Topic : Single Parenting

Let me start by saying, good for you, for getting away from an abusive relationship. It is something that many people in abusive relationships can't seem to bring themselves to do. 

Now, to your son. You say you've won't physically punished him, good. 1) Sometimes that can promote violence, particularly to those to have already been exposed to it like your son has. 2) He's a bit old now anyway. In order for physical punishments for to be effective, they really need to hurt. A firm smack on a 2 year old butt, hurts. But in order to really hurt a 12 year old, you would have to hit him much harder than would be acceptable. Sure other things might hurt 12 year old, but I would never recommend anything more than a smack on the bottom to be used as punishment (as there are many better alternatives). Your son needs to be taught discipline. And there is a GREAT way to use his agression to accomplish something else. Matial Arts. An agressive child, given the opportunity to "learn how to beat people up," isn't likely to turn that down. Sounds stupid to teach and agressive child how to fight, right? But the other major aspet of many forms of matial arts is discipline. Discipline that will teach him when it is ok to use his fists and when it is not, discipline that will teach him to respect athority, discipline that will teach him what to do with anger, and discipline to accept failure (as long as you keep trying). Furthermore, it will give your son something that he can be proud of. I would seriously look into this, call around and explain your situation and ask if can teach your son discipline. I was once and agressive child myself, but my life was changed by just that.  

Woh Woh Woh, "... not our fault...?" Is it your fault that the dead-beat-dads has a poor family life? No. Are you doing what you can? Maybe. But there are VERY few (and by very few, I mean hardly any) situations where one party is totally responsible for leaving a child in a single parent situation. Two people have to decide to have sex (premarital or otherwise), two people decide whether or not to use contraception (and yes, I understand that is not always effect), two people decide to, or not to, give a child up for adoption (and yes, there are some situation where this is also not always true, but again more often than not). I'm not saying you aren't doing what you can't. But for anyone to claim that being a single parent isn't at least a little bit their own doing, is totally irrational. 

 Hi Everyone! 

 I'm a single mom from Finland and I live alone with my 3 years old son.My own mother is helping me, taking care of my son when I get too tired,and I really respect her for that, because I can only take my son to the day care for 3 days in a week, because I'm working only part time. 

 My problem is that my mother don't want to put any rules to my son when he's wisiting her! I  have rules in my home and my son is still acting like a happy,active child, even thou I need to put him sitting in the corner sometimes for bad behavor. My mother can't understand me and my rules, because she says that I'm teasing my child on purpose! Now my son has started to slap my mother if he don't get what he wants and now my mother thinks that it's my fault, I have raised him wrong!! 

 I don't have anyone else who could help me if I get too tired.. Be kind and give me some advice, how I can make this thing easier to all of uss... 

 A big hug to you all from Finland! 

 Chanet72  

Well, the question I would rather address is why are you so tired all the time? Don't get my wrong, having a kid takes up a lot of energy, but that comes with the job of a parent. There are many reasons for chronic fatigue, if it seems to bad that you are not able to take care of your child, then you ought to have that looked at. I would consult both a physician, and a psychologist if this problem is that bad.  

Second, you mother. Yes, she is doing you a favor by watching your child. But by being inconsistent (between your rules, and her rules or lack there of) she does your child a great disservice! Plain and simple both of you need to agree (just as any two parents need to) on a plan of action which BOTH of you will stick to. 

I AM A DIVORCED SINGLE MOTHER OF A 6 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL.MY EX AND AND I GET ALONG FINE.I HAVE NO QUESTION IN MY MIND THAT HE LOVES HER AND CARES ABOUT HER.THIS IS MY QUESTION,MORE THAN HALF THE TIME,WHEN HER DAD COMES TO GET HER SHE DOES FINE.SHE WANTS TO GO,HIS GIRLFRIEND HAS 3 KIDS THAT MY DAUGHTER LOVES TO PLAY WITH.BUT RECENTLY SHE HAS BEEN CRYING AND SCREAMING THAT SHE WANTS TO SEE BOTH OF US AT THE SAME TIME.WE HAVE ONLY BEEN DIVORCED 2 1/2 YEARS.I THOUGHT THAT SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT WE WERE NOT MARRIED ANYMORE,BUT THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN HE CAME TO PICK HER UP SHE WAS CRYING,AND SHE ASKED ME WHY I COULD NOT GO WITH DADDY TOO????MY EX WAS IN TEARS AND I WAS AS WELL.MY EX AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO TO HELP HER UNDERSTAND THIS.MORE THAN HALF THE TIME SHE IS FINE ABOUT GOING TO HER DAD'S,SHE LOOKS FORWARD TO IT.HOW DO WE GET HER THRU THIS WITH AS LITTLE PAIN AS POSSIBLE.IF ANYONE HAS ADVICE PLEASE SHARE IT WITH US.WE LOVE HER SO MUCH.