Topic : Single Parenting

Hi I know just what you are feeling and thinking.  

 I have a 5yr old daughter who has only seen her father maybe 6 times in her life and hasn't seen him since she was 2.  He was an abusive man who likes drugs more than us.  We really were never a couple and stopped dating after she was 5 months old.  

 She doesn't really remember him but now that she has started school she asks more when are we going to have a dad, when she is playing I hear her say my dad does this or that.  It really breaks my heart that she has to make him up.  When I hear her say these things or she asks me about him I remind her of all the good men in our lives, grandpa, papa, uncles.  I regret that she doesn't have a father in her life, but I don't regret that he isn't in her life.  I just tell her that some daddies aren't very nice people and that she has so many wonderful people in her life.  I explain that all families are different and that we all special because of that.  I really try to help her understand that it was him not her,   I just hope that she understands what I explain to her and doesn't  feel like it is her fault.  

 I am always telling her how loved she is by me and her family.  When we talk about our family we mean everyone not just a mom, dad and kids.  When you ask her who is her family she replies mom, grandma, papa, grandpa, great grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins,  friends, etc.   I have explained to her that family is so much more that a mom and dad.  That family is every one who loves you and is there for you.   

It's a tough situation that I wish she never had to go through but I think the reverse would be more damaging to her.   

I wish you the best. 

 

I am a single mother of three, one is a young adult that is confused in his own right. I have an autistic son that is six ft tall and unmedicated( i'm 5'2"), and last I have a 15 year old daughter who is very much shaped as a woman. I have lost a son to crib death. I have lupus and fibromyalgia, i get guilt feelings because my illness does keep us from doing other normal things. I feel guilt over the whole lackof the "complete" family union aspect of it. HOWEVER, I have also come to realize it is what it is. The reality of who we are as a family is fact, I can't change it, but I can parent within it. Things I have learned: ( unfortunatly I gradually learned these things while my oldest was late teen) 

Don't take their lives for granted, always say you love them, always hug 

Pick your battles, may sound qliche but..really..they can keep their messy room..just pick up after you shower ,you dig?, 

when it comes to what they wear..their friends will tell them they look stupid..I don't have to. 

NEVER get into an argument with them..someone always has to win and after the fighting starts..it better be the parent that comes out on top 

It's easy to get into yelling matches..especially if your a young mother..but just don't do it 

You said no..keep sying it 

I also have explained to my kids that rules are to keep them safe, not to punish them 

I tell them not to do "things" for example as they are leaving to go out i will say" no drugs, no drinking, no kissing, no sex, and I always add"thats what college is for" 

I do read my daughters personal journal on occasion..the problem with this is...know that you might read somthing you don't want to...but..you can't react on a harsh level...she doesnt know i have checked on her, I'm pretty good at thinking of ways to start a conversation which will ultimatly end up in her confiding in me.  

Parenting is hard even when there are 2 ppl. In our case, I have made a decision to work with what we have...trust me it's not much..but we do it. 

one last thing ALWAYS EAT A MEAL TOGETHER!!!!! sit at a table, say your before meal prayer, turn off TV, and enjoy each other..or on some days..pretend! 

PS. When they really get to me, I am famous for turning on the exhuast fan over the stove and pretend I'm stirring something so I can bitch under my breath about them!!!!then turn around pleasently and say" what was that sweetie"? 

Take it easy and keep it real.
  

  

  

I was living with my boyfriend of 3 years up until a week ago.  After which he decide to tell me he did not want the kids any more.  My daughter is 19 months old and he is her father, and my son is 4 years old from a previous relationship.  I have been struggling with what to do for a week .  I feel sick to even consider the possiblity of throwing my kids away because he cannot handle it.  I have to decide what to do.  I love my kids and him.  How can I let go and get on with my life.  I call him constantly.  My mom wants to take the kids away from me.  I feel like no one cares what I am going thru.

NEVER give up your kids because of a man. You need to seek help from either church or professionals.  How could you ever go on knowing you gave up your kids, they have already lost a father, dont take away their mother. I promise you, even if you let your mom take your kids, he will still leave you in the end. Please don't do this.

I'm sorry I don't mean to sound so mean to you. I just wanted you to know I am a single mother of 3 from 2 previous marriages, now pregnant with my 4 child from a man I thought wanted to be me, and found out this week wants nothing more to do with me. No matter how tough and lonely I am (believe me I HATE to be alone, I have always had a man-see why I have 4 kids!) Anyway I keep praying and I know if nothing more I have my kids who love me no matter what. They will never walk away from me or leave me. I know you feel like no one understands, I promise I do. I have been tore up all week because he hasn't called me or anything and I'm used to being with him everyday. It's miserable but you can get through it, you got over your first husband, believe me it's hard but life gets better. please stay in touch.-April

 thank you for your words of encouragement.  I have no friends only my mom and my kids in my life.  I am ashamed that I feel this way.  I have this horrible feeling like I am all alone now.  I have not been able to understand how he could love me and ask this of me.

Sounds like you are a great dad......You need to do what is right for you and these children.  Are there any grandparents who can help you out???? 

    Julie in FL 

I agree with the previous response - don't worry about it so much!   

If he's not willing to pay for the travel - he doesn't need to see them.   

I too am a single parent & the father sees them when MY schedule deems appropriate & yes, he does pay support. 

Don't let everything bother you, pick your battles.  If you don't feel comfortable putting them on a plan, don't & I don't believe any court will make you. 

Best of luck to you, breathe & enjoy your kids while they're still young.  They grow up REALLY fast! 

I agree with the above - where are your parents & the mothers' parents?  

They could possibly help bridge the gap.   

However, 'little bit' needs to obey Mama, regardless..........generally if a child is difficult with one parent, soon enough she'll be testing the waters with Dad, too..................it's all relevant.........you just got to hang in there................& sometimes Mom's say things that are not really true - so give Mom a break!  If your daughter is a good girl, then she must be doing something right.  It's REALLY difficult to file for sole custody if that's your intention.   

In the meantime, educate yourself, get that good job & seek visitations - I wouldn't recommend taking her on all at once to start. 

Good luck! 

Hi I am a single mum who has a 4yr old son who has recently moved to the western sydney area  (NSW, Australia) and is looking to find some other mums and dads with similar attitudes and interests in the area for support and  low cost outings. Anyway please reply to my msg if ur looking for the same type of thing... Hope to chat soon!