Topic : Single Parenting

Hi,  I'm an Australian and single mother of 4 daughters....yes you heard it right 4 beautiful girls....to answer your question honestly ,just be honest....now I mean that in the truest sense of the word as far as a mother is required to be.  You can only treat your daughter with respect and dignity with an honest answer.  Now I don't mean she has to know the sordid details of what happened between you and her father, but honest in the fact that she does have a father and that when the time is right and she is ready to talk with him and get to know him then you will be there to help and support her...I know you may be thinking that she is only 5 but the sooner you allow your daughter to take control of her confusion by giving her the tools of confidance, reassurance, and respect and knowledge then she will know what to do when the time comes to make the decision for herself.

 

I have had 3 failed relationships due to abuse and gambling addictions (on the mans behalf) and the choices to leave these relationships were based on what was safe for my children and myself.  But I too have never talked ill of their fathers and have allowed every opportunity for the dads to be involved but at the end of the day when my daughters were ready to know the truth I spoke about good times and explained that dad and I could not get along as man and wife so we had to be grown-ups and deciede to live apart.

 

My oldest daughter is nearly 11 yo and when she was 7 she decieded she wanted to know who her father was so with arrangements made with her Aunty (who always stayed in touch) I sent her down to her Aunty (in her care-not her fathers) I paid for the flights and let her go for two weeks.  While she had a great time getting to know the other side of her family.....things did not go so well for her and her father, she did meet him and his new family and her 2 half sisters but her father spoke ill of me to her (which she did not like) and the day before she was ready to leave he wanted to take her to the zoo and she was not feeling well and did not want to go so she said No....her father returned to his immature, angry behavour (which is why I left besides being hit) he did not even say goodby or take her to the airport.....well that has ended her infatuation with wanting to know why she does not have a dad.....she is now a healthy, confidant, popular girl with her peers and I am happy to say she is turning into a wonderful young woman.  As for my other girls they are happy and content with our home life and find comfort and love within the realms of our family.

 

As for looking for that man to replace her father!!!! Don't be in a rush enjoy your days, your years together because you don't need to have a man to fill that role if you have brothers, friends, grandparents they are all suitable role models.  Good luck with your choices...

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Sometimes we doubt what we are doing but hearing what you said helps to put everything back into prospective....thank you

hI,

I am a 36 yr old mother of 2 daugthers ages 15 and 12, I've struggled w/ my weight all my life, I did at one point drop 50 lbs just by eating healthy and excercising/weight training. I was working and living with my mother at that time, not paying rent then, only helping with bills etc. Since I've moved out w/ my girls, I've gained my weight back and have become very depressed and insecure. My dilema here today, is that I live paycheck to paycheck right now. I have found it very hard to get back into my healthy eating habits, because I cannot afford the "good" stuff. I can get a can of spaggetti O's lets say for $1.00! Great! but how healthy is that? The good breads, the meats, the  good cereals, all are too expensive. To lose weight one has to change their lifestyle, eating habits, daily activities, etc. But how can one do that when one cannot even afford to buy the healthy foods for her family. Right now my cupboard consists of Top Ramen, spaggetti o's, things like that. I have tried to get assistance from the Govt, at least for food, but according to them, my pay ( which they look at before taxes) is too high, they do not take into consideration, my rent, my utilitiy bills, and the fact that I have children, a car that needs gas, insurance, etc. so Im working, living paycheck to paycheck, and cannot get help. Of course, if I did not work, my cupboards would be full because I'd have food stamps! Im hoping someone will read this and maybe point me  to some programs that might be able to help me out with  food each month, or possible tips on how my girls and I can eat healthy and get back into shape and feel better, while being in the financial situation that I am in. Any advice will help. Thanks alot if you took time to read all this.

to confused in australia...........My mother was an elementary teacher and possibly one of the most helpful things she taught me when I was reising my own children was that little ones are basically self-centered individuals who have to be taught what feelings are. When you say 'Don't you feel sorry for me?' to a six year old they have no idea what you really mean. You need to be specific. ie."When you hurt my feelings doesn't it make you feel sad inside your tummy?" Children may like the "friend" approach if it suits their immediate needs or wants but they will very quickly turn it around . If you think he is resentful now wait until he is a teenager. He will 'hate'  having to be your friend.Remember.........you are the parent..he is the child. He needs guidance. Also, he is not a little adult. Children need to be reminded to do their chores......constantly and repeatedly until the chores become a proprity to them in their own lives (which may never be) .So as long as he lives at home potentially you will need to remind him.

I first became a single mom when I was 17 yrs old. I was a single mom from day one. He would come around every once in a while but then when our daughter was two he thought it was best if she didn't know her daddy.  Boy did I have to grow up in a hurry! The day when it did hit home when I was on my way to work and dropped my daughter off at daycare. She was now 3yrs old. Her teacher pulled me to the side and said they where making father's day cards and what should she do with my daughter. I told to have my daughter make one for her Papaw (my dad).  I drove myself to work that day cring my heart out and cussing her daddy.  Two years later I married a man that was raising two daughters on his own. He wanted to adopt my daughter and give her his last name, he did and I got rid of all the pictures of me and my daughters daddy, I only kept a few of him with her. A year later we had a son together.  I was so happy a mom now of four great kids.  My daughters father passed away a few years later. I regret that I didn't keep any photo's to show my daughter. And now 10yrs later my husband walked away  I am a single mom again.

This time I went through the pictures and told my son to keep the one's he wants.

I am telling you all this because I've been through it. Let your kid see the photo's of her dad let her know that you are not the one keeping them apart. Don't be in a big hurry to find a dad for her. I did with my daughter and ten years later he said to her face she wasn't knowing but a piece of paper to him. He was talking when he adopted her. So my daughter was hurt again.

Don't let this happen to you or your daughter. It's hard, but you can do it. I did and I am. Focus on raising your daughter and being the great mom that you are.

Life sucks, but it gets better!

 

I don't know where you live but ,if it is in a larger city such as San Diego, you may be able to find a place where you can get "commodities" from a church group or the "Assistance League". Try to see if the 'Jewish Families' welfare has something to offer you. They do not care what your religion is. The Mormon place is called Deseret Industries. They are more concerned about your commitment but I don't believe you must belong to their religion in order to get help. In Las Vegas you can get info about where to find help by dialing "211". If you could get some food for free maybe you could fill in with other inexpensive things such as pasta and salad. I know you can lose on a diet of pasta, fruit and salad, as I have and should attempt it again! Good Luck to you. 

I dont even know where to start! My daughter is 11. She is angry. She treats her younger siblings like crap. She destroyed one of my mothers spare bedrooms during her fits of anger. She has tried to get in my face, recently, and I had fear that she might try to put her hands on me. She has been seeing a therapist for the past 2 years. I recent ly had her tested for special ed because even though she is going into the 6th grade her educational level, reading, comprehension, etc. is on a 1st/2nd grade level. I recently moved to a new school district, I'm hoping they can help me more than the last.. I'd been fighting with the last school district since 2nd grade that something wasnt right with her when it came to learning. I dont know if she is dyslexic or what....

 

I'm waiting for a referal to get a psych evaluation to determine what is wrong with her.. .I have 3 other children in my house. She is making us all miserable. I had to k eep her out of school at the end of last year because she had threatened to beat up a couple of girls. I didnt want her entering a new school with a bad mark on her record. Her therapist has told me that if we dont get this under control then she will end up in a mental facility. I dont want this to happen, and I surely dont want to end up in court because she has beaten up some  other child or myself. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Hello there,

 

I'm a single mom of a 3 1/2 beautiful girl. I've been separated for 3 years and raising my daughter on my own. I am currently in a serious relationship with a divorced man, who has 2 teenage daughters from his previous marriage. The kids live with their mother. This man, I'll call him Jack, and I have been dating on and off for about 2 years. Last November, after not talking to each other for 3 month after a fight, we resumed our relationship, and made a committment to each other to try to make this work . Well, not it's August. We have been having so many arguments over the last 2 months that I think we need help now. Either that or quit. I'm not ready to give up yet and I don't think he is either. Our last disagreement last night is still not resolved. I would like to hear some opinions from people that have been in my shoes ie. thinking of having another chance in a second marriage and blending families.

 

I see myself being married to this man in the future. Our relationship has progressed to the point where over the last few months, he has been staying overnight at my place, where my daughter and I reside. It's only a one bedroom , so if anything, we would have to buy or rent a different place for the three of us. Well, lately, I have been thinking about whether I am the best example for my growing daughter and I started reading some parenting books. I am questioning whether it's a good idea for her to grow up and remember that mommy's b/f  was sleeping with mommy before marriage. So, I raised this subject last night. Perhaps I went about it the wrong way. I'm not sure. I explained to Jack that I have been doing some readings, and that I would like my daughter to have good family morals and make good choices about sexual relationships when she is older. I told him that for that reason it would be better if Jack stayed over night only when she is with her father overnight, ie. we are alone. Am I wrong here? He took it as a step backward in our relationship, that I'm not sure about him, and that there is nothing wrong with what we are doing since we are adults. My daughter will do whatever she wants, regardless. That's his opinion. Further to this discussion, he mentioned that a logical step for him is to live together next,  and then consider marriage, if everything goes well. I disagreed. I don't think I want to live with any man prior to "I do". I used to think that at one point, but I changed my mind. Besides, again, here is my daughter. ...live with a b/f prior to real committment? It doesn't sound right. I'm 34 now. He is 43. I would like to have a second child, after marriage, but by the sounds of it, he wants to try playing mom and dad first, without the "I do" part. A part of me feels cheated.

So, that's that.

 

Any input.

 

Thank you.

 

E.G.

I'm a 20 year old single mother. I have a 3 year old son. His father and I lived together for the first 4-5 months of our son's life. Obviously things didn't work out. To him buying marajuana was more important than groceries. Luckily I was on WIC and we both applied for welfare to get us through the 4-5 months. (skipping ahead) I came to my senses left him and continued welfare for just myself. The welfare office had his information and went after him for childsupport. Through out the past year and a half I've let him have visitation everyother weekend. Majority of the time he would forget which weekend was his and then call me on my weekends with our son and fight me on visitation. Then I started to realize I was giving him his "cake" and letting him eat it too. So I put my foot down and told him he needs to pay childsupport before he can have visitation privelidges back. Now he's arguing with me about the visitation, (saying he wants to see his son more than every other weekend) and refuses to pay childsupport. His little brother has a myspace and has messaged me a couple of times calling me bad names, and his friend has messaged me telling me how "evil hearted" I am for not letting our son see his dad. I'm tired of this but I refuse to cave to his stubborness against responsibility.  On top of all this, I've been making it a point that our son not know how frustrated with his father; but our son has distanced himself from his dad anyway, I received a notification from childsupport saying his wages were garnished for $167 in the beginning or June 2007. As soon as I read that paper I headed out the door to his house. Our son was very distant with his dad. He didn't want to hug him, and pretty much didn't want anything to do with him.  A little help?

Well, today has been a month since my 21 year old daughter left home. After seven years of lies  and manipulation I give her a choice. She either live by the rules or do it some where else. She choose the latter. I paid for her university education but she would attend one of four classes. She make sure I have no access to info. nor  her performance. Since she left we had no contact , I know she is with friends.  Today she message me on MSN about getting back in school. I did not respond cause she had done this before to get my attention.  Please advise me how to deal with this situation. She knows how much I want her to continue her education.