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Topic : Single Parenting

Number of Replies: 470
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Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:46:38 pm
Author : dataimport
A family doesn't always include a mom and a dad. If you are raising children alone, get support from people who understand here.

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November 23, 2005, 8:45 pm CST

Let me clarify this with a little background...

Quote From: tkebobby

Woh Woh Woh, "... not our fault...?" Is it your fault that the dead-beat-dads has a poor family life? No. Are you doing what you can? Maybe. But there are VERY few (and by very few, I mean hardly any) situations where one party is totally responsible for leaving a child in a single parent situation. Two people have to decide to have sex (premarital or otherwise), two people decide whether or not to use contraception (and yes, I understand that is not always effect), two people decide to, or not to, give a child up for adoption (and yes, there are some situation where this is also not always true, but again more often than not). I'm not saying you aren't doing what you can't. But for anyone to claim that being a single parent isn't at least a little bit their own doing, is totally irrational. 

First of all, I guess you had the write to reply to my message this way but you do not know the entire story. My son's father and I met 5 years ago. We dated for almost a year before he asked me to marry him. He was working and trying to go to school at the time and seemed excited about starting a life together. But things changed after some big suprises entered our life. I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids that were to such extreme that my doctor suggested that I have a hysterectomy. At this time I was still childless and very much in love with my then fiance hoping to have children with him someday...Needless to say, he and I decided to try to have a baby even with wedding plans for our future. Sounds ok? OK. Then the trouble began. My husband to be found out that having a family to care for can be a bit overwhelming and decided to revert back to his own childhood. He became obsessed with online chatting, avoiding any kind of responsibilites around the house that I could no longer perform because I was considered a "high risk" pregnancy. It seemed to go downhill. But but that time, yes, my son was already on the way. I feared that I would end up a single parent since my fiance had decided to quit his job. When my son was born he tried but failed miserably in taking responsibility. So, yes, it is my fault for being a single parent but let me defend myself in saying that yes, I was trying to have the family I have dreamed of and thought that I had found the right man. Maybe I was wrong to pick him but all of the signs seemed to be there. I guess if I was a psychic I would have know that he was going to cop out on me.  And by the way, I did have to have the hysterectomy. And now I am so lucky to have him. Your response seemed to attack me like I am some teenage girl who got pregnant out slutting around at a frat party. No thanks, I am not that kind of girl. Sometimes the nice girl gets screwed over by the flaky guy.
 
November 29, 2005, 6:55 am CST

need a vehicle

Hi - I'm a single parent with 5 kids. Okay blame me, but the advice was if he's a drinker get out. I did. I'm in desperate need for a vehicle. In short - My x took the van & the money that was to pay bills. Bills in my name. He's Joe dad to the kids. My credit is ruined now. I'm going to school, working part-time. I've tried every avenue I can think of. Any advice?
 
November 30, 2005, 8:03 am CST

Single Parenting

Quote From: school13

Hi - I'm a single parent with 5 kids. Okay blame me, but the advice was if he's a drinker get out. I did. I'm in desperate need for a vehicle. In short - My x took the van & the money that was to pay bills. Bills in my name. He's Joe dad to the kids. My credit is ruined now. I'm going to school, working part-time. I've tried every avenue I can think of. Any advice?
 Wow, I don't envy you at all!  Being a single mom of 1 is hard enough!

This may be a long shot, but maybe you could talk to someone in financial aid at your school?  They may have access to programs that could offer you more financial assistance.  There's got to be something someone can do to help you!

Also, maybe someone who works with the families of alcoholics might have some advice, as you are certainly not the first mother who's had to take her kids out of the house because of alcoholism.
 
December 3, 2005, 11:01 am CST

SAD LITTLE GIRL

I AM A DIVORCED SINGLE MOTHER OF A 6 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL.MY EX AND AND I GET ALONG FINE.I HAVE NO QUESTION IN MY MIND THAT HE LOVES HER AND CARES ABOUT HER.THIS IS MY QUESTION,MORE THAN HALF THE TIME,WHEN HER DAD COMES TO GET HER SHE DOES FINE.SHE WANTS TO GO,HIS GIRLFRIEND HAS 3 KIDS THAT MY DAUGHTER LOVES TO PLAY WITH.BUT RECENTLY SHE HAS BEEN CRYING AND SCREAMING THAT SHE WANTS TO SEE BOTH OF US AT THE SAME TIME.WE HAVE ONLY BEEN DIVORCED 2 1/2 YEARS.I THOUGHT THAT SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT WE WERE NOT MARRIED ANYMORE,BUT THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN HE CAME TO PICK HER UP SHE WAS CRYING,AND SHE ASKED ME WHY I COULD NOT GO WITH DADDY TOO????MY EX WAS IN TEARS AND I WAS AS WELL.MY EX AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO TO HELP HER UNDERSTAND THIS.MORE THAN HALF THE TIME SHE IS FINE ABOUT GOING TO HER DAD'S,SHE LOOKS FORWARD TO IT.HOW DO WE GET HER THRU THIS WITH AS LITTLE PAIN AS POSSIBLE.IF ANYONE HAS ADVICE PLEASE SHARE IT WITH US.WE LOVE HER SO MUCH. 

 
December 5, 2005, 8:39 pm CST

Not Sure What To Do

I am a single mother of an 8 y/o boy. I belive the he is bipolar. I know that I am and in doing research have found that it is genetic. He has all the signs. His dad is gone off doing drugs somewhere leaving me all the responsibility. I do not in anyway regret having him, but did not sign up for all these problems I'm having. He is very unhappy inturn making me unhappy. I'm scared and feeling alone. honestly I could type the whole story, but really do nto have the energy. Lets just say he is having some serious problems emotionally, what can I do
 
December 5, 2005, 11:57 pm CST

Single Parenting

Quote From: mbrchico79

I am a single mother of an 8 y/o boy. I belive the he is bipolar. I know that I am and in doing research have found that it is genetic. He has all the signs. His dad is gone off doing drugs somewhere leaving me all the responsibility. I do not in anyway regret having him, but did not sign up for all these problems I'm having. He is very unhappy inturn making me unhappy. I'm scared and feeling alone. honestly I could type the whole story, but really do nto have the energy. Lets just say he is having some serious problems emotionally, what can I do

First off, yes you did sign up for all of this! Being a parent means doing whatever it takes to give your child the best opporunity for a good life. You may have expect at the time is something else. You might have expected that you would lead a happy life with your childs father, you might have expected he would change his behavior and be a father. But the truth is, he isn't, nor is he going to be. And the truth is, you didn't end up in the situation you were expecting. But it is ALSO true that what you ended up with was a possible outcome, you just didn't think of, but when you signed up to have a kid, you signed up for the good and the bad! 

  

As far as dealing with it. Yes, there is some genetic relationship between parents and children when dealing with many mental illnesses, bipolar included. But children exibit symptoms of metal illness, often times, MUCH different from adults. The best thing to do would be to find a psychologist who specializes in Child Pathology, they would be able to make the mest assessment of your son. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm not saying your right is thinking he might be bipolor, but do keep in mind that children, generally, don't exibit the same signs of mental illness as adults, and that a professional needs to make that assesment.  

 
December 7, 2005, 9:52 am CST

Long shot here

Hi first time posting here. I am a divorced (five years now) mother of three. My ex quite his job and disappeared a little over a year ago. Which means no child-support. I have a case open with the state but they haven't been able to find him. I can't afford any of the "We Will Find Your Spouse" and only charge you 34 % of your support checks if we do things. Does anyone have any advice or know of any other way of trying to find a deadbeat dad? As the tittle says, Long shot, I know!  His family is of no help what so ever. They want to stay out of it. Thanks for any ideas!
 
December 7, 2005, 5:31 pm CST

Single Parenting

Quote From: tkebobby

First off, yes you did sign up for all of this! Being a parent means doing whatever it takes to give your child the best opporunity for a good life. You may have expect at the time is something else. You might have expected that you would lead a happy life with your childs father, you might have expected he would change his behavior and be a father. But the truth is, he isn't, nor is he going to be. And the truth is, you didn't end up in the situation you were expecting. But it is ALSO true that what you ended up with was a possible outcome, you just didn't think of, but when you signed up to have a kid, you signed up for the good and the bad! 

  

As far as dealing with it. Yes, there is some genetic relationship between parents and children when dealing with many mental illnesses, bipolar included. But children exibit symptoms of metal illness, often times, MUCH different from adults. The best thing to do would be to find a psychologist who specializes in Child Pathology, they would be able to make the mest assessment of your son. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm not saying your right is thinking he might be bipolor, but do keep in mind that children, generally, don't exibit the same signs of mental illness as adults, and that a professional needs to make that assesment.  

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it. I have had my son in counseling. They have told me that there are cases worse off than his and they closed his case, since then he as gotten worse. I am on medical which gets no real results or in my opinion real dr.'s. I am currently saving up the money to send him to a specialist. In the mean time I've been trying herbs to help with his mania and depression. Other than than I feel stuck in a hard spot, he is pushing me out of his life. I at times feel like giving up which depress me because I love him so much. I feel as though I am loosing my mind!!!!
 
December 8, 2005, 12:08 am CST

Single Parenting

Quote From: mbrchico79

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it. I have had my son in counseling. They have told me that there are cases worse off than his and they closed his case, since then he as gotten worse. I am on medical which gets no real results or in my opinion real dr.'s. I am currently saving up the money to send him to a specialist. In the mean time I've been trying herbs to help with his mania and depression. Other than than I feel stuck in a hard spot, he is pushing me out of his life. I at times feel like giving up which depress me because I love him so much. I feel as though I am loosing my mind!!!!
For the time being, might I suggest that you pick up a book or two if you have not already done so.
 
December 8, 2005, 6:31 pm CST

Kids won't stop fighting

I have three kids 13, 13 and 6.  They are constantly fighting, arguing, yelling, bickering... with each other.  I'm at my wits end!  I work full time and go to school full time which is stressful on everyone but how can I get the fighting to stop.  I have tried everything: taking away privledges, sending the little on to timeout, grounding.  NOTHING WORKS.  It's constant and over everything. 

  

Any suggestions? 

  

  

 
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