Topic : Single Parenting

Quote From: maryjogriz

He sounds controlling and you sound controlled.  Was your ex abusive?      

     

Have you contacted anyone from the child support agency?      

     

I am in no real position to say relax because I am a single mother myself.  However, I've been dealing with a controlling husband.  Most of the time he is full of hot air.  Though the times he isn't...he is full force.  Which ends up back firing on him -not me.  What happens to me:  I freak out, worry, and plead.  Looking back, I'd be more relaxed.  Everything comes out in the wash.      

     

I would take a deep breathe and review the situation.  Is he doing this because he really wants to see them?  Is he just trying to make you jump?  Either way, you have parental rights also.  The only thing you can do is find out facts from the authorities and document everything.      

     

I hope this helps.      

Mary    

P.S.(I know it is not as easy as it seems.  Your situation is unique to anyone else.  People not in it ---need to understand that!!  Sorry, just had to say that.  Lots of people looking outside end up having swift opinions and I don't want to be that person.)    

     

GOOD LUCK!    

Quote From: dancemom65

Thanks for your input.  I will just continue to take one day at a time and pray.  It takes both of those things to raise children in today's world anyway.   I have been doing everything in my power to become debt free to allow me to find a lower paying job and be home with my daughter at night.  I am very very close to reaching that goal and I know the piece of mind I will have then will be a great blessing in itself.  I think your suggestion of counseling (be it from my church or through my work) is a great idea and could help all of us.  Thank you again for your advice.  It is hard when you want to be there for your children but when you are the sole provider you have to try to balance both.  I know it has to be hard for you with 4 children.  Just when you think it is hard on you, there is always someone out there that may have it harder.  I will pray for you also and wish you the best with your children.  May God bless you!

Quote From: noni1973

Hello, I'm new to the boards....found them only recently and joined specifically for help...

 

A little of my situation. I am a single mum of a seven month old, I'm 33. I met my son's father on an internet dating site last year, and my son is the result of that date! I was very surprised and happy when I fell pregnant, but also knew that his father and I did not have much of a relationship to be bringing babies up together. I never heard from him after I slept with him.

I told him that I was pregnant (through my friends encouragement... I wasn't going to tell him) and his words were: 'Well, that's really f****ed up my life.'

I replied, 'Well, I'm going to raise this child by myself so you won't have to worry about it' and he was more concerned about having to pay child support ...

 

Anyway, I haven't heard form him since that day and he never returned email or sms. My boy is seven months old, and I love him like no other. Firstly, I regret stating to the father (in my stoic way) that I will raise him alone, ... I knew he would reject me, so I rejected him first!

Secondly, I am sad that I have absolutely no family history for my son when he gets older. I do know that his father is adopted, and hid adoptive parents live not far from me... their addresses are in the telephone directory.

 

I am considering writing to them, explaining in the best way I can that they have a seven month old grandson. I KNOW that they have no idea my son exists, I doubt his father has told his parents.

 

I want no contact with the father, no money from him, just family history, health, etc,.

Any suggestions anyone on how to approach this sensitive issue?  Any one been through it??

Thank you all for your help. xx

Quote From: donovansmommy

I am just about to tear my hair out.  I am a single mom and get no help.  There are times I just snap and yell at my 11 month old because I cant handle it at the time.  I dont do it all the time and really dont mean to yell at him.  I just sometimes need to be away for a few and when I need that he clings to my leg and when I dont he runs around and plays.  I only get a break to go out once every few months.  His father lives in another state and has nothing to do with him, doesnt even help get anything to support him.  That side of the family has started to blow me off as well.  I tried so hard to involve them and feel so let down.  All I wanted was for my son to have his father but now that the state is after him for all this money I feel like they labled me public enemy number one.  I really need some emotional support but have a hard time finding it.  I dont even know what dating is anymore, havnt been on one since before I got pregnat.  I want to be there full force for my son but there are days it all just hits me and I feel alone, lonely, angry, hurt, and depressed all at once and I dont know how to do it all anymore.  There are days I question myself as a mother and a person and no matter how much I love him question if I should have given to a family that could have given him both the parents that he deserves, I wonder if I was being selfish to keep him.  My mom says I'm not at all and that I am a good mom.  I just feel so drained and need to find a way to bring myself up.  I know I am not alone in my feelings but I just dont know how to better myself so I dont feel like this or so that I can better deal with these feeling.  Maybe someone has a suggestion on things I can do to better handle things.  We both need time away from each other but I just cant afford that time.  Anyone able to help???

 

Quote From: jaimie1974

Yes, I have personal experience with a situation like this, not exact, but similar.

I met a man (this was 14 years ago!) we fell in love quickly and got married way too soon. I became pregnant two months into the marriage; discovered that he had a roving eye, he couldnt hold a job, was financially irresponsible, mentally, verbally, and finally physically abusive. Before the baby was even born, he was long gone. I had my baby girl alone, happily I might add- and soon found that I needed family health information because of an issue she was having. I wrote my exs mother a short, simple letter, simply stating that I had a baby girl, that her son and I were not together, but that I needed to know as much family health history as she could give. He was also adopted- ironic, isnt it? However, his adoptive mother did have all of the important family history. She was pleasantly surprised to find out she had a grandchild. She was so kind to me- I never expected the response that I got from her. To this day, we are friends. True friends, not just on friendly terms. I feel blessed, I feel glad that I took that chance when I wrote that note.

My advice to you is to go ahead and send a short note to his adoptive parents- when they adopted their son, they most likely received a family healthy history, at the least, and perhaps even more information. Keep the note as short as possible, saying something like, I dont wish to cause any family problems, but I need a family history for the sake of my seven month old son. He was fathered by your son. Please know that I am not seeking nor expecting anything else- no financial support, etc., I only need important health facts for my sons sake. If you wish to speak to me more, here is my contact info. You dont know these people, so be as rational and professional as possible. Dont lose your cool if they wonder if the child is truly their sons- I think that a lot of people would respond that way. In my case, when my exs mother laid eyes on the baby, she knew he was the dad, because she looked a lot like his baby pictures. I wish you the best. Stay strong, keep your head up, and love yourself.

Quote From: sugerlips2312

hey just read you msg and im also a single mum age 23 i have a 2 year old and i was dumped when i was pregnent to if you want to hear more or chat let me kno