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Topic : Single Parenting

Number of Replies: 470
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:46:38 pm
Author : dataimport
A family doesn't always include a mom and a dad. If you are raising children alone, get support from people who understand here.

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October 11, 2005, 8:37 pm CDT

Single Parenting

Quote From: tkebobby

This is a bit vague. What is/was your son accused of? Who accused him, and with what proof did they have? What proof do you have he did not? What was the result of this accusation?  

My son was accused of assaulting a woman living on the same street as us.  A kid came out of the bush, grabbed the woman from behind, she sprayed the kid with a hose and he ran away.  She was not injured in any way.  My son was out delivering his newspapers at the time.  He saw the kid run past our house and gave the police officers a complete description.  The officer pulled me aside and said, "I know he did it because he knows too much."  I responded, "Well, he would also know that if he saw the kid!"  The police officer said, "Yeah, but teenagers don't notice details like that."  OH really!!!!!!!! 

  

I am a single parent.  I am also a professional in my community, volunteer, and I have just completed my Social Work degree.  The supervising officer bellowed at me that night "I don't care!  Go tell someone who cares!"  and other things including threatening to lock up my son until the court date if he did not sign the papers right then and there, without having a lawyer to talk to about it.   

  

The description of the kid does not match my son.  My son did not have time to commit the act.  His brother told the police officers details that verify what his brother said.  He does not have the personality to commit such an act.  He is more the type who would help if someone was being hurt.  He represented our community in the Provincial Spelling Bee, delivers newspapers, is in his high school junior concert band, the Reach for the Top team, soccer, and bowling.  He has volunteered the past three summers working with kids.   

  

Before giving her statement to the police, the woman canvassed our neighbourhood with a general description asking people, including my younger son, if they knew a kid with curly hair and a red tshirt.  My younger son said that his brother "has kind of curly hair and red tshirts".  She asked if he has a red backpack and my younger son told her "No".  SHE decided it was my son.  The police spoke with her at midnight that night and had made up their minds by the next afternoon. 

  

This all happened in June.  My kids had to drop the one newspaper route so that they would not have to walk past the woman's house.  We have been forced to move to try to find peace.  My son was not able to do his volunteer work this year.  I have gathered about 20 or so reference letters attesting to my son's good, calm, and caring character.   

  

The pretrial was last week and the Crown attorney is pursuing the matter despite all the discrepancies including statements made by the woman that she saw the kid who attacked her walking down the street at times when my son would not have been walking down the street.   

  

Thanks for asking!  It's been a living hell!  My family has had to seek counselling to try to deal with all the stress involved.  The issue is still ongoing.  I am told by the lawyer that I have to just sit back and let things go through the system.   

  

Take care. 

 
October 12, 2005, 11:34 am CDT

Single Parenting

Quote From: llama116

I am a single mom of 3 one daughter 23 graduated college and has a good job and lives away from home in orlando where her job is i have 2 boys 8 and 9 with adhd that have not seen there dad since they were 2 that is not my problem my problem is my boys they get up fighting and misbehaving 5 minutes after out of there bed this morning they knocked down a shelf and broke all the trophies in my sons room and this was all before 7am.  i have tried the point system by easy child i have tried everything i have read the books on adhd dr lawless but nothing seems to stop them from fighting and misbehaving my son says he hates the point system and does not like dr phil because i try to use things in his books and shows to help me i even watch the show the nanny but still mornings are my nightmare i just ask my kids to get up i lay the clothes in bins marked each day (and all the toysare in bins marked but they can not keep anything clean )and eat breakfast my younger is very adhd and is very mean and mean in the morning before his medicine and at night when it wears off i have tried per the doctor to ignore but that does not work i have tried giving him a small doss of medicine before he goes to bed to see if maybe that would be better in the morning nothing everything i even went to the boys home over by me and took a short tour no help my eight year old when you tell him no he cries he has been crying since day 1 

  

they are good at school and when they are at there friends but at home i feel they will be the death of me i am not the type that threatens and does not follow through but that doesn't work either they like to walk on me because i am the only displinary in there life i am so tired of being mister mean guy i do not know what to do please help me i know adhd kids have to be disiplined different but i am going crazy and my kids do not know they are adhd they think they take medicine for allergies my older one is asthmatic  

  

help me  

  

lori  

illinois 

 i am a single mother of 3 boys--ages 9,11,13.  lord knows none of us have all the answers, but this is what worked for me.  my boys used to argue quite a bit also---whoever was arguing, i just made them quit talking to each other until they could have respect for each other. after awhile, it began to work because everytime they started the arguing again, i reminded them that they needed to be respectful if they were going to talk to that person.  also, i decided a long time ago that they kids aren't going to keep stressing me out---now if they have bad behavior---they loose things/priviledges that are important to them.  because of his grades, my oldest son has only his bed and dressers in his room, everything else has been taken away until the next gradecards come home and will not be returned until the grades improve.  he's bored to death, so it seems to be working.  you just have to make their behavior their issue, and they have to deal with the repercussions.  i let them know they're not stressing me out, alot of times i think they do things to get attention anyway.  good luck---most of all, don't give up on them--they're worth it!!      
 
October 12, 2005, 1:57 pm CDT

re:single parenting

Quote From: jamalldeb

What do you do when you live your life right, your kids do everything the way they should (go to school, work, volunteer at the ages of 14 and 15) and someone comes along and tells you your son has done something you know he hasn't done and your family's life is turned into a living hell for 4 months and more?

One can do many things, take a deep breath, have the knowledge that you are right despite what others might say or believe, and if that isn't cutting it for you..get an excellent attorney who knows his or her stuff.  Just put one foot in front of the other and look straight ahead.  Maybe try a support group or spiritual counselor.

Take care.
 

  

 
October 12, 2005, 2:32 pm CDT

Single Parenting

Quote From: jamalldeb

My son was accused of assaulting a woman living on the same street as us.  A kid came out of the bush, grabbed the woman from behind, she sprayed the kid with a hose and he ran away.  She was not injured in any way.  My son was out delivering his newspapers at the time.  He saw the kid run past our house and gave the police officers a complete description.  The officer pulled me aside and said, "I know he did it because he knows too much."  I responded, "Well, he would also know that if he saw the kid!"  The police officer said, "Yeah, but teenagers don't notice details like that."  OH really!!!!!!!! 

  

I am a single parent.  I am also a professional in my community, volunteer, and I have just completed my Social Work degree.  The supervising officer bellowed at me that night "I don't care!  Go tell someone who cares!"  and other things including threatening to lock up my son until the court date if he did not sign the papers right then and there, without having a lawyer to talk to about it.   

  

The description of the kid does not match my son.  My son did not have time to commit the act.  His brother told the police officers details that verify what his brother said.  He does not have the personality to commit such an act.  He is more the type who would help if someone was being hurt.  He represented our community in the Provincial Spelling Bee, delivers newspapers, is in his high school junior concert band, the Reach for the Top team, soccer, and bowling.  He has volunteered the past three summers working with kids.   

  

Before giving her statement to the police, the woman canvassed our neighbourhood with a general description asking people, including my younger son, if they knew a kid with curly hair and a red tshirt.  My younger son said that his brother "has kind of curly hair and red tshirts".  She asked if he has a red backpack and my younger son told her "No".  SHE decided it was my son.  The police spoke with her at midnight that night and had made up their minds by the next afternoon. 

  

This all happened in June.  My kids had to drop the one newspaper route so that they would not have to walk past the woman's house.  We have been forced to move to try to find peace.  My son was not able to do his volunteer work this year.  I have gathered about 20 or so reference letters attesting to my son's good, calm, and caring character.   

  

The pretrial was last week and the Crown attorney is pursuing the matter despite all the discrepancies including statements made by the woman that she saw the kid who attacked her walking down the street at times when my son would not have been walking down the street.   

  

Thanks for asking!  It's been a living hell!  My family has had to seek counselling to try to deal with all the stress involved.  The issue is still ongoing.  I am told by the lawyer that I have to just sit back and let things go through the system.   

  

Take care. 

In terms of the logistics involved with managing the situation, your lawyer is probably right. There isn't much else you can do but let the courts do their thing so to speak. This is probably also true in terms of the way you live you life. You, and your children, seem to be leading productive (In an E. Erikson sense) lives. Yes, this event did occur. And yes, it has it's consequences and those consequences need to be dealt with (i.e. seeking help to managing the stress). But, don't let this interrupt your (seeming) very productive way of life. And IF (I say if merely because it is not my place to make claim that your son has or hasn't done something) this is a misunderstanding, you certainly should not see it as a result of your actions as a parent.
 
October 13, 2005, 11:21 am CDT

need help

 I am a single mom to a 4yr old daughter.  She will not talk to me and she is very hateful towards me.  Her father is not in her life.  He could care less about her.  She visits his mother every week and when she comes back from their house, she acts like a totally different person.  Like she is mad at me for some reason.  What can i do to get her to talk? 

  

 
October 13, 2005, 2:06 pm CDT

Missing information

Quote From: downey6977

 I am a single mom to a 4yr old daughter.  She will not talk to me and she is very hateful towards me.  Her father is not in her life.  He could care less about her.  She visits his mother every week and when she comes back from their house, she acts like a totally different person.  Like she is mad at me for some reason.  What can i do to get her to talk? 

  

Well, there is good news and good news! The good news is, there are a lot things that can be done here from a behavioral aspect. The bad news is, I have no idea what is really going on in the situation. Anyone reading does not have any kind of background on what you do as a parent. Second of all, if the behavior, as you say, changes after seeing the grandmother... perhaps you should be questioning what is going on there.  

 
October 13, 2005, 2:08 pm CDT

Single Parenting

Quote From: tkebobby

Well, there is good news and good news! The good news is, there are a lot things that can be done here from a behavioral aspect. The bad news is, I have no idea what is really going on in the situation. Anyone reading does not have any kind of background on what you do as a parent. Second of all, if the behavior, as you say, changes after seeing the grandmother... perhaps you should be questioning what is going on there.  

Sorry, I meant good news and bad news 

 
October 13, 2005, 2:18 pm CDT

Just need some ADVICE

Hello everyone reading this, 

  

I am a single mom of a great 5 year old boy, his father has not been around since birth and has recently decided that he wants to be involved in mine and my son's life again. However he also has another son (my son's half brother) who is only 9 months younger than my own son.  He has not paid child support and my son does not have his last name. I have mixed feelings about allowing him to see my son, nor do I know how to go about introducing him to my son. So far me and his father are getting along well but it has only been a few weeks since he has come back around. If anyone knows how to introduce them to each other or has been in a similar situation PLEASE respond with sugestions.     Thanks     INDIANA MOM 

 
October 13, 2005, 7:47 pm CDT

Single Parenting

Quote From: sky1514356

Hello everyone reading this, 

  

I am a single mom of a great 5 year old boy, his father has not been around since birth and has recently decided that he wants to be involved in mine and my son's life again. However he also has another son (my son's half brother) who is only 9 months younger than my own son.  He has not paid child support and my son does not have his last name. I have mixed feelings about allowing him to see my son, nor do I know how to go about introducing him to my son. So far me and his father are getting along well but it has only been a few weeks since he has come back around. If anyone knows how to introduce them to each other or has been in a similar situation PLEASE respond with sugestions.     Thanks     INDIANA MOM 

i have 3 boys, 2 of which have the same father and he sounds alot like your son's father.  It's easy to feel that if he isn't supporting the child, then he doesn't deserve to see him.  I felt that way for a long time but i have always allowed my boys to see their dad whenever possible.  I didn't want them to grow up and feel like i kept them from having a relationship from him.  He's never really been an active part of their lives, even though he's had every opportunity and now that they're older (9&13) they realize exactly how he is, without me ever telling them.  I knew they'd find out for themselves. 

since your son has never met his dad, my advice would be to have him spend time with your son at your house, or the 3 of you could do something together.  i wouldn't send him alone with someone who is a complete stranger to him, especially at his age.  then as he gets to know his dad, over a period of time, then he could spend time alone with him.  i would just make sure that he's comfortable with it.  i'd look at it in a positive way--seems like he's trying to get back into his son's life and making an effort. and i'm sure your son would love to get to know his brother too.  just take it slow---good luck!!    

 
October 14, 2005, 2:52 am CDT

It isn't that simple!

Quote From: maryjogriz

It seems to me that non-single parents give such simple solutions to single moms!  IT IS NOT THAT SIMPLE!    

   

I am a single mother with very little money.  My husband who has been an abusive alcoholic is now addicted to crack and has abandoned us.  I have managed to be involved in my daughter's school and after school activities.  I know this has made a difference.    

   

I have to get back to an 8-5 job in-order to survive.  I have no transportation to get my daughter to school & back or take her to her music group after school.    

   

The advice I have gotten:  ask your new employer to work around my schedule, pull your daughter out of after school activities, maybe she can walk (over 5miles alone) etc...    

   

I am very discouraged.  My whole being tells me to go with my first priority and passion---to care for my daughter enough to aid her in becoming a healthy adult.  Though my realty says work & bills number 1-- then daughter.  I know we have to survive physically but how can I balance this?     

   

   

  You're right! Non-single parents & people that have never had kids always seem to have all the answers. The problem is that they don't really understand because they haven't been there.  

  I can share my experience with you & maybe it can help. I am a disabled, single parent with 3 children (my oldest is 3 1/2 yrs older than my twins). Their father was an alcoholic who abandoned us & refused to pay child support. We didn't have a car either  (I REALLY understand how hard that is). We rode the bus or walked.  

  One of the very best things I did for myself & my children was to go to Al-Anon. It seemed so selfish at first, but I found support, understanding & hope. If you can't find a group in your area, they have a website (al-anon.alateen.org). It changed my life. It helped me to find a way to survive, to heal & to grow. It taught me how to figure out my priorities & gave me a balance & security I'd never known. It also helped me to become a better parent.  I went back to school, got my GED, & am working on my AA degree. My children are young adults now. Raising them was the most difficult & rewarding thing I've ever done. 

  Some other ideas that might help  1) a part-time job or two that work around your daughter's schedule   2) cleaning (or some chore) in exchange for your daughter's transportation from a classmates' parent. There are no problems without solutions. It's just a matter of  finding a way. Above all, keep hope in your heart because you & your daughter deserve all of the best life has to offer. You will be in my prayers 

 
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