Topic : Single Parenting

I have been struggling with some guilt lately re: my ex having visits w/ my son.  It all started out with a comment my lawyer made to me.  We were leaving the courthouse and he mentioned that he had an ex girlfriend who was a single mom and looked forward to visits so she could have a break.  Honestly, I have no one.  No one to babysit at all.  A handful of times my bff mom has taken Z and that's it.  Then this weekend I had to miss I party that I organised myself.  The party ended up falling apart anyhow, but it was still dissappointing.  Dont get me wrong btw, Im not complaining.  I know Im a mom, I cant always go out drinking whenever I want, I get it.  I have only been to 1 party since I got pregnant in Feb 2005.  I want out of this house, I want quiet, I want to talk about tv  shows, current events and RECENT case studies with actual adults and without having to say, "one sec, honey dont put your finger up your nose k?"  I am so guilty about this, but..it would kinda be great if J (my ex) were to shape up, (I have no expectations there).  I could get more school work done, my house could be clean for at least a few hours I could go out, I could wear jewelerry w/o it being yanked on/off.  I wish he could take visits, I wish he wasnt such a dead beat dad.  For Z and for me.

I am so sorry but I am so guilty-angry-burned-out.  I knew being a single mom would be hard.  I dont mind that.  I just getting so frustrated. 

I want to be able to:

• watch tv w/o having to squint to see judge judy through the sticky toddler fingerprints all over the screen.
• Clean one room and move on to a next w/o coming into the first and finding it exactly the same as before it was cleaned when Im done.
• Put Zack trucks on their shelf w/o hearing a full out tantrum.
• To eat an entire dinner w/o having to ever say the phrase "Please don't put that in your ear/hair/nose"
• Watch something on tv that doesnt involve; clowns, squeeky voices, creepy animals, our dancing dinosaurs.
• Safely walk through my livingroom at night, w/o fear of being permanantly crippled by any number of painful-to-step on toys.
• Sit for 10 minutes straight w/o hearing a screeched "mumma!" and being dragged off the sofa.
• Takea nap w/o having blocks bruise my ribs because I rolled off a poptart to painfully find a stash of them hidden under the blankets.
• Drink until I forget how stressed I am by all the above mentioned trivialties.

Am I alone in this?  Does this all make me a horrible mom/person.  This has been bothering me so much, I must be such a terrible and weak person to be whining about these things.  I just wish J was a good father.  I just want a break sometimes.  God...I miss my house not being sticky.  *sigh*

I'd love to have some advice on this. My daughter has been raising her 4 year old daughter alone. The father has been in and out of her life to the point that my granddaughter calls him by his first name most of the time. Recently he came over for a visit and critiqued my daughter's parenting skills saying that she was making "Emily" a wus by loving on her when she gets hurt. My daughter and granddaughter live in an apartment with tiled floors. She fell and hurt herself, is hugging her telling her she will be okay so wrong? He said that if you get too close to your kids they will be needy and never be able to do anything on their on. His idea of parenting is to keep kids distant, to make them fear you for respect, and to not show love when something happens to them because to show love means weakness and it makes them equal to the parent. He has a 10 month old daughter with another woman and last week at his visitation with his baby my daughter called to find out if he was coming over. Evidently the baby was touching something she shouldn't and he screamed at her, the cleaned up version..."Leave that alone or I'll bust your f-ing a@$. "  When my daughter said he shouldn't scream at her, he said that's what would make her tough. I raised my kids with disipline, always followed by love and understanding. His mother by his own admission never hugged him or loved him. How can you tell someone that comes into a childs life sporaticaly at best that a child being raised in a single parent home needs love and support? I know he's not right about any of this but how do you tell him? Should someone who rarely shows up and spends as little time as he can with his child have a say in how she's raised, especially since my daughter is an excellent Mother and is doing a wonderful job alone? I say he has NO right to say anything, he litterally has only been in her life maybe a year in the past 4. If you have any advice I would really appreciate it.

Im hoping to get a little advice. I am a single parent to my 5 year old daughter Mya. It has been just her and I since she was 4 months old and yes I have struggled with everything a sinlge parent goes through. My family has always been able to help me out with advice on everything except this one. My daughter has been asking why she doesn't have a dad? I would never tell her that her dad is a "dead beat" becaue I know that just isn't the right thing to do. I don't want to say too much or too little but with her starting school next week I feel it will come up more with her classmates. For example I took her swimming and a boy of the same age asked her where her dad was and she just stared at the water. I wanted to instantly break down and dunk this kid for being so nosey. She replied "I don't have a dad but I want one". It was like torture and I really don't know how in depth to go with her on this? Another occasion was last year she said to me" I don't have a dad I just have a mom"..I replied to her with you know mommy loves you more than all the stars in the sky and mommy is looking for the "perfect" daddy and sometimes that takes a awhile...She was ok with this answer for the time being. Do I keep eveything short and simple with her? Her dad has never spent anytime with her nor has he ever paid child support. I have photos but Im not sure that sharing them with her now is a good thing...HELP!

Hi,  I'm an Australian and single mother of 4 daughters....yes you heard it right 4 beautiful girls....to answer your question honestly ,just be honest....now I mean that in the truest sense of the word as far as a mother is required to be.  You can only treat your daughter with respect and dignity with an honest answer.  Now I don't mean she has to know the sordid details of what happened between you and her father, but honest in the fact that she does have a father and that when the time is right and she is ready to talk with him and get to know him then you will be there to help and support her...I know you may be thinking that she is only 5 but the sooner you allow your daughter to take control of her confusion by giving her the tools of confidance, reassurance, and respect and knowledge then she will know what to do when the time comes to make the decision for herself.

I have had 3 failed relationships due to abuse and gambling addictions (on the mans behalf) and the choices to leave these relationships were based on what was safe for my children and myself.  But I too have never talked ill of their fathers and have allowed every opportunity for the dads to be involved but at the end of the day when my daughters were ready to know the truth I spoke about good times and explained that dad and I could not get along as man and wife so we had to be grown-ups and deciede to live apart.

My oldest daughter is nearly 11 yo and when she was 7 she decieded she wanted to know who her father was so with arrangements made with her Aunty (who always stayed in touch) I sent her down to her Aunty (in her care-not her fathers) I paid for the flights and let her go for two weeks.  While she had a great time getting to know the other side of her family.....things did not go so well for her and her father, she did meet him and his new family and her 2 half sisters but her father spoke ill of me to her (which she did not like) and the day before she was ready to leave he wanted to take her to the zoo and she was not feeling well and did not want to go so she said No....her father returned to his immature, angry behavour (which is why I left besides being hit) he did not even say goodby or take her to the airport.....well that has ended her infatuation with wanting to know why she does not have a dad.....she is now a healthy, confidant, popular girl with her peers and I am happy to say she is turning into a wonderful young woman.  As for my other girls they are happy and content with our home life and find comfort and love within the realms of our family.

As for looking for that man to replace her father!!!! Don't be in a rush enjoy your days, your years together because you don't need to have a man to fill that role if you have brothers, friends, grandparents they are all suitable role models.  Good luck with your choices...

hI,

I am a 36 yr old mother of 2 daugthers ages 15 and 12, I've struggled w/ my weight all my life, I did at one point drop 50 lbs just by eating healthy and excercising/weight training. I was working and living with my mother at that time, not paying rent then, only helping with bills etc. Since I've moved out w/ my girls, I've gained my weight back and have become very depressed and insecure. My dilema here today, is that I live paycheck to paycheck right now. I have found it very hard to get back into my healthy eating habits, because I cannot afford the "good" stuff. I can get a can of spaggetti O's lets say for $1.00! Great! but how healthy is that? The good breads, the meats, the  good cereals, all are too expensive. To lose weight one has to change their lifestyle, eating habits, daily activities, etc. But how can one do that when one cannot even afford to buy the healthy foods for her family. Right now my cupboard consists of Top Ramen, spaggetti o's, things like that. I have tried to get assistance from the Govt, at least for food, but according to them, my pay ( which they look at before taxes) is too high, they do not take into consideration, my rent, my utilitiy bills, and the fact that I have children, a car that needs gas, insurance, etc. so Im working, living paycheck to paycheck, and cannot get help. Of course, if I did not work, my cupboards would be full because I'd have food stamps! Im hoping someone will read this and maybe point me  to some programs that might be able to help me out with  food each month, or possible tips on how my girls and I can eat healthy and get back into shape and feel better, while being in the financial situation that I am in. Any advice will help. Thanks alot if you took time to read all this.

I first became a single mom when I was 17 yrs old. I was a single mom from day one. He would come around every once in a while but then when our daughter was two he thought it was best if she didn't know her daddy.  Boy did I have to grow up in a hurry! The day when it did hit home when I was on my way to work and dropped my daughter off at daycare. She was now 3yrs old. Her teacher pulled me to the side and said they where making father's day cards and what should she do with my daughter. I told to have my daughter make one for her Papaw (my dad).  I drove myself to work that day cring my heart out and cussing her daddy.  Two years later I married a man that was raising two daughters on his own. He wanted to adopt my daughter and give her his last name, he did and I got rid of all the pictures of me and my daughters daddy, I only kept a few of him with her. A year later we had a son together.  I was so happy a mom now of four great kids.  My daughters father passed away a few years later. I regret that I didn't keep any photo's to show my daughter. And now 10yrs later my husband walked away  I am a single mom again.

This time I went through the pictures and told my son to keep the one's he wants.

I am telling you all this because I've been through it. Let your kid see the photo's of her dad let her know that you are not the one keeping them apart. Don't be in a big hurry to find a dad for her. I did with my daughter and ten years later he said to her face she wasn't knowing but a piece of paper to him. He was talking when he adopted her. So my daughter was hurt again.

Don't let this happen to you or your daughter. It's hard, but you can do it. I did and I am. Focus on raising your daughter and being the great mom that you are.

Life sucks, but it gets better!