whether or not to use contraception (and yes, I understand that is not always effect), two people decide to, or not to, give a child up for adoption (and yes, there are some situation where this is also not always true, but again more often than not). I'm not saying you aren't doing what you can't. But for anyone to claim that being a single parent isn't at least a little bit their own doing, is totally irrational. 

 Hi Everyone! 

 I'm a single mom from Finland and I live alone with my 3 years old son.My own mother is helping me, taking care of my son when I get too tired,and I really respect her for that, because I can only take my son to the day care for 3 days in a week, because I'm working only part time. 

 My problem is that my mother don't want to put any rules to my son when he's wisiting her! I  have rules in my home and my son is still acting like a happy,active child, even thou I need to put him sitting in the corner sometimes for bad behavor. My mother can't understand me and my rules, because she says that I'm teasing my child on purpose! Now my son has started to slap my mother if he don't get what he wants and now my mother thinks that it's my fault, I have raised him wrong!! 

 I don't have anyone else who could help me if I get too tired.. Be kind and give me some advice, how I can make this thing easier to all of uss... 

 A big hug to you all from Finland! 

 Chanet72  

Well, the question I would rather address is why are you so tired all the time? Don't get my wrong, having a kid takes up a lot of energy, but that comes with the job of a parent. There are many reasons for chronic fatigue, if it seems to bad that you are not able to take care of your child, then you ought to have that looked at. I would consult both a physician, and a psychologist if this problem is that bad.  

Second, you mother. Yes, she is doing you a favor by watching your child. But by being inconsistent (between your rules, and her rules or lack there of) she does your child a great disservice! Plain and simple both of you need to agree (just as any two parents need to) on a plan of action which BOTH of you will stick to.