Topic : Single Parenting

I am a single mom of 3 I have a 7 year old boy and 15 and 16 year old girls. I love my kids to death and there is nothing i wouldn't do for them but it does get tiring with no help from there dad.  He lives only 5 miles from his kids and doesn't come to see them he never calls them. Just this year he has seen his kids 3 times and it was only for and hour at a time.  He left me for my third cousin who has three kids of her on a boy and two girls.  He rarely pays child support and helps with no medical bills and my credit it getting bad because of him.  He takes her kids to do everything and wont even come to see his kids.  My son stayes so upset he strikes out at me and his sisters all the time.  He has even told his school mates he wished his dad and girlfriend and her son would have a car accident and blow up.  Ive tried to get him help but i can't afford it anymore and here lately it has gotton worse I have trouble controlling him myself.  You have got to understand we live in a very small town only 700 people live here and I live right in town so my son sees his father go up and down the road with this other boy and then all hell brakes loose. The girls hate there father and don't  care if he comes around are not but they hate to see that there brother is hurting alot.  We have tried to talk to his father to make him understand what he is doing to his son but he just tells us we are jealous and don't wont him to be happy.  Well how can you be happy with a woman who cps is always taking her kids because of drugs.  Someone please help me to help my son who cries at night and hits on me and his sisters. I know  he is hurting and I've tried everything I can and it isn't working.  I love my son so much and I hate to see this happining to him. But I can't make his dad see this and I've begged with him to come see his kid but he never does unless it is on his time.  How could any father turn there back on there son for someone elses. There are days I just wont to give up and go hide so noone can find me and not have to deal with this.  I can't even date because my kids think that I'm gonna neglect them just like there father did.  Please give me some advice.  Pleading Mom

 

My ex, with whom I have three children, owes me somewhere in the neighborhood of $120,000.00 in unpaid child support (is the system flawed or what?).  He's had very little to do with our kids since our divorce 14 years ago. Our daughter, now 15, wrote a poem to her dad but won't let him read it. I think it's too heartbreaking not to share with someone. So I'm sharing it here.

 

You Should Know

 

You don't know my birthday

Or my favorite show You don't know my middle name Or the places I like to go You don't know my dreams Or my favorite book You don't even care, it seems Do you even know how I look? You don't know my music, My clothes, or my friends You don't know the stages I went through The fads and all the trends You don't know about my boyfriends The ones who broke and were broken You don't know what's close to my heart And what is left to be forgotten You don't know that I want to hate you With everything I am But everytime I try I discover that I can't You don't know of my heartbreaks Or the nights I cried alone Do you even care that all these things Are things you should have known? -A.L. 8/8/08    

ok, i'm 19 years old and I have 2 amazing baby girls. Aubree, 2 and MacieLee 11 months! The father of my kids is not really in the picture. he is 22 and he only comes around when i beg him to help with the girls. to better explain why he's not around i must let you look inside my world a little bit. both he and I struggled with herion adictions for years. Not just useing but, selling it to keep it around. I couldn't stand to watch my girls watch me like that so i became sober, 7 months ago. and he did to, but not for long. he still uses and i will not let my children see that anymore. my wonderful girls deserve the best and i give them the best i can.  I try my hardest to give them a normal life and thats th best i can do!  i love my babies and would do anything for them.. even if that meens being mom and dad!

Sounds like you have sort of the same problem as I....letting go. Sometimes we want to make things perfect and so we keep on trying. One day I turned on the doctor Phil show, he was talking to a woman whose grown daughter, husband and family kept moving home to live off of her. One thing that Dr. Phil said that day stuck in my mind. He said something to the effect that he had two boys and he mentioned there ages which I think the youngest was 21 or 22, he said that he did not feel they were his job anymore. I have carried that with me the past few months anytime my 22 year old daughter tries to wend her way back into our home. She has had many issues over the past 8 years of which I have tried to rectify and fix for her many times over. Now I take the time when she calls or asks for money, place to stay to reflect on Dr. Phils words and recognize that she is no longer my job. I am there for her emotionally and stay supportive but financially I will not support her ever again. Hopefully these words of Dr. Phils will help you as they have helped me.

If nothing else you could report what your daughter has told you to the school. They can keep an eye on things and involve the necessary resources to the different situations.

 

Don't do nothing....please

Hi Everyone,

I keep hearing Dr. Phil in the back of my head saying "this situation needs a hero" but I am not sure what it means in my case, if I am being one or need to be one. What do you think?

 

Im 32 wks pregnant (unplanned) & thrilled to be a mom. I am 29, well employed, financially responsible & was amicable with my exboyfriend (who is 29) when we found out we were pregnant, despite the fact we were not really a couple. He was enthusiastic & excited to be a dad, said he would be there for me & the baby financially & I was upfront I needed his support and projected what the child costs would be & we agreed to split in half. I will be the sole caretaker since he lives out of state. I began saving for my unpaid maternity leave & living like I was paying for a child. He continued his life of going out and drinking, shopping, spending money but since we were not a couple, I didnt think it was my business to tell him how to spend his money if he said he was going to contribute. I was however concerned abt the alcohol b/c I was raised by an alcoholic.

 

Jan 2009 he told me he couldnt afford to support the child & that his family (who is building a dream house and jet setting all over Europe) agrees with him & wouldn’t be able to help him out. In 6 months he hadnt even saved a dime for a plane ticket. Our exchanges were never fights or nasty. But in an email he told me I was being greedy/excessive and should go to welfare & that he wasn’t going to talk to me anymore until I was being reasonable. That meant, I wasn’t expecting him to be responsible for his half.

 

After receiving that email, I got it. He had been telling me who he was this whole time though his inaction, irresponsibilty and ignorance. I realized this was a gift . I had concerns abt him being an excessive drinker anyway. I never responded. This was 6 wks ago. He has not contacted me. Im angry he misled me, but I feel great abt his decision to leave us alone. I do not want this type of a role model for my child & I don’t want to deal with any drama. Although it will be tight financially, I can make it work. I was raised by a verbally & mentally abusive alcoholic and it robbed me of my childhood and young adulthood. I feel obligated to protect my child and myself from this abuse.

 

If he were to contact me I would not respond unless he was going to financially support his child. And even then if I dont need the money, should I even bother accepting it and giving him power to be in my life and my childs? I feel sad my child will not have a father, but I feel obligated to protect him from anyone who is harmful regardless of whether he is the sperm donor or any abusive/neglectful family member.

I want to know what ppl think. Should I welcome him in my childs life regardless of whether he spends his money on diapers or beer? Do I have to put up w/ his insults? Should I tell him when I go into labor? Am I being the hero or do I need to reach out to the 'father' and will that make me a hero?

 

Thank you!

 

I'm very concerned that my niece is acting very sexual with boys at school, she asks them if they want to see her naked, she has been caught kissing a boy, and recently she grabbed a boy in the private area. I've asked her why she does this and she says I don't know. I would like to know what can I do to help her before this goes any father.

Dr. Phil,

Single dad of four children, the oldest is not of the same mother fo teh last three. I'm from a broken home family myself, I always wanted to make it all different for my children. My son ansd his future step-mom was a good team to work against me in playing ariound. I had NO doubt it was going to be good and fun. But, the same day we got married she changed from mary to satan, if I can use that. Very marriages has its ups and downs. My son would come home from school and she wited by the door to send to his room to do home work and eat, not to come out unless it was for something she called important. Contently called no good, a good fro nothing, a s.o.b., told he would be like his mother, will never do anything with his life. Those are jsut some of the words and comments made to him daily.

That is only the stepping stone she used to get what is going on now. She had three more children that I'm the dad. She abandoned our children and me three times before we went to court for a divorce. She was given custody of our three children, my home and automobile. It was kept for two weeks before it was given all up. My youngest daughter was still wearing diapers. I'm a dad not a baby maker, so I sacificed my future in Fla. I had plans for my future emplyment, taking up Phlebotomy and E.K.G. While going thru a lot of trouble and disagreements, bad things happened and I lose control. Thwe judges thought that domestic violence classes would help me, but its not the right thing when the instrutor loses control herself, or the director showing off her new B-inplants. Two different judges and three courses of 25 meeting at 15 dollars a class. Now divorced for about 5 years if not more, ansd she wants teh custody given up. My oldest son was in trouble and she had him restrained from my home, but thats another story. Now she is playing by the rules, I'm ready for my children now. The judges who started our case is W. but she learned how tio use the court and police department method of getting the judge you want. Now the judge is lessoning to her confess of D.W.I., second hand smoke, unapropriate surroundings and safety. There lots more I can tell you, Dr. Phil but my time of just running my moutgh is coming short. I can reply to asnt message, my email is just4keeps@aol 

please listen to the song "Alyssa lies" by Jason Michael Carroll. Especially the end which says, "Alyssa lies with Jesus because there was nothing anyone would do..." Your child is silently reaching out for help for friends that cant help themselves. Please listen to your childs heart.

     Just a positive note, its the same on the other side of the fence. I'm a single dad of 4 year old and 19 month old girls. My 4 year old has a speech impediment and you cant quite understand half of what she says. Yet she talks constantly from the time she gets up til the time she goes to bed. She has seperation anxiety because she misses her mother and is very clingy to me. I have often turned around and accidentally knocked her over because she is under my heels at my every move. She is very defiant and strong headed. I was physically abused as a child by my step-father and I swore that the cycle stops with me. Although I don't physically discipline her, I often catch myself yelling at her and question if I am starting a new cycle.

     I understand the finacial aspect also. I have lost my job due the custody hearings i was required to be at over the past 9 months. They were monthly and I was an over the road truck driver. As of right now, I am dependant on my parents for helping raise my babies. This is humiliating for me and adds to the stress factor.

     My heart goes out to you. Hang in there.