Topic : Single Parenting

First off, yes you did sign up for all of this! Being a parent means doing whatever it takes to give your child the best opporunity for a good life. You may have expect at the time is something else. You might have expected that you would lead a happy life with your childs father, you might have expected he would change his behavior and be a father. But the truth is, he isn't, nor is he going to be. And the truth is, you didn't end up in the situation you were expecting. But it is ALSO true that what you ended up with was a possible outcome, you just didn't think of, but when you signed up to have a kid, you signed up for the good and the bad! 

As far as dealing with it. Yes, there is some genetic relationship between parents and children when dealing with many mental illnesses, bipolar included. But children exibit symptoms of metal illness, often times, MUCH different from adults. The best thing to do would be to find a psychologist who specializes in Child Pathology, they would be able to make the mest assessment of your son. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm not saying your right is thinking he might be bipolor, but do keep in mind that children, generally, don't exibit the same signs of mental illness as adults, and that a professional needs to make that assesment.  

I have three kids 13, 13 and 6.  They are constantly fighting, arguing, yelling, bickering... with each other.  I'm at my wits end!  I work full time and go to school full time which is stressful on everyone but how can I get the fighting to stop.  I have tried everything: taking away privledges, sending the little on to timeout, grounding.  NOTHING WORKS.  It's constant and over everything. 

Any suggestions? 

Well, there is some missing information. Lets start with the things you have already tried. In what ways have you done the things you said you have done? 

What did you take away?
For how long?
Did you stick to it?
Did you explain why you took what you took away?  

How long are time outs?
Where do you send the little one for time out?
How long after he/she does something wrong does the time out occur?  

There might be something about the way you are applying these punishments that makes them ineffective.  

Second of all, the things you mention are all punishments. Have you tried rewarding good behavior? Perhaps a "token economy" will work. Basically, you get together some meaningless object like a sticker, or poker chips and tell the child that when you have ____ of these you can get a reward. you then sit down with each child and tell them clearly:
      "____________ behaviors will get you one (hypothetically, lets say poker chips) poker chip. Once you get (hypothetically) 10 chips, you can have _________ (Something you and the child decide is acceptable)." *Note: You can't take them away once they have earned them (unless, obviously they trade them in for the prize).* 

Finally, as far as physical fighting, if there is any. There is a significant amount of data supporting the role of media violence in aggressive behaviors, aggressive ideas, and desensitization. If physical violence id a problem, perhaps examine what your children are watching on TV. (Furthermore, it's probably a good idea to limit how much TV they are watching anyway, violent or otherwise.) 

Hello all, I have a little problem that I am looking for some advice for. Don't get me wrong, I have talked with a number of people about this issue, but not many single parents. Mainly single people and married people and people that are temporarily separated from thier family because of the job. Ok, WARNING, this may get long, here it goes.....I am 31. I have two beatiful children, age 8(daughter) and 2(son). I have been divorced for a year and seperated for over 2 years. Thier mother uses bad judgement and does not do much with the children. She is to pay for half of everything, but doesn't (i.e. swimming, horse lessons, etc.) Not that big of a deal. I was awarded two of her credit cards to the tune of 22,000 dollars. Lovely!!!. My daughter and ex do not get along very well, they have some nice blow outs where my ex has told her that she keeps it up, she will be not live there (her house) anymore. Reminder my daughter is 8! So, there is some history, now the problem.....I am in the Navy, been in the Navy for 11 1/2 years. That is 8 1/2 years until retirement. I have done very well in the military, been in war, have great evaluations (always on top), was just recommended for an officer program. I am an immediate supervisor of over 100 personnel. I have been a patrolman, medic, submariner, and many other things. Too many to list really. I like the Navy, the job security, the adventure, to respect, the responsiblity, the trust, the comraderee, the chance to travel and see so much. Well, anyway, my time is up and I am due to transfer in April to Lemoore, CA for duty with a F/A 18 fighter squadron...............by myself for three years. I was excited and have been trying to convince myself that this is a good move for me. The money is good, the job is great, I will be in an independent position, good for the career.
I am sure you have figured out what my problem is..........I am so close to retirement that I don't want to lose that, but I don't want to lose the Christmas programs, the first days of school, the girl scout meetings, the education of driving for the first time, the hugs and kisses................do you see where I am going here? I have been struggling with this for a LONG time. If I get out of the Navy, I am going to need a job that pays at least 40,000 dollars a year. I am going to start at the bottom with no back up plan. I have a bachelors degree in Criminal Justice Administration. Plus, I have been and am loyal to the Navy.

I have NO idea what to do here. I am so confused, scared, ashamed, lonely, nervous........etc. A little reassurance would be helpful. If you can help, please do. If someone has experience, that would be a PLUS. I love my kids, but I also love the Navy......

If you have questions, please ask!!!! Thanks for reading......

Jake
 

It's an unfortunate situation... particularly with the ex wife... eesh! 

But here's the real deal. You're options are basically this:
(YOU) The military, the job you enjoy, the people you enjoy being with, the money you enjoy making.  

(YOUR KIDS) Two people whom when you decided to have them, you, consciously or not, agreed to DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO, NO MATTER WHAT.  

The key thing here is that you LIKE your work, and most of the things associated with it. Those children NEED you. They are the most important things in your life, ahead of you (well, they need you to stay alive, but aside from that...), ahead of your wife (hypothetically if you were still happily married). My fiancee and I agree that when it comes time to have kids... as much as we love each other and would do just about anything for each other, the kids come first, no questions asked. Taking care of the kids and being there for them is no optional, and as much as you may like the Navy, that is optional.  

As far as what should you do when you leave the Navy? For a guy with a B.A.(S) and all the experience you've listed above, you shouldn't have any problem finding a that pays 40,000. If nothing else you could always go back to school for your M.A. (Hell, the Navy might even pay for that... I'm not sure how the whole Veteran's Affairs thing works.)