User Mood
Happy
Message Emote 
|
July 30, 2008, 4:23 pm PDT
The dreaded "EX"
Long story short, I met my husband and three children (2 girls and a boy) in 1999. The divorce between him and his ex wife went on for a year before I came into the picture. It was final for about a month when I met him. The problem was, even though she walked out on 3 kids.. ages 8, 6 and 3, she felt that she should not be responsible for them at all.. no child support and "visitations" when it was convenient for her. Everything was fine while we were dating and still was ok when I moved in, but when I found out that I was pregnant, it hit the fan. Then a few months later, we got married. During the time we were dating and I moved in, she never picked up the kids for visitations, nor did she pay the court required child support of 200 dollars. She did, however, call and scream at my hubby about not paying her 50 dollars that they settled on for her part of the equity in the house. (It was 5,000 total). I couldnt' believe that the person with the kids was having to pay the other party money when he had the kids full time without any support from her. ?? It only got worse, years later, when the AG's office told her that her child support was going to be raised, we had a nightmare court hearing.. The woman has no ambition at all.. Her total income was 12,000 per year.. so her parents also had to support her... in the hearing, I was made out to be a monster of a step mother, which is totally untrue. She truly messed with the kids heads, saying that they didnt have to mind me, I was white trash, and that I was the reason that she and my hubby were no longer together.. to name a few. She constantly paraded men in and out of the apartment when they were there. We were concerned that one of those men would hurt the older two or at least the influence of her mom acting like that.. meeting a guy at a bar and taking them home wasn't a proper influence. Ok. well after the hell of a court hearing, she went nuts (or even further off the deep end). She moved out of her 2 bedroom apartment that she claimed we "made her get", and into a 1 room hotel room with a "convicted felon' named Charlie. She immediately refused to give us her number to contact the kids and stopped paying child support. The kids were involved in wrecks with injuires, and all sorts of problems, but she refused to acknowledge that she needed to at least contact their father to tell them, even though they lived with him full time. She promised them the moon, about Charlie getting his inheritance and them going to live with her. She truly did a number on them, so needless to say, they refused to behave at home with us. They acted out, did whatever they wanted and truly gave us a hard time, thinking if they misbehaved, they could go live with "mommy". Well, the cops caught up with Charlie, he was sent back to the pen, Annette moved out of the hotel and "found" an apartment thinking we would allow this crap to continue. We had already found another attorney and stopped her visitations until she got her crap together and went to counseling. She was over 7,000 dollars behind in chlld support and medical support, so when we had a court date, she decided that she just wanted to sign over her rights to them. After the court hearing, we allowed her mother and the ex to come and pick up the kids for a few days. Our intention was to NEVER take the kids away from their mother, but felt that she needed supervised visitations and trusted her Mom. BIG mistake. It seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. We explained to her mom that now that my hubby has total custody, he controls the shots and did not want the kids to be left alone with their mother for the time being. She was caught not following our wishes.... we have given her many chances... and the real problem is that the only time their mother sees them is when their grandmother was down visiting from her home 9 hours away.. so it truly confused the kids. She would act like she just saw them yesterday and didnt ignore their birthdays or christmas... She would also go back to her old ways of doing things, talking crap about me and their daddy, trying to influence them to misbehave and give us a hard time, hoping she could get them back?? She also told the kids that her giving them up was a lie.. so here we have 3 kids that are COMPLETELY confused. We gave her mom and her the option, either come see them here or not have their mom involved in the visitations. If they cannot understand what they were doing to the kids, then they would have to be separte until they wanted to think of the kids first and themselves last. The kids grandmother makes the trip down here once or twice a year, sometimes more, but the kids have not seen nor heard from their mother in over 2 years. Now here's the problem,. Their mother has their stuff. She always refused to let them take their things back and forth as they wished and went as far as to search their backpacks and purses before they left. A large portion of the stuff is what they received from their grandparents and ourselves included.. and not her. She never had any money and often gave the IOU's for christmas presents. The kids have been talking about getting their stuff for the last 2 years. During the visitations with their grandmother, they were afraid to ask about getting their belongings until very recently. I told them that if they wanted their stuff, then to ask their grandma and she can get it for them. If it's gone, then they have to let go of it.. it's just materialistic stuff after all, but still important to them. For the first time, we allowed the kids to go back to the grandmothers home 9 hours away and so far so good. I'm leery of the fact that they have now planned to go "visit" mommy and get their stuff because she still has some of it. I do not want to keep these children from their mother, but from word of mouth, we have only heard that she is still talking crap about us not "letting" her see her kids...when she has not once in the last 2 years, made any attempt to call, write or contact them in anyway. The source is very reliable... my husband has known her since they went to school together in the 2nd grade and all through school. She saw her at an event in the town she lives in near Austin, and talked to her briefly, stating that she was once again with a loser guy who was at least 20 years older than her. (which is her issue, we never held that against her).. I do not want to go back to this drama ridden life we had before and my husband swears that he will not allow her to do that because she no longer has a "hold" over the kids because she gave them up... but I think she does.. She uses their love for her to mess with us and it's sickening. I do think she has a hold over them because she is their mother and even as twisted and psychotic that she is, that's something that can never be changed or "wiped away". Now these are no longer children, they are 17, almost 16, and almost 14. I dont want to deal with it, but I fear the fall out from all of her crap...She does this and then we have the fall out for years with the kids! Our oldest will be a senior this year and has asked me to walk with her on parent night, but wants to invite her mom to her graduation. I'm still very leery about it all. So is my hubby... but he thinks things will be different... Its really hard for me to trust when all of this has happened.. and it's not as if it's just anybody, these are the kids I have raised as my own for years.... I dont want them to be hurt... Does anybody have any ideas??? HELP!??!!!!
|
